A Sailor's Tale
by Dreamtalker1
Summary: After Emma's parents have been killed by an evil force, Princess Emma and her bodyguard Ruby are on the run. To stay undercover, Emma travels disguised as a boy. By accident, they find themselves on the Jolly Roger in the hands of the infamous Captain Hook as stowaways. To save Ruby's life, Emma trades herself to the pirate as a cabin boy. Contains non-con and violence!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Escape**

The noise of the scissors echoed in her ears as she felt the weight on her head decreasing. Strand after strand of thick blond hair fell down, covering the dirty cabin floor. Emma closed her eyes trying to hold back the tears.

"Hold on, darling. I'm nearly done." Ruby's voice was calm, like always. And, like always, it made Emma feel safe. She exhaled deeply and let Ruby finish what had to be done. Fortunately there was no mirror available, so she didn't have to see herself. Touching her head felt like stroking the cropped coat of a sheep.

"Stand up," Ruby commanded and Emma obeyed. Not wearing a dress still felt strange, though she had to admit, that pants were far more comfortable, even though the fabric was rough. Her large linen shirt hid her more feminine shape, not that she had the curves Ruby was graced with.

Ruby circled her once before showing her typical wolfish grin. "Perfect," she decided. "You look like a lad."

Emma wasn't convinced but she had to trust Ruby with this. She had experienced street life when she had fled out of her village. If anyone knew how to escape from a desperate situation, it was Ruby. She was the reason Emma was still alive. At the very last moment, the wolves of the forest, who had the ability to smell darkness and fear, had warned them of the coming danger. It hadn't been time left to find the Charmings, who had been out of reach, visiting the villages with their newborn son. So, as her bodyguard, Ruby had to make a last minute decision. Against Emma's will, she had brought her protégé into the forest and figured out a safe passage to the north.

Emma hadn't understood what was happening, or who had been attacking the castle. Disoriented and confused, she had followed her protector. Ruby knew what to do in these kinds of situations, so everything would be alright again. That was what Emma told herself time and time again.

The gravity of the situation had hit Emma when they had entered the first village, after spending over a week in the wilderness, only living of Ruby's friends' provisions and what the forest could give them. Actually, they weren't the only ones on the run. The refugees who managed to leave the region with them had terrified Emma. Never in her life had she experienced anything like this. A lot of them were in very bad shape, injured, hungry or in ripped clothes with crying children in their arms. But what was worse was the traumatized look on their faces, and the ones who still were able to talk...

Well, Ruby had tried to keep Emma away from their stories but she had heard them anyway. Some people had told the Evil Queen had conquered the royal family's palace but nobody could actually confirm that.

Regina had disappeared a few years earlier, after an unsuccessful attempt to regain her hold of the kingdom. The evil that was descending on them now was much more terrifying than Regina could ever be. The Dark Ones. Every child of the country knew the story of the Dark One. The demon who could only be killed with his own dagger and who held the power to destroy entire kingdoms. The rumors going around made no sense. Apparently a whole army of Dark Ones was assaulting the Enchanted Forest. Some people said that they were coming from the underworld. Emma refused to believe what they told. It sounded like insanity! But there were consistent voices, too. And after a few days Emma couldn't deny the facts anymore. They royal palace was occupied and had been partly destroyed by enemies, whoever they were. There was no sign of her parents or her baby brother, so people had started to consider them dead. But the same people considered her dead as well, which was definitely not the case. Her parents couldn't be dead because they were clever, surely they had escaped like her. Emma had to cling to that straw.

Ruby had managed to gather some old clothes and had dragged Emma back into the forest. Away from all those people who confused her so much. Then, two days ago, they had found the cabin, in which they were staying now.

"Look Emma," Ruby said and took Emma's pale face in her hands. "I know the last weeks have been horrible for you but you have to pull yourself together. We have to be strong now. We have no idea how far of a reach this new enemy has. All we know is that they have the power to trigger a bloody mass migration. We have to leave the country as soon as possible. When we'll arrive in Arendelle, Elsa will help us. Until then no one can know who you are. So tell me again. Who are you?"

"I'm Emmet Nolan. Son of a poor peasant family. Father David Nolan, mother Mary Margaret Nolan, born Blanchard. You are my older sister Ruby. We lived in a small village named Snowing."

"Good. How old are you?"

"Eighteen, I guess," Emma suggested.

"No way. Sixteen. Let's say you are a little backward."

"Excuse me?"

"Only in body development. And your voice sounds a little girly but I'm sure you can practice it to be deeper. Talk like you are hoarse."

"This will never work," Emma resigned. "Why do we have to do this? There are so many refugees on the streets. Nobody will care about two girls."

"You can't be careful enough," Ruby responded, "If these Dark Ones want the Royal Family dead they will come after you, so traveling as a boy is safer. You just have to keep it up until we find a ship to Arendelle. When we are on board, it doesn't matter if people find out that you're a girl. It is just for a few weeks." Ruby scratched her nose, thinking, "And maybe you should pretend to be slow-minded. Then you don't have to talk too much. They won't expect it of you anyway."

After resting one more day in the abandoned cabin, they continued their journey to the north. Because the Royal Harbor was blocked, they had to take a detour to the heartland, deeper into the forest before they could head back northwest. Emma followed Ruby's advice and stayed in the background whenever they had to interact with other people. Her friend had been right. People didn't take notice of the dirty farmer boy. No one doubted they were two siblings running away from the Dark Ones. Though Ruby decided to avoid the villages now. She didn't want Emma to hear any more rumors about how her parents could have died.

Even so, Emma's mood got worse with each day that was passing. She complained about everything: Her aching back, the blisters on her feet, the scratchiness of her cheap clothes.

Ruby usually was a relaxed person, but sometimes it was too much for her, too. She told Emma not to behave like the princess and her famous pea*, to which Emma responded that she couldn't change the fact that she was a princess and did know said princess personally.

That was when Ruby lost it the first time, and threatened, with dry sarcasm, to forgo the chains during the next full moon. After that she had to deal with a crying Emma.

That happened a few times over the next weeks and after a while, Ruby decided to ignore Emma's outbursts of self-pity because calming her didn't seem to work anymore. After all, Emma wasn't the only one who was suffering. Hundreds of people were losing their homes and families right now. Maybe Emma's parents weren't even dead. At least she hadn't killed her own boyfriend by accident and hadn't been chased by an angry mob of villagers away from her home.

As time went by, Emma's anger turned into sobs, until she stopped her lamenting entirely. Boys didn't cry. But they did curse. Ruby could live with that. She understood that the girl needed an outlet to not become crazy. In addition, that did fit to the behavior of an uneducated farmer boy.

Another week passed. By then, Emma was too exhausted to whine. Walking constantly had built calluses on the soles of her feet; her muscles ached when they lay down to sleep. They had to use the forest floor as a bed with only their coats to cover themselves. Luckily the nights weren't too cold yet. Since they had to ration their provisions, hunger was a constant companion and both of them had lost weight.

The next full moon was a week away (if Ruby had counted the remaining days correctly) when they reached the coast.

Emma was twenty yards behind when Ruby passed the last tree.

"Emma look!" Ruby said.

Emma approached slouching. "Oh," she muttered.

Ahead of them lay the ocean. It was a calm day and the water was a navy blue color. They heard seagulls cry. The smell of soil and wood was replaced by salty air. A gust of wind disheveled Emma's short locks. Ruby smiled and covered her head with her red hood.

"See there!" Ruby pointed down to a small bay between the cliffs. "The North Harbor."

The harbor was bordered by a small fishing town. Thatched-roof houses lined the roads. The streets were dirty. A putrid smell hung in the air and Emma could see rats. It was so different from the beautiful Royal Castle. People didn't pay attention either. They kept bumping into Emma or stepping on her toes. She wasn't used to that kind of behavior. At home, the crowd parted as she approached. Emma shuddered. The people here smelled like rats, too.

Suddenly she felt so homesick that she almost started crying again. At the last moment, she remembered that she was a boy now. Boys didn't cry!

They weren't the only refugees who were traveling north and soon they discovered that most of the inns were full and the passages to Arendelle had sold out. The town was not prepared for such an amount of people. The North Harbor was a trading point for merchants. Travelers usually used the Royal Harbor. To save money Ruby insisted to spend another night outside.

But this time Emma didn't obey. "Under no circumstances will I sleep between stinking barrels!"

Ruby rejected her complaints with a shrug. "We've spent almost one month in the forest. You will survive it."

"You can't do this to me. Not after all I've lost!"

Ruby sighed but didn't answer.

"You can't give me orders anyway. I'm the princess!"

Ruby turned around and grabbed her by the collar of her shirt. "YOU," she growled, "are Emmet Nolan. A poor farmer's boy. And you will pay your older sister some respect. Understood?"

Emma trembled under Ruby's angry glare. "Okay," she whispered.

"What did you say?"

"Yes, I understand."

Ruby released her and started walking again.

"I could sell my valuables. I still have my mother's necklace and some earrings in my pockets", Emma suggested meekly.

Ruby rolled her eyes. "You really want to sell your mother's necklace?" But her voice sounded softer now.

Emma lowered her head, of course she didn't. "Can we just go to the harbor and ask if there are two tickets left? Maybe we'll get lucky."

"Emma you know that the next full moon is a week from now. We can board a ship afterwards."

"But you have the cloak."

"To risky. I want to be in the forest. After next week we can go on board. Then we travel three weeks and at the next full moon we'll be in Arendelle."

"But we can just take a look? We may find a ship for next week."

"Alright fine," Ruby relented. "But let me do the talking. Like always."

The sun was low in the sky when they arrived at the harbor. Ships swayed with a cool breeze. The wharf was covered in bird-droppings and was a bit slippery. Sailors were busy transferring cargo. It smelled like fish and salt. In narrow alleys Emma caught the sight of dark shapes, their faces were hidden in the dark. It gave her the shivers. Though, Ruby seemed to ignore them and dragged her along.

There were other refugees at the harbor, obviously with the same goal in mind. Unfortunately, they didn't find a passenger ship that could take them in. Apparently there wasn't even a possibility to make reservations. A sailor on break advised them to camp at the harbor and wait for an incoming ship to purchase a ticket immediately.

"I can help you folks to get it cheaper," he said as his gaze wandered over Ruby's body. He took a pull on the cigarette in his mouth and grinned. "You know, I have connections."

"Well, no thank you", Ruby answered with clenched teeth. She grasped Emma's arm. "Let's go."

By then, Emma regretted looking for a ship right before nightfall. To sleep between the barrels seemed to be the better option than staying here for one more second. They turned around and almost crashed into a group of sailors.

"Why so fast, wench?" They were clearly drunk. "Are you lost?"

Ruby pulled Emma behind her. But they didn't take notice of her anyway. Their eyes lingered only on Ruby.

The leader of the group stepped forward. "Need a place to stay for the night?" The smell of booze gave Emma the shivers. Without a word Ruby tried to sidestep them but the man grabbed her. "Come on, darling. We all know that the decent girls don't hang around here."

Forcefully, Ruby yanked her arm free. She tried to walk away with Emma at her side. Only to recognize that the men were following them. Ruby quickened her pace. When another man tried to grab her, things threatened to get out of control.

"Run!" Ruby shouted suddenly.

They didn't get far because one of the men had taken a short cut.

"Turn around," Ruby screamed. Emma obeyed, panicked. She didn't recognized the area. "Turn right!" Emma heard, and obeyed again. Somehow, they had managed to gain some distance. They were on the pier now. It was a dead end. "Shit!" Ruby cursed. She took a look around. They were standing between some tall sailing ships. "Look there!" Emma pointed to a rope ladder that was hanging down to the left. "Up! Quickly!"

Emma's palms were slippery with sweat as she climbed upwards. Her heart was pounding, she was so terrified. She was not made for these kinds of adventure! Exhausted, they rolled over the rail. Fortunately, the deck seemed to be empty.

"Did they follow us?" Emma panted.

Ruby shook her head, letting out a deep breath. "Finally! Now do you understand why I didn't want to come here in the first place? There's always rabble in these places. However let's …"

She paused in the middle of sentence, pressing her finger on Emma's mouth to keep her quiet.

"Were are those little brats? Weren't they here a moment ago?" It was the leader's drunken voice. Emma's fear returned in full force. Why didn't they pull up the ladder? Would the men follow? Then there were more voices. The imperious, deep one of a stranger. Sudden apologies and clatter. The drunken voices faded. But there were new ones.

"Shit, shit, shit," Ruby mumbled. "I think the crew is coming back. I really don't want to meet them. We have to get off the ship!"

Frantically, they looked around. A few feet away there was a hatch in the floor. Emma started crawling towards the opening.

"No, no, no!" Ruby called. "Not down there. Emma, come back!" Ruby had seen the gangway a few yards away from her. Unfortunately, the crew was entering the ship.

There were three options now: Running into the crew's open arms, jump off the ship into the dark waters below, or hide somewhere under deck until they could sneak out during the night. However, Emma made the decision for them by disappearing down the hatch. Ruby had no choice but to follow her.

Now, they were trapped.

*Reference to 'The Princess and the Pea' a fairy tale by Hans Christian Andersen.

 **Notes** : Thanks to FirstmateSwan, musicalfreak22 and odd-gelato for helping me with this fic and to IrishSwan for helping me getting started.

If you like you can leave comments. Tell me what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Stowaways**

Almost tumbling down the ladder, Ruby and Emma found themselves in an elongated room. The little bit of light that fell through the spaces between the deck blanks made the room dusky. Bunks were embedded along the wooden walls and that only left a small alleyway. The air was thick and moldy.

That had to be the crew's quarters.

A groan came from their right side and Emma nearly screamed. A man was lying on his bed, facing the wall. They must have awakened him. Stopped dead in their tracks, they stared at him. But he just turned a bit and let out a snore.

Ruby took Emma's hand and they walked carefully to another ladder at the opposite side of the room. To get out of the quarters, they had to pull up another hatch, which revealed more stairs that were leading deeper into the dark.

The further they made their way into the ship's hold, the more Emma felt uneasy. As they groped forward, barely seeing their hands in front of their faces, they almost bumped against a door.

Just as they entered the next room, the smell of dried meat and zwieback surrounded them. As their eyes got used to the darkness and they were able to see a few feet in front of them, they spotted barrels and boxes, stacked over the whole room. The storage also contained rigging, like sail and wood material and other ship supplies.

They made their way through the darkness until they found a shielded place between some boxes. Above them, they heard the increasing sounds of footsteps and voices. But nobody seemed to be making their way towards their hiding place.

After sitting tight and waiting for a while, Ruby risked a walk through the room to inspect some of the boxes she could open.

Instead of following her friend, Emma remained crouched in her corner. Digging her fingers into the fabric of her pockets, she endured Ruby's absence. The soft rock of the ship felt unfamiliar and she imagined the hatch opening, whenever she heard someone talking. Why had she been so stupid? She should have kept her mouth shut and let Ruby do all the planning. If she had done that, they would have slept between stinking barrels, but they wouldn't be trapped in a frightening, foreign ship.

Finally, after what felt like hours, Ruby returned from her exploration.

"Good news or bad news first?" she whispered.

Emma gave her an agonized glare.

"Alright. I found an exit at the other side of this room. But it's locked. By no means can we leave the ship through the crew's quarters. So we have to break the other door open."

"But we don't know what's behind it. It could be worse," Emma remarked.

"Worse than the crew's quarters? Certainly not! They will all be down there tonight. Believe me, there will be no way to sneak out through this route."

"And what if we go out and tell their captain what happened? That we had to hide!"

Ruby scratched her nose. "Emma, I don't want to frighten you, but I have seen a few ships in my life. This is not a passenger vessel. It may look like a merchant ship but I have the feeling, something's wrong here. This is the North Harbor, not a safe port like at home. I have heard of smugglers and worse. The only reason I came here with you is because I thought there wouldn't be that much danger during daytime. Obviously I was wrong."

"I'm sorry," Emma said ruefully.

"It's my fault," Ruby refuted, "I made the decision to come here. However, we have to deal with the situation now." She sighed and revealed the items she'd found in the boxes. Ruby handed Emma a piece of dried meat and some nuts. To Emma's surprise, Ruby had discovered candles and matches, too. They didn't have to stay in the dark any longer.

Quietly, they ate by the flickering candlelight. As Ruby thought about possible solutions to their problem, Emma listened to the noises of the ship. The cracking sound of expanding wood, the soft wash of the waves against the ship, the now less noisy voices above them. It seemed like the men were working on the main deck now. From time to time, commands cut through the muffled sounds.

Suddenly Ruby sat up, her face pale. She looked at the ceiling, then to Emma. "Holy crap!"

"What?"

A jolt shook through the ship and that was when Emma realized what was happening.

"Is the ship moving?" Emma's voice trembled.

"Damn it," Ruby growled. "Why are they leaving port in the middle of the night?"

She jumped up, trying to come up with an emergency plan. Alas, nothing came to mind. She sat down again and buried her head in her hands. It was the first time Ruby seemed baffled and actually scared. Emma felt the panic well up instantly.

"Emma I can't stay on this ship! Full moon is next week!"

"I know," Emma cried as the trembling in her limbs intensified.

Ruby took a deep breath, fighting down her own fear. She had to be strong for Emma; she was responsible for that girl. It was her bloody duty!

"We have no choice!" Ruby decided, "We have to sneak out through the crew's quarters. We can make it, if we are fast."

Emma looked at her, open mouthed. Ruby couldn't mean that.

"We'll run to the deck and then we'll jump overboard. But we have to do it now!" Ruby tried to pull Emma up. But at the word 'jump' the girl had frozen.

"Come on, Emma. You can do it." Ruby tried to encourage her. "The water might be dirty and cold, but you are a good swimmer and we are still in the harbor."

But something in Emma's head had snapped. She yanked her arm free, cowering and trembling on the floor.

Ruby tried desperately to calm her, but when she touched Emma, the girl let out a whimper. Ruby had no choice; she had to do this the hard way. So she grabbed Emma and threw her across her shoulder. Emma was not that heavy and Ruby was strong but it would be difficult to carry her up the ladders. All about this was insane! But she had to try.

Ruby had made it up only a few steps, when the hatch was opened. In a split second, she jumped behind a box. As a precaution she pressed her hand on Emma's mouth and listened to the footsteps coming down. As the glimmer of a lamp lit up the room, Ruby tried not to breath and pressed herself down. The box wasn't too big and she was not sure if she and Emma were properly hidden. She could feel Emma's rapid heartbeat and remembered what Snow had told her, once upon a time: "She is like a delicate flower. Not like us. More like my mother."

She cradled Emma closer. If something happened to her, she would never forgive herself. Ruby knew she would kill everyone who would try to harm her.

The men made their way across the stores; apparently they were searching for something. Luckily, they were heading towards the opposite side of the room, away from them.

Ruby risked a look. The men were picking up some sailing material. Their silhouettes were tall and strong, their clothes looked worn out. Like normal sailors. Ruby pulled her head back as they returned.

"Has the galley been stocked yet?" one of them asked. "Better not to put the captain in a bad mood today. Haggling was tough enough this time. Bloody refugees!"

Ruby swallowed. It became more and more obvious what kind of ship they had set foot on. The men had to be smugglers who usually preferred to do their business in silence.

"Aye," another crew member answered. "Bernie took care of that before the visit at the tavern."

Ruby leaned against the box, holding Emma tight, when the men passed them again.

"What's that?" The speaker was only a few feet away. He turned around. "I thought the cargo is secured."

Instantly, Ruby knew what he had found. In her haste, she had forgotten the candle. It must have rolled over the floor to the middle of the room.

"The wick is still warm," the man who gave the orders said.

"I bet that was one of the new fellas. These rats hide down here and gamble. The captain has to be informed immediately."

"Be sure about that! Look they even stole food. There are crumbs everywhere,"

Ruby heard a sardonic laughter.

"For this they will make friends with the whip. Close friends, as they deserve!"

Silent prayers left Ruby's lips and she pressed her head into Emma's short hair. Her friend was shaking so much, Ruby feared that she was close to hyperventilating. The footsteps sounded so close.

"Sink me!" a voice said. Ruby looked up and her blood ran cold. A tall man with a black beard was standing right in front of them and was staring down. The other man approached.

"Bloody hell, what do we have here? A lad and a lass. A beautiful lass, indeed," he smirked, "Let's find out what the captain has to say about that."

He crabbed Ruby's arm. She didn't struggle, knowing it would make things worse. They were on a ship and there was no escape. Emma made no sound when the other man grabbed her. She was beyond terrified.

The walk through the ship passed in a blur. All Emma could feel was the man's rough hands. She felt sick. The next thing she became aware of was the cold wind when they were dragged on deck. The moon bathed the brig in silky light. By now, the ship had left the harbor and was on open waters. Emma could still see the coastline, but it was too far to swim. Jumping into the water now would mean certain death.

"Mr. Ramsay, what's going on here?" a voice cut the silence that had spread on deck.

The man with the black beard stepped forward. "Stowaways, Sir! Found them in the food storage."

The tall blond man in front of them frowned. "Someone get the Captain," he said quietly. He didn't seem too happy.

Emma and Ruby cowered on deck and waited.

Emma could feel everyone's eyes on them. In fact, not on her. All eyes were fixed on Ruby. A woman. A woman aboard their ship!

Heavy footsteps resounded in front of her and Emma's head spun around. The first thing she saw were two boots, followed by black leather pants. Over a red vest, the black haired man wore a heavy black coat with silver buttons. His eyes were an icy blue, made even brighter by the moonlight. Emma shivered. Everything about this man was intimidating. The captain obviously made no secret of his rank. Jewelry twinkled on his neck. On his right hand, he was wearing big, flashy rings. As for his left hand…Emma gasped. Instead of a left hand there was a hook!

The captain caught her gaze. For a moment it seemed like he was smiling at her. Then his eyes wandered to Ruby. "A Lady!" he chuckled darkly. "To what do I owe the pleasure? "

"We didn't intend to board your ship," Ruby tried to explain, taking a few steps forward, "It was a coincidence. My brother and I were only hiding from some men that were chasing us."

The captain's eyebrow rose almost to his hairline. "So you thought seeking shelter on a pirate ship was your best option?"

Ruby stopped dead in her tracks, her mouth falling open.

The captain roamed over the deck and as he approached the mainmast, he lovingly ran his hand over the wood. Then he turned around again. "It's always nice to make an impression. Well, I think it is in order to properly introduce myself. Captain Killian Jones! But most people have taken to call me by my more colorful moniker." He lifted the hook. "And this Lady here," he opened his other arm, "is the Jolly Roger."

Emma looked up. She had read about the Jolly Roger. It had been formerly called 'The Jewel Of The Realm' and was built with enchanted wood. According to the books, the fastest vessel of all the realms. Sometimes she had tried to imagine the infamous Captain Hook, traveling the high seas, not giving quarter to his enemies. Now that she was meeting him, she was surprised he was that young. Although it was said that he had been traveling realms for hundreds of years, he only seemed to be in his late twenties, early thirties at the most.

Of course those stories had to be nonsense. Legends were always exaggerated.

Though, this was not like one of her stories. This was reality. She was standing on a pirate ship! On one of the most notorious of them all! She shuddered. What would he do to them? Worse, what would he do to Ruby?

The captain seemed to be thinking about the same thing. Leisurely, he approached and turned to the blond man.

"Mr. Ramsay found them in the food storage," the man explained.

"Aye, Sir. They stole food supplies and candles. Seemed like they had settled in there"

"We didn't settle in there," Ruby immediately replied. "And we only ate a little..."

"Quiet!" the captain barked. His voice had changed from amused to aggressive in an instant. "How dare you interrupt one of my man, woman? Now tell me your names!" He turned to Emma who looked shyly to the floor.

"My name -," Ruby tried again.

With one step he was at Ruby's side, his hook under her chin, the tip near to her carotid. "If you intend to be bold, you are free to walk the plank right away. You only talk when I command it! Now boy?"

Emma's lip trembled. "I…I'm Emmett Nolan," she stuttered, "and this is my sister Ruby. Please Captain, Sir. We didn't mean to bother or...or steal from you. We were just so hungry." Her voice cracked under the captain's stern expression.

"I'm afraid the Jolly Roger is no soup kitchen. Or an orphanage. Boy, do you know what would have happened, if I had caught one of my men doing this?"

Emma didn't answer.

"The ones who are caught stealing from the crew's supplies, shall be marooned with nothing more than a bottle of powder or a bottle of rum," the captain recited. He looked around ensuring everybody was listening. "Carrying a candle without a lantern under deck is punished with forty stripes. Bringing a woman on board," he paused, "or meddle with her shall result in present death."

Emma's legs felt weak. Present death?!

Her eyes darted to Ruby who remained silent, pressing her lips together. Her friend's body was tensed, ready to jump and defend Emma against all odds.

The captain cocked his head. "Your bag, please."

He pointed at the bundle Ruby was clutching. It contained their provisions and the last items they had saved from home. And of course, stolen goods.

When Ruby didn't move, the captain made an impatient gesture.

Instantly, the blond man stepped forward and reached out his hand. The clothes he wore were simple but tidy, his hair tied back. He looked nice, even trustworthy, not like one would imagine a pirate. Between all the seedy sailors he seemed out of place.

Slowly Ruby handed over the bundle. The captain dug deep into the bag. The first thing he pulled out was a bundle of zwieback. He turned it in his hands and snorted, a cruel smile on his lips. Emma knew he was enjoying this.

"You remember the punishment for stealing?"

Expectantly, he turned to Emma, like some kind of teacher. She nodded, trembling again.

"Unfortunately, we will not reach the Rocky Islands before three days. Any suggestions on what I must do with you until then?"

If that didn't mean they would be fed to the fishes, Emma had no idea. Images of them, vainly fighting against the waves, appeared in her head. So that was it, they wouldn't die by the hand of a Dark One, but due to a pirate's bad mood. The ocean would be their grave. And if anyone of their loved ones was still alive, they would never know what had happened to the princess and her loyal friend. What a cruel twist of fate.

Again, she could feel the pressure of surging tears behind her eyes. She watched hazily as the captain pulled out Ruby's chains with a frown. He wanted to ask her about it, but then the blond man whispered something to his ears and the captain looked at her.

He sighed and stepped closer. "May there be anything you can offer in compensation?"

He gave Ruby a glance, who stared back with undisguised hatred.

With trembling fingers, Emma reached for her precious necklace in the inner pocket of her shirt.

"It's the only valuable thing I have," she whispered.

The captain inspected the two intertwined swans, one of them golden, the other one silver. Emma could see he recognized the value. Watching the last reminder of her parents disappear into the pirate's pocket caused a sharp pain in her heart. But if it could save their lives, it was worth it. She desperately hoped there was a bit of honor left in the pirate and he wouldn't throw them over board anyway.

For the first time, Emma tried to catch the captain's gaze. The urge to cry had stopped. She wouldn't make it easier for Captain Hook. If this should be her fate, she would be looking her murderer straight in the eyes.

 **Author's note** : Thanks everyone for reading! Additional thanks to Annaelle and musicalfreak22. Guys, please tell me what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Negotiations**

They hadn't ended as fish food. Instead, they had been locked up in the brig, giving the captain time to decide their fate.

The pirates had taken everything: The bundle and its entire content, Ruby's earrings and even Emma's leather shoes. But worse of all, they'd stolen Ruby's red cloak, the only thing that could repel the wolf inside her during the full moon. After taking the garment, the captain had caressed and buried his nose into the dainty fabric, and Emma had known, he'd only been thinking about the price, the damask velvet's value on the market. At least, he'd seemed to fall for their cover, because he'd asked them from whom they'd stolen all those valuable objects, and hadn't believed they actually owned them.

Ruby squatted on the floor, freezing and clutching her fingers around the bars. Her eyes were wild, a murderous and desperate sparkle in them. Emma was sitting behind her, her head was resting against the wall. As they'd crossed the deck, she had seen the crew men's glances towards her friend, too. And although the captain had defined the rules earlier, one could never be sure there wouldn't be an assault. It could only take a few bottles of rum and a drop of desire to turn a sailor into a monster. Emma, on the other hand, was safe as long as her cover remained intact. For now.

The brig wasn't a pleasant place to stay in. It was claustrophobic, uncomfortable and dark. At least they couldn't see the dirt and the rats, but Emma heard some unmistakable noises, she knew them from the Royal Stables. Sometimes she felt a drop plopping on her face and feared a leak in the ship, followed by a horrible death, but it only seemed to be condensation from the ceiling.

Under different circumstances, Emma would've moaned and cried about sitting in a dirty hole, bewildered that anything like that could've happened to her, the princess of the Enchanted Forest. But at the moment, she felt nothing but overwhelming shame.

It was her fault, all of it! She had brought Ruby into that situation, not only because she had urged her to go to the harbor, but fleeing with her in the first place. If she hadn't been her bodyguard, Ruby could have stayed hidden in the forest and lived amongst the wolves.

Technically, Ruby wasn't even her bodyguard; it was not like she had been employed by the Royal Family. Ruby and Emma's mother had met a number of years prior, when Ruby had found out about her shapeshifting and had to leave everyone she loved behind. Since then, they'd built a deep bond. Snow had offered her a safe home at the castle and Ruby had chosen her friend over the wolves. Although her relationship with the fellow wolves had improved, she'd stayed at the Royal Castle, keeping an eye on the princess. Emma was only a few years younger than her, so it had been easy to get into her good graces.

Now, everything was lost. They were on a pirate ship, with all the men lurking to get their way with the beautiful temptation that Ruby was. Maybe the captain would even change his mind and decide to take Ruby for himself or offer her to his crew. Emma had seen his sudden mood changes, it was entirely possible. Or he would sell them into slavery, when they reached the Rocky Islands - it sounded like a place villainous enough for such. Emma shuddered. Maybe he would even do both! A pirate never could be trusted!

"They set a course for south," Ruby said grimly, turning around. "The Rocky Islands are a well-known outpost for smugglers and pirates. After purchasing merchandise onshore, they're used to bargain with their own kind before setting sail for the open sea."

"So it's the opposite direction we intended to travel," Emma said.

"Exactly," Ruby answered. "And I guess, Hook is going to get rid of us there. He'll surely try to make money out of us and sell us to slave traders."

Emma swallowed. Ruby was a beautiful woman, so the captain would get a high price for her.

"They are going to separate us, Emma," Ruby confirmed gravely, "and they'll probably sell me into some kind of service." She paused.

"I know," Emma answered, her voice breaking. She felt empty, the guilt overpowering every other feeling, paralyzing her.

Ruby, who sensed Emma's struggle, scooted over and put her arms around her.

"Don't worry about me, darling. I'll be fine," Ruby whispered softly. For a moment, she held her tight, not wanting to let go of her, but then she released her friend. During their embrace, Emma had remained stiff.

"Emma, listen carefully," Ruby continued. "If you get the slightest chance to escape, you're going to take it! Don't try to get to me. Do you understand?"

Ruby softly shook her shoulder until Emma nodded.

"The pirates didn't find your earrings. You're going to sell them and purchase a passage back to the mainland. Don't let anyone trick you, these earrings are valuable, so don't trade them for less than 50 gold coins. That's enough money for the journey and a month of food. Hide it well and never show it to anyone. When you're back at the harbor, you have to figure out how to get to Arendelle. Try to find some other refugees, who also want to travel there and join them. Search for someone who looks trustworthy, maybe a family. And, the most important thing, don't blow your cover."

Ruby gave her a reassuring smile, but Emma knew it was all in vain. Even if she did manage to escape, which she highly doubted, she couldn't imagine herself on such a journey. She had never traveled that far before, let alone all by herself.

And what would happen to Ruby? Her dear friend and protector, who would sacrifice herself for her within a heartbeat. Should she leave her to her fate and run away like a coward?

That was what Emma had been all her life. A coward.

At some point during the night, Ruby dozed off. She looked frazzled, leaning against the wall next to Emma. Her hair hung in messy wisps into her pale face, dark circles lay around her eyes. Her thin white shirt looked worn out; during the journey she had darned it several times. In this moment, her usually strong friend appeared fragile like never before.

Emma watched Ruby's chest rising and falling. She also was also spent, but she couldn't rest. Again and again thoughts of Ruby's fate swirled in her mind. This young woman had already suffered so much in her life. Emma remembered her own behavior during their escape and again, shame descended upon her like a heavy chain. Ruby had managed everything, had kept her alive, and had endured her lamenting, crying and cursing. Even now, in a hopeless situation, she only had Emma's well-being in mind and put herself behind. Ruby didn't deserve any of this.

She also must have fallen asleep, because she awoke to a beam of light falling directly in her eyes. Squinting, she tried to make out the shape that was coming down the ladder. The man was tall, taller than the other sailors and well built.

Instinctively, Emma pressed herself further against the wall. She looked at Ruby, but her friend was too exhausted to even wake up. The man stepped towards the bars and lowered the lantern. Emma watched him warily until she discovered the two bowls in his hands.

Tentatively, she made her way to the bars. The light was falling on his features and she discerned bushy eyebrows and a brown beard. It seemed like his face was roughly carved out of a piece of wood.

Carefully, he handed the bowls through the bars. It was an undefinable puree with chunks of meat, but to Emma, the warm meal smelled like heaven. Emma put the bowls on the floor to take the two spoons the man was offering her.

"You're okay, lad?" he asked and then looked at Ruby who still wasn't moving. Emma remained silent. What did this pirate expect her to say? Was this a trick, did he want to feast on their misery? But his voice was serious, his expression sincere. She stood there, not knowing what to do.

"Look," the man said quietly, "you didn't hear this from me. But don't worry too much."

Emma frowned.

"The Captain's speech back on deck," the man continued, "that was an act to amuse the crew and maintain his reputation. He likes to scare people off. He won't sell ya into slavery or something. Probably just goin' to chase you off the ship when we reach the dock."

"Why should I believe a pirate?" Emma said grimly.

"Oh," the man smirked, "I wouldn't call meself that. Name is Bernard Smith, the ship's cook. I've known the Captain for quite some time. He's not a slave trader or an abuser of women."

He gave her a friendly look and surprisingly, his face didn't frighten her anymore. Now he seemed more like a well-tempered person.

"And what does await us on those Rocky Islands?" Emma dared to ask.

The cook sighed. "It's not quite the place for a Lady. My advice is t'get your sister out of there smartly. If you have to, steal some doubloons and get a ticket back to the mainland. But don't get caught. You don't want to know what they do to thieves."

He lifted his cap and took the lantern to leave them alone with the darkness.

Emma watched him climbing the latter.

"Who was that?" Ruby asked weakly.

"The cook," Emma answered, hurrying over to her friend. "Look, he brought some food."

Ruby opened her eyes. "Don't eat it, it might be poisoned."

Emma, who'd already taken her first bite, shook her head. "I don't think so. Why make the effort? They could have thrown us overboard much easier."

"Mmh…"

"Ruby, are you alright?" Emma lowered the spoon. When Ruby didn't answer, Emma touched her forehead. Ruby was burning! Shocked, Emma pulled her hand back.

"You have a fever! Ruby, why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm just a little tired, let me sleep and tomorrow I'll be fine again."

"No," Emma's voice trembled, "you're temperature is too high. We need medication!"

Ruby sighed. "The pirates won't help us, Emma. To them, we are only baggage. Stowaways are worth less than rats. They'll probably throw me overboard when they find out."

Emma tried to feed Ruby a few bites, but her friend rejected most of it. So, the only thing she could do, was sit back and check Ruby's temperature from time to time.

The fever didn't subside, it got worse. Emma was pacing back and forth in the cell, struggling to make a decision. Ruby was right, they couldn't trust the pirates, but doing nothing wasn't an option either. She was not used taking the lead and whatever she would choose, it would be wrong.

It had to be morning by the time the hatch opened again. This time it wasn't the cook who was descending the ladder, but a sailor Emma hadn't seen before. This man looked more like a pirate, his clothes were dirty, his hair messy and when he approached with a nasty grin she could see some decayed teeth in his mouth. Subtly, Emma stepped in front of Ruby and blocked the pirate's view of her friend.

Though the pirate didn't stop at the bars, but unlocked the cell. She had to summon all her courage to not back away.

Emma watched the man entering the cell, expecting the worst. As he came closer, her hands clenched, but she tried to suppress her trembling.

"Why so scared, sweet boy?" the man purred with a scratchy voice. His musty breath hit her face and as he ran a long finger over her face, Emma almost had to gag. But then the man discovered Ruby's shaking body behind her. "Well, well, what do you say about that? The fiery beauty." He kicked her lightly with his boot and Emma almost lost it. She would have lunged at him if she hadn't been so scared.

Ruby let out a whimper but she was too weak to defend herself.

"Not that tough right now, your sister," the monster of a man remarked. Emma clenched her teeth, shaking with disgust, but she remained silent.

Finally, the pirate turned around again, "The Captain wants to see you."

He grabbed her arm and roughly dragged her out of the cell. As he pulled her up the ladder, she turned her head. Ruby was moving on the floor, desperately trying to sit up, but failing. Even in her delirium, she wanted to protect her; it broke Emma's heart to see her suffering like that.

Then they were through the hatch and Ruby faded from view.

Climbing up the ladder, Emma realized she had been wrong. It was still dark, there was no light shining through the planks. She had lost her sense of time down in the dark. After hours without sleep she felt dizzy and had to be careful not to miss one of the steps. It was difficult to focus, images of Ruby in her mind.

The man guided her up two ladders and through a short corridor, before stopping in front of a heavy door. He knocked and waited.

Emma cringed when she heard the command to come in. She was not ready to face the captain again. She was barely able to think, what with the exhaustion and the lack of sleep.

With shaking legs, she entered the cabin. It was a cozy room, furnished with ancient furniture. The captain's bunk was a bit bigger than the ones in the crew's quarters. He was a tidy man; nothing was lying around. The maps not in use were sorted on a shelf. The shelf also held lots of books. The limited space was used completely; there was storage even under the bunk.

The captain was lounging in an armchair at the opposite side of the room. On a small coffee table Emma recognized a carafe filled with wine. Suddenly her throat felt dry, craving water. Emma shifted from one foot to the other, watching the pirate whispering something to the captain's ear. Straight-faced he nodded and without further discussion, the crewman left the room.

The captain was turning a goblet of wine in his hand, occasionally taking a sip, while he was watching Emma. His hook rested on the coffee table; obviously he wasn't in a hurry.

Waiting like this, the captain's piercing blue eyes on her, made Emma feel more and more awkward. Could the captain see through her, did he not buy her cover any longer? She knew it had been a bad idea. She was too old to pose as a young man. Binding her breasts and cutting her hair could probably fool someone briefly but not over a long period of time and surely not this pirate captain.

Finally, the captain put the goblet down and beckoned her over.

Slowly, she stepped closer. There was another armchair facing the captain, but he made no gesture for her to sit down. Emma's legs felt so weak, at least she would have liked to support herself against the backrest, but of course she didn't.

"Enjoying your stay, so far?" Hook joked, but Emma couldn't laugh. She'd already recognized the captain's cruel sense of humor. "You may not know it yet, but I'm quite perceptive." He looked up slyly, "You know the punishment for keeping secrets?"

Emma's blood froze.

"Really boy, you should have told me," he said, shaking his head sadly.

Emma looked up. Wasn't he talking about her disguise?

"Please," the captain sneered, "don't look like you have no idea what I'm talking about."

Again, Emma remained silent.

Groaning, the captain rose from his armchair, roamed through the room and opened a closet next to the shelf. Emma got a glimpse of Ruby's red cloak but then the captain pulled out Ruby's chains.

"This beautiful cloak your sister wore seemed kind of familiar. I wondered all night why. And after having a few drinks and asking myself why on earth two refugees would carry chains with them, I remembered a conversation I had with a merchant, years ago."

Emma's face blenched, her hands started to shake. She couldn't hold it back.

"Among other things, he was trading some of those cloaks, praising them as magical fabric. That time, there had been a wolf plague in his town and instead of killing the beasts, the citizens endowed them with those garments. I guess, they only did that because the mayor's cute little daughter had been bitten by a wolf."

He chuckled.

"I'd almost forgotten about it. But tell me, boy. I would've believed that you'd stolen the cloak, not knowing what it is, if there hadn't been these chains. Why are you carrying around those suspicious things? As reinsurance in case the cloak isn't working? What a stupid thing to do, because that gave you away."

Emma swallowed. Him knowing that Ruby was a wolf, was worse than anything she could've imagined.

"Now tell me one simple reason I shouldn't throw a stowaway overboard, who appears to be a liar, let alone a dangerous creature who is waiting for the full moon, to slice open my entire crew! And tell me why I shouldn't throw you overboard with the beast."

"My sister is not a beast," Emma burst out, "We didn't ask for any of this. We don't even want to be here!"

"That's not a reason," the captain said gruffly. "It seems, the wolf is going to die from infection anyway in the next few days. But YOU boy, you really disappointed me!"

"Please," Emma begged, "please Sir, don't let her die. I,…I would do anything to save her life."

The captain let out a sardonic laughter.

"You? What are you able to offer?"

"My services," Emma whispered. "I'll work for free, for as long as you'd like. I don't know anything about sailing but I can do all the other things, cleaning and the like. "

The captain knitted his brows.

"I don't need a cabin boy for dusting. The only reason worth the trouble would be the price they pay in the arena."

Emma froze, panicking. She had heard horrible stories from Ruby's friends about those tournaments in distant countries, where they let two wolves fight against each other until one of them was dead. The owner of the surviving wolf then got the yield.

"Please no," was all she was still able to say. She felt like she was on the verge of fainting.

"All that begging won't help you," Hook said without mercy, "You tricked me and I don't forgive that."

"Please," Emma gave it a last try. "You are not that kind of man. I was told you're a man of honor!"

She had said the wrong thing. Suddenly the captain was at her side, grabbing her short locks and yanked her head back, the tip of his hook at her throat.

"Who told you that?" he growled, his voice cold as ice and his breath brushing her face.

Emma whimpered from the pain, tears filling her eyes.

"Who told you that?" he repeated, pulling harder. She expected to be pierced by the hook, convinced he was going to kill her. Though she didn't gave away the cook's name. He'd been the only person on this ship, who had been nice to her. She wouldn't let him be punished for that.

All at once, Hook let go off her and stepped back. Emma lost her balance, falling to the floor. She was lying there, motionless, feeling fuzzy from a sharp pain where she had hit her head. Then she noticed the captain's boots in front of her.

"Come on boy, don't be a pansy. Stand like a man."

Emma didn't know where she got the strength from, but somehow she managed to struggle to her feet. Hook shoved her into the armchair behind her. He circled the coffee table and sat down on the other chair.

He seemed calm again; the anger had vanished from his face. Emma watched him wide-eyed, bewildered of this man and his mood swings.

The captain put his hook back on the table and leaned forward.

"Negotiation is an art that is not easy to be learned. First, you never start crying. Crying is something for women and you're a man. Even though you look a little feminine. But that happens; you will grow out of that. No reason to act like a girl."

Emma tensed but regained a little bit of hope as well. So did that mean he wouldn't kill her?

"Crying," the captain continued, "will make you look weak in front of your trading partner. Once that happens, you're lost. He will stigmatize you and hornswoggle you mercilessly. You'll lose your reputation and that is the worst thing that can happen to a man."

Emma listened open mouthed, not knowing what to think. Was Captain Hook giving her a lecture now?

"Let's consider your situation: all your money is taken, your shoes are taken, you're about to lose your sister, so what can you do? And nothing is not an option!"

Emma pressed her lips together. She had no clue.

"The idea to trade yourself is a start. But you should've done it differently. Always raise the value, boy. You could have said you are a natural. That you're small and agile, able to do things the others can't do. Pretending is half the skill. Some time and support from the crew would have made you a true sailor."

Emma swallowed. This man was clearly playing with her.

"Sir, you told me moments ago, lying is punished. And pretending, obviously counts as lying for you."

She saw a faint smile appear on his lips and his eyes brightened.

"Boy, you're cleverer than I thought. You're right, I probably would've found out. Well, …"

He scratched behind his ear, looking at her thoughtfully. "I will do something I have never done before. I will give you a second chance, a way to back out of this situation. But like all negotiations, you'll need to take a risk."

Slowly he reached into his pockets and pulled out a small item. When he put it on the table, Emma recognized a black dice with silver pips. Baffled, she looked at the object, then back to the captain.

What was going on?

"Playing these kind of games are forbidden to my men, excluding me. It's simple. We both throw the dice and the one with the highest number wins. If you win, I'll accept your offer and take your services as a cabin boy. To work off your debts, you'll be hired on this ship for five months without salary. Additionally, your sister will get the medicine she needs and the opportunity to leave the ship when we reach the Rocky Islands. Don't try to negotiate this. No women allowed onboard."

"And if you win?" Emma asked doubtfully. That all seemed too good to be true.

The captain chuckled darkly and caught her gaze.

"If I win, I'll make my threat true and throw you both overboard. You have violated more than one rule on this ship and this punishment is half as painful as the crew would've received for those crimes. There's even an chance of survival. There are a lot of ships travelling on this route; it is possible you'll be fished out of the water."

Emma's lip trembled. This wasn't fair at all! Letting chance decide and playing with their fate like this was not an act of mercy, it was a new level of cruelty. But what could she expect from Captain Hook? He was nothing but a pirate. The worst of them all!

Hook didn't need to say more because Emma knew this would be her only chance. If she refused to play he would let Ruby die down there in the brig. She had no choice.

Giving Hook an icy glare, she took the dice. The metal lay heavy in her hands. Then she let it fall.

It was a four. A solid number. But Emma's heart pounded like mad when Hook closed his hands around the dice. Emma closed her eyes, breathing out as she heard the sound of the metal hit the table.

Her fate had been decided. Slowly she opened her eyes again, preparing for the worst.

Three.

She had won! They would be alive, separated but alive! Emma looked up at Hook and their eyes locked. He put the dice back into his pocket and stood up.

"That's it. Welcome to your new home, boy."

 **Author's note** : Hey guys, thanks for reading as always and comments are highly appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Separation**

It seemed Hook actually kept his word. Immediately after their agreement, he ordered the ship's doctor to the brig to examine Ruby. However, Emma was not allowed to return there. Not being able to see her friend made her wary. She had no idea why the captain was separating them already, but to be honest, she didn't understand this pirate in any way. Somehow she just hoped the pirate wouldn't cross her. Emma was unsure about this decision, but she was too afraid and mostly too tired to get into another fight.

Luckily, it was the cook who the captain sent for next, and not the ugly man who had brought her to the cabin.

"I guess you've already met Mr. Smith," Hook introduced the man. "He'll show you how it works on this ship. You'll stay at his side and do whatever he says. If there is a problem, you'll consult me. Understood?"

Without another word, the captain dismissed them. Submissively, Emma followed the cook through the ship. The vessel was not that big and Emma already knew where he was leading her.

When they entered the crew's quarters, she could feel everyone's eyes one her. The cook stopped in the middle of the room and coughed slightly before speaking. "Comrades, the Captain has decided. This lad will no longer be a stowaway but join the crew as a proper member. Welcome our new mate, Emmett Nolan."

Emma heard whispers and calls from all sides but she couldn't pay attention. She was exhausted and only wanted to rest.

The cook seemed to sense her exhaustion and led her to an empty bunk. "You're goin' to sleep here. I'll be back in the morning."

"Aren't you staying?" Emma asked nervously. She'd assumed that only the captain and the crew members of higher ranks had a different sleeping space. Being in a room with men, let alone dirty pirates, was egregious.

"Don't worry," the cook said kindly. "I asked Chris to keep an eye on you. Christopher Ramsay, the gunner. He is the one who found you and he's a friend of mine."

He ruffled her hair and left. If that was supposed to calm her, it didn't work. With shaking legs, she climbed into the bunk and covered herself with the blanket. It was scratchy and the straw mattress prickled her skin. Not like her soft feather-bed at home, but better than the forest floor or the brig Ruby was staying in, freezing and sick. She had to stop thinking that way. Her old life was lost; she wasn't a princess anymore. Now she was Emmett Nolan, a cabin boy on a pirate ship. How absurd!

"You know what happened to the man who was sleeping here before, lad?" a voice from the bunk above her sneered.

Emma winced and covered her ears with the blanket but wasn't able to mute the voice.

"He got stabbed during the last battle. His guts oozed out and spilled all over deck. I had to clean that mess for at least two days."

The man was only teasing her, she guessed, like all the rowdy pirates did in the stories, but it still made her heart pound heavily in her chest.

Eventually, pure exhaustion took over, allowing Emma to drift off into a fitful sleep.

She was woken up by two hands slightly shaking her into consciousness. Half asleep, she opened her eyes and stared into the cook's bright face. "Mornin', sleepyhead. Time t' get up. Days on board start early!"

Emma blinked; it wasn't even sunrise yet. Slowly, she kicked back the blanket and left the bunk. She still felt a little dazed, but it was much better than last night.

"Wash yourself on deck and then come to the galley, it's the room below the Captain's cabin. We have to prepare breakfast for the crew."

He disappeared as fast as he had appeared. It was a mystery to her how the man was able to move that quickly in the morning. Emma blinked again and slowly made her way to the ladder. A few men were still sleeping but of course the deck was far from empty. The ship had to be sailed. Looking up, she recognized a few men on the rigging. When they noticed her, some of them made comments; most of them contained words nobody at the castle would have dared to utter.

Emma swallowed hard. How was she supposed to wash herself? Her eyes roamed over the deck and then she caught sight of a bucket bound to the railing with a rope. A sailor, who exited the hatch behind her went over and lowered the bucket down to the water.

Bewildered, she watched him take off his shirt and pour the water over his head. He shook his hair and climbed up the mast.

There was no way she could do this!

Even if she did keep her shirt on, she would be exposed instantly. While trading herself to the captain, she hadn't considered that keeping her disguise would be nearly impossible in such limited space. Nobody had privacy here, so one simple mistake could blow her cover. Imagine what the captain would do to her if he found out…well, she had already witnessed his reaction to keeping secrets.

With shaking legs, she turned around, about to search for the galley. She had to figure this out soon. Maybe she could clean herself in the food storage. There had to be a place where she could be alone for a few minutes. She would even do it in the brig, if she had to. The men wouldn't visit the brig during their free time, would they?

The brig. The thought of Ruby replaced her fear of exposure. How could she forget her friend? She wouldn't dare go there against the captain's orders, she was too afraid of the consequences of being caught. But she had to know if Ruby was doing better.

She found the galley without problems. Bernie, as she had heard the men call him, was already busy at the stove. Eagerly handling some pots, he invited her in. "There you are. Hold this."

Emma looked at something that smelled like porridge but looked more like brown mud.

"Emmett, don't let it scorch!"

Quickly, she took the spoon. It was a big pot, and stirring the food for a while was tiring. She had never cooked before, nor any other work that required effort. She was completely out of her element. Surprisingly, Bernie didn't complain. Indulgently, he explained everything she had to know and repeated his instructions.

Despite everything, she started to enjoy his company. With him, she didn't feel like a slave on a pirate ship, because that was what she truly was. Bernie looked more like the servants at home; he even shared their attitude. He was talking constantly, like his tongue couldn't rest for one second, telling her stories about the crew and the ship. Emma didn't mind, actually he was the only positive thing on this ship she could think of.

"You have to know, the Captain became a sailor as a boy, too. He was way younger than you and the circumstances where quite tragic. Can you imagine? His own father sold him into servitude! I think that's the reason he took you in. Usually he isn't that generous with stowaways."

Emma suppressed a snort. Should she be grateful now? She didn't consider a gamble with their lives at stake as a generosity at all.

"Don't spread it around. The captain would kill me for telling you."

Considering the fact that Bernie was doing that right now, made it highly doubtful. Emma sensed Bernie wasn't even capable of keeping secrets.

"You seem to know the Captain very well."

"Aye," Bernie confirmed and took the spoon out of Emma's hands. He lifted the enormous pot off the stove as though it was as light as a feather and carried it to the counter.

"I've known him since that very day. I was a young sailor running away from some trouble and in need of money, so I signed on. They were in need of a cook, so that's what I became. Later, on the Jolly, I remained in this position."

He spoke of the captain like some kind of saint. Clearly he was loyal. Emma didn't try to destroy his impression. If she wanted to survive here, she would need an ally.

Bernie filled a bowl and handed it to Emma. His expression was serious. "Bring that to your sister, Emmett."

Emma's eyes widened. Didn't Bernie remember Hook's instructions?

"The wind is unexpectedly good and we are on course. At this rate, we will reach the Rocky Islands during the night or morning hours. The captain gave orders to have you locked up when we get close to shore. Don't worry; it's only to prevent you from running away and following your sister. So if you want to say goodbye to her, you have to do it now."

Emma took the bowl with trembling fingers. The information threw her off. She was not ready to say goodbye to Ruby, not yet!

"Thank you," she whispered, knowing that the cook was only going behind his beloved captain's back for her. It must have cost him a lot to do so. She wouldn't forget it.

Her knees were weak when she opened the hatch to the brig. Picking up the lantern, she made her way downstairs. The darkness felt denser than before, the noises of the ocean closer than on deck, like the waves would crash into them at any given moment. The coldness made her flesh crawl and the candle flickered as her hand trembled, afraid of what she might find down here. Once she found Ruby in the darkness, she quickened her steps.

Her friend was cowering on a makeshift mat made of a thin layer of straw, enveloped in a woolen blanket. Emma noticed a pot next to her. Ruby was holding a steaming mug in her hands. She still looked weary and pale but her eyes were clear.

"Emma?" she muttered, unsure.

With more steps, Emma was in front of her, handing her the meal through the bars.

"Eat," she said softly.

Confused Ruby took the bowl.

"Are you better?" Emma asked softly.

Ruby nodded. "How did you get out?" Her voice still sounded weak, but as determined as it used to be.

"Who brought you all of this?" Emma tried to buy some time. She was not ready to confront Ruby with the unavoidable announcement.

"The ship's doctor, I guess," Ruby answered. "He forced me to drink a rank brew and gave me all this stuff. He tried to tell me that everything would be alright again - _y_ ou know, the usual stuff. Though the boy seemed to be wet behind the ears. I wonder how someone like him could go astray on a pirate ship."

She snorted and Emma smiled. Obviously the medication had helped her friend. She touched Ruby's forehead to check her temperature and found what she'd expected; still warm but not burning anymore.

As she pulled her hand back, Ruby grabbed her arm.

"Now tell me what happened," she commanded urgently. Her brow furrowed, already sensing the ominous news.

Emma swallowed. "I had to do it to get the medication. It was the only way."

"What did you do?" Ruby's expression got worried and she grasped Emma's other hand, squeezing it.

"I traded myself to the Captain in return for your well-being."

Ruby shook her head desperately, but trying to hide her shock. "Oh no. How could you do such a thing? Don't you know it's your safety that is the most important?"

"It's not. There's no princess anymore. How can there be a princess without a kingdom? And I have every right to protect you just like you protect me."

Ruby swallowed and held her arm tighter.

"Ruby, the Captain knows that you're a wolf. He was about to kill us both. Trading myself was the only option. I have to stay on board for five months, after that they will let me go."

"Five months!" Ruby said startled. "It'll be nearly impossible to keep your disguise for five months! And when they find out who you are, those pirates will rape, kill or sell you to the kingdom's enemies. And I'm not talking about the Dark Ones. There are other forces in these realms that crave for their piece of the kingdom."

Emma remained silent, a lump in her throat. She'd thought about the same things the previous night.

Ruby sighed and Emma knew she was trying to think about a solution. That was her best friend, always keeping her safe and never giving up.

"So, our only option is to escape when we reach the Rocky Islands."

Emma sadly shook her head. "They will lock me up to prevent that. I could only come here because the cook pitied me and wanted to give us a chance to say goodbye."

She reached into her shirt and pulled out the earrings.

"Take them."

Ruby hesitated. "Emma," she said with a breaking voice, resigned. "I'll get to Elsa and we'll mobilize every force we can use to save you. I'm going to find you, Emma. I promise!"

Tears were welling up in her eyes. Emma had never seen Ruby cry before, and of course she couldn't hold back her own tears.

"And I promise, that I'll stay alive," she sniveled, "I won't let these pirates get me down!"

Both of them knew that it was easier said than done, but Ruby nodded.

"The doctor doesn't seem that bad at all and according to what you're saying, that cook isn't either. Try to get some allies, and keep your head down. Never get into a fight or a situation you could be punished for. If they whip you, you're lost. If they see you wash yourself, you're lost. You can't even pee without being wary."

Emma nodded. "I will! Ruby, I can do it." She said it more to herself than to her friend. Both of them knew how unlikely it was that Emma could maintain her disguise for five months.

Ruby ruffled Emma's hair.

"Go now," she said, trying to regain composure, but her voice was still trembling. "We don't want them to catch you down here."

Emma was clutching the bars so tight that her knuckles became white. She didn't want to leave! What if she never saw her friend again? She was about to lose the last member of her family. Ruby's watery eyes went soft. "Emma, it's alright. Just go."

She couldn't bear it any longer. Emma let go of the bars, grabbed the lantern and turned around. Hastily, she stumbled up the ladder, not looking back. It felt like a thousand needles were piercing her heart, stealing her breath, blurring her sight.

When she was through the hatch, her legs gave out under her. Shaking, she leaned against the wall, sliding to the floor, trying to recover her breath.

Emma looked devastated when she entered the galley again. Her hair stuck out in all directions, her eyes were surely red and her nose was still dripping. She looked to the floor, trying to avoid Bernie's gaze. The cook put down his apron and stepped closer.

Emma figured he was about to pull her into a hug, so she flinched. But Bernie only patted her shoulder and said: "I'm so sorry, Emmett. But your sister will be fine. I'll give her some of my wage, so she can purchase a ticket back to the mainland."

Emma looked up; she couldn't believe what she'd just heard. How could a pirate be that compassionate?

"You can pay me back **,** when you get your first share", he said kindly.

Did he really expect she would stay longer than the agreed five months?

"You'll see; a pirate's life is not the worst of all. Yes, it's dangerous, sometimes even life-threatening, but the reward is worth the risk. You're about to go on great adventures, see places you can't even imagine and sometimes, when we get a big catch, the captain is very generous. You will have more money than you would ever earn as a farmer. And if you don't spend everything on rum, you can settle down in a few years and maybe even start a family." He sighed. "I know you can't think of that right now. You know what? I'm giving you the day off. Go and have some sleep. You can use my bunk, it's behind the galley."

His generosity confused her, but Emma still felt too weak to think clearly. So she took his offer.

The cook's room was more of a storeroom for kitchen supplies than a sleeping place. Emma crawled into the bunk, surrounded by pots and dishes. The bed smelled like fish soup, puree and the cook's own scent, but Emma didn't care. Suddenly she was too tired to worry about anything. She drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

When Emma woke up again and tried to leave the cabin, she found it locked. She rattled at the door and called for the cook to let her out. At some point she even tried to break it open with kitchenware. All of this was happening too fast, her mind couldn't follow anything at that speed. Hadn't they been at the harbor just one or two days ago? How could they've reached the Rocky Islands so fast?

She had gone to bed with the thought to figure out an escape plan after a few more hours of sleep, not ready to give up. But now she had run out of time and was trapped. She had no idea what was happening out there and if they really would let Ruby go. Who ensured Hook would stick to their bargain? They could kill or sell her and lie to her about it.

Bernie wouldn't lie to her, she tried to calm herself. Or would he? After all, he still was a pirate and she didn't know him very well.

Not knowing what was going on nearly drove her insane.

Again, she banged against the door, calling for Bernie but he didn't show up. By now, she had raved herself hoarse. Dolefully, she gave up and returned to the bed. Sitting on the mattress and clutching her knees, her situation sank in.

Ruby was gone. Nobody would protect her anymore; there was nobody she could trust.

From now on, she would be alone.

 **Author's note** :

Thanks to my lovely betas Irish Swan and musicalfreak22. And thanks for the inspiring reviews from all of you! Keep them coming!


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hi guys! I want to thank you so much for taking an interest in that story. As a novice at writing fanfiction, it's absolutely awesome to get any kind of response. Really, I do appreciate all of it, especially that you bear my errors in the English language.**_

 _ **I loved reading all the reviews and it's funny, how you're asking all the right questions. I promise all of them will be answered in one way or another.**_

 _ **We will now get deeper into the story. I have to say that I have absolutely no sailing background, so there may be a lot of inaccuracy. Feel always free to comment or PM me about that or other things. I love to learn!**_

 _ **As a thank you, I post this chapter earlier as intended, so have fun! And sorry for all the swear words in this chapter ;)**_

* * *

 **Chapter 5: The White Swan**

"What happened to the stew?"

Bernie took the spoon out of Emma's hand and stirred the potage. Skeptically, he tested it and grimaced, shaking his head. "It's overcooked and over-salted. Didn't I tell you that salt is expensive? You're supposed to consult me if you're unsure about something."

Bernie had been in the food storage, checking some cargo and therefore hadn't been able to supervise her during cooking. Emma had thought after being here for one week, she was ready to cook something more complicated than porridge and she had watched carefully when he'd prepared this dish the last time. Obviously, she and the cook had put too much faith in her.

"It's too late now," the cook said, "the men are hungry. Off you go!"

Emma gave him a pleading look, but he showed no mercy, so she was forced to take the pot and carry it up the ladder. Food was valuable on board and discarding it was out of the question. She had no choice; today's meal would bring the pirates no joy. Of course, she was terrified of their reaction.

Ever since Hook had set Ruby free on the Rocky Islands, and Bernie had assured Emma that she hadn't been harmed, Emma had been trying not to attract attention. Because she'd been too scared that somebody would discover her disguise, she hadn't even washed herself properly. As it turned out, nobody cared about that. Most of the men didn't wash themselves, either. It was disgusting, but it kept her safe. During the nights in the crew's quarters, to which she had returned, she'd endured the presence of the men and calculated the number of days Ruby would need to travel to Arendelle and get help. It was unlikely she would accomplish that before two months and that was only if everything worked in her favor. Until then, Emma had to persevere.

Pressing her lips together, she did what had been her work so far. Quietly, she distributed the stew among the men. Eventually, the captain emerged from his cabin. With trembling fingers, Emma ladled the soup into the bowl he was holding out for her. Sometimes Hook dined in his cabin, but on most days he ate with the crew, like today.

Tensed, Emma stepped back, watching the captain warily. He hadn't talked to her since that very day, when she'd traded herself into his servitude. Although she'd seen him on deck several times since then, he still treated her as if she wasn't there.

Emma cautiously watched him from a distance. He was deep in conversation with his first mate Adam Morren, the neat blond man she met the night they'd been discovered. He seemed to be the eyes and ears of the captain and indeed, he knew everything that was going on. Bernie had told her that he was Hook's closest friend and had also served under his brother, Liam Jones' command, as a navigator. Apparently, the captain's brother had passed away under shady circumstances and Hook had taken over command, renamed the ship and converted the naval crew into pirates. Bernie didn't like to talk about it and Emma hadn't pushed him.

Morren had talked to her two times since she was on board, one of those times to tell her that Ruby had left the ship with some money the cook had given her. When Emma had asked Bernie about it later, he had ensured her that he hadn't said a word.

The second time he'd stepped in had been when Brian Avery had taken it too far. The sailor had tried to make her clean his boots, humiliating her in front of everyone. Since day one, he had a down on her, probably because she'd taken his friend's bunk, who'd been killed during the last battle. Every night, he told her gauntly stories from his bunk, -inconveniently, the one right above hers-, giving her nightmares all the time. Emma knew she had to be particularly aware of that man. Him and Rob Wilson, or Rotten Tooth, as everyone called him when he wasn't listening. He'd been the one who had blistered Ruby in the brig and brought Emma to the captain. Wilson didn't offend her like Avery, but Emma felt his eyes following her around. He and another man, Paxton Blade, had been hired three months ago, after Hook had lost some men in the attack of a merchant ship that had turned out to be a disguised adversarial pirate ship.

Luckily, she had Bernie on her side. When she was with him, the men kept their distance, and because the cook kept her busy, that was most of the day. After all, it could be worse. With the exception of those men, the other sailors didn't try to harass her. Well, they mocked her, but she expected that, with her being the lowest member in the ranking. She was a cabin boy, even more, a stowaway who basically had no rights and depended entirely on their mercy.

Like the cook, Morren took his duty seriously. Of all the men, he still appeared more like a naval officer than a pirate, but he was truly committed to the captain. Another person who didn't fit into Emma's picture of a pirate was the ship's doctor, Jacob Felton. Like Ruby had mentioned, he looked way too young for this position. Emma hadn't seen him that often, because he seemed to spend a lot of time in the infirmary. It was located under the forecastle and Emma hadn't been there yet. When he was on deck, Emma liked to watch him while trying to guess his age. He didn't seem to be older than five and twenty at the most. Sometimes she thought about talking to him, asking him what he was doing here, but she didn't have the guts.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a spitting sound, followed by the captain's voice.

"Bloody hell, who prepared this nasty swill?"

Emma watched him from the corner of her eyes but remained silent.

"BOY!"

Emma winced and lifted her head. The captain pointed at her with the hook. "Come over here!"

Hesitantly, she stepped forward, her knees weak. Hook tossed his bowl in front of her, boiling with indignation. The content spilled over her bare feet. Since they'd taken her shoes, she'd walked around discalced and had already pulled out several splinters out of her feet.

"Did you make this?" he asked gruffly.

Emma nodded.

"Did you try to poison me?"

"I'm sorry, Sir. I'll try to do better next time," Emma whispered, trembling.

"Pffff," Hook exhaled, "Mates, does anyone here want to have another meal from the boy?"

"Not over my dead body," a sailor said from behind.

Emma closed her eyes. Great, now she had the unwanted attention of everyone and obviously their resentment, too.

"You'll never set foot into the galley again," Hook decided. He looked around, and then a smile appeared on his face. "From now on you're going to take your quarters in the crow's nest."

Emma froze, shocked. He couldn't mean that! She'd been afraid of heights all her life; she never even climbed a tree as a child.

"No, please!" she begged.

The smile on Hook's face widened. "Either you're going to climb into the crow's nest now, or you'll be whipped for disobedience." He crossed his arms. "Stay there until sunset," he added.

Emma looked up. The mast seemed to rise up to the sky and her palms got sweaty only by the sight. The crew watched her, eagerly waiting for the show. She obviously had no choice but to follow the orders.

With trembling fingers she reached for a rope. Emma ground her teeth and pulled herself up, trying not to look down. Though, dying an immediate death by falling would still be better than being whipped, exposed as a woman, raped by pirates and probably thrown overboard afterwards.

As she made her way higher, the wind got stronger, making it difficult to hold on to the ropes. Inch by inch, only focusing on the crow's nest above, she climbed. After what felt like hours, she reached her destination. Her arms hurt and her palms were rubbed sore. Abrasions covered her legs.

The platform swayed with the wind and Emma clutched at the walls. The sound of the wind blowing into the sails was louder than on deck. It was cooler up here and the wind made her shiver. After recovering her breath, she risked a look down. Surprisingly, it didn't make her feel that giddy. The deck below was tiny and around her was nothing but deep blue water. From up here, the ship appeared unstable, like one gust could break and sink it. She felt exactly the same way. Fragile and lonely. Apparently, she had something in common with the ship after all.

It was a nice day, only a few clouds in the sky and the sunlight made the water sparkle. The weather had been steady for the last few days, which couldn't be taken for granted. In the middle of the ocean, sunshine could turn into rain within a few minutes.

They were traveling south west, away from the Enchanted Forest and away from Arendelle, but still along the coast. Bernie had told her about the said battle three months ago. They'd defeated the opposing ship but at great costs of life. The damaged ship had forced them to make port at the North Harbor. After an unscheduled stay of two weeks, they'd tried to trade the booty at the Rocky Islands, but Hook wasn't satisfied with the outcome of the negotiations and had decided to visit some of the southern towns.

Emma had been terrified by the stories. The image of being on deck in the midst of a battle made her legs tremble. But Bernie had calmed her. "The legends are what they are, stories. Life as a pirate is half as adventurous as you might think," he'd told her. "It can be, but most of the time we are traveling, transporting smuggled goods. When we cross the ocean, it's sometimes more like vegetating, and during bad times, even starving. Usually, we only attack small and unarmed merchant ships, and avoid risking our lives on purpose. Indeed, it's more about negotiations than anything else. A battle like the one that happened three month ago occurs once or twice a year."

That was still too much for Emma, but she couldn't focus on that. She had to manage to stay alive, that's why she had to remind herself every day that even Bernie wasn't a true friend; he was a pirate, ultimately loyal only to his captain.

As time went by, the queasy feeling in her stomach faded and was was replaced by hunger. Unlike the pirates, she now craved for the stew she'd prepared earlier. It hadn't been that bad, she was sure of that, and the men were probably used to worse food when they were on high seas and running low on supplies.

And yet, Hook was treating her like a dog, only taking notice of her to play his little game. She despised him with every fibre of her being.

Why couldn't Hook be like his first mate: upright, humble and adequate to his rank as a captain? Because he was an infamous pirate with a hook for a hand, of course. What had she been expecting?

However, it didn't change the fact that his actions were unjust and wrong. Worst of all, she had to swallow his humiliations, apologizing all the time.

"Yes, Sir. As you wish, Sir" she whispered sardonically but her words were drowned by the sound of the wind, obviously nobody could hear her. "Yes Captain Arrogant, fucking narcissist," she spit out louder, trying to remember all the vile words she had learned recently.

"Yes Captain, moron, prick, bastard! May you drown and rot in HELL!" she almost yelled the last word.

Bit by bit, she felt the knot in her chest loosen. Satisfied, she leaned back against the planks and exhaled. Even if her outburst hadn't taken away the hunger, she felt better.

Emma didn't know what to do next, so she counted clouds for a while. Working as a lookout was definitely the most boring job on this ship. At least she was alone up here.

At some point, the wind strength abated, letting the sun warm her face. She stood up and stretched, observing a man climbing the rigging below.

"You okay up there?" he called and waved.

It was Lawrence Clarke, also known as Larry, the main trimmer. He was the one who was on deck all the time, if not in the rigging. Bernie had told her that he was the fastest climber of the crew and it seemed to be true. Smoothly and intuitively, he was moving along the ropes, heading up to her in no time.

Emma saw him toss a round object and caught it instinctively. It was an apple, a luscious, red apple.

"With kind regards from Bernie," he called and Emma couldn't help the smile that adorned her face. Larry had teased her a few times, but was never mean to her. Right now, she even felt something akin to sympathy towards him. However, he didn't need to know about that, so she slumped back down into the crow's nest, shielding herself from everyone's view.

The apple tasted like heaven and she enjoyed every bite. She tried, and failed, to remember the last time she had eaten an apple; it must had been at home. Her mother no longer liked apples after what happened with Regina, but Emma had always loved them. Like every time she was reminded of home or her parents, she felt a sharp pain inside her, so she tried to push the thought away.

Lost in thought, she looked to the water. Something wasn't right. Squinting, she tried to scan the water to find what had aroused her attention. And there it was, something white loomed on the horizon. It was a sail, a big white sail! The ship appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Soon, Emma noticed it was under full sail, clearly trying to catch up to them. She jumped up and looked down to inform someone of the approaching vessel but hesitated. Could it be Ruby with her promised rescue? No, that was impossible. If everything had gone well, Ruby was at the North Harbor by now or just on a ship to Arendelle, but there was no way she had made it back in such a short amount of time.

Was there a chance it was someone who would be able to help her against the pirates? Suddenly, she was overcome with resignation. Ruby had told her there was no one she could trust, that included any ship from the Enchanted Forest. And if it was another pirate ship? The thought alone caused her legs to tremble.

"Mr. Clarke!" she called as loud as she was able to, trying to be heard over the wind.

"Mr. CLARKE!"

"What's up, boy?" the trimmer answered from below.

"A ship," Emma called and pointed north. "There is another ship!"

Clarke turned around and let out a curse.

"Sail, ho!" he shouted with his strident voice in the direction of the deck and then addressed Emma. "Down with you, boy! And hurry!"

Emma looked down. How was she supposed to reach deck without breaking her bones? The possibility of an upcoming battle scared her to death. Maybe it was better to sit it out up here; but then she would certainly be whipped for disobedience.

Carefully, she got out of the crow's nest, reaching for a rope. Adrenalin gave her the courage to follow the trimmer's orders, nothing more. When she finally jumped on deck, she didn't even feel the pain anymore. Terrified, she looked around. Everyone on deck was in a tizzy. Hook was standing at the stern and was looking out at the approaching ship with his telescope. Morren was next to him, talking to him insistently.

Someone grabbed Emma's arm from behind and she spun around. But it was only Bernie.

"What's happening?" Emma asked anxiously.

"It's a naval war ship," Bernie said grimly. "Sinking the pirate ship put us on their track."

"Is it from the Enchanted Forest?" Emma tried to sound casual.

"Aye, it's one of King Midas' ships. The battle happened on his territory and he is now trying to fulfill his declaration of eradicating all pirates from his realms."

"So we are going to die," Emma remarked. But then a plan was forming in her mind. King Midas was Princess Abigail's father, who had been her father's prior fiancee. As far as Emma knew, they had ended things on friendly terms. The family hadn't been close to her like Elsa's, but they were regular guests to their court festivities. Why hadn't she and Ruby thought about that before? The Golden Castle was way closer than Arendelle.

The captain of a naval ship was supposed to be a decent man, wasn't he? If anything, certainly more than Captain Hook. The only thing she had to do was to expose herself. She was not sure if they would believe her, but that didn't matter right now. They would take the pirates down, and surely rescue a lady in distress, no matter who she was. That was, if they didn't sink the ship before she could talk to them.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the captain, who was returning to the main deck.

"Everyone listen!" Hook addressed the crew. "The naval ship is too close to outrun it and a battle is out of option."

Emma was surprised, she had thought that Hook wasn't one to give up without a fight, but obviously the captain wasn't finished.

"So we're going to run the usual rig, pulling the Jewel. Mr. Clarke, we go under full sail for approximately an hour. When everything is ready, take in the head sail. We're going to pretend to have some issues with the rudder. Mr. Carpenter, Mr. Ramsay, you know what to do."

The crowd scattered. Like busy bees, the men hurried to get their work done. Unlike Emma, everybody seemed to know what was going on.

Quizzically, she turned to Bernie.

"King Midas has invested in a new kind of naval ships. This one," he pointed to the horizon, "is bigger and heavier armed than our ship, so fighting would probably mean death for all of us. That's why we're going to disguise the Jolly as a merchant ship. Apparently there are rumors going around that the Jolly has been spotted in these waters, but we have never encountered a naval ship of King Midas before, so it's unlikely that somebody knows our faces. This trick could work. Clarke will pull everything off the ship to maintain our distance for quite some time, so that they don't catch up too soon and thus are able to spy what we're working on."

"And what are we working on?" Emma asked. The 'we' sounded strange in her mouth, but on the surface she had to act like she was one of them now.

"Ramsay is going to hide the cannons and Carpenter will cover the ship's letters. Pulling the Jewel, means that we reconvert the Jolly into a respectable ship, like the Jewel once was. Of course everybody knows that name, so we transform it into 'The White Swan'. Don't ask me why that name, it was the captain's choice."

"And this will work?"

"Don't worry. You have no idea how often Richard has actually attached those letters to the ship. This is a routine procedure. We will let them approach, have a little chat and after that, go our separate ways."

Emma felt a little prick in her heart. Bernie had been nothing but nice to her. And it wasn't only him. She had no qualms with turning Hook and the other nasty pirates in, but Bernie, Morren, Clarke and the handsome, quiet doctor…

She had to push the thought away. This was about her survival; she would probably never get another chance like this again.

"Come on boy, it's time to get you below deck."

Bernie nudged her back, directing her to the hatch. "In case things get nasty, I don't want you to be on deck."

Emma tried to figure out a way she could prevent him from doing that, still fighting with the guilt. But then Hook stepped in their way.

"Please Bernard, go back to the galley. And you boy, follow me!"

Bernie gave the captain a sour look but obeyed. Emma actually wondered why Hook hadn't sent Bernie to help the other sailors, and surely they couldn't defend the ship with one of his stews, but she guessed the real reason. Bernie was very talkative and the captain seemed to know that. She had also sensed something else, a worried undertone in his voice. During the time she had spent on the ship, she had learned a lot about the cook. Emma had seen Bernie's reaction to teasing comments. Unlike her, he wasn't able to be mad at someone, never tried to defend himself, even if someone was nasty. He only grinned, letting them talk. Docile, through and through, not able to harm a fly. Given the time Hook had known him, it was no wonder he wanted to know the cook was safe.

It didn't change the fact that she was about to turn the captain and his pirates in. Maybe she could make a deal to guarantee Bernie's safety. How could a decent captain deny the wishes of a princess?

Emma followed Hook to his cabin. She closed the door behind her, wondering what he had in mind.

"Do you know what's happening right now?" he asked.

"I think so," Emma confirmed.

"Well, I guess you know that I will slice you open myself, if you expose us to the other crew as pirates", he said firmly and lifted his hook. "Even if it's the last thing I do, and believe me, I would be faster than anyone who could save you!"

Emma swallowed; her guts were turning in her belly. The captain was about to test her again, and as always, he seemed to be one step ahead of her.

"When we encounter the crew, Mr. Morren will pretend to be the captain. He is good at these things. And you boy, keep quiet. You only answer them if you are asked something and Morren gives you permission to talk."

Emma wondered why he hadn't sent her to the galley with Bernie, but obviously he liked to play with fire, leveling up this game he was playing with her. He had to be so sure of himself.

Hook went to the wardrobe and took out a linen shirt and some common pants she had seen on the sailors. He slipped out of his heavy leather coat and folded it carefully. Next, he walked to the right corner of his room, shifted the coffee table a few inches and knelt down. He put the hook between the battens and loosened one. Hook took his coat and stowed it in the exposed store room. Then he turned back to Emma.

"Help me with this," he commanded and lifted his hook. Slowly Emma approached, not knowing what to do.

"Take it off," Hook said watching her with a smirk as she hesitated. "Don't worry; I don't need the hook if I intend to pierce you."

Emma swallowed hard and touched the leather with trembling fingers. She opened a buckle and tried to loosen the hook, feeling his eyes on her. In moments like this, when he violated her private space, and she could even smell his own scent of rum and salt and leather, she wanted to jump back. It felt too personal, too much. Emma had never even been this close to a man, who wasn't a relative, before. Her parents had kept an eye on her, keeping all the boys she could have liked at a distance.

He didn't know, she calmed herself. Hook didn't know she was actually a girl; he was only intimidating her, it was all about his game. Why was she even worried? Soon, this all would be over.

In one go, she removed the hook from his arm and stepped back immediately. She handed it over, but avoided to look him in the eyes. The captain stored it with the coat and then took off his shirt.

Emma was getting more and more uncomfortable in her skin, not sure if she should turn away or watch him. She wasn't able to avoid noticing his opulent chest hair.

Unfortunately, he wasn't done yet. In horror, she watched him unbuckle his belt, moving to pull off his leather pants. She hoped with all she had that he wouldn't force her to help him with that as well because there was no way she could do this. Apparently, the captain agreed on that point.

Emma had given up. She was looking down, intensely staring at a spot on the floor.

"Never seen a naked man before?" the captain teased, obviously amused. "You really are a weird lad."

Emma's cheeks burned, she must have turned as red as a beet. She wished the ground would just open up and swallow her.

When she looked up again, the captain was fully dressed and his jewelry was completely gone. Without that and the hook, he appeared like any other person. Over his shirt, he was wearing a long cardigan, hiding the missing hand. He looked good in this casual outfit and his disheveled hair, not intimidating at all.

"Shut your mouth, boy. I know I'm devilishly handsome. Even in these rags."

Emma swallowed, obeying. Obviously it was the same man as before.

After putting the batten back in its place and shifting the coffee table again, they left the cabin, making their way back to deck.

She noticed that Morren had changed his clothes, too. His look wasn't that different, he was only wearing a better jacket and polished leather shoes. That was how a captain was supposed to look like, Emma decided.

The plan was now in full effect. Carpenter had changed the letters in no time and Ramsay was entering deck just a few minutes later. Hook walked around, supervising everything. Shortly after that, they slowed the ship down and waited. Emma was standing at the stern, watching the naval ship coming closer and with it, her gate to freedom.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Hi guys. As Once Upon A Time's cast, crew and fans celebrated its 100th episode yesterday, I want to contribute to that and update the new chapter today. Without readers there would be no story, so thank you for all the follows, favorites and reviews, including the guest readers. You guys rock!**_

 _ **I want to encourage you to review as much as you can, because that's the only way I know if my characters are like I want them to be. Every comment, idea and question helps me and gives me inspiration to tell this story. If it makes sense and fits into my plan, I sometimes even incorporate them in the story. I must say, a lot of what you mentioned so far, will come up anyway.**_

 _ **I'm looking forward to your thoughts. I've started to respond to reviews and I've had some great conversations. I'll think about a way to answer to the guests as well.**_

 _ **This chapter is very short, but the next will be longer. As always thanks to Irish Swan and musicalfreak22 for pre-reading and correcting and the great conversations! You guys rock, too!**_

* * *

 **Chapter 6: Freedom**

Emma tensed when the naval captain stepped on deck. The visitors' ship was positioned alongside the Jolly Roger, ten cannons pointing in their direction, ready to sink the vessel. They had laid a gangplank over both decks, and now twelve sailors in neat blue navy jackets were examining the deck. The captain himself was wearing a black hat showing King Midas' emblem and another with two crossed epees, which identified him as member of the Royal Navy.

The pirates were gathered around Morren, outwardly calm, but hidden anger lurking beneath the surface. There was one thing all pirates had in common, and that was their blazing hatred for the navy and their exhibited pomposity.

Hook was standing right behind Emma, among the other sailors, watching the situation carefully. His sleeve hid the missing hand, but Emma was well aware of the dagger in his belt and his good right hand.

Morren stepped forward, shook the man's hand and introduced himself. "My name is Adam Morren, captain of 'The White Swan'. Welcome aboard."

He smiled politely and waited for the other man's answer. His voice and whole attitude was calm as always, and Emma was stunned by his ability to act like that. Hook must be right, Morren appeared to be a natural when it came to these things.

"Captain Ferdinand Sullivan, Royal Navy," the man answered harshly, not returning the smile. "What is your cargo?"

"We're transporting nourishment to the southern cities, mostly wheat," Morren informed the naval captain.

It was true; during their stay at the Rocky Islands they had bought some wheat as a cover. Emma had seen it in the food storage.

"Any weapons on board?" Captain Sullivan asked.

"My crew is carrying some daggers and swords, and we have three guns to defend ourselves," Morren explained. "The residents of the North Harbor told us about pirate attacks in this territory. It's nice to see the area is guarded now. My men and I will surely sleep safer."

To Emma, Morren sounded very convincing, but Sullivan wasn't impressed. Obviously he knew better than to be gullible.

"When we approached you, you did accelerate in speed. May I inquire as to why?"

"I have to apologize for the inconvenience, but that was a mistake on our part. The boy," Morren pointed to Emma, "just joined the crew. Everything is still new and exciting to him. We're breaking him in as a lookout and as it happened, in his youthful fervor, he mistook your ship for a pirate ship. Thus we tried to gain some speed, but then our rudder blocked, so we had to stop. Fortunately the boy was wrong, otherwise that would have been our end."

Emma's mouth hung open. Of all the fabrications, Emma never would have thought that the respectable Morren would use her as a scapegoat. This tale sounded too stupid to believe. But then she saw the other captain's amused expression. Was he really buying this nonsense? It was unbelievable!

"You must have very bad eyes to mistake a naval ship for a pirate ship. I hope the boy does have better skills; otherwise he's not worth the money. Nevertheless, we have to take a look at the cargo."

Sullivan beckoned five of his men and together with Morren, they disappeared through the hatch, while seven men remained on deck.

Emma heard Hook chuckle behind her and she clenched her fists. Was he insane, how could he be enjoying the situation?

"I guess we have to find another job for you, boy. Any preferences?"

His voice sounded completely relaxed, he seemed to be so sure that they wouldn't find anything.

Indeed, a few minutes later Sullivan and his men appeared on deck again, Sullivan engrossed in conversation with Morren. The previously surly man was loosening up; they actually seemed more like old friends now.

"Morren just told him about his time in the Navy," Hook whispered into Emma's ear. "These spivs love that. It works every time."

Emma watched them concluding their conversation. Sullivan was shaking Morren's hand, this time with a smile.

"Shall we take a look at the rudder?" Sullivan offered help.

Morren performed a dismissive hand gesture. "We have this problem twice a week. Our shipwright will take a look at it and when we make port next time, we will fix it once and for all."

She was nervous. Her window was getting smaller and smaller. Freedom was within reach, but Hook was standing right behind her. If she said one wrong word, he would kill her, she was sure of that.

"Alright. There is another thing", Sullivan now turned to the entire crew. "As you may have learned, there are some riots on the main land. King Midas is getting everything under control, but it will take some time."

"Our home harbor is Essandre," Morren explained. "We have nothing to do with that."

"Nevertheless, you have made port in the North Harbor, that's why I have to ask. We are searching for a woman."

Emma's heart skipped a beat.

"Aren't we all?" Morren joked, obviously he would rather set sail and leave the navy ship behind.

"She's very noticeable. She has long black hair and is wearing a red cloak of damask velvet. If anyone has seen her, please speak now."

Ruby? They were searching for Ruby! Of course, that made sense. Emma was sure now; they were actually looking for her. Somebody must have informed Midas that she had escaped with her protector. And of course they were not officially looking for her, to keep her safe. That was her call, her possibility to gain freedom. She had to do it now, before anyone could intervene.

Emma closed her eyes and stepped forward. Damn Hook, if he wanted to kill her, she'd let him. She would rather die than spend another minute on this ship!

"I know her," she called, preparing to expose herself.

"Quiet, boy!" Morren commanded and turned to Sullivan. "As you have seen, the boy has a vivid imagination. He sees what he wants to see."

Instantly, an arm enveloped her and she felt Hook pulling her back to his chest.

"For that you will see the rope's end," he hissed.

"But if I remember correctly, I have seen a woman matching that description walking around the harbor," Morren tried to save the situation. "I'm sure the boy has talked to her once or twice. She was a beauty. Besides that, what's so special about her?"

Of course he'd want to know if Ruby was of some kind of value, a treasure he had let slip through his fingers. Obviously, she had been wrong about Morren; after all, he was just like all the other pirates.

"Special?" Sullivan sneered. "On the contrary, she is a traitor and King Midas wants her hung, nothing else."

Emma felt like all air was leaving her lungs, her vision was blurring and she lost her balance. But she didn't fall. Hook was holding her, keeping her upright.

"What is she accused of?" Morren asked, a little tense now.

"She has killed Queen Snow and King David of the Enchanted Forest,and their daughter, Emma."

No, no, no. She was alive; this was all a big mistake! Or a surreal nightmare she had slipped into and was now trapped in. But unfortunately, everyone knew what reality was during waking hours, and Emma knew it too.

"The Queen's and King's bodies were found in the forest. Sadly, the princess couldn't be laid out at the funeral. They only found pieces of her."

What was the man saying? Laid out? Funeral? Her parents couldn't be dead, they couldn't! Emma's whole body began to tremble as the words began to sink in.

"Shhh," Hook whispered, steadying her from behind. Emma realized she was clutching his arm and let go of him immediately. What was she doing? She couldn't trust him!

"I've heard rumors that some Dark Ones from the Underworld have assaulted the Enchanted Forest," Morren said, frowning.

Sullivan let out a cold laugh **.** "Do you really believe such nonsense? The Underworld, really? It was probably King Arthur himself who started this rumor, just to cause confusion. He occupied the Royal Castle and took over power. His intention is to create a new Camelot there, after his kingdom was destroyed by a storm. He has enormous man power. So King Midas was forced to negotiate with him."

Emma squirmed in Hook's hold and he tightened his arm around her. By now, Emma was almost fainting. Suddenly everything made sense. King Midas and King Arthur were about to share the kingdom and the price for peace would be her head. That's why they were searching for Ruby instead of her. They obviously couldn't announce their intention to find and eliminate the princess in public.

How could she ever have thought that King Midas had her well-being in mind, simply because he had attended the Royal celebrations? Ruby had known he couldn't be trusted. That's why she had chosen to flee to Arendelle.

Those bastards had killed her parents and now they were after her. How could she have even thought about exposing herself to these monsters?

Worst of all, she was trapped. Sullivan and his men had the order to kill her. But if she stayed on the ship, Hook would expose her and probably kill her, too. Their law said sneaking a woman on board was punishable by death and she assumed that also implied to oneself. Not only that she was afraid of being exposed, but more of the consequences of deception added to that.

Her heart was pounding like that of a rabbit. Hook was holding her so close; couldn't he feel her feminine body already? And what would happen later? He had threatened to whip her. There was no escape. Again.

Emma felt the urge to twist in Hook's hold, but she didn't dare to move. Though, it seemed more like he was comforting her, feeling her pain. How could he, hadn't he made it clear to her - at every opportunity - that she was of no value? He was least entitled to offer her condolences; he wasn't even allowed to know the real reason of her discomfort.

And yet, despite her fear of everyone surrounding her, she rued her previous action.

"Anyway, we'll take the boy with us," Sullivan spoke.

Now she got her comeuppance for trying to be smart and ignoring everything Ruby had drilled into her before they had been separated. They would take her, certainly torture her to learn Ruby's whereabouts, inevitably find out her identity and end her, right on their ship. After that, they would go after Ruby and eliminate her to complete the conspiracy.

There was a moment of silence, while Emma was rigid in Hook's hold.

"Be strong, boy," Hook whispered.

Before Emma knew what was happening, Hook shoved her forward and spoke loudly **,** "This boy is one of the traitors. I saw him travel with the woman you speak of. Him and this man."

Emma turned around, shocked and confused. Hook was pointing at Ramsay. What was going on here? Surprise appeared as quickly as it disappeared on Ramsay's face.

"Good," Sullivan said. "We're taking them both."


	7. Chapter 7

_**Happy once day, everyone! I just want to tell you, if I need more time for a chapter it's never because I forgot the story, it's because I'm busy with life. I'll update when I can and when the chapter feels right to me. Thanks for your patience! (and thanks for reading, follows, favorites, and of course reviews.)**_

 _ **All the chapters are betaed by Irish Swan and musicalfrak22, who's working on a captainswan story at the moment. It's her first story in the fandom and it would be great, if you ckeck hers out when she'll publish it. Keep you updated about that ;)**_

 _ **This chapter contains violence. Remember, it's a story about pirates and will surely get darker. So be warned!**_

* * *

 **Chapter 7: Lies And Deception**

The ever so noble navy men displayed their true nature by pushing Ramsay and Emma roughly across deck, taunting them with their cowardice and traitorous ways, and calling them names. Their shameless gloating over their misfortune filled Emma with disconcertment. Dream-like, their euphoric grimaces loomed in front of her face, staring at her, gimlet-eyed, and with salient smirks. She felt like a lamb led into a slaughterhouse and it dawned on her, that the men were showing exactly the same behavior, people exhibited at executions.

At home, such an event was usually accompanied by a fair, or celebration for the entire village.

Emma had never attended that frenzy. She knew people used to think of her as a squeamish, hyper sensitive, spoiled princess, who was locked away in her safe castle and not interested in spending time with her own people. But the truth was, she sometimes simply didn't understand the world and thus tried to find comfort and explanations in her books.

However, the books hadn't given her many satisfactory answers on that matter. How a human being could treat one of his own kind like that, regardless of the crime. Stripping someone of his humanity, finding joy in humiliating him and thereby losing all empathy.

Emma turned around and watched the navy men pulling in the gangplank, disengaging the ships, and abolishing their connection to the Jolly Roger, or more accurately, the White Swan. The metal letters were shining out on the hull. Hook was standing at the rail, watching them, but it was too far to make out his features. Even though she hadn't considered him a friend, she felt an odd sense of betrayal on his part. After all, she had been a member of his crew, and now he failed to live up to his responsibilities as a captain. A captain should protect his crew at all costs, no matter what the outside world accused them of, and should only judge them by the actions committed under his service. Over the last week, she had learned that piracy was a port of call for the outcasts of society, people who had no place left. Or at least, Bernie had told her that solidarity against all external enemies was of great value to them.

Suddenly, a man ruthlessly shoved her forward and Emma stumbled, but Ramsay managed to catch hold of her and prevented her from falling. At that, another man spit on Ramsay. With undisguised hatred, Ramsay wiped the saliva off his face, but didn't make a move towards the sailor.

"That's enough," Sullivan finally stepped in. "I arrest you in the name of King Midas, ruler of Southern Misthaven. You are accused of plotted treason. You have the right to defend yourself or find a representative to do so."

Ramsay endured the speech with steely composure, gingerly holding Emma's arm to prevent her from speaking. It was all a charade and they knew it. Sullivan would rather polish his boots or launder his navy jacket than fruitlessly tend to the comforts of criminals. Both Emma and Ramsay knew that the minute they were deemed as scapegoats, was the minute all their rights were revoked.

Therefore, they allowed the men to lead them away with little resistance on their part.

-/-

For the second time in less than a week, Emma found herself behind bars. The brig of the naval ship was larger than the Jolly's, but certainly not more comfortable. Ramsay was locked up in the cell next to hers, staring daggers at the guard who was positioned in front of their cages.

Emma sat down and bent her legs. She didn't care about the cold and dirty floor anymore, too much had happened to be concerned about such a thing.

Her parents were dead. This time it had to be the inescapable truth. There had been a funeral, their bodies had been laid out to the people. Although, Sullivan hadn't said anything about Neal, her four month old baby brother, but Emma didn't believe in happy endings anymore. He was surely dead, too. This King Arthur would hardly let a possible heir to the throne live.

Oddly enough, she couldn't feel the pain anymore. She was able to take in the information, but everything was dull and numbed. It was as if she was reading it in a storybook, a distant world, far from her reality. And she didn't feel like a hero, worthy of such a story. She was no longer the type of person whose tales would be told in such a book, so how could she? She was now a mere shape, hidden in shabby clothing and a false identity. A liar and a nobody, but certainly not a princess.

They each sat silently in the corner of their respective cages, for who knows how long, while the sleeping guard snored his way into oblivion. Hunger, however, was becoming an issue, as Emma had kept pressure on her grumbling stomach in an attempt to muffle the noise.

Ramsay glanced up to make sure the guard was still unconscious and scooted as close to Emma as he could get.

Emma watched him warily through the bars, but didn't back away.

"You're alright?" he asked, his brow furrowed.

"What do you care?"

"Nah, nah, boy. You will survive a few hours without food. No need to get stroppy."

Emma didn't answer. She wasn't thinking about eating. "It doesn't even matter anymore," she stated, thin-lipped. In a few hours they would be dead, so why worry about an empty stomach?

"If you're worrying about your sister, those bastards won't harm her. She is safe and sound on a ship to Arendelle."

Emma looked up. "What?"

"I heard she boarded a merchant ship after she left the Jolly. As far as I know, they were leaving for Arendelle the day we arrived. I have no idea how she paid for the passage, but I guess it had something to do with Bernie."

Emma sat up. Was he serious?

"Is that the truth?"

"Cross my heart!" Ramsay spoke.

If that was really true, Ruby would be safe. After one week of travel, she must have reached the northern waters. And Elsa would neither seek alliance with this King Arthur, nor with Midas. She would protect her kingdom at all costs and succeed. Attacking the north was like trying to empty the sea with a thimble.

Elsa's defense system was easy; let the enemies approach, close the city gates and sit out the siege, waiting for the next blizzard to do all the work. That's why Arendelle hadn't been conquered in over a century.

"Boy, did you really believe the Captain would hurt a beautiful lady in distress?" Ramsay continued. "Only the darkest of souls would do so."

"Is it normal to worship a captain like that?" Emma asked bluntly. "Everyone in the crew has so much faith in him. And look where it's gotten you. Why are you even here? It doesn't make any sense."

Ramsay sighed, "Why do you think the Jolly is so well known? Because we are a team! Half of the crew has known the Captain since he was a young lieutenant. We witnessed how the monarchs abused their power and together we decided to abandon that corrupt system. We stick together and don't leave anybody behind. And you boy, are now one of us, even if you can't see it yet."

Emma stared at Ramsay, dumbfounded. Nothing of what he said made sense to her.

"But why did he hand you over?" she asked sheepishly. "Why put you in danger for my frivolity?"

"Because I'm the only one that can get you out of here. And because he is an audacious fellow."

Suddenly, the guard awoke with a start and Ramsay broke off. The man scratched his neck and focused on the prisoners.

"Why are you whispering?" he sneered. "Exchanging some last words? Guess what happens to rats like you? Of course you will hang, but rest assured, you'll live long enough to rue the day you were born."

"Ahh," Ramsay said with raised eyebrows. "Is that so? But that would violate my civil rights. Tell me sailor, does your noble navy captain even have any kind of honor?"

"What do you know about honor, traitor?" the man spat angrily.

"Or is he just walking around, all spruced up in his posh jacket and fancy hat, only to follow the orders as his dearest king's puppet?"

Emma watched Ramsay slack-jawed. He could be charged with high treason for that alone! To insult a royal was no trivial offense and could be punished by death.

"Shut your filthy mouth, you bastard!"

By now the guard's face had turned deep red. In his rage, he'd stepped closer towards Ramsay's cell.

Unimpressed, Ramsay continued, "What does he even pay you? Forty a month? A pirate would get more for loosing a toe. Is that what you're worth to him, a rotten toe?

"Go fuck yourself, you bleeding git!"

"No need for that," Ramsay clarified with a broad grin. "With my share I can afford a pretty bar wench."

The guard had had enough. In a towering rage, he charged across the room towards the bars. Emma watched the scene unfold in blank astonishment, not sure what the man was about to do. Her question was answered instantly, as Ramsay's arms dashed forward. It fact, the guard didn't have the chance to do anything because Ramsay was grabbing him and pulling him in. The man's head hit the iron bars with a dull thud. Ramsay relinquished his hold on him and the guard crumpled to the floor, the set of keys on his belt now within her reach.

"That's how you're supposed to handle these prigs," Ramsay grunted. "I hope you learned something for the future."

Ramsay gave her a questioning look. "What are you waiting for?"

With trembling fingers, Emma removed the keys from the guard to hand them over. But then she pulled her hand back, searching for the key on her own. She unlocked the cell and stepped out.

"Come on boy," Ramsay rolled his eyes. "I'm doing this for you. You wouldn't let me rot in here, would you?"

As an answer, Emma sighed and also unlocked his cell. She had no idea what the pirate's plan was; if there even was a plan. They were in the middle of the ocean, aboard a naval war ship, amongst men who didn't have their best interests in mind. They could search for a hiding place, but as she recalled, that didn't go well the last time and it would probably only be a matter of time until they would be found. And Emma didn't want to imagine the vengeance for the just committed deed.

They at least had to get out of the brig. Carefully, she stepped over the guard's unconscious body and moved towards the door.

A gurgling noise behind her made her stop in her tracks. Slowly, she turned around. Ramsay was standing above the guard, a bloody knife in his hand. A red puddle was spreading next to the guards head; his throat a bloody mess.

"You… you killed him," she stammered and looked at him in disbelief.

"I had to," Ramsay answered as cool as a cucumber. "He wouldn't have stayed unconscious very long and what do you think would've happened if he'd woken up?"

He cleaned the blade on the guard's shirt and scoured the body for other weapons. "We're lucky, this fellow was an imbecile. Not everyone falls for the provocation trick."

His tone was redolent of Hook's behavior.

"This is all a big game to you, isn't it?" she said snidely.

"Oh, not at all," Ramsay replied with a bland smile. "But a pirate's life is no bed of roses. If you want to survive, you need to have thick skin."

Emma couldn't put a finger on it, but she sensed a sad undertone in his voice. For a moment she wondered what blows of fate he had endured to agree to this way of life that Hook had forced on them.

She looked back down at the guard. Well, he hadn't been a nice man. She tried to ignore the tiny voice in her head, the one that wondered if he had a family waiting for his return. However, she had had a family, too. And this man had worked for a corrupt king. A king who played a huge role in the untimely death of her parents. A vile man who didn't deserve a family. Or love. Or mercy.

"And what are we going to do now? They're going to make us suffer for that."

"Not if we make them suffer first," Ramsay said grimly. He stood up with a gun he'd removed from the guard.

"Take that!" He he tossed the weapon over and Emma caught it. Unskillfully, she turned the object in her fingertips, fearing it would discharge only from looking at it.

"Don't tell me you've never fired a gun before?" Ramsay asked and looked at her in disbelief.

Of course she hadn't! A princess' leisure activities included horse riding, drinking tea and reading books, certainly not firing practice. Women weren't allowed to accompany the hunting parties, anyway. Their place was at home, waiting for the men's return, welcoming them with dinner and other pleasures. Not that Emma ever had the desire to waste her time with daylong chases of doomed animals.

"What are boys learning, nowadays?" Ramsay said, shaking his head. "I suppose you have to learn it by doing then. It's not that difficult. You release the safety catch and shoot. Don't be afraid of the kick. And always aim at the chest and head."

Bewildered, Emma stared at him, convinced Ramsay had lost his mind. "You don't actually think we can fight the entire navy crew, do you?"

"If you have to pull the trigger, we'll probably not survive this at all. It depends on how many men we'll approach. Maybe you can take down one or two, but certainly not more. I gave you the gun to use it on yourself."

"What?"

"If we have to make use of it and don't succeed or die in battle, you have to end it. Because otherwise, they will really make you suffer. They will do things to you, things not even a seasoned man could withstand. They will make you sing, until you tell them your entire life story. And don't think they would respect your civil rights. You have seen what kind of honor they have. To them you're already guilty. And they show traitors no mercy. So if you want to protect your sister, you have to consider that."

Emma looked at him with wide eyes. She wasn't sure if she had understood correctly. Did he actually tell her to kill herself with the gun? She had no illusions. Their fate was sealed. They would die, this time for real.

"Even if the chances of survival are not on our side, I have absolutely no intention of dying tonight," Ramsay declared, "so do exactly as I say."

Apparently, he already knew his destination because he purposefully took Emma's arm and guided her to the door.

"Where are we going?" she asked nervously.

"Another thing you have to learn is awareness; be observant at all times. If you visit a new place, take it in, every detail, as much information as you can. You never know, you may benefit from it."

He took the keys out of Emma's hands to help her with the lock.

"Go ahead," Ramsay commanded, giving her back the keys.

After a last look at the guard, she turned around.

"Yes, of course. You're quite the gentleman," Emma answered with dry sarcasm, but realized in that very moment, that it was probably weird for a 'young boy' to call him a gentleman. If that even mattered anymore.

"Relax, boy! I'm not using you as cannon fodder. You're smaller and younger than me. You'll probably have better eyes and react quicker than my spent old body, so if you see someone, you can warn me and we can make a hasty retreat. It enhances our chance of survival."

Emma didn't think Ramsay was an old man. Maybe around forty. But she highly doubted that she would be of any use in that regard.

"Don't look at me like that," Ramsay said soothingly. "You can do it. I've seen you climb the rigging. You were pretty good."

Emma still had no hopes she would make it off the ship alive, but his comment flattered her. Actually, she was greatly surprised.

"Really?"

"Aye. The captain is always doing this with fledglings. You should have seen Jake doing it. He almost wet himself."

"The doctor?"

"We fished him out of the water after we sank his ship. Really, it was priceless. He made it to the first yard, whining that he hadn't signed up for this and that he hadn't studied medicine for five years to die amongst spineless pirates. After two hours, Larry had to climb up to help him down because he was too scared to make a move on his own. But right now we don't have time to elaborate on that story."

With an indulgent gesture he indicated for her to move. "I'm right behind you," he assured her.

With trembling fingers, Emma opened the door only enough to sneak a peek at the corridor. It was empty. Her heart was racing when she stepped into it. Her right hand was grasping the gun, not sure if she could pull the trigger if it came down to it. She had never been this afraid in her life, not even as they were leaving the castle. This fear was ice cold, gripping her to the marrow and tightening its hold with every step she was taking. She neither possessed the heart nor the skills of a hero. She was clumsy, always afraid of everything and shying away from any challenge. She didn't have a ghost of a chance; she was already as good as dead.

Die, you're going to die, you're absolutely going to die. The words were reinforced with every breath taken. What would it feel like? Painful, relieving, or like nothingness?

"Stop," Ramsay whispered into her ear. "Do you see the door? Over there, right behind the ladder."

Emma turned around and saw a sparkle in Ramsay's eyes. He pushed past her slightly, and walked around the ladder. Ramsay curiously inspected the stairway and then focused his attention on the door behind. He turned around with a smile on his face.

"The keys, Emmett. Hurry," he urged.

Emma hastened to follow his instructions and stepped forward. With trembling fingers, she reached for the ring of keys. She chose a key at random and stuck it in the lock. It didn't fit. Her palms were so slippery that it was almost gliding out of her hands. She tried the next. And the next.

It was difficult to make out the outlines of the lock in the dim light. With every unsuccessful attempt the fear tightened its hold again.

A rattling noise from above disrupted her frantic movements. The setting sun illuminated the corridor in red light as a door was opened. Emma heard footsteps coming down the ladder, and shortly after she caught sight of a pair of boots right in front of her eyes.

She had reached her demise. It was over. Ramsay whipped out the dagger and nodded to Emma. She lifted the gun. Her hand was trembling so much that she was sure to strike anything but the man. Her back was pressed against the door, still holding the ring of keys in her left hand.

Another pair of boots appeared right above her head and stopped.

"The captain is dining. He wishes to be present at the interrogation. We just let them rot a bit longer."

"Bloody traitors," the other man, now at the foot of the ladder, murmured and turned around. Emma stared at him with wide eyes, like a deer staring down the barrel of a firearm. The gun in her hands was shaking so much. She felt Ramsay's fingers take the gun out of her hands, but she couldn't look away.

She was face to face with the man, but he was focusing on his comrade. Without noticing her behind the ladder, he went up again. The door clunked shut. It was only then that Emma realized she was holding her breath.

"Get on with it," Ramsay left her no time to relax. "We won't be that lucky the next time!"

Emma felt some of the tension leave her body and turned back towards the door to resume her task.

Then, finally, a key clicked into place. Emma pushed the door open and barged into the room, closely followed by Ramsay, who closed it behind him.

"There we are," Ramsay said and stepped into the room.

Emma took a look around. Her eyes gradually adjusted to the darkness, so it took a moment before she could make out the contour of the ceiling beams and the barrels along the wooden walls. It appeared to be some kind of storage room, but certainly not for food.

It was probably possible to climb up and hide on the timbers but that wouldn't solve their problem. The crew would notice their disappearance and find them sooner or later. So what was the point of coming here and killing the guard?

"Let's face it," she finally said. "No matter where we go, we can't hide forever. They will find us. I don't want to be tortured, so it's probably better to make use of that gun now."

She couldn't believe that she'd actually said that, but she knew there was no way out of this. And of course she had no death wish. But the prospect of being tortured and unavoidably exposed frightened her more than an immediate death.

Ramsay turned around, slight surprise on his face.

"Emmett, this is not an opera tragedy. We don't kill each other in an emotional outburst of stupidity. This is real life. And we don't give up, until it's over."

"But didn't you say before-"

"I said we would end it, if we're discovered and didn't have a choice. None of that has happened yet."

"But how are we supposed to survive this?" Emma asked the question that had been plaguing her thoughts.

"We probably won't. But hell, we're going to try!"

"And how?"

Ramsay crossed the room and opened a barrel.

"Do you know where we are?"

"A storage room?"

"Come here and look for yourself."

Hesitantly, Emma followed his orders and stepped at his side. Open mouthed, she looked up.

"You've got to be kidding me!"

Ramsay grinned. "I told you we'll probably die. But that doesn't mean we'll let them live."

By then, Emma had an idea of what Ramsay had in mind. Obviously, he'd guided her into the ship's magazine, and at the very moment she was staring down at a barrel filled with gunpowder.

"These rooms are always in the same place," Ramsay continued, satisfied. "Not smart of the captain to give a guard a key. On the Jolly only the Captain and I carry one. But good for us."

"What about that is good?" Emma replied, a bit hysterical. "Didn't you say something about trying to survive?"

Ramsay took off his shoe and filled it with powder.

"Why do you think the Captain sent me with you? Because he knew that I'm the only one who would be able to get you off this ship and put these hypocritical prigs in their rightful places, which happens to be the bottom of the ocean."

"So you've done this before?" Emma asked hopefully.

"Of course not! Didn't I tell you that Jones is an audacious fellow? I needed some time to figure out if he really wanted me to do this, but it's the only thing that comes to mind."

Emma looked at him, still shocked. She totally believed that Hook was capable of that kind of insanity, but she was still surprised that he actually risked one of his closest comrades on this suicide mission.

"Can you search for matches? I'll be damned if we don't find any."

Emma set herself into motion and inspected all the boxes and barrels she could open. And as it happened, Ramsay had been right.

"Found them," Emma informed him and lifted her hand.

Ramsay was preparing a trail of powder on the floor.

"Here's what we're going to do. You open the door. After that, I will set fire to this fuse and we're going to run as fast as we can. Up the ladder, over deck and then jump overboard."

Emma shook her head slightly. How did her life come to this? One month ago, she had been sipping tea and reading all about such adventures. But being stuck in a situation like this was no joy at all. It was insanity!

"Understood," she replied. She moved towards the door, but then stopped.

"You haven't been a sailor all your life, have you?" There was something about the way Ramsay talked, that caught Emma's attention.

"I used to be a chemist before I joined the Navy," he replied brusquely. And again, Emma recognized that sad smile on his face. "We were all in the Navy; Jones, Morren, Bernie and me. But that was a long time ago."

Emma nodded and turned around. She pushed the door open slightly, her heart already pounding like mad. She couldn't see anyone in the corridor but there was still a beam of red light reflected on the wall, which indicated that the upper door was open.

"Emmett?"

"Yes?"

"If we survive this, please don't tell the Captain what I've said about him."

She smiled, and this time she meant it. Still terrified, but not frozen like before, she watched Ramsay strike the match and lower it to the fuse. She didn't have high hopes, but at least they would die fighting.

"Now, Emmett. Go!"

Emma burst through the door, Ramsay right behind her, through the corridor and up the ladder. Without taking notice of the things around them, they stormed through the second door. Red sunlight blinded their eyes, as they charged across deck. Emma could hear screams and shouts and saw a man stepping into their way. A shot resounded right behind her and the man crumpled.

"Go, go, go!" she heard Ramsay shouting.

And then an ear-splitting noise shook the ship as they were flung over the rail.


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N : Hi guys! After that killer episode and the upcoming angst in next week's episode, let me cheer you up with the next chapter...and some more angst. _

_To cheer you up even more, I wrote an Easter Special, that I'm going to post on Sunday. It's an independent one-chapter story, but it fits Killian's mindset. Because you guys hoped to see Killian's POV and I can't give_ _ _that to_ you just yet in this story, I wrote that little fairytale for you! It's called 'The Dragon And The Pirate', so if you want to find out the way Killian is thinking, check it out. _

_As always thanks to Irish Swan and musicalfreak22 and to all of you who are sticking to that story. After having writer's block for almost two years, I found my way back to writing. Writing this story is such a pleasure for me, and your support really keeps me going. Please tell me your thoughts in a little review, it's the only way I know what you guys are thinking._

* * *

 **Chapter 8: Prisoner of my body**

Stinging cold infused Emma's body, taking her breath away and enveloping her in darkness. She couldn't hear or see anything, her head was spinning, she no longer knew which way was up and which way was down. Panic overcame her and she opened her eyes widely. And there, somewhere above her, was a red glimmer. In desperate need of air, she tried to swim towards the light, ignoring the pressure on her nearly bursting lungs. With frantic movements,she broke through the water's surface. Panting and spitting, she took big gulps of air and tried to find her bearings.

First, her vision was blurred, a mix of blue and red shades. She couldn't hear anything, except for a ringing in her ears. Then everything cleared up, and she could fully comprehend the scene unfolding before her.

The Navy Ship was on fire, or at least the remnants of it. There was a gaping hole in the hull, inexorably filled with water, which canted the ship dangerously. She had no doubt it was about to sink. The main mast was split into in two pieces and the sail material was burning like tinder, turning the ship into a fireball. Sparks of fire trickled down on the waves. The sun setting in the background gave the scenery a twisted kind of beauty.

Members of the crew started jumping overboard to escape the flames and landed in the water next to Emma. The muted sounds of screams and shouts slowly reached her ears.

Swimming as fast as possible, she tried to gain some distance from the wreckage. Not far from her, a part of the rigging, which looked like a yard, was floating on the water. The drag of the waves crashing against her, was taking all of her remaining strength and made her swallow seawater with every stroke. But somehow she managed to reach the piece of wood. Clinging to it, she caught sight of a full white sail in the distance. The Jolly! They'd come back for them. Emma's state fluctuated between relief and horror. She was soaked, her body clearly visible. The bandages under her shirt were still in place, but lackof vigilance would reveal the truth.

Emma didn't have time to dwell on her thoughts, because she was suddenly grabbed from behind.

"You fucking rat!" a hoarse voice behind her shouted. "Die, traitor!"

With that, Emma was unceremoniously shoved underwater. She flailed and tried to get back up, but she had no strength left. Bubbles escaped her mouth, the lack of oxygen made her head whirl and her limbs heavy. Darkness tried to regain its hold on her. But there was something else that overcame her forcefully: impotent fury. She didn't want to die. Not now, not like this, drowned by an enemy in the middle of the ocean!

As quickly as it had appeared, the pressure was gone. The heavy weight of her adversary had left her shoulders and she was able to cut through the surface. Spitting salty seawater, she swam back to her piece of wood and clung to it as much as she could, not wanting a repeat of what just happened.

Next to her was a swirl of arms and legs, engaging in a fierce fight over life and death. She couldn't see their faces, but there was only one person who would help her. Suddenly the movements ceased and the water turned red. Then Ramsay surfaced, the knife in his hand.

"Buggering hell!" Emma uttered. "That was close!"

But then she noticed Ramsay's face. It was contorted in pain. Mustering last of his strength, he tried to get hold of the yard, but his hands missed the wood, leaving him grasping at nothing. The knife slipped out of his hand and disappeared into the depths of the ocean.

"Ramsay, what's wrong?"

He repeated his efforts, this time with success. Weakly, he rested on the yard and opened his mouth.

"I'm alright," he gasped. His lips trembled from the effort and his face turned white. With horror, Emma noticed a trail of red liquid leaving his body, and it was only after scanning his body that she noticed a dagger protruding from his abdomen.

"Holy shit," slipped out of her mouth. Emma surged forward and grabbed Ramsay under his arms. He was heavy, but with a little of his help she managed to pull him along the yard to the cross-bracing that had been a part of the mast. She roughly pulled him out of the water so that he was lying on his back. Groaning, his hands wandered to the butt of the dagger.

"Don't pull it out," Emma warned, "if you do that, you'll bleed out." She had read that in a book some time ago.

A few feet away, Emma noticed a part of the sail. "Hold on, I'll be right back."

With that, she dived back into the water. Emma might have never climbed a tree, but she was a good swimmer. Despite the exertion, she reached the object a few seconds later. On her way back, she found a piece of rope floating in the water.

Ramsay's entire body was tensed when she reached the yard again. Carefully, she arranged the fabric around the wound and held it in place with the rope, trying to prevent further blood loss.

"Don't worry. The Jolly will be here soon."

"You're playing doctor now, boy?" Ramsay spoke between clenched teeth.

"Don't talk," Emma hushed him and took a look around. The Jolly was approaching, but the ship was sailing upwind and couldn't gain on them at a straight course. She tensely watched the other ship burn. Not many men had made it to the water; most of them had either died in the explosion or weren't able to swim anyway. According to her books, it wasn't unusual for a sailor to not to be able to swim. In case of ship wreckage it would unnecessarily prolong their suffering. In spite of this, Emma noticed a few men between the waves, trying to find something to hold onto. As it happened, their yard was drifting away from the flames, distancing herself from the rest of the crew.

Gradually, the sun disappeared behind the horizon and the sky was fading to black. Emma wasn't able to see the ship anymore, or any of the navy men. The ringing in her ears had stopped, but her teeth were chattering and she couldn't feel her toes anymore. An attempt to climb onto the wood next to Ramsay had shaken the whole construction dangerously and had nearly caused him to fall off, so she just stayed in the water. Ramsay was as pale as the sail, and his eyes were closed, but he was still breathing.

There was an eerie silence in the air, nothing but the soft wash of waves and the whisper of the wind. Emma was tired, her strength long gone. It would be so easy to just close her eyes and give into the darkness.

"Emmett?" she heard Ramsay's scratchy voice next to her.

Quickly, she opened her eyes and was surprised to discover a faint smile on his face.

"You're as tough as an old boot. Didn't think you had it in you."

Emma supposed it was the pirate's way of praising her.

"I thought you would let me drown and take my place on the yard. That's what these prigs would have done."

"Luckily, I'm not one of them," Emma smirked.

"Nah! You're a pirate now," Ramsay announced.

And Emma couldn't help being flattered by the proud tone in his voice.

"Aye," she replied. It didn't even feel like a huge lie anymore. Of course she couldn't let Ramsay die. He was the only one who could save her from Hook's vengeance. If he died because of her frivolity, Hook would only add that to her punishment.

She was already horrified at the prospect of being whipped. A day ago she had thought that drowning was probably better than being exposed, but not anymore. She would give anything not to die at the hands of these naval bastards.

She had to survive this; there had to be a way. If necessary, she would tell Hook the truth. According to what he'd said previously, he appeared to hate royalty and the Navy passionately. And obviously, he'd sent Ramsay to get her back. Maybe there was a chance she could convince him to take her to Arendelle and collect a ransom from Elsa. Emma was sure she would pay generously. But it could backfire in so many ways and Emma didn't trust the pirate captain.

"Ramsay…Emmett?" a voice suddenly disrupted the silence.

Emma looked up. Not far from them she could see the shape of a bow. The Jolly had arrived. Morren was standing on deck, searching the water, and next to him, Emma could discern the distinctive silhouette of a leather coat. It wasn't entirely dark yet, but they had already lit lanterns.

"You fellas still alive?" This time it was Bernie's voice.

"We're here," Emma waved wildly, but it took a few more shouts to get noticed.

With mixed feelings, she watched them bring about the ship. A rope was thrown down. Emma tied the yard to it and let them pull it in. Then, a rope ladder landed next to her at the hull and a few sailors climbed down to help her with Ramsay. They sat him in a loop and slowly pulled him up.

Emma followed them up the ladder. Her limbs felt heavy and she was trembling. She was wet through and through, but there was no way to change it now. Tentatively, she climbed over the rail and was promptly approached by Bernie with a woolen blanket in his hands. He enveloped her with it and covered her wet shape in an instant. Then he looked into her eyes, obviously he hadn't noticed anything.

"You alright?"

Emma nodded, not believing her luck. Everyone else's attention was on Ramsay; nobody but Bernie cared about her.

"I'm fine," she replied with chattering teeth, not telling him about her numbness. Adrenaline was running through her body and kept her upright, overshadowing the pain. Though, her legs felt shaky on the solid planks.

Their insane scheme had worked. She was alive, back on the ship that had been nothing but a prison for the last week. And yet, it was familiar. The main deck with the two masts, the stern, forecastle, and the babble of known voices.

The crew was gathered around Ramsay, their anxious faces illuminated by the lanterns. The doctor was bent over the Gunner, examining him. "Bring him to the infirmary," he finally decided and four men were lifting Ramsay to attend to his orders.

Emma made to take a step towards the hatch in an attempt to follow Ramsay. She wanted to be present when he was in surgery. She owed him her life, she had to at least make sure he was rewarded by keeping his.

But as she went to move, her legs gave out and if Bernie hadn't supported her, she would have fallen.

Carefully, Bernie led her to a box and instructed her to sit down. He said something, but Emma didn't pay attention. Her thoughts were with Ramsay, who was currently fighting for his life below deck. Why did her condition even matter here? It was all her fault; if he had died, she would be responsible.

Emma slowly returned Bernie's gaze and gradually realized he was shaking her shoulder.

"I think the doctor should take a look at the boy, too," Bernie suggested to Hook, who'd apparently re-emerged on deck and appeared right in front of her. "Something's wrong."

Hook knelt down in front of her. He lifted the lantern with his hook and surveyed her face. His thumb pulled up her eyelid. The tender touch of his finger made her cringe. All she could think of was the same fingers holding the whip, ready to abuse her body.

"I didn't want this to happen, I didn't want to put your crew in danger … please," she whispered. She felt Bernie's arm around her shoulders and slid away, trying to escape his caress. She didn't want to be touched. Not when she was wet under the blanket, feeling cold, naked and exposed. It had been a close call the last time, when Hook had held her. She wouldn't risk that again under any circumstances.

"Calm down, Emmett," Hook commanded, but there was no anger in his voice.

Emma looked up, meeting his eyes. It was the first time he'd called her by something other than 'boy'. Surrounded by darkness, the color of his irises appeared to be gray, but she could still see a glimmer of blue in the dim light of the lantern. His eyes were framed by bushy eyebrows, and being this close to him, she could see the wrinkles around them, indicating that he once experienced happier times, quite in contrast to the fine lines on his forehead that showed a life of sorrow and pain.

"You're in shock. That's completely normal in this sort of situation. Don't worry about Ramsay. He'll survive. You made the right decision not to remove the dagger."

Emma exhaled deeply, relief floating her veins. Ramsay would survive. She hadn't killed him.

"I'm sorry. I know what I've done," Emma said ruefully.

"Trying to butter me up to escape your punishment?" Hook asked with a flickering smile, tilting his head.

Fear crawled back into Emma's body, paralyzing her.

"I won't whip you," Hook informed her with a sigh. "Not that you wouldn't deserve it, but I don't think you would survive it and I don't want to lose a crew member because of exhaustion after I risked one of my best men to save him. Instead, you're going to spend a bit longer on this ship. I extend your contract to six months without salary. We just have to find a job for you."

He leaned back and watched Emma's expression. She didn't know if she should be glad about it. She wouldn't be whipped, wasn't that a good thing? And six months didn't seem that much longer than five months. She'd made it until now, so she just had to hold on and deal with it. Somewhere down the line, they would have to make port. The Southern Cities weren't part of the Enchanted Forest, and thus not under King Midas, or the so called King Arthur's control. They couldn't possibly lock her up every time they reached land. At some point they would get lazy about it and she would use that very moment to escape.

All of a sudden she felt Hook's hands on her shoulders, about to take off the blanket. Emma flinched instinctively, firmly cocooning herself deeper into it.

"I just want to see if you're alright," Hook explained with an impatient undertone, obviously not used to such obstinacy.

"I'm fine," Emma replied stubbornly.

He looked down at her body and his gaze lingered at her battered feet. Her toes were colored in faint blue. Frowning, he lowered the lantern, took her left foot and turned it in his hand, examining the blistered and cut skin. It must have been a strange view, the pirate captain kneeling in front of his cabin boy, his foot in the pirate's hand. Emma felt blood rush to her face. The delicate touch of his warm fingers sent shivers through her body.

She winced when cold metal made contact with her instep. Gently, he moved the hook over the upper side of her foot, observing her reaction. He repeated the ministration with her sole and Emma pressed her lips together when she felt a tickle. Her cheeks burned like fire when he reached her toes.

"Do you feel this?" he asked when he stroked over the underside of her big toe with his thumb. Bewildered, Emma tried to make sense of the question, getting used to the feeling of his coarse palm on her skin, when he pinched it with the tip of the hook.

"Ouch!" Emma gasped.

Immediately, Hook released her foot and stood up. "You'll be fine. I guess the doctor won't have to remove some toes. But if you're not careful you'll catch pneumonia from hypothermia."

He turned to Bernie. "Give him some dry clothes and some soup. He can warm up in front of the oven for a while." With that Hook was done, and Emma was forgotten. She watched him return to the sterncastle, taking over the navigation from Morren, not deigning to look at her again. Confused and tired, she followed Bernie to the galley.

"Clothes are in the cupboard behind the bunk. Take whatever you need," Bernie offered. He walked across the room to the oven, taking a pot of hot water from the stove. He poured the liquid into a bowl and gave it to Emma. "Wash yourself. You can find towels in the there, too."

Emma was surprised that he was concerned about cleaning just now, when he'd never mentioned her hygiene before. Bernie answered with a playful sour look. "After Jake fixes Kit, he'll surely take a look at you. He's very concerned with cleanliness. While you get changed, I'll prepare the soup. You're not eager for the rests of your stew, are you?"

Emma nodded, distracted and disappeared in his cabin. She closed the door and made sure to block the handle with a chair before she took off the blanket. Her wet shirt was sticking to her skin. She hadn't removed it for over a week and didn't even want to know what she looked like beneath it. The water had taken away the bad smell of her sweat, but the salt bit on her skin and when she slipped out of her clothes, she discovered tiny red blisters all over her body. Disgusted, Emma examined the rash and began to take down the bandages, which had pressed in her breasts. A small cry of pain left her mouth and she winced, as she took the pressure off her chest. With clenched teeth she inspected her swollen and sore nipples. Touching them hurt like hell, and in an attempt to fight down the panic, she let herself fall to the chair. Inflammation was a serious issue, if not dealt with, but Emma had no idea what to do about it. She should have thought of these things sooner and should have taken the risk to clean herself and change the bandages, but instead she had stayed passive and had tried to act like the men, suppressing the fact that she was a woman.

The horror continued as she slipped out of her pants. Algae, that had become entangled in her underwear, made her feel dirty and slippery, and when she removed her panties, she noticed spots of blood on them.

Emma buried her face in her hands, stumped and exhausted. Of course, it was her time of the month, like always, around full moon. Emma never had the thought before, but in this moment she hated being a woman. Everything about it was unfair. Why on earth was it always the woman who had trouble regarding her body, regarding her liberties? Why did a woman have to disguise herself as a man to travel safely aboard a ship? For centuries, it had been the men, and only the men, who created the rules, deciding on women's fates and the only exceptions Emma had ever known had been her mother and maybe Ruby. Her mother had followed her instincts and her heart against all odds, fighting for her freedom and had married the man she loved.

In her upbringing, her mother had always ensured that Emma had the freedom she wanted, and was only prohibited the company of boys. As their only child and heir to the throne for a very long time, they had made sure to give Emma her best chance, which was basically to be towed as a virgin with an unblemished reputation. After the illegitimate marriage with her father, Snow had had a hard time regaining the respect of the royals, and it was only because of the common people's support that they finally accepted the new queen. To spare Emma the trouble, she'd always been strict about that point.

It had put a lot of pressure on Emma, meeting all the expectations. So she preferred to hide behind the walls of the castle and the books, pretending to be happy, but secretly dreaming of the courage her mother had.

And never had she dealt with a situation like this.

However, all the whining was a waste of energy, and because there was no loved one around to comfort or rescue her at the moment, she was the only one who could save herself. She had to sit it out, no matter what, and had to hope that the pain would pass.

So, she pulled her underwear back up and opened the cupboard. It looked like Bernie hadn't touched anything in there for months, but the smell of food and fish soup even lingered in his fresh clothes. The selection was small. In total, Bernie owned two pairs of pants, three shirts, five pairs of socks and a cardigan for cooler nights. There was no sign of underwear or anything she could use as a bandage. She took what she could use and removed her clothes. Quickly, she washed her most intimate parts and tore the bandage in two. It was disgusting and certainly unsanitary to reuse the wet bandages, but she obviously didn't have a choice. The absorbent material would hopefully soak up the blood and she couldn't possibly fit a towel under her pants. Maybe the doctor had fresh ones, so she decided to sneak into the infirmary at the next given opportunity.

The next week, she would boil her underwear and the bandages on the stove, cleaning everything. She'd recently read of something called 'germs', which was, according to the researchers, the cause of infection. Cooking of surgical items and treatment of wounds with alcohol had increased the survival rates enormously, so she would try to use the knowledge she had and follow the experts' opinion.

Emma looked at the red water and cleaned her feet. The small cuts on her feet and legs barely legitimated the amount of blood in the bowl.

When she was finished, she only felt slightly better. The bandages were wet, but in place, and didn't let through any blood. Yet. She really had to get new ones. Without asking, she'd taken two pair of socks from the cupboard, but she was sure Bernie was okay with it. Several sizes too big, they hung on her feet, along with the shirt and pants. Emma had no problem with that, if anything, the wide shirt hid her shape even better.

She took a deep breath, removed the chair from the door and left the room. The soup was on the counter, warm and ready to be consumed. Two plates were already filled and two stools were located in front of the oven. But it wasn't Bernie who was sitting on the stool, it was Hook.

He wasn't wearing his coat and he'd exchanged the red vest for a black shirt, which made him look less imperious and more like a normal person.

As he caught sight of her, he nearly had to spit out his soup in an attempt to stifle a laugh. She knew how she must've looked like in the rolled up pants and the shirt, which fitted more as a nightgown.

She was surprised to find him here in the galley, but sensed what was about to come. She'd seen this expression before, namely on the night he'd hired her.

Warily, she stepped towards the free stool and caught sight of her shoes, the ones he'd taken from her that very night, at the bottom. She gave him a questioning look and he nodded.

"They're yours."

She was nervous when she sat down opposite to him, waiting for the interrogation to start. But he only handed her a bowl of soup, watching her as she took a few spoonful. The liquid warmed her insides but she wasn't able to relax. The bandages in her pants irritated her and she tried to subtly press her legs together.

"How are you?" Hook finally cut the silence.

That was the last question she'd expected. Since when was Hook interested in her well-being? Yes, he'd saved her and had tried to make sure she wasn't injured, but he'd never been interested in her mental state, and obviously this was what that question was about.

"I'm fine," she pattered the usual answer.

It was obvious that he didn't believe her, but he accepted her reply.

"I'm really sorry about what happened to Mr. Ramsay," she tried to reinforce her stance. "I really am. I feel nothing but respect for him."

This time, it wasn't a lie at all. She didn't want to be responsible for his death, she genuinely wished for him to recover. The last few hours, especially the time in the water, had changed something inside her. She couldn't put a finger on it, but bit by bit, she understood the pirates better. Maybe it was the time she'd spent with them, maybe they were slowly brainwashing her, but she admired their coherence. She hadn't seen it before, and certainly not amongst the royals. Besides her family, she only trusted Elsa's family. And the fact that Ruby had known that, made it obvious. The Enchanted Forest had become an unsafe place to which she could never return.

"I know," Hook sighed. "But that's not what I wanted to talk about. I'm talking about the incident which led to this whole disaster."

Now they had reached the point Emma had been afraid of.

"I've seen many things in my life, but the thought of your sister as an assassin never crossed my mind."

Emma knew she couldn't avoid this conversation.

"That's because it is a lie," she simply replied. "My sister would never kill the Royal Family."

"But there's a connection?" Hook got to the core.

Emma nodded. She had to reveal a part of the truth.

"We're not from a farmer's family," she confessed.

Hook raised an eyebrow. "I figured as much. You've never done practical work with these girl's hands."

Emma stared at him. Was there a possibility that he knew… ?

"I can't change the fact that I don't have the appearance of a proper man," she spat out, warily watching Hook's reaction.

"No need to be offended. I've seen boys like you all over the world. Just give it another five years and people will stop talking like that. Now continue."

Emma exhaled. A moment she had thought it was all over.

"Ruby and I are orphans. Our village was destroyed by the Evil Queen years ago, because it suported the rightful King and Queen. My parents admired them. They even named me after their daughter. The Princess was born three years before me and my parents thought I somehow resembled her, maybe because we have the same hair color, I don't know. However, after their death, the King and Queen took us in, provided us with food and a shelter and when they found out about Ruby's shape shifting, they didn't try to harm her, or send us away. They gave her a job as a servant and protector of their daughter. The Princess loved Ruby, and my sister worshiped the entire family. Because of them she could provide for my education. I never had to work, because I had her."

She watched Hook's expression change, his face becoming softer, an understanding lying in his eyes.

"Ruby would never, _never_ harm the family! I don't know what happened. She didn't tell me anything. Just picked me up from school and said we had to flee. That something horrible had happened. I figured that they must be dead, but I _know_ that Ruby didn't do what this naval captain accused her of."

Without noticing, her voice had become louder. The story had slipped easily from her mouth. She didn't even have to pretend much, almost believing it herself.

"Relax," Hook appeased her. "I know you can never trust the blasphemous tongue of one of those naval hypocrites. They try to justify their actions behind honor, but it's truly nothing but capriciousness in the name of some blue-blooded snobs."

Emma swallowed hard. He was worse than Ramsay. If he knew that she was - no, used to be - one of these blue-blooded snobs...

"We understand each other now, do we?" Hook gave her scrutinizing look. "No more solo actions? No more lies?"

Emma nodded, but couldn't help feeling a little guilty. Honestly, she didn't even understand why she owed Hook anything, but at the moment he was particularly nice to her, and lying to his face was somehow harder than it had been before. She wasn't sure what made him change his attitude, but right now she didn't care. A weight was lifted off her shoulders, and as the warmth relaxed her muscles, exhaustion set in.

Suddenly she was dazzled by the light of the tilley lamp on the counter; black spots appeared in front of her eyes. The next thing she realized was the hard surface of the planks and then Hook's hand on her forehead.

Emma tried to bob up, fending off the Captain's touch.

"I'm alright," she mumbled. "I just need to rest."

"You're not," Hook growled. "You're burning up." Without another word he lifted her from the floor. The next few minutes passed in a blur, and then she found herself in a room she had never seen before. She noticed the outlines of three faces above her. Hook's, Bernie's and a new one. She needed a moment to recognize the doctor, but he had to be the one with the stethoscope around his neck.

When she felt the doctor's fingers on her skin, trying to pull up her shirt, she panicked. Lashing out, she tried to push away the fingers from her and curled into a ball to shield her body, tears dripping down her cheeks.

"Everyone leave the room, please," she heard the doctor's voice. "I need to be alone with the patient."

She heard fading footsteps and then absolute silence. Once more, she felt the doctor's hand on her shoulder.

"It's me, Jake. The doctor."

"I'm fine," Emma sniveled. "Just let me go."

"You've been through a lot. I just want to help you," the doctor said patiently. "Please Emmett, let me help you."

Gently, he tried to turn her around, just to be able to examine her. The last thing she felt before she passed out, were his warm fingers on her skin.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: The Doctor**

"Do it," the kids urged her.

Emma looked up and inspected the horizontal limbs of the oak. The trunk was full of dents and wrinkles, rather good to climb. It was one of the oldest trees in the forest and the most popular among the kids. The location had a magical appeal. Old John, as the kids lovingly called the tree that was standing in the middle of a glade. When the early morning light shined through the leaves, and dew enveloped its shape, it turned the area into something mystical, something out of a book of fairytales. Sometimes, after it had rained, like today, a splendid rainbow spanned the clearing, reflecting in the water drops that hung on the tree.

Like everyone, Emma loved to come here and sit down with her back against the tree to read a book or just do nothing, losing herself in a daydream.

But certainly not to climb it. She didn't know why she had agreed to this. Maybe because her mother had told her yesterday that kids her age usually scouted the woods, wild and untamed. That was what she had done when she'd been twelve years old. She hadn't meant it as a reproach, but Emma knew that her mother simply didn't understand her. Emma was a silent child, but even when she didn't talk much, her imagination ran wild. It was like a dormant volcano, bubbling beneath the surface. She wanted to do all the things her mother suggested; she wished nothing more than to be as strong and brave as her mother or Ruby.

But whenever she tried to act on it, she was overcome by an inexplicable fear. Even right now, when the only task was to climb a tree that had been climbed by kids way younger than her, her hands were as slippery as the wet trunk of the tree.

"You can do it," a girl behind her encouraged her and Emma reluctantly tried to comply. But just as she stood on the first branch, the fear set in and she wasn't able move anymore.

"Come on Your Highness, it's just a tree," a boy shouted beneath her. She could hear a suppressed laugh in his voice and blood rushed into her head, leaving her wishing to just disappear. Emma was static, like she was physically attached to the tree, and any chance she had of accomplishing the task was gone.

"What the hell is wrong with you," another voice sneered. Emma looked down, right into her mother's disapproving eyes. Suddenly, she found herself off the branch and on a yard instead, ten feet above the surface of a pirate ship, staring down onto the grimaces of dirty pirates. As a grown up woman, disguised as a boy. The wind blustered mercilessly, shaking her body and making her exposed flesh crawl. In horror, she noticed that she was nude, and on display to everyone.

She felt her hands lose their grip, and then she was falling…

Emma woke with a start. Breathing heavily, she slowly regained her bearings. She was lying in a bed, enveloped in a blanket and with a wet washcloth on her face. The steady rocking beneath her made it clear she was still on board, but everything else was unfamiliar. A curtain obstructed the view into the room and darkened the bunk she was lying in. The next thing she noticed was the lack of pressure on her chest. Hastily, she frisked her body and realized that the bandages were gone. Her nipples were covered in some kind of ointment and to her even greater horror, someone had replaced the wet bandages in her pants with dry ones. The consequences of that recognition slowly sank in. Someone had actually stripped her, patched her up and dressed her again in Bernie's clothes. She had been exposed.

In a trice, Emma felt her lunges expel all of the air inside her, making her feel as if she was being chocked by some invisible being. In a panic, she reached for the curtain, only to have it be pulled back at the same time. Jacob Felton looked down at her, a blood-pressure gauge in his hand.

"It's alright," he soothed her. "You're safe here."

He sat down at the edge of the bunk and rested the hand on his chest, as if he wanted to show her how to breathe. "Slowly," he instructed her, "in and out. Very good, exactly like that."

Wide eyed, she looked into Jake's worried face. It took a few minutes until the pressure faded, but her heart still pounded heavily in her chest. They'd barely exchanged words and she didn't know what to expect from him. She wasn't able to move, so she continued to listen to his soft voice.

After what felt like hours, she felt her muscles begin to relax and managed to sit up.

"Does anyone else-," She broke off in mid-sentence; her voice wasn't more than a whisper.

"No," Jake replied quietly. "I've sent everyone out of the room. And Ramsay is still unconscious."

"Are you going to tell them?"

Jake sighed. "I won't."

Emma was baffled.

"Why?"

"Because I think you have your reasons."

Emma swallowed. "Am I going to die?" There must be a reason for his kindness.

Jake looked irritated.

"Because of the infection," she added.

Jake shook his head. "You don't have an infection."

"But I had a fever, and what about the rash?"

A small smile appeared on the doctor's face. "I see, someone has read some books. But you're going to be fine. You were exhausted and in shock, not able to cope with the situation, so your system collapsed. But no, no infection... Your temperature has almost normalized, the blood pressure is still a bit low, but that's fine. What I wanted to tell you, Emmett," he broke off and it seemed like he had lost the thread. He paused and then asked the question she was expecting since he had moved the curtain: "Is it Emma then?"

She could deny it. But obviously he already knew. She should have come up with a better cover story. Ruby had said the closer to the truth, the better. Creating a lie could be a tricky thing and the smallest deviation could blow up the entire story. Now it was too late anyway.

"How did you find out?" she simply asked.

"It's not that hard to figure it out. Ruby was the princess' bodyguard. You were traveling disguised as a boy. And you're educated. The Captain told me your story, but you can't fool me. You're not that girl's sister. You don't even resemble her."

Emma decided to remain silent. If it was that easy to get at the truth, how long would Hook need to connect the dots?

"I'm sorry," he continued and searched her face for discomfort. "Because of your parents. And because you had to learn it this way. You shouldn't have been informed by a Navy Captain about such a matter."

Emma stared back with a blank expression, thin-lipped and taken off-guard. She had pushed everything concerning that matter in a deep corner of her mind, intending to never talk about it, not even think about it again. But here she was, receiving condolences from a pirate.

She felt the familiar pressure rise in her chest and the wetness in the corner of her eyes. Her lips started to tremble and her face fell. Emma didn't want to cry, she hated to be like this; she didn't want to be this person anymore. But an inexorable force had taken control of her body, shaking it and filling her with resentment. Emma tried to turn to face the wall, so she didn't have to look into Jake's eyes. But then she felt his hand on her arm. She moved to escape his touch, only to find herself in his embrace. Somehow her head was resting on his shoulder, and her hand clinging to the fabric of his shirt. He smelled like sanitizer and a little bit of salt, but it wasn't as strong as Hook's scent.

"It's okay," he whispered and held her back loosely, trying not to violate her personal spacewhile she was crying.

The solidity of his body somehow calmed and terrified her simultaneously. She had been craving human contact, missing Ruby and her family terribly, but alwayshad to make sure no one discovered her secret, and thus had barely accepted anyone's touch. Now that the secret was out, she used the doctor as something to hold on. But when his hand started to rub over her back comfortingly and he twisted for a better position, causing his chest to accidentally brush her breasts, she tensed and he released her.

Embarrassed, she dashed a tear off her cheek and dropped her gaze.

"You hungry?" Jake asked softly.

"I don't know," Emma replied unsure. She felt dried out after all the crying, but at least she could breathe again.

"You have to regain strength, Emma," Jake decided.

Hearing her birth name from his mouth was weird and it stung, but it also provided for a kind of familiarity. He handed her a bowl filled with a thick broth and sternly watched until she finished her meal. With every bite, she felt her strength rebuilding, but she was still tired.

"How is Ramsay?" she asked after a while.

"He will recover. The blade didn't damage an organ, and the blood loss was stopped in time. Thanks to you. Ramsay made sure to mention that before he lost consciousness."

Emma smiled, but objected. "But if he lost consciousness, how can you be sure that he's going to be fine?"

Jake responded to her smile. "You're a curious lady. I like that. But believe me, I know my profession. Ramsay has experienced worse things in his life. One year ago, we got into a fight with some nasty pirates; Blackbeard's crew. He tried to conquer the Jolly. We defeated him, but Ramsay was hit by a bullet. It lacerated his finger. When I had to take it off, he didn't even make a sound. He is a sticker, it'll take more than a Navy ship or Blackbeard to get him down.

"Is that how Hook lost his hand, too? During a battle?" Emma asked abruptly. Nobody had told her that story yet. She'd heard stories at home, each more absurd than the other. One time, one of Ruby's friends tried to frighten her by saying he'd been on a mission to steal a dragon egg, and the dragon bit off his hand. In other stories, the dragon was replaced with a crocodile, taking his hand while he was swimming through a lake, trying to reach a treasure-filled island.

"It was a man called Rumpelstiltskin, also known as the Dark One. He sought vengeance because the Captain took his wife."

"Hook kidnapped a woman and held her captive on the ship against her will?" Emma whispered.

"Not against her will. I was told that she was his mistress, a fervid woman. She had left her husband to lead a self-determined life. The Dark One killed her and chopped off the Captain's hand."

Emma stared at him wide-eyed. That was one of the tales she'd heard as well, it was always her favorite, but now she wasn't sure how to feel about it. The fact that the pirate captain and his crew weren't distant stories anymore but real breathing people still dumbfounded her. Especially since she became part of the story.

"At home, the governesses used to frighten us with these stories when the children refused to sleep," Emma remembered. "They said: 'If you don't close your eyes right now, Captain Hook will come and get you.' I guess I did something wrong."

Jake looked at her with a serious expression, and then burst out in laughter. Even Emma couldn't hold back a smile. He took some time to calm down and poked Emma in the ribs.

"Who would have thought that you'd have such a sassy side? Did us pirates finally rub off on you?"

"You wish!" Emma pressed her lips together and tried not to return Jake's teasing grin. Never had she seen the calm and reserved doctor like this. His bright blue eyes matched his big smile, and made him look very young. Their playful banter had eased the mood and Emma felt brave enough to ask something she had been curious about since she first laid eyes on him.

"How did you become a pirate?"

"Well, that was quite something," Jake said. He still smiled but it is was more a sad one. "Can't believe no one has told you about it."

"Ramsay told me a bit, but I want to know the whole story. From you."

"He told you the part when the Captain forced me to climb the rigging, right?" He sighed.

Emma shrugged, trying to make an innocent face. "Don't worry! I know the feeling; have been afraid of heights all my life."

"You seemed to have managed very well," Jake remarked impressed.

"What choice did I have? The Captain threatened me with flogging."

"Nevertheless, that was brave. You climbed into the crow's nest without taking a single stop. Actually you have been the third fastest climber ever. Everyone was impressed, including the Captain."

Emma's mouth hung open. The climb had felt agonizing slow. Even when Ramsay mentioned that she had been quite good, she hadn't believed it.

"How do you know that? That I've been the third fastest."

"The Captain timed it. He forbade anyone to tell you. Said that it shouldn't get to your head. Every new sailor has do it, it's tradition."

Emma closed her mouth, still astonished. "Anyway, do you want to tell me your story? You don't have to-."

"No," Jake replied rapidly. "It's no problem. If you're interested."

Emma nodded at him.

He swallowed. "Well, I'm from an academic family. My parents sent me to the Royal University to study medicine. That was seven years ago."

Emma was impressed. The Royal University had the highest reputation of the country. All doors were open to graduates; they could go and work where ever they wanted. Sometimes they could even marry daughters of impoverished noble families.

"How did you-"

"How did I end up on a pirate ship?" Jake interrupted her with a bitter smile. "That's the ultimate question, right?"

Emma hadn't intended to phrase it like that; she could see how hard it was for Jake to speak of those things.

"We don't have to talk about it," she suggested, but Jake shook his head.

"It's alright. You know, we were subjects of King Midas. Always hard working. But at some point that wasn't enough for my father. He heard of people from the South **.** A group supporting anti-royalist ideas. They made attractive promises, like you can't segregate humans into classes, that everyone can achieve prosperity and that there are no limits. I have to admit; even I liked what they told. Two years ago, it was right before my graduation, the group was noticed by the King, and we were branded as enemies of the kingdom, so we had to flee. The entire family; my father, my mother, my two brothers and me. They hunted us down. I'm the only one who escaped. I fled to the north, boarded a ship at the North Harbor which was heading to the Southern Cities. Halfway through, the Jolly blocked our ship and sank it. I would have drowned with the others, if it hadn't been for Ramsay. During the attack he'd fallen in the water. So, I grabbed him and begged him not to kill me. I told him that I'm a doctor and can be of use to them. I was lucky that their doctor had been killed five months prior. They took me in. Now, I'm a pirate, only by accident."

He finished and leaned back. Emma was speechless, and if she was honest, even a little startled. The entire story reminded her highly of her own.

"So you're an orphan too?" she wondered.

Jake nodded. "Not only me, the Captain is too. And Clarke as well. Emma, you have no idea what every single one on this ship has been through. Ramsay had been in the Royal Navy before his landlord raped his wife and left her with child. He would have raised that child, but she couldn't live with it and committed suicide. Clarke was a street child since his parents passed on from a plague. Bernie watched his entire family being slaughtered, also from a landlord, simply because they couldn't deliver on charges when a hot summer destroyed their harvest. That's why he can't hurt a fly. And the Captain, he was a Lieutenant under the command of his brother Liam. They were sent on a suicide mission, which ended in Liam's death. His king didn't provide compensation; he claimed that the mission had been an independent operation and that he wasn't responsible. He wanted to take the Jewel from the Captain and give it to someone else. So Jones led a mutiny and renamed the ship. That was how the Jolly was born. These people, they're not simply pirates; they are human beings, and every single one has a tragic story to tell."

Emma swallowed hard, refusing to meet Jake's gaze. She felt guilty, even if Jake hadn't accused her of anything. She had been egotistical, thinking that she was the most pitiful and haunted person in this realm. And now she had to learn that her tragic story was just one, lining up in a row of fates worse than hers. After all, there were people she could return to. There was Ruby, who would do everything to save her, and there was Elsa, who would provide her with a home.

"I'm sorry," she answered hesitantly.

"It's alright. I just needed to tell you. We all got a second chance on this ship. It might not be an honest way of living, but we are a community that provides for each other and rely on each other. I need you to know I would never violate your trust. You're one of us, that's why I didn't tell anyone. I'm going to protect you and will keep your secret, until you choose to leave this ship. It was a close call last time. I noticed that you have some knowledge in health care?"

Emma nodded, trying not to get emotional. What Jake told her had moved her. And she doubted she could make it another week without being exposed. New hope rose within her. Maybe she could make it to the Southern Cities with his help.

"I've read a lot."

"That should be enough to begin with. I'll ask the Captain if we can change your sleeping arrangements. It might be better for you to sleep here. He already told me I can make you my assistant. Would you like that, Emma?"

Emma needed a moment to find her tongue. Law prohibited women to acquire higher education. And right here, on a pirate ship, a doctor offered her the possibility to do what even a princess wasn't allowed to do on the mainland.

"You're going to teach me medicine?"

"If that's that what you want," Jake replied. "But if you just need it as a cover, we can pretend-,"

He couldn't even finish the sentence because Emma was grabbing his shoulders, pulling him in for a hug.

"Thank you," she whispered, a tear escaping her eye. But this time it was a tear of joy. "Thank you so much!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Knowing the Enemy**

Five weeks later:

The door was opened with a creak, which roused Emma from slumber. Groaning, she turned around trying to get some more sleep, but heavy footsteps signified that her time to rest was over. A moment later, the curtain opened and bright daylight invaded her bunk. Emma pulled the blanket over her head and ignored Jake's voice, but finally gave in and peeked out from her hiding place.

"What do we have here?" Jake asked and pointed to the book that was lying on Emma's chest. "Don't tell me that you've been reading all night."

Emma sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Practically, I don't know. I can't remember when I fell asleep."

"I should have let the Captain put you in the crow's nest again," Jake teased her with a grin. "How can I stop you from reading all eight hundred pages of this medical textbook during one night?"

"By giving me some practical work," Emma replied eagerly, slipping into her shoes and putting on her cardigan. Actually it was Bernie's, but he had let her keep it.

"You were already allowed to remove the stitches from Ramsay. But believe me, it's not usually this calm around here. There will be work soon enough."

Jake sighed and handed her a piece of zwieback and a lemon, to which Emma responded to with a sour look.

"You missed breakfast, it's your own fault," he stated. "Normally, you wouldn't get anything until lunch time, better be grateful. And I know you hate sauerkraut. So you can mix the juice with some sugar. It will taste like lemonade. You're lucky I bought my own package from the Rocky Islands. It cost a bloody fortune, too."

Emma leisurely walked towards a small desk and squeezed the lemon juice into a glass of water. Every week, the crew had lemons or sauerkraut on the menu, much to everyone's dissatisfaction. But the Captain insisted on it, and what the Captain decided was law. It was to prevent scurvy, a disease that killed many sailors on long-distance voyages before the cure had been found. From then on, ships were endowed with citrus fruits like lemons or oranges, but mostly sauerkraut.

"Let's see if you actually learned something from all the pages you've read. Can you name the symptoms of scurvy?" Jake asked from behind her.

Emma rolled her eyes and answered. "Fatigue, spots on thighs and legs. At an advanced state, it's accompanied by loss of teeth, yellow skin, fever and finally followed by death from bleeding."

"Very well," Jake continued amused. "What is the cause of these symptoms?"

"I don't know," Emma replied unsure.

"No problem! Nobody knows. That's what research is for. Did you learn anything about chemistry and biology at school?"

Emma felt a little bit uncomfortable. "The boys did. We girls were educated in other subjects that were more adequate for us, as they put it. And I finished school two years ago, so it's been a while. Yes, I told the Captain something different, but only to make him believe I'm younger."

Jake stepped a little bit closer. "Ssh, don't speak of such things too freely. The ship has eyes and ears everywhere. Well, I guess we can ask Ramsay to teach you the basics of math, physics and chemistry and I take care of biology and medicine."

"Are you sure he'll be willing? And what if the Captain doesn't allow it? After all, it's a lot to learn," Emma said discouraged.

"Don't worry. Medical care is one of the most important things on a ship. And Ramsay likes you. What you've learned in these last five weeks was incredible; it would be a shame to waste such talent in being a lookout. That's why the Captain allowed me to take you under my wing. Otherwise, he would have kept you in the rigging. I'm sure you can learn the basics within a year and then we can start with the real stuff."

Emma stared at him wide-eyed. The basics within a year? She had planned to escape from the ship when they made port at the Southern Cities, and that was supposed to happen in a week. What had she been thinking? She had to bury that dream of learning medicine. It had been a fantasy. Without looking Jake in the eyes, she nodded.

"Today is going to be a nice day," Jake said after a moment. "The sun is shining and it's calm. The crew is loitering outside and having some rum. You spent most of the last few weeks in here, so maybe it'll be good for you to breathe some fresh air and enjoy yourself."

He poked her arm teasingly. "Come on, Emma. I'll make sure you don't have too much rum to spill your entire life story. Allow yourself some fun with us pirates."

Emma took a bite of the dry food and downed the lemon juice with one gulp. She would never get used to that. Next, she checked the bandages under her shirt. That had become a routine procedure before leaving the cabin. By now, she knew the ship like the back of her hand, and with Jake's backing, she wasn't that afraid of the men anymore.

They both left the cabin moments later. Warm sunlight welcomed her as she stepped outside and she had to hold her hand in front of her face to mitigate the strength of it. Jake had been right, it was almost windless.

The crew was sitting between boxes and barrels on the main deck, talking and bawling cheerfully. Even Clarke had exchanged the rigging for a place next to the rum barrel. Hook was sitting casually on a box next to the main trimmer and was obviously as drunk as the others. His nose was red and his eyes sparkled when he noticed her.

"Well, well. There he is, our child of sorrow," he declared and motioned for her to join them.

Jake playfully nudged her forward and Emma hesitantly stepped towards them.

"We thought you ended up as the doctor's lab rat," Ramsay joked and gave her a wink. Emma smiled at his comment and examined him shallowly with her eyes. He seemed healthy and fit, obviously in his best mood, and there was no sign that he had been teetering on the precipice of death only a few weeks ago.

Her eyes moved to Bernie, who had said nothing at all and her shoulders dropped. They had barely talked to each other during the last few weeks, and Emma sensed that he was sulking with good reason. He had done so much for her and Ruby and how had she repaid him? In spending all of her time with Jake. Somehow it bothered her to see the usually talkative chef that quiet, so she took the place next to him.

"Sorry, I missed breakfast," she apologized. He only nodded, still avoiding her eyes, and she pointed at the cup in his hand. "Can I have some?" she asked sheepishly.

With a groan he handed her the rum and finally returned her look.

"Thank you," she said with a smile. She took a big gulp and almost spit out the liquor. She had never tasted rum before and it almost burned her throat. A chuckle escaped Bernie's mouth, and that broke the ice. Coughing, she made a note to herself to keep Bernie company during her remaining week on this ship.

"Can't hold your rum, boy?" Avery sneered from her left.

Emma's lips thinned as she heard everyone's laughter. If it had been any other sailor, she would have laughed with them, but coming from Avery, the words stung. Not intending to hide behind Bernie, she leaned forward, sending a withering look towards him. But he only responded with a sardonic grin. She felt Bernie's hand on her back, which eased her a little bit, but it couldn't make her forget about the humiliations she had received from this man. He was like a snake, sharp-tongued and always pointing out her mistakes in front of everyone else, and since she had moved out of the crew's quarters, he was searching for any possibility to score her off. The sailors didn't take it seriously and Hook even seemed amused by it. Though, Emma knew there was something lurking beneath the surface, waiting for the right opportunity to come out. She could see the jealousy in his eyes when she talked to Ramsay, Clarke, or Bernie. Like him, she was new on this ship, but unlike him, she'd made fast friends with the crew. Every time someone was nice to her, he stared daggers at her, and when he caught her alone, he never hesitated to be nasty.

Avery was one of the new hired men. The others were Paxton Blade, a grimly man in his forties and Rob Wilson, better known as Rotten Tooth. Emma was sure that the man was a pervert; she noticed it in way he was watching her. He never talked about screwing women like the others did, and thus Emma assumed that he had a preference for boys, young boys to be exact. She knew that the Captain wasn't satisfied with his work, and she was sure he would be dismissed as soon as they reached land, so she wasn't too worried about him.

But Avery was different. His offenses were systematic, but subtle, and he was definitely not as stupid as Rotten Tooth, which made him even worse.

She hated him with every fibre of her being. But he worked hard and didn't complain blatantly, and she doubted he would leave the ship. So she reminded herself daily that it would be over soon. They would make port and she would flee, unless they locked her up like last time, that is.

"You look like you haven't seen the sun in a while," Hook remarked. "Give Emmett some more rum! Let's revive the boy's spirits!"

Obviously it was his generous day. Or maybe he was just nicer when he was drunk. Before she knew what was happening, Clarke thrusted another cup into her hand. And another. The liquor prickled down her throat and moments later she felt warm, fuzzy feelings emerging from her insides, slowly clouding her mind.

"Who would have thought our lab rat would drink like a fish," Avery mocked her. "Don't forget to lock away the rum tonight, Captain. Otherwise he'll drown in one of the barrels. Wouldn't be the first rat we found in there."

At that Emma jumped up. Boiling with rage, she stormed to the man's sitting place and poured the rest of her drink into his face.

"Here, you can keep all the rum you want to yourself, you son of a bitch!"

The man needed a moment to process what just had happened. Surprised by her own actions, she watched Avery's shocked face with silent satisfaction. And when the crew burst into laughter, that satisfaction transformed into perverse delight. Never in her life had she done such a thing. It felt good to put a man in his place. In fact, it felt fantastic.

Unfortunately she hadn't considered the consequences, when Avery jumped up and drew his sword.

"Easy, Avery," Morren tried to intervene, but he stopped when Hook raised his hand.

"The boy asked for it. You can't dish out without taking in. Let's take a look at his sword skills."

He gave Ramsay a wink and reluctantly the gunner reached for his sword. He handed it to Emma with a frown. Like her, he was also well aware she stood no chance against Avery, regardless of her sobriety level. With trembling fingers she took the sword from her friend. It was half her length and so heavy she had to hold it with both hands. She turned around and took her position like she had seen it in the tournaments back home. Avery's hand brushed over his wet face. His eyes sparkled wickedly and he was grinning from ear to ear, waiting to pounce like a cat in front of mouse hole.

Then he attacked. It was so fast, that Emma didn't see the blow coming. The blade hit hers with an unutterable force, she lost her balance and everything was fading to black. When she regained consciousness, she was lying on the floor, feeing a dull pain in her head.

"Get up," Hook commanded. From afar she heard Jake's protesting voice, but the Captain ignored him, repeating himself. "Come on Emmett, show us that there's more in you than that."

Gritting her teeth, she picked up her weapon and pulled herself up. She wouldn't give that bastard the satisfaction of showing fear. Avery was swinging his sword, enjoying her discomfort to the fullest. He would kill her; she knew it.

"Captain, please. Emmett is still weakened from his infection," Jake objected angrily. He had lied to the captain about her long stay in the infirmary, before she had dared to go outside again. "If you give anything to my competence as a doctor-,"

"Don't push it too far, Mr. Felton," Hook warned him and stood up, addressing Avery. "Give me the sword."

Avery looked like Hook had snatched away his favorite candy, but complied. He was too intelligent to start a fight with the captain. Giving her a scowl, he sat back down.

Uncertain, Emma watched Hook circle her until he was facing her. "Push your legs further apart. You need to have a solid stance." He stepped behind her, gently touching her shoulders. "And you need to maintain your body's tension. The sword," his breath brushed her ear, while his fingers ran down her arm and closed over her hand, "is supposed to be an extension of your arm."

Emma inhaled sharply, as he showed her how to move the sword. "Not that stiff, relax your wrist!" he instructed her. Embarrassed, Emma risked a look at the crew. When she met Jake's amused eyes, blood rushed into her face and she had to look away. Avery was staring at her, as if he wanted to murder her. He was clearly angry that the Captain had taken away the chance to fully retaliate what she had done earlier. A moment later, Hook let go of her and raised his own sword.

"You ready?"

Emma tried to ignore the throbbing in her head and tried to concentrate on putting his words into practice. Hook's first thrust wasn't as forceful as Avery's and she actually managed to parry it off.

"You don't need to fend off every attack," Hook called and stepped back, giving her some time to catch her breath. "Use my momentum against me to elude the blade. You can save a lot of energy like that."

Without a warning he lunged forward in another attack.

Emma tried to sidestep him, but she wasn't fast enough. She felt a sharp pain shoot up her side when the blade cut her skin right through the bandages under her breasts. She jumped back, shocked at what had just happened, pressing her hands on the wound that began to soak through the fabcric **.**

Morren instantly jumped up. "Damn it, Killian!"

Emma stared at the First Mate in surprise. Never had she heard anyone call Hook by his first name. And it was the first time Morren raised his voice to criticize the Captain.

"Fighting drunk, like savages without giving the boy proper training," Morren growled, shaking his head. "I've had my fill of that." He indignantly made his way to the hatch, heading towards his quarters.

Hook gaped after him, not less surprised.

Emma slowly straightened herself. The cut didn't feel that deep, but she had to check it.

As she moved to turn around, Hook grabbed her arm.

"You're hurt."

Emma tried to yank her arm free, but he didn't let go.

"Let me help you."

"No, no, it's fine," Emma tried to downplay the injury, making another move to get away from him.

"No, it's not" he replied firmly but gentle as almost never before. "There's a lot of blood. Let me see!"

"I'll take care of it," Jake, who had appeared at her side, interfered and soothingly touched her shoulder. Without waiting for Hook's response, he led Emma in the direction of the infirmary. Luckily, Hook didn't object.

"Yeah, of course you will," Rotten Tooth remarked with his ugly voice that made Emma's hair stand on end. Coming from him, everything sounded like a perversion.

Emma and Jake ignored him and disappeared through the hatch.

-/-

"Damn it, Emma!" Jake said, when he closed the door behind her. "What were you thinking?"

"The bastard is driving me nuts!" Emma burst out. "I hate him. You don't even know everything he's done to me."

Jake raised his hands to calm her. "I get it. Avery is a devious man. But unless you're planning a sudden exposure, you better contain yourself."

"I tried, but it was just too much for me this time," she said sheepishly, the anger slowly fading.

"I know," Jake responded propitiatory and led her to the treatment table. "Let's take a look at the injury. Please, sit down."

Emma had to giggle as she complied. His manner of expression and politeness didn't match the picture of a pirate and it always amused her. Even though she knew now that stereotyping could give a false impression, Jake set himself apart from the other pirates. Leading this life had never been his intention; he'd sort of fell into it, exactly like her.

"What's so funny?" he asked irritated.

"Nothing," Emma smirked and tried to make a serious face

"Well then. Can you remove your shirt, please?"

Emma hesitated. The thought of undressing in front of a man made her uneasy. Technically, acting like this was stupid. Jake was a doctor and after all he'd already seen her naked. Thus, Emma rolled up her shirt and pulled it over her head. Now in full doctor mode **,** Jake started a conversation to make her feel more comfortable as he removed the bandages.

"Did you see Avery's face when the Captain took his sword from him?"

"I did! It was priceless," Emma laughed. "But I was surprised by Mr. Morren's reaction."

"Me too," Jake replied and put the bandages on the table. "He's the only one who's allowed to talk to the Captain like that. They've known each other since forever. Morren was his brother's best friend. "

Emma winced as a cool washcloth was cautiously moved over her body to remove the blood.

"You know he's a reformed alcoholic?"

Emma shook her head. "I didn't even notice he wasn't drinking with the others."

"That's because you had one too many."

"And why didn't you stop me as promised?"

"How was I supposed to know you drink like a girl?"

"Moron," Emma said playfully and Jake laughed.

"Well, after Liam's death, Morren was discharged from the Navy because of his problem. It was his way to deal with his loss," Jake took up the thread again.

"Really? Ramsay told me, they left the Navy because of their corrupt king."

"Yes, that's what he likes to tell everyone. It's mainly the truth. Fact is, the Captain stole the ship and Morren rejoined him later, after he'd pulled himself together. For him and Liam the Navy had been their entire life, and I think he still misses the time. You know how he stands on ceremony? That's why he always has to play captain when we encounter war ships."

He opened a bottle and disinfected Emma's cut. She clenched her teeth, but didn't make a sound.

"How come you know all these things?"

"You have no idea what people share under a doctor's knife," he teased her and bound her breasts with fresh bandages. "You can now put your shirt back on."

Emma followed the instruction and tried to slide off the table.

"We're not done yet," Jake objected. "I have to look at your head, too."

He palpated the bump on her temple, where she had fallen down. Emma watched him clean the wash cloth before he resumed the treatment. He gently washed the spot. Emma felt a tingle under her skin. It made her a little bit woozy. That must be the alcohol, she decided. She looked up, meeting Jake's soft eyes. His brown hair was a little bit shaggy as he returned her gaze with the hint of a smile. He was so close that Emma could breathe in his scent again and she couldn't keep herself from smiling as well.

"What is it?" Jake asked.

Did she imagine it, or did his voice sound a little bit shaky?

"Is there something you would like me to confess under your knife?" she asked, suddenly brave.

"I would never torture information out of you," he responded quickly and the smile spread on his face.

"But there's something you want to know?"

"Stop it, Emma or I might think you're flirting with me." He was still holding the washcloth against her temple, although Emma was sure there was nothing left to clean.

She playfully prodded his chest and dropped her gaze. "How would I know how this works," she mumbled bashfully.

Jake stepped a little closer. "I'm sure you had a lot of practice with your boyfriend."

Emma slightly shook her head. "As if someone would want to be with me."

"Emma," Jake said empathically. "Look at me."

Slowly, Emma raised her head.

Jake watched her with a serious expression. "You're an amazing woman. And not because you were born a princess, but because you're smart, funny and different from any woman I've ever met. Not to forget that you're absolutely beautiful."

Emma rolled her eyes, her heart pounding rapidly in her chest. She knew it wasn't true. Her face had nothing special; it was so ordinary that simply having her hair cut shorter allowed her to pass for a boy.

"I'm not beautiful," she stated.

Jake put the washcloth away and lifted her chin. "Yes, you are."

A small smile appeared on her face. "Even dressed as a boy?"

"Especially then," he replied, smiling.

Emma felt her chest swell as an unexplainable joy floated her insides. And before she knew what was happening, Jake leaned in. Emma gasped when his lips touched hers. They were soft and gentle, tasting like salt and him. She was beginning to lose her bearings, so she grasped for his shirt. Caressing her face, he pulled back slightly, watching her closely.

"You're alright?" he asked and Emma knew she hadn't managed to hold back some tears.

"Yes," she whispered and reached for his head to pull him in again. She didn't understand what had overcome her, and she didn't want to think about it. All she knew was that she wanted to feel his lips again. He resumed kissing her, a little more determined. She hesitantly opened her mouth, beginning to lose herself in the new feeling of being touched like that. It was as if she was drunk in an entirely different way. Her fingers ran through his hair and she trembled as she felt the caress of his hand on her back.

The sound of the opening door disrupted the silence and brightened the cabin. They hastily moved away from each other as Jake jumped back forcefully and almost fell over a stool standing in his way. Emma was breathing heavily, still sitting on the table, instinctively arranging her unkempt shirt. Shocked, she looked at the intruder.

Hook was standing in the doorway, staring back, not less surprised than the two of them. He looked from one to the other, slightly shaking his head, as if he was considering the situation to be an alcohol induced hallucination. He regained his composure faster than expected. Paralyzed by fear, Emma watched Hook turn towards Jake, deep wrinkles furrowing his brow.

"A word, please!" was the only thing he said. Jake didn't even dare to look at her. Wordlessly, he followed the captain out of the room, leaving Emma behind. It took a moment until her body obeyed again and she could slide off the table. She rushed to her bunk where she'd deposited the cardigan moments after she'd entered the room, and pulled it over her shoulders. She didn't know what to do or to think. The events confused her and the alcohol certainly wasn't helping. So she sat down, trying to process what had just happened.

She had been kissed for the first time in her life and Hook had caught them in the act. She buried her face in her hands. Why on earth had they forgotten to lock the door? Tensed, Emma waited in her bunk, consumed with the same thoughts again and again. What had Hook seen? Had he put two and two together? She couldn't imagine how Jake had to feel right now. Was he trying to convince the Captain that he was homosexual?

She was startled out of her musings when the door reopened and Hook entered the infirmary. He was alone and Emma sensed it was now her turn to receive his anger. Even if his brow was still furrowed, she was surprised at the lack of rage in his eyes.

She watched him take the stool and position it opposite to her. She followed his movements with big eyes.

With a sigh he sat down. "How are you?"

He said it quietly, almost pensively. Just a simple question without hidden accusation. It was the last thing Emma had expected. Instinctively, she pulled the cardigan closer around her.

"I'm fine," she answered unsure. And because he raised an eyebrow she added: "The Doctor fixed the cut, it's alright."

At her mention of Jake as 'the Doctor', his eyebrow raised even further.

"And your head?"

"It's just a bump. It will heal."

Hook watched her warily. "I came to say I'm sorry," he finally said and Emma almost couldn't believe her ears. Captain Hook was _apologizing_ to her? Had the world gone mad?

"You've been through a lot since you came on board. And I noticed you stopped complaining." He tilted his head. "It was bad form to challenge you under the influence of rum. From now on, I will teach you every Sunday afternoon. A boy is supposed to learn sword fighting properly."

Emma heaved a sigh of relief. Apparently, he hadn't put two and two together.

He leaned back, lost in thought. "My brother taught me when I was way younger than you."

"Okay," she answered hesitantly, just to fill the silence.

"You know as the Captain of this ship, I always have an open ear for the sorrows of my crew," he continued.

Emma was confused. Every time Hook talked to her like that, she feared he had something else in mind, a hidden strategy she didn't understand. Hook scratched himself behind the ear.

"You can tell me if Mr. Felton touched you in an inappropriate way."

Blood rushed to her face, as soon he spoke the words and everything became clear. This entire conversation finally made sense.

"No, no, no," she exclaimed, her cheeks burning like fire. "None of this is Jake's fault!" She timidly focused on a spot on her bed sheet. But if she was thinking this couldn't get even more embarrassing, she had been wrong.

"Can you tell me that while looking me in the eye?"

Reluctantly, she followed the instruction.

"You don't have to be afraid," he said as she tried to find her words. "You can tell me the truth." He watched her with an open expression and his voice was soft, speaking of trust and compassion. She hadn't thought he could be this way.

Swallowing hard, she tried to put it very clearly: "What happened was completely mutual."

Hook sighed and Emma could see his relief.

"I appreciate your honesty. But you must know that I don't tolerate romantic involvements on my ship in any form." His voice had become very serious. "I will let you stay in here, but if I have the slightest impression, that one of you is violating my law, you'll leave me no choice. This is not a trivial matter, and the punishment for this is similar to that of sexual assault. Namely death. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir," Emma whispered.

He leaned closer to her. "I will tell you what I told Mr. Felton. I don't appreciate inconveniences like this. I offered for him to leave the ship when we make port next week. And he agreed."

Emma stared at him. "What?"

"He wanted to pay you out of our contract. I have thought about letting you go with him. But I came to the conclusion that would teach you the wrong thing. A man has to stand by his word. Our contract is binding. For the life of your sister, you will stay on this ship the time we agreed upon. Not a day more and not a day less."

He stood up, but turned around one more time.

"In case you intend to escape when we make port, I'll lock you up personally. You know the procedure."

Emma's hands shook from the effort to stay calm. If she had thought there was kindness in this man, she was disabused of that notion once and for all. He'd tricked her one too many times. Captain Hook wasn't capable of love, only cruelty.


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N : Hi guys and welcome to all new readers! This chapter took a bit longer than the others, but it's super long. Always remember, this is a mature and in some parts dark story that contains language, violence, sexual content and character loss. It may not be suitable for some readers, so read with discretion. A pirate's life is no bed of roses! I warned you. And as always I want encourage you to review. Tell me what you like, what you don't like, everything. _

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**Chapter 11: City of Snakes**

One week later:

The sticky air in the cabin made it hard to breathe. Emma would have liked to open the door to let in some fresh air, but unfortunately, that wasn't possible, because the Captain had kept his promise and locked her in. Counting the minutes, she sat on the stool and stared daggers at the door, boiling with indignation. If the captain would had entered the infirmary right at that moment, she would have lunged at him, no matter the consequences. He had ruined everything! For once in her miserable life she had been happy. She hadn't expected to meet a person who valued her for who she was without putting pressure on her. Jake was intelligent, kind and tender, and she knew her parents would have approved of him. They would have seen past his father's history. She just knew that her father would have been fond of him. He always supported people who worked their way up from nothing, earning their place in society. And there was that kiss, her first kiss with a man…

Jake could barely look at her now. He spent most of his time on deck with the others, only coming back to the cabin to sleep. Emma had tried to talk to him, but he avoided any conversation unless it was about medicine. She would have understood if he was blaming her for the situation. He was about to lose his home of the past years because of their ill-advised conduct. But the kiss had been more than a drunken mistake and he knew it, too. At least his eyes couldn't lie.

She didn't care what Hook thought of her. There was nothing wrong with caring for someone, even if she really was a boy. Admittedly, she did understand that flirtation on board a ship would only cause problems, but his reaction had been much more than a rebuke. He punished them in the worst way possible. By separating them, taking away yet another person she cared about.

For a while, she had thought she'd been wrong about him. She had searched for a reason explaining the crew's love for him and had almost been convinced that he was capable of compassion, only to be bitterly disappointed.

Aside from that, it baffled her that she was the center of his attention. If Jake was able to buy her an out, why didn't Hook let him? Didn't a pirate always care about money? It made no sense that he abandoned a doctor whose work was imperative on a ship, and kept her, a dispensable cabin boy, on board.

It was as if he'd set his mind on denying her all happiness, just to win the game he was still playing with her. The more she thought about it, the less she understood how a woman could leave her home to live with such a cruel man. Moreover, how could any woman deal with his continuous mood swings?

After a while she felt a jolt under her feet and heard the voices of the crew outside that indicated their departure. They had made port for a few hours to sell their wheat in a food market, which was a day's journey away from Abydos*. In the Enchanted Forest it was also known as the 'City of Snakes', a place filled with mysteries, tales, and all-encompassing wonders. And thanks to the Captain, she wouldn't see any of the infamous magicians or smell any of the foreign spices, because she was locked in this hole for the entire bloody week.

She brushed some hair off her face, feeling sweat wetting her forehead. Since they were traveling south, it was getting warmer each day. She wasn't used to such temperatures and again, she damned the Captain for locking her in here, while the others could feel the warm air and sand on their skin.

Soon, Bernie would bring her some water and food, and if she was lucky, Jake would come to say goodbye before leaving the ship in Abydos this evening. Hook already planned to recruit a new doctor there, he'd told her as much the day before. Since the incident, he'd changed his habit; he went from ignoring her to popping in every day after supper to check if everything was 'in order'. She knew he didn't do it because he was concerned about her well-being. It was more to control Jake and her.

Day dreaming of scenarios in which she poured rum over Hook's face, or stole his hook and threw it over board, she stood up to stretch her legs when she suddenly heard a clatter of boots and a confusing sound of many voices.

"Where is it? Is it dead?"

In an attempt to make out more than scraps of conversation, she pressed her ear against the wood.

And then she heard the blood-curdling scream of a familiar voice.

"Bloody hell, Jake!" Clarke shouted.

Next, Hook's dominant voice was breaking the silence.

"Get out of the way!"

Emma backed away from the door, as she heard the voices getting closer and a key turning in the lock. The door swung open forcefully. Ramsay and Clarke entered the infirmary, carrying Jake between them. Hook followed them inside, a dead black snake with orange stripes impaled on his hook.

They heaved Jake on the treatment table and Emma rushed towards the doctor.

"Make yourself useful and get me that book about envenomation. It's the red one on the shelf," Hook commanded immediately, leaving her no time to dwell on her shock.

Jake was lying back on the table, holding his arm, his face contorted with pain. Emma complied immediately, sensing this was not the first time someone had been bitten by a snake. With shaking hands, she searched for the book and returned to Hook. He snatched it from her and hastily thumbed through the pages, searching for the name of the snake. Soon enough they figured that it wasn't listed in there, so Emma walked around the table. Jake's skin was covered in sweat and he was clenching his teeth, unable to talk.

"It's alright," Emma tried to calm him as she reached for a washcloth to bathe his forehead. "We will fix this."

In reality though, she was mad with terror, her heart pounding so heavily that she was convinced everybody in the room heard it.

"Step away, boy," Hook snapped at her. "Mr. Felton needs more than soothing words."

Emma looked at him with undisguised disgust. He might be the captain, but she was the doctor's assistant and it was not like she hadn't learned anything from him during the last weeks.

"Fear and panic increase blood flow and causes the venom to move faster through the body," she stated as confidently as possible in front of the pirate captain. Of course she was no physician by training, but she had read the chapter about venomous animals only a few days prior, and she wouldn't let him treat her like she was dense. The infirmary was her ambit now. "The patient needs to stay calm, so we have to keep him from moving. And I need some boiled water."

Hook looked at her as if he wanted to bind her to the mast and whip her for her audacity to object, but remained silent. Obviously he agreed with her plans. Clarke gave the captain a questioning look and he nodded with clenched teeth. At that, Clarke left the cabin to get some of the requested water from the galley.

Hook wordlessly reached for his rum flask and removed the cork with his mouth.

"You're not going to disinfect the wound with that swill," Emma gaped at him.

His eyes narrowed as Emma chose a small brown bottle from the medicine cabinet next to the shelf and poured the alcohol over the wound.

Jake gasped but tried to keep his hand calm. After disinfecting the spot, Emma covered it with a clean cloth to keep the dirt out of it. "We need to fix his arm, so that he can't move it anymore," Emma continued, skeptically looking at the swelling. "Maybe we can sit him up. His heart should be higher than the wound."

She walked across the room to search for a pillow as Ramsay and Hook gently moved him into a sitting position.

"Maybe it's better to take off that bloody hand as a whole," Ramsay suggested when Emma returned with the pillow.

"His body is weakened and I don't know if he'll survive the blood loss," Emma objected. "I can't even give him a sedative because I don't know if it interferes with the venom. We need to keep him calm and get him to a doctor. How far is it to Abydos?"

"Five hours under full sail," Hook responded. "It's windy today, so maybe four. I've already instructed the crew to speed up."

He turned around, addressing Ramsay. "Tell Clarke to return to his post. Reaching Abydos is our first priority now. You can get the water instead."

The moment Ramsay left the infirmary, he stepped closer to Emma.

"If you ever undermine my authority again, I'll hang you upside-down on a yard until you pass out," Hook whispered, so that Jake didn't hear.

Emma swallowed hard and nodded without looking him in the eyes. She should have known that the Captain wouldn't tolerate her objection in front of his crew. To him, she wasn't more than a cabin boy and a lousy stowaway. He would never see anything more in her.

They were suddenly interrupted by a weak voice from the treatment table.

"Emmett?"

She looked down, worry written all over her face.

"If you bind my arm above the wound, you can stanch blood circulation and defer the venom from spreading to my organs," he spoke through clenched teeth. "I don't know the snake, but it may buy us some time."

Instantly, she followed his advice. Jake watched her movements with watery eyes. Staying calm took all his strength. She knew he wanted to talk, say all of the unspoken words that had lingered on their tongues for the past week. And she needed to hear them, but it wasn't possible because Hook was still present. He was standing in the room like a guard, with furrowed brows and crossed arms. Emma felt the knot in her chest tighten. Couldn't he even give them one moment of privacy? By the time he finally left the infirmary, Jake had passed out.

-/-

Bringing the Jolly Roger to its limits, they reached Abydos in four and a half hours. Emma could hear the foreign voices of the workers as they docked in. Jake's condition had become worse. He was unconscious most of the time, droplets of sweat covering his pale face. His lips were blue and his breathing short and shallow. She was sitting on the stool, holding his good hand. That was all she could do at the moment, wait and pray. She looked up when the door opened and Hook stepped in.

"We're there," he said monotonous. "I'll send Clarke for a doctor. He speaks the language."

Emma jumped up. "I have to go with him," she demanded. "I can explain his condition to the doctor on the way. Then we lose less time."

She desperately looked at Hook, knowing that it was a weak explanation. She just couldn't sit here any longer; worrying would make her go mad. She didn't intend to run away, of course she couldn't, not when Jake needed her.

"Please," she begged again.

"Okay," he surprisingly agreed, bested. "Take care on the streets. And Emmett," he grabbed her arm as she slipped past him. "Better hurry."

With that, Emma surged through the door and stormed up the ladder.

"I'm coming with you," she shouted as she saw Clarke walking down the gangway and hurried to close up. Clarke turned around and sought consent from the Captain, who had followed her on deck. Hook simply nodded, about to return to the infirmary.

When walking along the docks, Emma was instantly hit by a wall of hot air. Dust was covering her shoes and the sun burned mercilessly on her skin. The people were wearing hats and sandals and protected themselves with long tunics of light fabric. Her pale skin was unusual here and Emma felt prying eyes everywhere. She stared right back at them, just as baffled. Almost all of them had dark hair and honey-colored skin.

Clarke guided her through a market place where people offered fruits and vegetables Emma had never seen before. She almost got lost in the mix of dusty air and foreign smells. Everything was different. Even the houses were built of mud but flat, with terraces on the roofs. Emma felt crowded, much worse than in the North Harbor, especially after all this time on the ship. There seemed to be endless rows of buildings and alleys leading nowhere. This city was big, unlike anything Emma had ever seen. She was used to the simplicity of the castle or the village, but this was a new dimension, a place far off this world.

"Where are we going?" Emma shouted over the voices as Clarke led her through the market place.

"Searching for someone who knows the place. Let's ask one of the locals."

He stopped at a stall and spoke to a woman who was selling silk. Her shiny black hair, decoratively held together with a string of pearls, fell over her shoulders, reaching down to her hips. Emma looked at her open-mouthed, astonished by the exotic beauty. The woman was at least forty, but her eyes, framed by long lashes, sparkled with an ageless spirit that made Emma speechless.

She was answering his question in a melodic language.

Emma tugged at Clarke's sleeve. "What did she say?"

It was then that Emma noticed a woman in a silk blue cloak who was standing at the side of the stall, inspecting a green cloth. She wasn't wearing a hat like the other citizens, but a hood that covered her face. Reddish brown curls spilled out from it, grazing the lace-trimmed white dress as she touched the fabric with gloved hands.

Drawing attention to herself, she turned towards them and Emma caught a glimpse of slightly browned skin, but most of her features were still hidden under the hood.

"Are you from the Enchanted Forest?" the woman asked and Emma noticed that she spoke without an accent.

Emma nodded, glad to find someone she could understand.

"And you're in need of a doctor who has experience with snake bites?"

"Yes," Emma answered rapidly. "Can you help us? We can pay!"

"I may know someone."

The woman payed for the green fabric and motioned for them to follow her. She led them across the market place and through narrow alleys, away from the harbor. Soon, Emma had lost all sense of orientation. Not sure if she could trust the woman, she exchanged looks with Clarke. After all, they were in a foreign city. But then the woman stopped in front of a building. Unlike the others, it was built with stones. The entrance was lined between two pillars which showed carved tendrils, soft engravings of flora and fauna met with odd shapes and ends to overspread and curl around the pillars. The building was older than the other ones on the street; it seemed more like a temple than a residential house.

The woman reached for a massive key and unlocked the wooden door. Emma and Clarke entered a long dim corridor, only illuminated by oil lamps on the walls. The thick stone blocked off the noises of the street, and the only sounds that remained were the echo of their footsteps and their breathing. It made Emma feel slightly uncomfortable.

The woman, who hadn't given her name yet, opened the next door and when Emma stepped inside, her previous thoughts vanished from her mind.

Shelves, filled to the brim with books, all the way up to the ceiling, as far as she could see. Wooden ladders leaned on the shelves. Desk and tables were blanketed in white cloths, protecting the wood from the dust. The blinds were lowered, which made the room even darker than the corridor. It looked like a place that had been abandoned a long time ago.

"My apologies, but I can't turn on the light," the woman said kindly. "These books are very old and direct sunlight would cause great damage."

Emma reverently walked along the shelves; she would have given everything to have a closer look, but there wasn't time for that.

The woman seemed to sense her impatience and motioned for her to follow her.

"Please wait here," she addressed Clarke.

Clarke frowned at that, but there was no time for objection.

The woman walked up the spiral staircase in the middle of the room, to a door which led them onto the roof. Bright daylight blinded Emma when she stepped outside. Gusting wind of salty air disheveled her hair.

When Emma was able to open her eyes again, she gasped at the view in front of her. The library was built high. From up here, she could see the coastline with the harbor and the market place. And to her right was the city, which spanned as far as the hills in the distant. In the middle of the roofs and alleys, an emerald blue river winded its way to the harbor.

"It's beautiful up here, isn't it?" the woman said from behind her and Emma turned around.

Emma watched as she walked towards a cage filled with pigeons. Carefully, the woman opened it, picked a white one, and attached a little note to the bird's leg.

"It's the fasted way to exchange massages in this town," she explained. "The doctor is a dear friend of mine and will come immediately." She opened her hands and gave the pigeon a push. The bird spread its wings and purposefully flapped away.

"How long will it take until he's here?" Emma asked as she followed the bird with her eyes until it disappeared in the wilderness of houses and streets lying beneath.

"Maybe half an hour, if he walks fast."

Emma gasped. That was too long! Her thoughts drifted to Jake, who she'd left unconscious and almost lifeless in company of an insensitive man that had wanted to get rid of him anyway.

"I understand the urgency, but I assure you, this is the fastest way to consult a doctor. Dr. Johnston has plenty of experience with snake bites. And he speaks your language."

Emma nodded, still unsettled.

"You're from the Enchanted Forest, too, aren't you?" The fact alone that she was referring to it as the Enchanted Forest, and not Misthaven, as foreigners used to call it, spoke volumes. And Emma even noticed that she spoke with the accent of her region.

The woman looked at her for several seconds and then wordlessly lifted her hood. It revealed a face of such beauty, with long dark lashes and light blue eyes. Her lips were perfectly curved and as fine as her facial features, framed by long brown curls. A face that seemed slightly familiar.

"Do you want to tell me what you're doing so far from home, dressed as a boy and in company of a man who clearly isn't a servant from the castle?"

Emma's blood ran cold.

"You don't recognize me?" the woman said with a little smile.

Emma frantically tried to remember where she knew that face from. If the woman was familiar with her, she had to be someone who she'd met at the castle, maybe at a royal ball. She dug in her memory for a hint.

"I know it's been a while," the woman added.

Slowly, the fog lifted and unveiled a vague memory, the image of a celebration. Her mother's birthday. Ten years ago. There had been a young woman, roughly at Emma's current age, who had taken her hands and pulled her to the dance floor. Following the scene in her mind, it became clearer. They'd snuck away to steal candy from the kitchen, then made their way to the library to celebrate their very own feast between sweets and books. She had showed her all her favorite stories, kindling her passion for the written word. They'd done that every year, until that very year, when the girl had vanished from Emma's life. Forced into a marriage of convenience with a beast to ensure her kingdom's safety. And had never been seen afterwards.

"Belle?" she asked stunned and the woman's smile widened.

It was the same face, not that smooth as she recalled, but with fine wrinkles, her eyes a little wiser and sadder.

"Lady Belle?" Emma repeated, still astonished. "But you married the Dark One, the beast! Everyone believes that that monster killed you!"

Belle chuckled bitterly. "Killed me? That's what they're thinking there? He may be the Dark One, but he's simply a man who chose power over love. That's what dark magic does to you. It corrupts your soul and poisons it. There's love in everyone, Emma. Sometimes it's just buried under a thick layer of grief that leaves no room for another person."

She sighed. "I had to go. To lead my own life. Somewhere where he couldn't find me."

As Emma met her gaze, she saw Belle tear up and swiftly walked over to her. She gingerly touched her arm. How could someone let a woman of such beauty go? And how could Belle speak that gently of a man that had purchased her like a cow? Was that what love looked like? Crying over someone, even after being hurt like that?

"Now, look at you," Belle smiled. "You've grown up. What happened to your beautiful long hair?"

Actually, Emma was concerned about the fact that Belle had recognized her that quickly, but there was something else she had to tell her. Speaking of it still frightened her, but Belle deserved to know.

"I'm afraid my disguise is not for nothing. The Enchanted Forest has been invaded by an evil force. My parents have been killed and a new king is now occupying the throne. I have no idea what happened to my little brother, but I assume he's dead too." She saw Belle's eyes widen, but continued speaking. "Ruby, my bodyguard, rescued me. She tried to bring me to Arendelle, but we were separated by pirates. They hold me captive on their ship and force me to sail with them. They don't know who I am and still think I'm a boy."

She felt the knot in her throat tighten. "The captain locked me up so I can't escape but then Jake, one of the sailors, got bitten by a snake."

All at once she felt Belle's hands on her shoulders. "Slow down," she said, pulling her into a hug. Emma clung to her, feeling Belle's arms tighten around her and she pressed her head into her hair. It smelled of roses and soap, not like the sailor's dirty scent.

"I'm so sorry Emma," Belle whispered into her ear. Emma could discern Belle wasn't as shocked as she'd expected her to be. Who could blame her? She had probably experienced horrible things herself and had cut her ties years ago, physically and emotionally. And yet, she still cared about the man who was responsible for her pain.

Surprisingly, Emma didn't feel the urge to cry. She'd shed all her tears in that moment with Jake. She carefully slipped out of Belle's embrace, taking a step back.

"I'm fine," she declared. "I survived."

Belle nodded understandingly. She obviously knew what surviving meant. No matter how hard it was to proceed, it was necessary to leave the past behind.

"What happened to Ruby?"

"Apparently, she managed to find a ship to Arendelle. And I'm sure they're already searching for me. But the ocean is big and the Jolly Roger is fast."

Belle's eyes widened even more.

"Does that mean you were captured by Captain Hook?" she gasped. "Under no circumstances can you return to that ship!"

"But Jake's my friend!" Emma objected. She didn't know how to explain what had happened, after all she hadn't had time to process things.

"I'll send Dr. Johnston to him, if that's what you want. But Captain Hook is an evil man. If he'd found out who you are, he would have sold you to the highest bidder."

"How do you know?" Emma asked warily.

"I've met him once. He tried to kill me in order to take revenge on my husband, but he failed. This pirate's without mercy. His heart is rotten!"

Emma felt the urge to tell her what Jake had told her of Milah, but she held it back. Where did this come from? She should agree with Belle, not defend Hook.

"I will accompany the Doctor to the ship. I have to," she said instead. Belle had been a companion when she was a child, but she had no right to decide her fate. She knew that this was her ultimate chance to escape. But she made a promise to Jake and she wouldn't break it.

She raised her head, giving Belle a challenging look.

"You must be very fond of that friend," Belle finally said and Emma nodded.

"Well then, you're a grown woman. But rest assured that decision can only end in catastrophe."

"We'll see about that," Emma replied stubbornly and turned to the door, intending to wait with Clarke downstairs.

-/-

The doctor arrived twenty minutes later. He was a skinny and tall man around fifty, with sparse hair and round glasses. He'd brought a suitcase with antidotes, eager to get to the patient. Before they left, Belle had taken her aside and instructed her not to mention her name to the Captain. It hardly needed mentioning; Emma was intelligent enough to figure out that telling Hook of Belle wouldn't give her any advantages. After all this time, she knew how to act on that ship. There would be another possibility to escape, but first she had to focus on Jake.

On their way the doctor asked questions about the snake, how it had looked like, the form of the bite, time of the incident and the symptoms Jake had shown. As Emma explained it to him in as much details as possible, the doctor quickened his pace, but didn't say anything. It certainly didn't help to calm Emma's already heavily pounding heart. They didn't take the detour through the market place, but chose a way alongside the river, which wasn't that crowed.

Soon they could see the forest of masts in between the houses, and five minutes later they arrived at the docks. Emma needed a moment to find the Jolly Roger, but then she saw the familiar vessel swaying peacefully in the water. Wasting no time, she walked up the gangway, not waiting for Clarke and Dr. Johnston.

"Emmett!" she heard someone call her from the stern. Not taking notice of the sailors she made her way to the infirmary. Dr. Johnston seemed to understand his profession, and Emma was sure he knew the snake that had bitten Jake. He would give him the antidotes and Jake would be fine.

"Emmett!" the voice called again. It was Morren, and she would return later, but right now, she needed to check on Jake.

As she arrived at the hatch, Ramsay stepped in her way, touching her arm. "Don't," he said insistently. Alarmed by his voice, Emma looked up. Ramsay held her arm, not wanting to let her pass by. His face was contorted. He squeezed her arm, as if he wasn't able to continue speaking.

Emma's mouth opened slightly, trying to make sense of his expression as it dawned on her. She yanked her arm free and opened the hatch forcefully. Ramsay didn't make another attempt to stop her. Tumbling down the ladder, Emma stormed towards the cabin. In her rush, she almost fell over her own feet. Her head was spinning as panic overwhelmed her senses with every step. Her hand trembled when she pushed the door open and entered the room.

Hook was sitting on the stool next to the treatment table, slouching, his shoulders sagging. As he heard Emma entering, he looked up, watching her stoically as she stepped closer. Jake was enveloped in a blanket, his arms crossed on his chest. His eyes were closed as if he was sleeping, his features relaxed; almost peaceful.

Emma's lips trembled as she reached for his pulse, already knowing she wouldn't find one. His skin was pale, and the lips she'd kissed a week ago were already losing their color, but his skin was still warm and Emma couldn't help herself. She mechanically reached for his arm to inspect the wound. She turned the limp arm in her hands.

"Emmett," Hook said quietly, but Emma didn't listen and kept touching Jake until she felt Hooks rough hand on hers. "Stop it."

Emma winced as she heard Dr. Johnston entering. He walked towards them, subtly indicating her to move, so he could examine the patient. What was he thinking? It wasn't as if he could do anything other than record the death.

"You're not needed here," she suddenly said through clenched teeth. "You can leave!"

Opposite of her, Hook rose from his chair and walked around the table, but Emma couldn't stop.

"We don't need another doctor here!" she spat out.

It wasn't right that this old man was standing at the treatment table, opening his suitcase to take out all the instruments as if this was his domain. It should be Jake standing here, doing all these things, not this stranger. Emma had read about it in the book and knew the procedure to determine a death correctly. She could see the white papers used to certify death in a side pocket of his bag. The document that would make it official. Her body shook as the doctor refused to listen to her and she opened her mouth to repeat herself.

This time, she was interrupted by a hand and hook slightly pulling at her shoulders.

"Come with me," Hook said softly but Emma refused to obey, digging her feet in the ground, not wanting to move an inch.

"Emmett please," he said again, and nudged her slightly towards the entrance. The grip on her shoulders was firm, and finally Emma gave in. Simply because she no longer had the strength to put up a fight.

She wordlessly let Hook lead her through the ship. He didn't take the path above the deck and not through the crew's quarters either, but chose a detour through the food stores in order to avoid an encounter with a crew member.

When they arrived at his cabin, he guided her towards one of the armchairs. He put two glasses on the table and reached for his flask, pouring the entire content into the two glasses. He shoved the drink towards her and sat down. Clinking his glass with hers, he leaned back and took a gulp. Emma did the same. The rum burned her throat, but it didn't drown the thoughts that were consuming her.

"When?" was all she could get out.

Hook turned the glass in his hand. "An hour ago, shortly after you left."

Emma swallowed, shaking her head to fight the numbness spreading in her head.

"I was too slow. I lingered for a bloody conversation."

"Nobody would have reached for a doctor that shortly. If anything was too slow, it was the Jolly Roger. And as the captain of this ship, you can blame that on me."

Emma downed the rest of her drink with the next gulp.

"You wanted to get rid of him anyway," she said motionless. "Now you can even keep his wage for yourself."

She expected Hook to snap, threaten her with flogging or even go through with it, but he only returned her look, somehow sad.

"Is that how you think of me?" he suddenly asked. "As a heartless man that doesn't care for anyone on this ship?"

"Why abandon him then?" she asked bluntly. "This ship was the only home he had left. You might as well have made him walk the plank. It wouldn't have made any difference."

Bitterness encompassed his gaze.

"Who are you to judge me? You have been onboard for how long? About two months? And you claim to know me and my ties to my men?"

"I know how you treat me," she replied brusquely. "You knew I was in a desperate situation when you found me. And you enjoyed it for no purpose. You separated me from my sister just for fun. And you keep taking every single person I care about away from me. You don't need me on this ship. I'm a worthless cabin boy. If someone had to go, why not me instead of Jake?

"Mr. Felton was the older one," Hook replied angrily. "He was supposed to know the rules on this -"

"Bullshit!" Emma cut him short. "This was never about the kiss. Or him. For some reason you keep up this game."

She thrusted the empty glass on the table. "Well then, Captain. You won. I don't know what the purpose of this is, but I surrender. Flog me or do whatever you want, I don't care anymore. You did enough to scare me off. You could have chased me off the ship at that food market. Then Jake would still be alive and doing his job, as he's supposed to do. Not lying there, dead -"

She sniveled and narrowed her eyes to slits, trying to hold back the tears. But then she changed her mind. Why pretend to be strong while reaching her breaking point. Soon he would know everything about her, and be able to sell her to the highest bidder, be it Elsa or her enemies. At least she would be able to leave the ship then.

Hook didn't respond. She realized it after several minutes when she'd shed all the tears she'd held back for the past months, when she had endured all his humiliations, always hoping that his feigned mood-swings would stop. By now she understood them for what they were, a mask, not more than pretending, and a lie, meant to frighten and to discipline her.

Raising her head, she met his pensive gaze. There again, she caught that glimpse of sadness she'd seen earlier.

"My first time on a ship was at the age of eight," Hook suddenly said. His voice was lower than before and Emma brushed the tears off her face, finally able to listen.

"I was traveling with my father and my brother. At least that was what I thought. When I woke up in the middle of the night, I learned that my father was gone. He sold us into servitude. The crew were rough fellows, not even close to what you can call a family. They shoved us on deck, presenting us to their captain, in the middle of the night, laughing and growling around. I have never been more afraid in my entire life. I was kneeling on the planks, certain my life would be over soon. My brother Liam stood up in front of them. I don't remember what he said, but he shielded me from them. Ever since, my brother never left my side. We even went on to serve together in the Navy." He paused, to gather himself. "It was a day in late August when he died. We were on a mission to collect a poisonous plant for the king. He died because of a mistake I made. And I can never take it back." He sighed. "It was unreal when I saw you that night, kneeling behind your sister, showing that exact same fear, but also the same trust that she would keep you safe."

Emma swallowed; she couldn't speak and so he continued.

"You were two lost souls, and like us, abandoned by the world. But this is a pirate ship, a dangerous place. People die here all the time. You know now of what I speak of. Imagine if it had been your sister. Imagine if she was here and was the one who'd been bitten by the snake."

Emma felt fresh tears rising and shook her head. "Don't do this."

"Now you get what I mean. I couldn't provide shelter for the two of you. In addition, this is a pirate ship. You had a higher chance of survival. Because that's what people like us do. We survive."

Emma inhaled sharply. Had he treated her like this to make her tough to ensure her survival? Was this his twisted way of caring about someone?

"So when you offered me the deal, I took it. I made sure that your sister left the ship safely and found a ship to return."

"You gambled with our fates first," Emma snorted.

Hook shook his head with a sad smile.

"I never gambled over anything. Don't you remember what I told you as a pirate's first rule? Always negotiate with the intention to get what you want. Never let coincidence decide what you get, and call it fate. You determine your own fate. It's you alone."

"I don't understand."

"I rigged the game. You were exhausted; it was very easy. I own all kinds of loaded dice. When I saw you weren't paying attention I exchanged the dice and made sure you would win the game. You're right, I could've just agreed to your deal, but I had to make a point. Frighten you a little bit. Getting used to the fear was what you had to learn. It's what makes us stronger. And you did well. I've never seen someone get accustomed to that way of life that fast. You've been a natural in the rigging and you managed to win over the crew in no time. Jake told me you have the intelligence to become a fabulous doctor. The day I took you in, I decided to do right by you. To teach you to be a sailor during the time we agreed upon and then let you choose if you want to remain on this path. That was what I told Jake last week. It was then that he insisted that he should be the one to leave the ship."

"He insisted on it?" Emma whispered.

"Aye, he said you did deserve better than him."

"What?"

Hook hesitated. "Consider this the hour of truth. There is something else I haven't told you yet. Shortly before Jake passed, he woke up. There was something lingering in his soul. Something he probably didn't want me to tell you. But since the two of you seemed to be …close… I think you deserve to know his secret."

* * *

*I borrowed the name from an ancient Egyptian city.


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N : Welcome to the hiatus guys! We'll get through this! As promised, here's the next chapter. I have to repeat my previous warning and I will keep that up for the next few chapters as well. Language, violence and sexual content are and will be part of this story. This is not necessarily a happy fic and there will be triggers for definite. _

_All chapters are edited by musicalfreak22 and IrishSwan. If you like my writing, it's because of their hard work! (Can't mention that often enough!)  
_

 _Please keep reviewing. It means a lot to me!_

* * *

 **Chapter 12: The Deal**

Emma was sitting there, her eyes puffy from crying and her throat burning of the rum. The dull throbbing in her brain was numbed by the effects of the alcohol. Nevertheless, she tried to compose herself, to cope with the situation.

Hook didn't look much better. Deep wrinkles furrowed his brow, and his eyes were lusterless and sad. Telling her all these things had put him in a vulnerable position, something he obviously wasn't used to. She hadn't expected him to share all these things with her... ever. And she didn't know how to respond to this. The revelation that he actually did care for her, even more than she could have possibly known, didn't fit the picture she had created of him. It felt unreal, like the entire day.

"You should probably take a rest," Hook suggested. "We can talk later as well."

Emma shook her head slightly, pushing the glass to the middle of the table. "How could I possibly sleep now?"

Hook nodded and stood up. He opened a cupboard next to the table and returned with a new bottle of liquor.

"This is the good stuff, nothing like the swill of the barrels. I purchased it from a distant realm forty years ago. Never touched it because I wanted to save it for a special occasion. This might not be the circumstances I imagined, but I guess we need something to take our minds off things to survive this bloody day."

Emma raised an eyebrow, still not used to him being that open with her, but didn't object as he poured her another drink.

"How old are you exactly?" she asked as they clicked glasses.

"I could tell you, but then I would have to kill you," he responded with a lopsided sneer that looked more like a grimace and downed the drink. "Let's drink to something else. Maybe to continue to speak the truth from this day forward, and leave everything else behind."

"Sounds like a good plan," Emma replied and felt like a hypocrite as she took a sip. She didn't have the knowledge nor the mind to appreciate the quality of the liquor. For her it was just alcohol, suitable to dull the pain, if only briefly. Hook had already poured his next drink, and she eventually asked herself if he had to give himself liquid courage for what was coming. Though, after what they had been through, she assumed he simply wanted to get drunk. She couldn't judge him for that.

"When Jake woke up, he asked for you," Hook suddenly started. "When you weren't available and he could feel the end coming, he confessed lying about his past. He didn't want to die without someone knowing who he really was."

"Who he really was?" Emma repeated the words, but didn't catch the meaning. "I know who he was."

Hook watched her warily.

"Did he tell you of his past?"

Emma nodded, waiting for Hook to continue.

"Apparently, he was traveling under a false name that he kept on the Jolly Roger. He felt guilty because he blamed himself for the death of his family. He may have told you that he was a political refugee. What he didn't tell either of us was that he had been the one who was politically involved. His family had nothing to do with it and he was the one who dragged them into it. His father took the blame, and because he was protecting his son, he was branded as an enemy of the kingdom, too. Jake felt responsible for their deaths. Who can blame him."

Emma stared at Hook, not knowing how to respond to that.

"So he altered little bits of his story here and there. He told it so many times that he almost started to believe it himself. But whenever the burden of harboring such a secret became too much, he threw himself into his work and did everything he could to save peoples' lives. His work as a doctor did help assuage his guilt slightly, but he still carried the weight of his betrayal with him everyday.

Now it was Emma's turn to take the bottle and pour herself another drink. Maybe that was why he helped her in the first place. Jake had been disguised like her, just not physically.

She wanted to reach out to him, tell him that she didn't care about what he had done. She'd liked him for the person he had been to her. That hadn't been a lie.

But it was too late for that. She would never get the chance to figure out who he really was, because he was gone. Within a day, without advanced warning, he had vanished from existence because of a bloody snake.

"A pirate's life is no bed of roses," Hook said calmly.

It reminded her of what Ramsay had told her that day on the naval ship.

"We drink, we trade, we fuck and we fight, and when it's all said and done, we die. Sometimes simply because we're in the wrong place at the wrong time. It isn't heroic like the stories make people believe. I'm aware that we're nothing more than a bunch of criminals traveling the high seas. But the doctor wasn't a criminal or a coward. He patched up a lot of my men, always having an open ear and a friendly word for them. No matter what he did in the past, he was a good man. He deserved to be known under the name his father gave him. And he should have been proud of it." He paused. "He made me promise not to tell anyone. But if not the sailors, at least you should know his birth name."

Emma nodded. "What is it?" she responded, her throat dry.

"Graham Humbert."

"Graham Humbert," she said quietly, trying to match it to Jake's face. But the only image she could muster was that of the pale face with the blue lips. The face of a dead man.

"It sounds lovely," was all she could say.

"Yes it does," Hook acquiesced. "I won't use the name at the funeral, though."

At the world 'funeral', Emma winced.

"Jake asked for a burial at sea. So that is what we're going to do."

"If this is what he wanted," Emma said motionlessly. The last thing she wanted to deal with right now was how to proceed with Jake's body. How could they even talk about him like that? Six hours ago he'd been walking around on the ship, healthy as a young man should be. And now? She couldn't wrap her mind around it.

"Are you with us then?"

Emma looked up, confused. "What do you mean?"

"You demanded to end our 'little game', as you put it. I rigged the game, which makes our contract invalid. I'm not a slave trader. I intended to pay you fully after the five months we agreed upon for all the time you have been on this ship. You have always been a full member of my crew and you're welcome to stay as long as you want to. I should have let you go with Jake, you're right about that. I may not be able to undo what happened, but I can just offer it to you now. If you choose to go, I won't hold you back."

Emma stared at him grimly. If he'd only come to this conclusion a few weeks ago. She wanted to throw it back in his face but when she looked at him, she couldn't bring herself to do it. The mask that he'd been wearing all this time was gone, leaving behind a face that wasn't less exhausted than hers.

Hook watched her sadly with his bright blue eyes, strands of thick dark hair hanging into his face. He blamed himself; she could see it in the way he was pouring his next drink. Purposefully, on a mission to get drunk.

It would be easy to agree, to leave all this mess behind. She could return to Belle, send a message to Arendelle and wait for Ruby to pick her up. She didn't even understand what made her hesitate. It was insane to remain on the ship. Women weren't allowed to travel the seas, and keeping her disguise wouldn't work forever. What did it matter if she was present at the funeral or not? Jake -or should she call him Graham now- was dead and he would hardly judge her. She blamed the alcohol for the stupidity clouding her mind, but she couldn't shake the thought and slowly realized the truth.

She was afraid of leaving the ship. She would be welcomed in Arendelle, that she knew. But she wouldn't be more than a guest. A fallen princess living in exile. The north was cold and icy. There wouldn't be many opportunities to roam through the woods. She would spend her bloody existence in the castle or at royal balls, and would probably be married to an ally of the kingdom. Not even the thought of a proper library made this prospect alluring. On this ship, she was appreciated. And despite the danger, she had been happy the last few weeks. She considered Ramsay, Clarke and Bernie her friends. And even Hook had finally revealed that he valued her more than she ever dared to expect.

"If I stay on this ship, will I be able to continue my education in medicine?" she suddenly asked.

"If we find a new doctor who is willing to teach you, sure," he simply answered as if this wasn't any problem at all.

It was stupid, and it was insane, but Emma caught herself thinking that this could work. Only for a few months. Enough to obtain knowledge to be a healer.

The alcohol settled upon her and she knew she shouldn't make the decision while being drunk, but she couldn't help herself and nodded.

-/-

A few hours later she noticed that she had drifted into a dreamless slumber as she woke up with a start. To her surprise she was still sitting in the armchair, covered with a white sheet of thin cotton. Beneath her, she felt the familiar rocking of the ship and immediately knew they were moving again. Checking the time on a chronometer in the corner, she noticed that she had blacked out for several hours.

Hook was nowhere to be seen, but in front of her stood a glass of lemon juice. She wasn't used to him being attentive towards her but she guessed he had something to prove, because of Jake. Graham, she corrected herself, only to feel the bitterness dwelling up again.

Emma stretched her numb limbs and downed the glass in front of her. It reminded her of the day when he had kissed her, which now seemed like a distant memory, although it had just happened a week prior. Would it be like this from now on? Would everything on this ship remind her of him? She'd managed to banish her family from her mind but that was only possible because her surroundings had changed so drastically and she barely had any time left to think of her old life. It was different with Jake. He'd somehow woken her up, helped her figure out something she hadn't been aware she even wanted. To be a healer. She couldn't back down now, not after what Jake had sacrificed for her. She wanted to make him proud. It was all she could do for him.

Bernie entered the cabin a few moments later with a bowl of cold soup. He sat down next to her and watched her quietly as she ate. And unlike Hook, Bernie calmed her, so she could actually take a few bites. His presence transmitted a unique calmness; it almost seemed like old times, when Jake had merely been the handsome quiet doctor she admired from a distance.

"Do you want to be on deck when we bury Jake?" Bernie asked gently after she finished.

Emma looked up, struggling to keep her meal down. She nodded slowly.

"Is it happening right now?" she asked. Her voice was trembling as she spoke the words.

"Emmett, everybody will understand if you don't want to see it."

"I need to be there," Emma responded firmly and got up.

"You're sure?"

"Yes," Emma stated.

She asked herself if Bernie knew of the kiss, but she doubted that Hook told anyone. There must have been rumors, given Rotten Tooth's remark. The man had a twisted, dirty mind, and the entire crew knew that, but Emma was aware that it was dangerous to let her guard down. Though, unlike Jake, she didn't regret what she was doing. Maybe it was supposed to be this way for her. Being isolated and alone. Maybe it was better to build up walls and not let anyone get too close. Letting someone in only brought pain. Hook had been right to teach her the rough reality of the outside world. So she would continue to travel with them for a while. She would learn to be a healer and then leave the ship for good, to a place far, far away.

She felt Bernie's fingers on her arm as she reached the door.

"Please don't get upset on deck."

Emma turned around. "Why would I get upset?"

"Hook has hired the doctor you came with, Mr. Johnston."

"He did what?"

"We need a doctor on board. The Southern Waters are dangerous. This is pirate territory. It's entirely possible to encounter an adversarial ship here."

"And why does it have to be him?" Emma asked. The prospect of learning medicine from the man that reminded her most of Jake's death, was horrifying.

"It seems he was disliked because he's good at his job and stole patients from the local healers. They spread rumors of him being an evil sorcerer in hopes of keeping their patients from going to him. He is a foreigner and the people are very superstitious. Apparently he got more than one death threat in the past few weeks. The captain offered him an impressive sum and he accepted immediately. He'll stay until we return to the Enchanted Forest in a few months."

Emma wasn't sure if she could believe that story. Why should a man make such a decision after such short time? They had only docked for a few hours. Was Belle behind this? She had talked to the man and didn't think he knew her identity. Belle had acted as if she felt responsible for her, but Emma had an odd sense of knowing when someone was lying to her. But if it wasn't about her, why send someone on a dangerous pirate ship? The answer was easy. It was known that Captain Hook traveled to the Enchanted Forest regularly. He was famous, and in spite of his fame, he had never been caught by authorities. As she had experienced before, the Jolly Roger often traveled unnoticed, disguised as a merchant ship. Did Belle plan to end her exile and return to the Enchanted Forest now that the power structures had changed there? Her parents were gone, but with them, the Evil Queen and the Dark One had disappeared, too. Did she send a friend to check out the situation? Or did she have something else in mind? Whatever it was, Emma didn't care about it anyway. If this doctor was good at his job, he would make her a better healer. She didn't necessarily need to like him in order to learn from him, did she?

"I don't hold anything against him," she stated brusquely and left the cabin.

The weather wasn't very bright that morning, a dense cloud cover blocked the sun, and moreover, there was a blustering wind sweeping over the ship. Now that they had left the shore, the air was chilly and Emma was sure it would begin raining soon.

She was the last one to appear on deck. The other sailors were already there, gathered around Hook, who was standing next to a bier. Jake's body was enveloped in a simple white sheet, whereas the crew looked different than usual. They looked tidy, wearing their best shirts and polished shoes, and even Rotten Tooth could almost be considered to be decent, as long as he kept his mouth shut, that is. Hook was still wearing his leather coat, but also had exchanged his shirt and it looked like someone had cut his hair. She felt a pang of guilt because she was the only one who hadn't thought about her wardrobe. Not that she owned any of which she could choose from.

The crowd parted as Emma stepped on deck, letting her through to a place at the front. Bernie followed her closely.

"You alright?" Ramsay whispered from beside her and squeezed her arm.

Both of them knew it was a stupid question, but Emma understood he only wanted to express his concern, so she nodded. The entire situation still felt surreal, like out of a book. She felt sad but distant, a bit like when she'd learned about her family's death. But at the same time, it somehow made her more aware and confident enough to get through this day without falling apart. The time for crying was over. As a healer she would see many people die, so she had to get used to that.

She noticed the new doctor a few feet away, but decided not to pay any attention to him. She would have to work with him soon enough.

They proceeded with a short ceremony and Hook concluded with a speech in which he praised Jake's skills and character. He only referred to Jake as the man he'd been onboard, as already announced, and told some stories that had happened before she joined the crew. As Emma listened, she became well aware of the fact that she hadn't known Jake for long. There were so many things she didn't know about him. They had been like two ships passing in the night but not destined to sail together. There was nothing she could do, so why keep on wailing about it?

Only when Hook and Morren lifted the bier and Emma saw the body sliding over the rail, did she feel a sudden sting. She stepped to the railing and watched her dear friend disappear between the waves. And just like that, he was gone.

Slowly, the crowd dissipated and the sailors returned to their posts. There was no additional ceremony or banquet. The funeral hadn't lasted more than half an hour. They had to prepare for the storm ahead of them, leaving no time for mourning. Maybe it was better that way. Emma had hated the daylong funeral celebrations at home. When a royal died, they sometimes lasted longer. On some level, Emma was happy that she hadn't been able to attend her parent's funeral. Again, she felt a pang of guilt crawling up her stomach. She didn't understand what was going on with her. Why she began to think like a cold hearted bitch.

After the funeral she went to the infirmary only to meet the doctor at the door. Mr. Harrold Johnston held out his hand to her, expressed his condolences once again and assured her that he didn't intend to replace Jake and that he was willing to continue her education. Apparently Hook had already talked to him about that. Emma would have liked to punch him in the face, but even she knew that she was the problem, not the doctor. Jake wouldn't have liked her to behave like that, he would have told her to be nice. So she would compose herself and play nice in order to get what she wanted.

"Do you want to have some time for yourself in there?" the doctor asked carefully. He was aware of her resentment, which was not surprising after what she had said to him.

"It's okay," she finally said. "I can show you your new working place." She emphasized the last words to indicate that she accepted him temporarily. He seemed to understand and didn't respond as he entered the infirmary behind her.

Going in there was what she had been afraid of and all the more the reason she had to do it now, before the fear got too big. Everything looked the same and yet so different. The treatment table was empty and cleaned, but Jake's belongings were where they used to be and his bed was still unmade from the previous morning. The doctor had occupied one of the bunks, his treatment bag was lying on the stool and his jacket was hanging on a hook at the door. He must have gone back and brought some of his belongings, because she noticed new meds in the drug cabinet and more books in the shelf. Next to his bed was another half unpacked bag; the clothes perfectly folded.

"Is it okay for you if I use this bunk?" he asks politely.

"Aye," Emma mumbled out of necessity. It was the bunk that was the furthest away from hers, it would do. "I guess you've already made yourself comfortable."

Dr. Johnston wanted to respond to that but Emma didn't give him a chance.

"How well do you know Lady Belle exactly?" she asked curiously. She needed to find out if he wanted to lead her into a trap.

The doctor walked across the room, set aside the treatment bag and sat down on the stool. Emma stepped closer, not taking her eyes off him. She wanted to see every tiny reaction.

"I met her a few years ago. We were both strangers in this city and spoke the same language. We helped each other a lot. I wanted to leave Abydos for a while, and this was my chance. I will be gone in a few months, then the captain will have to search for a new doctor."

If he was thinking that would satisfy her, he'd been wrong.

"Why didn't you board a merchant or a naval ship? There are plenty of them heading north."

Dr. Johnston frowned. "Is this supposed to be an interrogation?"

"I'm just ensuring that no one is boarding the ship with ill intentions," Emma professed.

"Wouldn't that be the Captain's task to find out?"

Emma tensed. The man was holding something back.

"Look, I'm well aware that this is a pirate ship. I guess every one of you has secrets. I don't mean you any harm, but I have my own reasons for traveling with you. So can we just leave it at that?"

Emma didn't even think of letting it go, but she was interrupted by a noise on deck. There were some shouts that were definitely more than orders. Was another snake up there? Panic overwhelmed her, as she stormed to the door. It took her less than a minute to leave the room, run up the ladder and push the hatch open.

"What the hell?" slipped out of her mouth, as she watched the scene. Hook was pressed against the main mast, and it looked like he was being choked, his face already turning red. A man stood in front of him, his back turned to Emma. His hand was stretched out as he held Hook in his invisible grip. The crew was standing around them, somehow unable to intervene.

Slowly the man turned around and Emma winced as she met the dark eyes with a spiteful golden spark. His skin had a greenish, golden hue and his grey hair was messy and dirty. He did wear expensive leather, which was more like a second skin, and black boots. His fingers were long and slender and ended in nails that resembled claws. His movements were fluent, like that of an animal. He looked like…well, a crocodile.

"I know who you are," Emma whispered as she compared the beast to the image in her head. "You're Rumplestiltskin, the Dark One."

The man's eyes narrowed. "For little knows my royal dame that Rumplestiltskin is my name!" he growled and Emma froze as an evil grin spread across his face. She shouldn't have used the name she knew from the legend.

The Dark One stretched out his other arm. Suddenly she was hit by a force shoving her against the railing. She felt a pressure on her throat and now it was her who couldn't breathe.

She saw Hook fight against the invisible power but he stood no chance. "Let the boy go," he spat through clenched teeth.

"The boy?" the Dark One laughed and stared back at Emma and she knew he saw right through her disguise. He lowered his arms and both of them fell to the floor.

"How do you want to keep me from killing you both? You want to stab me with your little toothpick?"

Hook got to his feet and surged forward in blind hatred, only to be thrown back against the mast. He slipped to the floor, unable to move.

The Dark One bent down and removed the hook from his prosthesis.

"Do you know how long I waited for this moment?" he asked with a thrill of anticipation in his voice. "I've searched the seas for decades; guess how happy I was when my scouts found the Jolly Roger in these waters."

It was then that Emma noticed the raven sitting on the yard above her, watching the scene with its black eyes. There was a ring around its ankle.

Rumplestiltskin touched the hook with relish.

"You remember the last time we met here? First I took your love, then I took your hand and today I will take your life. And I'm going to do it with your precious hook."

Emma stared as the Dark One raised the hook, aiming for the Captain's throat. How could a man become this? How could he talk about his former wife like that? And how could a smart woman like Belle love a man like him? His heart was rotten, more than Hook's could ever be!

"Stop it," she screamed and tried to get up on her feet.

The Dark One grinned and turned to her again. "Well, I guess 'the boy' wants to die first. You like that, Captain? Me killing your crew in front of you?"

"Don't you dare," Hook warned, desperation resonating in his voice, and something else Emma had never seen in him before. Fear. The infamous, tough pirate captain was afraid to see his crew slaughtered in front of him.

However, the Dark One had tasted blood and addressed Emma. "How do you want to die? Drowning?"

Emma stepped back when he approached her. She saw the crew's terrified faces, but it was like they were frozen, unable to do anything. "Or choke to death?" the Dark One offered. He stopped in front of her. Emma trembled as he touched her collar and then her skin with the tip of the hook. The metal was cold and it felt wrong. Only one man was allowed to carry it, and that was the Captain.

"Do you want to be pierced by this hook, Dearie?" he laughed and leaned forward, whispering. "Would that be an appropriate death for a Lady?"

Emma shivered with disgust. She had been right; the Dark One had seen past her disguise.

"You can't keep secrets from me, darling," he sneered.

He stretched out his arm and stopped another of the Captain's attempts to lunge at him. Hook hit the planks with a dull thud. As he raised his head, his lip was bleeding.

"This issue is between me and you, Crocodile!" Hook spat out. "It has nothing to do with the boy."

"Well, but I do enjoy you begging. Keep it up, Captain and show your crew who the real coward is, before I kill you."

"Your wife would be ashamed of you!" Emma suddenly shouted. "Belle wouldn't approve of any of this!"

The Dark One spun around and grabbed her throat with his callous claws.

"How dare you utter my wife's name?"

"Because I know her," Emma said scornfully. "And I know where she is."

The Dark Ones eyes widened. "You're bluffing." But he immediately let go of her throat.

"I'm not," Emma stated. "And I'm the only one who can tell you where she is. If you're going to kill me, I will make sure you never know where that is."

"I could torture it out of you," the Dark One tested his options.

"That would be messy and would cost you a lot of time," Emma responded, more confident now. "I would just tell you a lot of wrong places and you wouldn't know which one is the right one."

The Dark One turned around and pointed at the crew. "I could kill each one of them. One after another, until you tell me."

"Why not make it easy for yourself?" Emma asked defying. "Afraid of making a deal with me?"

That got his attention; she could see it in the way his eyes narrowed. The Dark One was never good at resisting deals, she knew that from the stories, too.

"What do you suggest?" he finally said.

"I'll tell you your wife's exact whereabouts, if you let everyone on this ship be, for as long as I'm a member of the crew."

The Dark One looked at her, then grinned again. "So does that mean, when you leave this ship, I'm free to kill the Captain?"

"Only if I'm leaving the crew of my own free will. But rest assured, I'm not planning on spending my entire life on this ship. So what do you have to lose? A few months, till you get your revenge? Is it worth the wait? And if I don't speak the truth you can come back anytime and kill us all."

"I misjudged you, 'boy'," the Dark One said grinning. "You have a true talent in pulling off deals."

He turned around towards Hook. "It seems the boy is not that fond of you. Maybe you should consider paying your crew more money. Well, I accept the deal." He flicked his fingers and suddenly a piece of paper and a quill appeared. Emma took it out of his hands and wrote down what she had told him. Then they both put their names on the contract.

"Alright," Emma said nervously. She hoped she hadn't missed a loophole but she was pretty sure she had done it correctly. So, she furled the paper and put it in her pants pocket.

"You can find Belle in the old library of Abydos," she said and tried to keep her voice from trembling. She had thrown Belle back into this man's grasp, after she'd spent half her life escaping from him. And even though it saved her from Rumplestilskin and ensured her safety on this ship, she still felt the sharp pang of guilt. A pirate's life was no bed of roses. That was how she had to be in this world in order to survive. This was the only way, right?

"It was nice doing business with you," he said with mischief and held out his hand. Emma didn't shake it and so he walked over to Hook, who was still immobile in the Dark One's grip.

"See you soon, Captain."

With that he disappeared in a puff of smoke, the hook falling on the planks next to the Captain.

Hook groaned and reached for the metal. Unsure of what to do, Emma stepped forward. She could see the disapproval on the crew's faces. Avery looked at her as if he had always known what kind of person she was. Even Bernie refused to look her in the eyes. She had saved them temporarily, but moreover she had saved herself. The things she had said hurt them. A few weeks ago she would have meant every word, but now…

"I had to say it," she mumbled. "I had to offer him a deal he couldn't resist. I didn't mean what I-"

"You're bloody brilliant, amazing," she suddenly heard Hook's breathless voice and looked down. He was kneeling on the floor, finding his bearings as he put the hook back in place. "Help me up?"

Surprised, she took his hand and helped him stand up. He looked battered, but his grip was firm. His eyes were sparkling and his crooked smile almost made him look like a young boy. Could he possibly be proud of her?

"Well done, mate," he said as he patted her on her back. "Can't believe you bested the bloody Crocodile. I was sure this would be my last moments on earth. I guess I have to keep you on this ship forever now."

He raised his eyebrow as he saw her horrified face. "I'm joking. You're free to leave this ship whenever you want."

Her eyes widened at his words.

"But I hope you continue to travel with us. After all, you're our guardian angel now."

Emma's face turned red and then repeated what she had tried to say before.

"I didn't mean a word. You all saved my life and I'm thankful for that," she looked at the crew, but her gaze lingered on Ramsay who responded with a nod. She also noticed Dr. Johnston, who must have arrived when Emma had been distracted by Rumplestilskin. He didn't show any signs of shock, and that truly surprised her. But she had made her choice. She would let this matter go, as long as he taught her medicine. They would get along, at least she hoped so.

The men returned to their posts, as Hook walked with her towards the hatch.

"You're full of surprises, Emmett. Will you ever tell me from where you know the Dark One's wife?"

"Maybe one day."

"You have fire in you," Hook said as they reached the hatch. "Always knew there's a little pirate in you. And I suppose I should also thank you for saving my life."

"No one else should be buried today," she simply answered.

"Right," Hook said and the smile vanished. "Look, I don't expect you to be on duty today. Go to your cabin and take a proper rest. We'll be on the open sea for the next four weeks until we make port again. You'll need your strength."

Emma nodded. Hook looked at her pensively as he opened the hatch for her. Before she descended off deck, he gently grabbed her arm. "I know you have secrets, Emmett. Secrets that make no sense to me yet. I'll accept that unless it will harm the crew. You understand that, don't you?"

"I do," she replied and wished for a moment that she could tell him the entire truth. She was so tired of pretending. But it wasn't the right time for that, not yet.


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N:_ _Hi guys! As we finish the first half of this story, I want to thank you all for sticking around with me. It's been an incredible journey to write fanfiction and getting to know some of you. Special thanks to IrishSwan and musicalfreak22, my wonderful betas! Getting to know you two has truly been a pleasure. You worked so hard on this story, motivated me, and made me laugh so many times! Let's do the second part now!  
_

 _ **Warnings: There are triggers in this chapter, language, sexual and violent content, especially sexual violence!**_

 _The rating is for a purpose. You're warned!_

* * *

 **Chapter 13: Transformation**

"Are you excited?" Clarke asked as he sat down next to her. The platform of the crow's nest swayed in the wind, but Emma had gotten used to the movement, and almost didn't even notice it anymore. Quite the contrary, feeling solid ground underneath her feet was strange now, and she always needed some time to get rid of her sea legs.

They both stared at the horizon and watched the narrow strip of land come closer. After four strenuous weeks at sea with only a few breaks at small islands, they all needed a little time to rest. Emma especially, was exhausted. Not that she would complain about it; it kept her mind off things, but Hook had challenged her greatly. In addition to studying and the work as the doctor's assistant, she had to help in the rigging. Hook didn't give benefits for free; if she wanted more free time to study, she had to work for it.

At first, she had been afraid of being up there again, but after a few days, the fear had faded.

On their way they had outran two naval ships and got into a fight with an adversarial one. It had been a bark that had chased and almost sank them first. It had been the weather that came to their rescue. Dense fog had allowed them to maneuver the ship into an advantageous position to fire their cannons and sink the other one. But it had been a narrow feat. Emma gained more experience patching up the few injuries left by the battle. A doctor's work was messy and Emma soon realized that a calm and steady character was needed to do the job. Dr. Johnston had that attitude, which reminded her of Jake, who had had it as well.

After all, Emma had to admit that Dr. Johnston was a good teacher. He was far more experienced than Jake, had decades of practice and was teaching medicine up until he had left the Enchanted Forest. They barely spoke outside of lessons, but the situation wasn't tensed either. Both accepted it and when they needed company, Emma spent time with the other sailors, mostly with Bernie, Ramsay and Clarke, whereas Dr. Johnston had bonded with Morren.

Keeping up her disguise was more difficult than before but she knew the ship and the daily routine of the crew. When Dr. Johnston left the cabin for his usual early morning walk on deck, she locked the door from the inside, washed herself and changed the bandages within minutes. Then she joined the crew for breakfast. It had worked to her favor that she wasn't supervised at every step anymore. After Hook had been so pleased with her, the crew had condoned her harsh words to the Dark One. Sometimes they even made fun of her for it, calling her a guardian angel and a 'lovely lad', referring to her look as an effeminate boy. Most of them didn't mean it as an insult, but there were other voices Emma tried to ignore. She was certain that her image was the only reason they hadn't figured out the truth yet. The thought that a woman could actually board the ship and live amongst them hadn't even crossed their minds.

They were about to make port in Gemunos, the second city of the South. Hook hoped to trade some of the booty they hadn't sold in Abydos. After that, they would travel to a shipyard two days away. They needed to purchase some new sails and ropes.

"Yeah," she responded to Clarke. "I can't wait to see the city after our stay in Abydos was so short."

Clarke watched her from the side.

"You okay?"

"It's getting better. I mean I barely have time to think. It's not that I really knew Jake. And people die all the time, I know that."

Clarke shrugged. "Don't get too hard on yourself. Here in Gemunos are a few nice taverns. The lasses are nice too."

She liked that about Clarke. He was more of a funny man, always joking around, not taking things too seriously. Laughing was the best medicine against pain and grief and she actually enjoyed being with him.

"There are some nice lads, too," He added with a wink.

Emma blushed deeply. "I'm not, I'm –"

"You have never lain with a lass?" Ramsay asked, now grinning widely.

"That's not what I wanted to say," Emma tried to explain but Clarke didn't give her the chance to talk and she knew he was in the middle of his next prank. Emma couldn't keep him from climbing over the rail and down the rigging.

"Don't you dare!" she screamed and followed him, but of course she stood no chance against him. Clarke was the fastest climber of them all. He usually spent his entire day up here, but unfortunately today was his free day and he didn't need to sail the ship.

"Listen mates," Clarke announced soundly as he jumped down on deck. "The boy just told me that he'd never been with a lass. He's a bloody virgin."

"Shut up," Emma gave him an angry look.

"As if we didn't know that," another man responded, laughing. She noticed Avery rolling his eyes. Then she turned towards Bernie, but instead of backing her up, he matched Clarke's smile.

"Well the taverns will give you plenty of opportunities to change that," Hook said, who'd entered deck just at that moment, though it didn't end the embarrassment. Clarke tousled her hair and laughed, before he left to the crew's quarter. She should truly rethink her sympathy towards him.

Two hours passed in which Emma hid in the infirmary from the crew until she heard the sounds of the port. It was only when they docked that she dared to return to deck.

The city was even bigger than Abydos. It was called the melting pot of the South and Emma could see all different kinds of ships when passing by. She gasped as she noticed a naval war ship from Arendelle. The discovery chastened her, and she slowly walked to the middle of the deck to sit down on a box, whereas the rest of the crew was eager to leave the ship for some time.

There it was, her next chance to leave the Jolly Roger for good and return to safety. She had made up her mind and planned to leave the ship when she was ready to lead an independent life, because that was what she wanted now. She had romanticized the idea of sailing on a pirate ship as a woman, doing something scandalizing. These past few months had revealed another side of her that was adventurous; something she thought she hadn't in her. In the past, she had been too afraid to make her dreams come true, but then she'd been forced into action, and so far she had managed. Somehow, she'd become a person who enjoyed this way of living. Now, she completely understood what Ramsay had told her months ago. The crew had become her friends, almost a new family, and leaving them in order to return to a normal life frightened her more than ever.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a leather pouch falling at her feet and she looked up.

"Your share," Hook explained with a mischief grin. "So you can pay the lady or lad of your choice. There's a nice place at the harbor, where they're clean and very attentive."

Again she blushed deeply. She would definitely murder Clarke!

"It's okay, lad," Hook said amused. "Jake would want you to go on with your life. And a little distraction will take your mind off things."

"No, I don't think this is the right place for me," she tried to decline politely.

"If you're afraid, I can come with you. Have been there every time we made port here."

"Bloody hell, no!" She jumped up, avoiding his eyes and swiftly picked up the pouch. If he said one more word she would die from embarrassment. This situation was so twisted, and not only because the captain wasn't sure about her sexual preferences. Aside from that, she really didn't need to know how many women he'd already screwed or his plans for the night.

"Thank you for the money," she added quickly, trying to be polite.

"You can still come to the tavern with us."

Emma shook her head. "I appreciate the offer, but I would rather explore the city, if that's okay."

"Alright then," he gave up. "It's already late, and the city is new to you, so take care on the streets. Please return before nightfall."

Was he babying her now?

"Aye, Captain," she responded and then hurried to get out of his sight. She felt his gaze on her back as she walked over the gangway. It was obvious. He was worried about her because she acted as if nothing had happened and refused to talk about Jake. His care made her uneasy, she didn't want to be treated like a delicate thing, like she had been all her life, and sometimes wished he would return to his old ways. Not completely of course, but to the time when he'd just ignored her.

There had been something else in his eyes. A silent question of whether or not she would use the trip to the city as an opportunity to leave, to escape without telling anyone. A question she couldn't answer, even if she wanted to.

Her feet carried her almost automatically through the harbor, searching for the ship she had seen moments before. The pavement was dusty and it was even warmer than Abydos, which made Emma sweat under her bandages. Litter and fish offal was lying around everywhere and the air was filled with a rancid smell. It wasn't as beautiful as Abydos, that was for sure. This was a working place inhabited by all kinds of people. They were surrounding her, bumping into her if she didn't step aside in time, which made it hard to breathe after she had been on a ship for such a long time. At least she didn't stand out with her pale complexion, like she had done in Abydos. Everybody who passed her looked different, had a different skin color, hair style and clothes. A wide range of languages were mixed with the sound of the harbor.

She found the ship on the other side of the port, an area that wasn't that crowded. Arendelle's flag on the mast lead the way. Getting closer, Emma slowed down. If she revealed herself, there was no coming back. After what happened the last time she'd trusted the safety of a naval ship, she was uncertain if this was the right thing to do.

And what would happen if they didn't believe her? She had no proof that she really was the lost Princess Emma after Hook had taken away her necklace. If she contemplated it, she would highly doubt it herself if a disguised and dirty girl claimed to be royalty. And if she told her story, it would involve the Jolly Roger and the crew. Would they be imprisoned for capturing her? Kidnapping a royal was punishable by death. She couldn't let that happen.

"Can I help you, boy?" a tall man in front of her asked. He was wearing a naval uniform which identified him as an officer of the ship.

"I'm, I'm just strolling around," she stuttered. "Getting my land legs back, you know."

She hadn't been aware that she was already standing in front of the ship.

The man had a friendly smile.

"You're from Misthaven?" he asked and Emma bit her lip. Of course he would recognize her accent. She wanted to prepare herself for this, only intended to take a look at the ship and then decide what to do.

"Aye," she replied warily, not ready to expose her disguise.

"Do you know what is happening there?"

Emma swallowed hard but remained silent.

"Do you have any family there?"

"No," she quickly answered. "I'm on my own."

"There has been a conspiracy. The rightful king and queen have been killed under King Midas' and King Arthur's commands. They currently share the kingdom."

"That's horrible!" Emma said, trying to sound distant, playing the orphan teenage boy that had no ties to the place where he'd lived before. Meanwhile her brain was working incessantly. Could she trust these people or would it backfire if she revealed herself? She needed time to think and wanted to get out of this situation. But the officer continued to speak.

"We have information that Princess Emma escaped and is traveling south, probably disguised. So we have to question everyone who's from Misthaven."

Emma tried to get her excitement under control. "Well, I never met her, so I wouldn't know even if I saw her."

She didn't know why she still hid under her disguise. The man had a northern accent; she was almost certain that this was not a trick. The ship was looking for her, and that meant that Ruby had been successful. This was freedom… or not.

The safer the situation seemed, the more Emma wanted to back away. She didn't want her journey to be over. She wanted to learn more about medicine, see other parts of the world and most of all, wanted to be treated equally. The urge to turn around and run away was overwhelming, and it took all her willpower not to give in.

"It's not an interrogation," the man explained calmly. "No need to be nervous. There's a nice woman who will ask you some questions. And after that you can go."

"A nice woman?"

"Yes. Her name is Ruby Lucas and she's the princess's bodyguard. It will only take a few minutes."

Emma felt weak in her knees. Ruby was here? On this ship? She looked up, scanning the deck as if Ruby was standing right there. But she wasn't.

"The Lady is in her cabin, I can bring you to her," the man suggested. He touched a pouch at his belt. "Any help will be rewarded."

She wanted it, desperately wanted to fall into Ruby's arms, feel her touch and voice that felt like home. But at the same time she didn't. Panic overwhelmed her. And as the officer turned around to guide her on the ship, she ran.

Back up the pier, along the seaside, back to the workers area where she had come from. Just at that moment, she heard the familiar voices of the crew leaving for the tavern. Avoiding an encounter with them, she hid behind a small fisherman's boat which was lying upside down on the ground. She waited until they passed and continued her way to a small beach. Sitting down behind a dune that shielded her from the harbor, she exhaled. Her heart pounded madly and the bandages constricted her, taking her breath. She leaned back and lay on the sand, trying to relax. The marram grass tickled her skin, and she lost herself in the rhythmic percussion of waves on sand. Watching as the sun tried to prise the last of its amber limbs over the horizon, bathing the harbor in a thousand shades of red, time went soon as the sun was gone, it got cooler. But Emma hadn't come to a decision yet. She was at odds with herself, still unsure what she should do. When her stomach made its presence known, she decided to return to the Jolly Roger. Maybe she could make the decision after a nice meal from Bernie. The ship wouldn't sail away. She could still go there tomorrow.

When she braced herself up, night was already settling upon them. The walk to the harbor took longer than she recalled. The harbor looked different in the evening. The workers had left for home or the taverns, so she didn't encounter many people at the docks. Music and bawling was coming from the houses to her left and for a moment she wished she hadn't turned down Hook's offer to join them in the tavern. It was just that the tavern had always been a place for men and she also was afraid of getting drunk with the crew, after what happened last time.

So she turned right and followed the road to the harbor. It was darkish here, only the few lanterns on the ships provided for little light. The rustle of the masts and sails was spooky in the dark. Only the full moon was missing to make the image perfect. She grinned as she walked through the darkness, searching for the Jolly Roger. Finding her way was difficult, but then she noticed the fisherman's boat from earlier. She couldn't be far from the ship now. She asked herself if the crew had already returned but most of them would probably spend the night with a bar wench. They had been talking about it all week, and in more graphic details than a princess should ever hear. Good thing she wasn't a princess anymore.

She walked around a few boxes and barrels until she could finally see the familiar shape of the Jolly.

"Hey," a well-known voice stopped her. "Here you are. Missed you already."

With a frown she turned around. Rotten Tooth was walking up to her, slightly weaving. He must have had a lot to drink; it was not that easy to get the sturdy man drunk.

"Sure you did," Emma sneered and continued her way to the ship as the man caught up to her. He smelled of alcohol and fish, like he had fallen into the gutter, and Emma hurried her steps.

"You wanna join me for a drink?" he slurred.

"No thank you," Emma said, rolling her eyes. Why hadn't the Captain dismissed him yet?

"Come on, Emmett," Rotten Tooth said, blocking her way to the ship. "You won't turn down your mate."

His wolfish grin had Emma holding back a punch to his face. What part of 'no' didn't he understand?

"We're not mates," Emma replied pertly and tried to sidestep him, but Rotten Tooth held her arm, preventing her from walking past him.

"I don't like your attitude, boy. It's time for you to learn some respect."

He yanked her back, pressing her against his body.

"Let go of me!" Emma demanded with disgust as she felt his horrid breath on her cheek. She tried to free herself of his hold but he only laughed, gripping her body tighter. His chest was rubbing at her back and she knew the situation was getting out of control.

"I'm sorry!" she exhaled. "I didn't mean to insult you."

"Ah, now you're sorry," Rotten Tooth sneered. "Guess what, I don't believe you. Do you believe him?"

At this moment Emma noticed another shape in front of her. Avery stepped out of the shadows, obviously drunk as well.

"Nah! The boy spews out lies every time he opens his mouth. You may have tricked the Captain, but he isn't here. Can't kiss his ass now."

"Let go of me!" Emma spat at him, slightly hysterical. She was frightened by the cold look in his eyes, being at the mercy of the two men who had no sympathy for her. She trembled as Rotten Tooth chuckled behind her. "Not so confident anymore, huh?"

Emma tried to calm down. They were only frightening her, maybe she should just keep her mouth shut and then they would let her go. She would tell Hook about this and they would be punished for their actions. She knew the rules of the ship.

"I know what you're thinking, boy," Avery said with an evil grin. "You're planning to rat us out o the Captain."

"I'm not," Emma tried to assure him.

"And here it is, another lie," Avery said contemptuously.

"No, it's not," Emma cried, tears dwelling up. This couldn't happen!

"Do you know what your precious Captain believes?" Avery asked. "He thinks you'll take your belongings and leave the ship. He doesn't expect you to still be here when he returns. Nobody will miss you."

His eyes ran over the dark water surface and Emma's mind went blank. This was more than a threat; she could see it in the way he was looking at her. He wanted to hurt her, had waited for this moment for months. To catch her alone somewhere, in a situation in which he was in full control.

"I have never done anything to you," she begged, not caring about her dignity anymore. "Please, just let me go!"

"Lies and more lies," Avery huffed.

"Nah, nah, boy," she heard Rotten Tooth's scratchy voice behind her. "We're gonna have some fun."

She felt the tip of his tongue touching her ear and squirmed in his arms. Panic overwhelmed her and she screamed, only to be silenced by a callous hand. Emma tried to kick out with her feet, tried to hurt the man, but he just laughed again. With all the force she could muster, Emma bit into his hand. She must have drawn blood because she tasted a thick, metallic, salty fluid.

"Son of a bitch!" Rotten tooth screamed and shoved her against a box. The force of the impact pressed all air out of her lungs. Her head hit one of the boxes. For a second, she blacked out, but then she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen, making her writhe on the ground trying to bear it. She cried out as Rotten Tooth kicked her again. Both men laughed above her, obviously enjoying themselves. After another few blows, the kicking stopped and in a moment of courage, she tried to jump up and run away.

She only made it a few steps until she was caught by Rotten Tooth and thrown back to the ground. Her vision blurred from tears as she saw his face above her. Roughly, he grabbed her collar and pushed her up. She faltered, not able to stand on her own, and so he shoved her into Avery's arms, as he pulled out a knife.

Before she could scream again, she was gagged with some kind of fabric, which was so disgusting that Emma feared to vomit and suffocate. Avery's grip was tight and Emma shivered uncontrollably as Rotten Tooth approached her, her eyes fixed on the blade.

He gripped her chin roughly, catching her gaze, and smiled widely as she responded with a whimper. She winced as the cold blade made contact with her cheek. It wasn't more than a slight touch, not enough pressure to break the skin, but it felt like a thousand needles as the tip moved over her face and down her throat.

"You're a beautiful lad. Such delicate skin, a true angel," Rooten Tooth whispered into her ear, almost adoring. "This could have turned out so differently if you'd just agreed to that drink. I would have been so gentle with you."

Emma closed her eyes, just wishing it would be over. And then she heard a ripping sound and her eyes opened widely. She saw her shirt being torn in two pieces, revealing the bandages.

"Bloody buggering hell!" slipped out of Rotten Tooth's mouth as he surveyed her.

In another desperate attempt, Emma tried to free herself, but Avery was too strong, holding her firmly in his grip. So she had to witness as Rotten Tooth cut through the bandages, exposing her breasts to the cool wind.

"I just can't believe it," Rotten Tooth exclaimed and then suddenly reached for her pants, making short work of them, until she was exposed fully. Emma cried silently and tried to press her legs together. The entire situation was surreal to her. Her in between these two men, naked and exposed out in the open, but with no one coming to her rescue.

Rotten Tooth stared at her, eyes wide open as his gaze turned from lust to disgust.

"A fucking cunt," he stated and shook his head. "All this time on our ship, eating our food, drinking our rum."

His voice was full of disappointment, watching her like she wasn't more than an insect or a parasite that had taken away the prospect of satisfying himself with the young boy he had had in mind.

She felt as Avery turned her around. There was a sparkle in his eyes while he inspected her body and a soft smile appeared on his face.

"That's why you've always been so buttoned up," he said, stunned. "How did you keep up with that?" His smile widened. "Jake knew, right? How exactly did you buy his silence, lass?" His tongue poked out, as he wet his lips. There it was, his typical cat-like grin he always showed when he was convinced he would prevail. He pulled her closer and she suddenly felt a warm hand on her breast.

"Such lovely little breasts," Avery said and gave it a harsh tweak that made Emma cry out. The sound was muffled by the gag. "A shame you tried to hide them."

She felt his hand roam over her body, down her hips and slip between her legs.

"No!" she cried through the gag and violently tried to get out of his grasp. All at once, she got one arm free and pushed it in Avery's face. He growled like a wounded animal as he touched the scratches she had left on his face. Then Rotten Tooth was behind her again, making her immobile.

Avery stepped forward, striking her face without warning. The blow stung so much Emma could see stars. She felt Avery's fingers on her center again. She desperately tried to press her legs together, but he hit her again and again until she was a quivering mess.

Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she felt a sharp pain down there. Her head throbbed heavily, as she tried to make sense of what was happening. Her body shook violently as he pushed his fingers into her. Fresh tears flooded her eyes, and she pressed her teeth in the gag, trying to cope with the violation. Rotten Tooth was gripping her hair, shoving her head back. He wouldn't have needed to hold her; she had given up a while ago. She barely realized Avery turning her around and bending her over a box. She heard him unbuckle his belt, frozen in shock. The rough surface of the wood hurt her, scratching her beaten skin. She screamed as she felt another blow to her backside and then Avery was behind her, rubbing himself against her. Something firm and throbbing was pressed between them. And then there was pain, such incredible pain. It was intruding her, thicker and larger than his fingers. It was overwhelming her, owning her, as if she wasn't more than a piece of flesh. Through the pain she could hear Rotten Tooth's maniacal laughter and Avery's sounds of pleasure. Her body shook roughly over the wood with ever stroke, the pain at a constant level and not fading.

She bit into the gag until her lips turned white, her fingers searching for something to hold on to on the wood.

In front of her lay the solitary pier, the ships swaying softly in the breeze, beneath them the cold black water. It would be her grave. They wouldn't take any chances; she would die today.

Her gaze drifted to the Jolly Roger, not more than 20 yards away, still and lonely. A soft whisper seemed to come from the ship, soothing her. She thought of the wind, blowing through her hair when she was in the crow's nest, thought of Clarke joining her up there and Ramsay telling her adventurous stories. She remembered the cold evenings at the stove with Bernie and of course her days with Jake. His smile, his touch, his kiss. And finally Hook crossed her mind, standing at the mast, proud to call this ship his. She would have liked to see Ruby one more time, her protector and her friend. To thank her for her loyalty and efforts to find her, or just let her hold her while telling her stories about her parents and Neal.

The whisper didn't stop, always staying with her, drying her tears as she thought she couldn't hold on anymore. And then the whispers turned into voices, voices she knew, and they didn't come from the ship, but from behind her.

"Fuck," she heard Rotten Tooth curse, but Avery didn't react right away, too engrossed in his pleasure.

The voices were getting louder, the steps coming closer, and then the pressure was gone. She couldn't do anything as she felt her body slip off the box and fall to the ground.

There was something happening around her, but she couldn't take notice, so she just curled into a ball, pressing her face between her arms. But then she opened her eyes, seeing familiar faces above her, starring at her in shock.

Bernie was in front of her, his face contorted in a fury she had never seen before. He was hitting Rotten Tooth against a box. Again and again, until there was a soundly crack. Blood streamed over Bernie's hands but he didn't stop, until Ramsay shouted something. He let the dead man fall down, as he met her eyes. Slowly, he stood up and walked towards her. Blood was dripping from his fingers, leaving a trail behind on the ground. Emma whimpered as he came closer, so he stopped dead in his tracks. Again, she hid her face between her arms. She couldn't deal with it, with them. The pain was too much. Everything was too much.

-/-

It had been a nice evening. The liquor in the tavern had been better than the swill on the ship, the food had been spicy but good and a pretty bar wench had warmed his lap. A young brunette with skin like honey. Her breasts had felt round and heavy in his grip, as if they had been made for him. He definitely planned to return to her tomorrow, but today he had no time to pleasure a beautiful woman. His thoughts were occupied with trading the cargo. Business had been bad lately after they hadn't sold any of their booty in Abydos. He knew a few places around here where he could trade, but these waters were dangerous and the earnings had to outweigh the risks. Additionally, he had to pay the crew and fix the ship before setting sail for the open sea and returning to the Enchanted Forest. Many issues that had to be discussed with Morren in the tavern were still present when they left to return for the harbor shortly after the crew. He had denied them the company of women until they had sold all of their goods, only making an exception for Emmett who was still silently grieving for Jake. After that he would be able to pay them and let them do whatever they wanted.

"I know a merchant who might be interested," Morren said as they walked along the docks. "He's used to sail here in the fall. I didn't see his ship in the harbor yet, but let's wait a few more days."

"Is he a smuggler?"

Morren smiled and nodded. "Since when do you insist on doing honest business?"

"Since I have seen a naval war ship from Arendelle in the harbor."

"Aye," Morren responded. "We have to be careful. But there's no reason for them to search for pirates in these waters."

"There's no reason for them to be in these waters at all," Killian groaned.

It was extremely unusual to encounter a warship from Arendelle here in the south, unless it was searching for something. He didn't want to draw their attention, so they had to keep a low profile, which made the search for trading partners even more difficult.

They turned around a corner. The Jolly Roger was in sight now. He already could hear the voices of his crew, shouting around.

He frowned as they walked closer. The voices sounded excited in a way he didn't like. He knew his men. Something was not right. Morren had noticed it too, and both of them quickened their pace. They passed the fisherman's boat that was lying upside down on the ground, walked around a few boxes and turned into the pier where the Jolly Roger was lying.

And then he saw them. The crew was gathered around a few boxes. Ramsay was holding Avery down. A few feet away stood Bernie, blood dripping from his fingers and behind him a dead man with a deformed skull who was wearing Robert Wilson's clothes. Killian hardly believed his eyes. It was obvious that Bernie had killed the man, which was absurd. He couldn't hurt a fly. But then he stepped closer and saw Dr. Johnston kneeling between some boxes.

His blood froze as he heard the gut-wrenching sound that came from the person lying between the boxes. A silent whimper shook the body that was curled up into a ball, the clothes shredded, revealing almost everything. It was a female body, with little breasts and blond hair between her legs. The voice was Emmett's. It was his cabin boy.

A girl.

A girl that was covered with bruises, her face swollen and wet with tears. Blood was dripping down her thighs. She trembled like a leaf, as if she was still caught in her nightmare.

"Bloody hell," Morren said beside him, mouthed agape and bewildered. Killian said nothing, just stared at her, his mind blank. It was as if everything was out of control, shaking his world to the very foundations.

He clenched his teeth and turned around, facing Ramsay. "Brig," he simply growled.

Avery was pulled up by two men. He tried to speak, probably to defend himself, but was silenced as Ramsay gaged him with his own scarf.

Killian didn't take any further notice of them and turned back to the stranger in front of him, the girl that had lived on his ship for three months. As the doctor tried to touch her, she shook uncontrollably, crying out in pain like a shot deer.

The rest of his crew was standing there, motionless, not less shocked than him. He couldn't let her lie here in the dirt, so he stepped closer. He took off his heavy leather coat and carefully wrapped it around her body. Her cries became louder, but he had no choice, so he ignored them and lifted her into his arms.

"It's alright," he said gently, but she didn't have the force to fend him off anyway. He carried her along the pier, towards the Jolly. When he walked up the gangway, she passed out in his arms.


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N : Hi guys, because the latest chapter triggered such a strong response, let me say a few words. _

_I never intended to hurt people who experienced such a horrible crime, and I'm very sorry for that! I changed the warnings. But I have to say that I always warned in my author's notes of dark themes and that this is not necessarily a light hearted story. Rape is a serious topic and it happens in reality, so it can happen in stories. It was planned when I started this fic and I thought a lot about it. The consequences will be addressed. For me, a hero isn't a person in a suit with superpowers, but someone who comes back from the worst. Someone who stands up and fights his way back into life, no matter what._

 _Be certain, this story is still about hope and Emma's journey is far from over._

* * *

 **Chapter 14: Breaking Glass**

The girl was as light as a feather, lying limply in his arms as he carried her aboard. Johnston was right behind him, about to guide them in the direction of the infirmary, but Hook stopped him and pointed to the other hatch leading to his quarters. Thus, Dr. Johnston hurried to get his treatment bag from the infirmary to join him later in the cabin. Killian intended to go straight to the cabin, not wanting to expose the girl to the gazes of the crew any longer. A crew member opened the hatch for him.

"Bring a hot bath and fresh towels," Killian instructed him before leaving deck.

Away from prying eyes, he gently sat the girl in one of the chairs and checked her pulse. As he touched her skin, she whimpered again but didn't regain full consciousness.

He waited for the doctor, who returned shortly after with a hot bowl of water. Frowning, the doctor started his work. He examined her body, inspected the bruises and palpated her abdomen. At last, he took a look at her genital area. She didn't put up a fight, just sobbed a few times and drifted off again. Killian was standing a few feet away, watching every movement with crossed arms. Finally, Johnston got up and shook his head.

"They were rough with her, but she probably has no internal injuries. I guess we interrupted them just in time to prevent serious physical damage. Nevertheless, her skin is bruised very badly."

"Will she recover?"

"I think so, at least physically," the doctor answered. "But she needs to rest. Alone, away from the crew. Seeing too many men all at once will probably frighten her to death. We have to keep the triggers low. She should be around someone she knows. And the wounds have to be cleaned and bound."

"I can manage that," Hook said. He knew her resentment for the doctor, so perhaps it was better if she was just with him. But he still had a burning question.

"Did you know?"

Johnston shook his head again. "I had no clue. She managed to hide it well."

To that Killian agreed. Like everyone else, he still couldn't believe it.

He closed the door behind the doctor and waited until two of his men brought the bathtub and the water. They gave the girl a few curious looks, but left without a comment.

He had told Johnston he would manage, but it still felt strange as he took the coat off and removed the remaining clothes. Every touch seemed to hurt her, though she didn't move. Her only reaction was her trembling when he carried her towards the bathtub.

Killian tried to be gentle as he cleaned her damaged body. He moved the cloth over her face and washed the dirt out of her hair. As time went by, the water turned deep red. The sight made him swell with anger and helplessness at the same time. He had failed miserably in his abilities as a captain. Not only had he highly misjudged some of his crew members, but also had let it happen under his command. Emmett shouldn't have been alone, he should have insisted on taking him to the tavern with them. Not him, he corrected himself. Her.

She was like a stranger to him, even though he knew her for months. Her skin was soft, her facial features fine. He knew her eyes were emerald green, like fresh grass, even as they were closed now. He moved the cloth over them and removed dried blood from her long lashes.

Her breasts were small and she didn't have broad hips. She even looked a little boyish with her short hair, but apart from that, undoubtedly female. Obviously she wasn't gay at all. Jake must have known. He must have found out when he'd examined her on the day they sank the naval ship. He'd fallen for her and lied to him to keep her safe. Daft boy.

That also explained why she'd always been nervous around him. He thought back to the day when he'd captured her. Damn it, he had intimidated her, undressed in front of her and even humiliated her! The memories of the things he'd done to her to toughen her up made him feel intense shame.

Killian lifted her out of the bathtub and disinfected her wounds with a bottle of alcohol the doctor had given him. Then he went to his wardrobe, reaching for a box. From time to time he instructed Bernie to wash the clothes in there to keep them free of dust, but he himself hadn't touched them in years. He chose a white nightgown Milah had loved. It was painful to see it again, but it would serve its purpose.

After drying her with a towel he dressed the girl, then carried her to his bed. He was the only one on this ship who had the luxury of a soft mattress, and there was no way he would let her sleep on the infirmary's hard bunk.

As he wrapped the blanket around her, she sighed and instinctively curled into a ball. He felt the urge to touch her hair, but then pulled his hand away and walked to the chair, pouring himself a glass of rum. Getting drunk was an appealing thought, but he wanted to remain more or less sober and decided to keep it at one drink. One thing was certain; he wouldn't sleep a minute tonight.

So he just kept his eyes on the bed and listened to the shallow breathing of the girl. At least, she seemed to sleep now.

He still couldn't wrap his mind around it. Why hadn't he seen it? Once, in Neverland, he'd met a lost boy who resembled her. He'd been young, with an angelic face that could have passed for a girl's. He had met all kinds of different people throughout the years, a boy like Emmett wasn't unusual to him. But he should have seen it anyway. There had been so many hints. Her uneasiness around naked men, her refusal to take off her shirt, even if it was hot as hell. He'd even touched her multiple times. How hadn't he felt it? How could he have been so blind?

He probably shouldn't keep calling her Emmett, though. It obviously wasn't her real name. Why was she even traveling dressed as a boy? Her sister had been drawing attention, anyway. Walking around with a pretty lass in such a noble cloak was like carrying a target on her back.

Bloody hell!

He choked on his drink as the scales fell from his eyes, only to down the rest of the liquor in one gulp.

Of course Ruby wasn't her sister, she didn't even resemble her! The wolf had been the protector of the Princess, that was what she'd told him. She'd been under a lot of pressure, and had probably kept close to the truth, trying not to get caught in her own trap. Obviously very successful, because he'd blindly believed her.

And if the last three letters were exchanged with an A, Emmett became Emma.

Everything made sense now. The Princess of the Enchanted Forest, daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, hadn't been killed. She had been on the run with her bodyguard, disguised as a boy, probably on the way to Arendelle. He knew Queen Elsa was a close ally of the kingdom. And they had almost made it, until they'd accidentally boarded the Jolly Roger. His ship.

Bloody buggering hell! He was screwed, terribly screwed. He'd kidnapped a princess, violated her and let her be raped by members of his own crew. He jumped up from his chair and walked across the room in discomfort. If that came out, he would be a dead man. He would be hanged. Not for piracy, but for high treason. And perhaps not only him, but his entire crew.

He stopped in front of the bed, looking down at her. Her face was buried in the pillow. She had cocooned herself in the sheet, her hands gripping it tightly. When she turned, silent whimpers escaped her lips. Even in her sleep she couldn't shake the pain. No, he couldn't let her disappear, he just couldn't! It would be beyond evil and he shuddered at the thought alone.

There had been a ship from Arendelle. Was it actually possible they could have been looking for her? The wolf had boarded a ship to Arendelle and certainly organized a search party. She knew that they had set a course south, so it was entirely possible. The Princess, Emma, must have known that. He knew that she had noticed the ship, he had watched her for quite a while. She had seemed agitated, but at that time he'd attributed it to the loss of Jake.

Killian swallowed as his eyes roamed over her. He had allowed her to leave for the day. She could have easily walked to the ship, reveal herself and have him arrested. But instead, she had returned to the Jolly Roger. Alone.

He abruptly went back to the chair. She had been raped because she trusted him. And what had he done? Enjoyed himself in the tavern with a bloody bar wench instead of taking care of his crew. Even flirted with the idea of getting rid of the girl. How pathetic!

He had no choice; he had to pour himself another drink, drown his guilt in alcohol. At some point between his second and third drink, he filled a carafe with water and put it on the table by the bunk, in case she woke up thirsty.

-/-

He woke with a start at the sound of breaking glass. His head had been lying on the backrest in an awkward position, and pain shot through his neck as he moved. He opened his eyes with a groan, searching for the source of the noise. With relief, he noticed that it had only been the carafe which had fallen down.

Emma's eyes were wide open in fear as she looked at the flinders.

"I'm sorry," she exclaimed, her voice trembling. "I didn't mean to break it. I was just so thirsty."

Killian exhaled deeply. It was so good to hear her voice. Somehow he'd been afraid she could have lost her mind, leaving behind an empty shell. But she was talking again. That was good!

"I don't care about the bloody carafe," he groaned and stood up to get some new water. He returned with a glass and sat down on the edge of the bed. She looked up at him with her big green eyes. Still afraid, but also irritated.

"Please don't hurt me," she whispered, her voice scratchy, and it almost broke his heart. He leaned down to her and pressed the glass to her lips but she turned her head to the side.

"Just drink."

She shook her head slightly and pressed her face into the pillow. "Just do what you need to do and kill me fast."

Killian set the glass on the table as he frowned deeply. "Kill you? Why would I do that?"

Instinctively, he brushed his thumb over her cheek, removing a strand that was hiding her features. Since she boarded the ship, her hair grew quite a bit, and he wondered how she looked like when it was long. She let out a sob and winced, shivering again, and he removed his hand immediately.

Finally, she turned her face towards him, tears wetting her eyes. "I know the rules on this ship. Bringing a woman onboard under disguise is punishable by death."

Was she serious? Angry with himself, he shook his head, his eyes on her.

"I assure you, nobody on this ship will hurt you ever again, including me! You're safe here." He felt like a hypocrite for saying that and another pang of guilt hit him.

"You won't punish me?" she asked, slightly surprised, and even stopped crying for a moment.

"Hell no! How could you even think that?"

She swallowed hard and looked at him with wide eyes. Killian made another attempt to make her drink some water and this time she complied. He helped her sit up, and then pressed the glass to her lips. She tried to hold it on her own, but her hands trembled too much, so he had to help her. He knew she was intimidated by his physical closeness, but he didn't know how to change it. He wouldn't leave her alone tonight, not even for a minute. Not again.

She only took a few sips of water, and then pushed it away. Looking at him for a moment, her lips trembled. "I'm sorry for my lies," she blubbered out. "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you."

"It's alright," he hushed her.

"No it's not. I should have come with you to the tavern."

The lump in his throat tightened. He didn't know how to respond to that. It had been a long time since a lass had cried in front of him. The bar wenches usually weren't that sentimental and Milah had never expressed an emotion close to that. She had been fearless.

The only way he'd ever known to comfort a woman was to pull her into his arms and make her forget that he would leave the next morning. Obviously that was impossible in this case. He couldn't even touch her. So he told her the next thing he could think of.

"You'll be alright, Princess."

It must have been exactly the worst thing to say, because she stared at him in shock and her trembling increased. "How do you know?"

He smiled softly. "It's not too hard to figure it out. But I have to admit, you pulled 'the Swan' quite effectively."

"What?"

"Don't you remember? 'Pull the White Swan'. We use the term when we disguise the ship."

She didn't respond, just looked at him in confusion.

"I never would have thought my stowaway would be a Princess. A Swan Princess."

He tilted his head, watching her closely with a little smile that was supposed to cheer her up. Bewildered, he tried to make sense of the fresh tears that were escaping her eyes.

"Don't call me that," she sobbed. "I'm not a princess. Please!" She sounded desperate.

He didn't know how to react. He'd only wanted to charm her, to ease her pain a bit but it had just triggered the contrary. He felt helpless.

"Alright," he quickly responded. "Can I just call you Swan then?"

He didn't dare to ask her if he could say Emma.

Finally, she nodded. He was sitting on the edge of the bed and none of them spoke for a while.

"It hurts so much," she whispered suddenly.

"I know," he said softly, lightly running his fingers over the sheet, rearranging it around her. "Just try to sleep a little bit."

It was a pathetic answer, because he didn't know anything about that kind of pain, but she surprised him in accepting it and didn't burst out into new tears. She stopped crying, and after a while her breath became calmer, indicating she had drifted off to sleep again. He kept stroking over the blanket for a while, then got up and walked back to the chair, like he'd done multiple times that night.

To restrain himself, he put away the rum and drank some water instead. Falling asleep wasn't possible, for that he was too churned up inside. So he listened to every sound from the bed, to her breathing that was steadier than before, implying that she was in deep sleep.

After half an hour, a short knock broke the silence. He rose from the chair and opened it. Morren was standing outside.

With a glance to Emma he stepped out of the room and closed the door as silently as possible and waited for Morren's report.

"Mr. Avery has been locked up in the brig. I ordered the crew to the crew's quarters, but they're restless and wait for your appearance."

Killian shook his head. "I won't talk to them tonight. My presence is needed here and I haven't had any time to decide how to proceed."

Morren looked at the door, and Killian saw millions of questions in his eyes, but his friend was a discrete man, not forcing answers when he didn't want to give them.

"I'll tell them you'll take the night to make some decisions," he offered, "but you need to come to the galley for a few minutes. Bernard is devastated and you need to talk to him."

Killian frowned. He hadn't thought of Bernie yet. Looking back at the door, he decided to follow Morren, hoping Emma wouldn't wake up while he was gone.

Bernie was sitting with sagging shoulders on a stool next to the stove in the company of Ramsay. He was holding a cup of tea in his cleaned hands, and Killian noticed he was wearing one of Ramsay's shirts. The rage had completely vanished from the sailor and left behind a picture of misery. Ramsay was talking to him in a low voice, but he stopped when Killian entered.

"How's she?" Ramsay asked when Hook grabbed the third stool and sat down. Morren closed the door and remained standing.

"As would be expected under the circumstances," he answered soberly.

Bernie refused to look him in the eye.

"Emmett must hate me," he finally said.

"It's Emma," Hook said softly and watched Ramsay, who didn't show the slightest surprise. Obviously, he'd already figured out her identity, probably along with all of the cleverer men of his crew. He was almost sure the rumor had spread in the crew, so secrecy was moot.

"Why should she hate you?"

Bernie looked up for the first time, meeting his eyes as if it was obvious. "Because I didn't protect her."

And there it was again, that knot in his chest, the guilt that was overwhelming him.

"It's the Captain's job to assure the crew's safety. Not yours," he replied brusquely. "Nobody saw what was directly in front of our eyes. There was nothing you could do to prevent it."

He didn't know who he was trying to convince here.

Ramsay cleared his throat.

"Apparently that is not the truth, Captain."

"What do you mean?"

"I've known it for a while."

Everyone stared at Ramsay. Morren has left the door and came closer. "Since when?"

"Well, I didn't know it for certain. But the day we sank that bloody naval ship we were in the water for quite some time. Both of us were soaked to the bones and I could clearly see her curves. I wasn't sure if I was hallucinating but when we were on the ship, it became quite obvious. There was a pattern in the way she behaved. She never touched anybody, never took her shirt off, but was very cautious of hygiene and of course there was her nervousness if a man came too close. She fancied Jake from the first moment she'd set eyes on him. And considering her closeness to the wolfgirl and the fact that there wasn't any resemblance made it clear who she must be. We all remember her reaction when she learned about her parent's death."

He finished, responding to Killian's gaze with determination.

"And you never thought of telling me any of this?" Killian growled. He just couldn't believe it. One of his closest friends he'd known since his time in the Navy had kept a secret like that to himself. "You chose to conspire with Jake rather than trusting your captain? You should have known better."

"I didn't talk to Jake at all. Nor to Emma," Ramsay snarled back.

Killian boiled with indignation, which pushed away the guilt. Ramsay had betrayed him in the worst way. He was a friend, and he'd lied to him. Anger was consuming him. He needed to punish someone, badly.

Standing up from his stool, he approached Ramsay. "You made a terrible, terrible mistake, my friend. No one crosses me like that, not even you."

"What did you expect?" Ramsay said calmly. "This woman is a marvel. She saved my life that day. And since then, she challenged herself over and over again. She doesn't give a shit about conventions anymore and decided to study medicine. How brilliant is that? She's as old as my child would have been, and I would have protected her secret at all costs. I would do it again, even if that means I have to lie to you."

This was practically enough to charge Ramsay for treason, but Killian couldn't help but calm down. He knew Ramsay had always dreamed of a daughter, but had decided that wasn't in store for him after his wife's death. Ramsay was the most loyal person he knew besides Bernie and Morren. Family had always been sacred to him. He would die for his family and somehow he'd decided to adopt the girl as a replacement for the unborn child that had died with its mother.

"I expected you to trust me," he simply said and saw a pang of guilt in Ramsay's eyes. "I wouldn't have hurt her."

"You're sure?" Ramsay retorted. "You would have abandoned her on the next piece of land we made port in. Exactly like you did with her pretty friend. You wouldn't have accepted a woman on this ship. Not after Milah."

Killian wanted to protest, but all of them knew that what Ramsay said was the truth. Killian hadn't bore the presence of women on the ship since Milah had been murdered here. Seeing another female member of his crew covered in blood was like reliving it again. It paralyzed him. Even so, Ramsay's action had partly contributed the events.

"Then why come to the tavern with me," he spat at him. "You know Gemunos isn't a safe place at night."

Ramsay frowned. "Don't think I don't blame myself." He pointed to Bernie. "We all do."

That was all he had to say. He wasn't a man of big apologies, never had been. Saying sorry wouldn't undo the events and they all knew it.

"So what now," Morren, who had been silent during the whole conversation, asked.

"You're gonna have to kill me," Bernie said from his right.

Killian looked at the sad man. He knew of what the sailor was referring to. Like Emma, he knew the rules of this ship. Killing a crew member was punishable by death. Bernie hadn't acted in self-defense but street justice. Only the captain was allowed to sentence a crew member to death and Bernie had committed a serious crime.

Ramsay stared at him in disbelief and of course Killian knew what he was thinking. There was no way he would kill Bernie for murdering one of the rapists. Both of them deserved death. On the other hand, he had to stay true to the code he had established on this ship.

"You can't kill him," Ramsay claimed, fixing Killian with a glare.

"It won't come to that," Morren tossed in. "We can sidestep the rules."

"What do you suggest?" Killian asked.

Morren stepped closer and put a hand on Bernie's shoulder.

"Let the crew decide how to proceed with the prisoner. Say that these are extraordinary circumstances and coherence is needed in that decision. I've seen the men. Everyone is shocked; they liked our cabin boy as much as we do. And after that you will suggest a mild punishment for Bernie."

It was definitely a risk to give the crew that much power. As a captain he had to be strong in his leadership, and this could weaken him. But Morren was right, and he was a good strategist.

"Alright," he agreed. "Let's do it like that."

Bernie exhaled soundly and some of the tension left his shoulders.

"You're gonna be alright, mate," Ramsay said grimly. "Nobody would want to miss your fabulous stew."

His friend smiled a little, but he was still worried.

"Adam, please inform the crew that I'll expect everyone on deck at sunrise," Killian instructed Morren and dismissed him and Ramsay. He wanted to have a word with Bernie before returning to his quarters.

When they were alone in the room, Killian finally voiced a thought that was reeling in his mind for a while.

"I think, it's time to thank you properly, my old friend."

Bernie looked at him in confusion. "You're thanking me for killing a sailor?"

"I'm thanking you for trying to protect Emma."

If Bernie hadn't killed the men, maybe someone else would have done it. If he would've caught them in the act, he'd probably done it himself.

"She was so afraid of me," Bernie said quietly. "She'll never talk to me again."

"It was because of the blood and the shock. This woman is a strong lass. She will recover."

He wasn't sure about that, but it was what Bernie needed to hear, and it was what he hoped for.

"Can I see her?"

Killian shook his head. "It's better for her to stay in the cabin for a few days. As soon she's ready, I'll send for you."

"Of course," Bernie answered, but doubt lingered in his voice.

Killian was worried about his friend. The peaceful man had never shown signs of violence before, and he couldn't possibly know what that had done to him. He would ask Ramsay to keep an eye on the chef for the next few weeks.

"I have to return to my quarters now. Is that alright?"

Bernie nodded and forced a smile.

With a heavy heart, Killian left the galley. He stopped at the ladder, looking down into the ships belly. For a moment he considered visiting the brig, but instead decided not to waste his time and return to Emma. He knew what was holding him back. If he were to face Avery now, there wouldn't be a trial tomorrow. He would've killed him right there with his bare hands.


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N : Alright guys, fixed the warnings again. I hope it's okay now. **There will be mentions of rape over the next few chapters and this one contains violence and torture** , but don't worry, nobody will harm Emma. Thank you all who are sticking with this story and believe that there can be hope after the worst has happened. _

_Also thank you to lala-mora for creating the new head pic. I'm still baffled. Check out her beautiful art on Tumblr._

 _I've got another question. A fellow writer (Cheshire Assasin) needs a beta, not neccessarily CS, but other characters too. If someone is interested or knows someone, please PM one of us._

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 **Chapter 15: The Trial**

The morning started with the birds' twittering when it was still dark. The ship's surfaces were covered with drops of dew that would evaporate with the sun's appearance. Killian was standing at the stern, looking at the empty pier and watching the port come to life with the first rays of sunshine.

Morren had removed all traces from the previous night's crime. Rob Wilson's corpse had been discarded in the dephts of the harbor. The man hadn't deserved a burial, and as far as he knew, there was no family that would miss him.

He had ordered Johnston to watch over Emma while he was on deck. When he'd left her, she had still been asleep, and he hoped she wouldn't wake during the time it took to solve this matter.

As soon as the sun appeared, he heard the Jolly Roger wake up; one after the other, the men emerged from their quarters. Killian saw their questioning looks. They all seemed confused, but none of them dared to speak to him. He waited until everyone was there, spotting Paxton Blade, Avery's friend, in the background. His head was lowered, as if he didn't want to look him in the eyes. He'd been in the tavern last night, but hadn't joined Avery and Wilson as they left earlier, because he'd been too preoccupied with one of the wenches. Otherwise, he may have been with his friends, and who knew, maybe part of the crime.

Killian had yet to decide what to do with him, but he was leaning toward either dismissing him right now or throwing him overboard, favoring the second option. Practically, he knew that he couldn't punish the man for simply being Avery's friend, but he couldn't let him go either. Morren had confirmed that the crew knew who the woman in his cabin was. Blade wasn't that stupid, he would put two and two together, remember that the Kingdom of Arendelle was an ally of Emma's parents, and thus was able to squeal on them. He surely expected to be spared and rewarded for the rescue of the Princess, whereas the other sailors would be executed. What not many of them knew was that he, who told, wouldn't receive any prize and would suffer the same fate.

Killian knew the way aristocrats thought. Princess Emma wasn't untouched anymore, her value had diminished. Nobody would marry her after being raped by a commoner, even more by a port rat, dirt of the lowest kind. Not to think if she'd caught something. They would hide her away in a castle and she wouldn't be more than a drag; useless. But of course they would kill everyone who was connected to the crime that had dishonored her.

He was sure she knew that, and it was probably the reason she refused to be reminded of her status. She never belonged with those kinds of people, anyway. This woman was a natural sailor without even knowing it. She surely didn't possess Milah's fiery spirit. Quite the contrary, actually. There was a calming force in her that had won the crew's affection in no time. They used to mock her, but only because they liked her. Since she boarded, there had been less conflict amongst the sailors. It was because she was listening to the men, asking them about their stories. Almost all of them were outcasts of society, kind of lost souls. And she was interested, sincerely interested in what they had to say. In the last five weeks, she had patched up a lot of them, giving her a lot of time to speak to them. Since then, she'd never called them 'dirty pirates' again.

She had been on board for three months, though it felt as if she had been there for three years. He'd considered his cabin boy an open book, never able to hold back his true feelings. Killian knew he'd been keeping a few secrets, yes, but not such a huge one. Ramsay had been right, it changed everything. Killian had sworn that he would never let a woman board this ship again. He was angry that it happened again but what angered him most was that he couldn't even be mad at her, because none of this was her fault.

He looked over the harbor, noticing Arendelle's flag between the masts. He couldn't keep her onboard, but he couldn't send her to those blue blooded bastards either. Maybe there was another place for her, a place where she could find happiness.

"We're setting sail to Olympus," he announced with determination as everyone was gathered on the main deck. The crew looked at him in surprise, but his mind was set. He would put as much space between the Jolly Roger and the Arendelle vessel as possible and head back into pirate waters, where they wouldn't be able to follow. The risk of being robbed would be too high for them.

They would travel to the shipyard and then to Olympus, the third of the three Southern Cities, to sell the rest of their goods. The crew would have to wait a few more days for their share; he couldn't change that now.

He cleared his throat, looking at Bernie who was silently standing next to the hatch.

"As all of you have witnessed last night's crime, I have to tell you that our fellow sailor and crew member, known as Emmett Nolan, is stable and will recover. The reason for her disguise is a serious one, and you won't ask her any questions about it when you encounter her. From now on, she's to be addressed as Miss Swan. Miss Swan has suffered some serious injuries, and has to be treated with nothing but respect and kindness. A crime like this won't be tolerated on this ship and Mr. Avery will be held responsible for what he has done. His trial will be at midday, when the sun is at its zenith. All of you will be free to tell your version of events, and Avery gets the chance to defend himself. Now return to your posts."

The crowd dispersed slowly, only Clarke lingered in his spot, waiting for Killian to approach.

"What's the matter, Mr. Clarke?"

Clarke didn't respond right away, and then raised his head, looking at Killian with the same guilt he was feeling all the time. It was strange to see the cheerful sailor in such a mood.

"It's my fault," he groaned. "I teased Emmett for being a bloody virgin. That's what garnered Rotten Tooth's attention. Screwing a virgin boy must have been this pig's wet dream all along. I saw it happen, Captain," he swallowed dryly. "Wilson isn't into women. He must have been angry when he found out, so he gave her to Avery. He always was jealous of Em-, Miss Swan. I'm sorry, Sir."

"It's alright," Killian replied. The crew would have a hard time getting used to the situation. Most of them were superstitious and considered it bad luck to travel with a woman onboard.

"He was holding her down over a box, like a common whore," Clarke spat full of disgust. "He couldn't even stop right away when he saw us approaching. Wilson was standing beside him like a watchdog, and when he realized the danger, he ran like the coward he is. If Bernie hadn't killed him, I would have done it meself. Avery was lucky that Ramsay had such composure."

Killian would have liked to pat his shoulder and thank him for defending Bernie, but instead he frowned. "Street justice isn't tolerated on this ship. Only the Captain decides the punishment for a crime."

"Of course, Sir," Clarke said sheepishly and then hurried to his place in the rigging.

Undocking went smoothly. Killian watched as they passed the naval ship, but didn't notice any abnormalities, nor intention to follow them. Then they left the harbor, facing the open ocean ahead of them.

He was counting down the minutes to the trial and he could sense the usual grumble of excitement in his stomach he used to feel shortly before a battle. His senses were heightened as energy was flooding his body, preparing him for what was about to come. That was the pirate inside him, the man who thirsted for blood and revenge. He even felt his hands tremble at the prospect of punishing Avery. This man that had crossed him in the worst way possible. Attacking a crew member meant attacking him, and that was equal to mutiny.

Killian knew men like Avery. He hadn't raped Emma because of desire or lust, but with the intention to assert his power over her and hurt not only her body, but also her soul. Watching her fragile body curled under his sheets made Killian doubt that she would ever be the same after this. She had been a virgin, never been touched by a man, and now was forced to live out the rest of her live with the memory of her first sexual encounter being an act of torture. Maybe she would never be able to feel safe around men, let alone get close to them. Avery had destroyed something that couldn't be repaired.

He was going to pay for that, and this time it would be the Captain who would show him who held the real power on this ship.

Time was running in Killian's mind as he waited on the quarterdeck, undisturbed by the crew who wasn't allowed to be there when he was present. Morren had taken over navigation as Killian stood at the railing, frozen in place, watching over the ship stoically. By then, the sun burned hot on the ship, but he refused to take off his coat. Avery should see the pirate captain in full attire when he encountered him.

It was about time. The sun was already high in the sky. When he descended to the main deck, it was the sign for the sailors to haul the sails in and anchor. It didn't take long until the crew was surrounding him. He motioned for them to sit on the barrels while he sent Ramsay and Clarke down to bring the defendant on deck.

After a few more minutes, the hatch opened and Avery stepped on deck. His hands were roughly bound behind his back. He looked pale and had dark circles under his eyes. Killian had given the order to deny him food and drink, intending to let him suffer during his last night on this ship.

Ramsay pushed him on his knees in front of the captain. Avery looked up and all hope vanished from his face when he met the Captain's cold eyes. He was a clever man; he knew exactly what was awaiting him.

"Brian Avery you are charged of violation, rape and attempted murder of a fellow crew member, known as Emmett Nolan," Hook announced. "You have the right to defend yourself."

He would have preferred to skip the formalities, but these were the rules on this ship. The crew needed to be reminded that none of them could go behind his back or take justice into their own hands.

Avery looked at him; his eyes had narrowed to slits in defiance. "The lass is nothing but a liar! She tricked us all. The vixen provoked me; she wanted to put me in this situation. She always hated me, you all know that!"

"And that's why you and your dog had to beat the hell out of her before you raped her?" Clarke spat at him, jumping up from the box. Two of his comrades had to hold him back before he could lunge at Avery.

Clarke was right; it was low, even for Avery. But Killian had expected it; this was a dead man talking.

"The Lady is to be addressed as Miss Swan," Killian groaned at him.

Avery gave him a contemptuous smile. "Miss Swan, seriously? We all know she's the lost Princess, daughter of King Charming and Snow White. You all gonna die for that, I hope you know that!"

He looked around; knowing he wouldn't survive the day had loosened his tongue. "They will hunt you down and hang every one of you for kidnapping royalty."

There it was; the unspoken truth had been voiced. Nobody seemed surprised but he saw a few anxious faces.

Killian's mood darkened instantly. He didn't want to give Avery this little victory of intimidating the crew, but as he thought about it, he could use it to his advantage.

He cleared his throat. "We can sit here for hours and debate the matter, but that would only waste our precious time. Apparently, Mr. Avery has no intention of defending himself, and rather chose to insult not only his fellow crew members, but also the victim. Every one of you has seen what Mr. Avery did. As a matter of fact, Morren and I are the only ones who haven't witnessed the deed. However, the injuries speak for themselves. Mr. Clarke and Mr. Ramsay did already testify. If anyone has anything to add, speak now!"  
Silence overtook the crowd. Not even Blade tried to defend his friend.

"In that case, I suggest we proceed with the trial," Killian stated. "These are very serious circumstances as the victim is a member of this crew and our friend. This matter concerns everyone. That's why Mr. Avery's fate shouldn't be sealed by one man but us all. Adam?"

Morren reached in his pocket for a piece of paper and a pen and handed it to him.

"This is going to be very easy. Put your name on this sheet and you decide that Avery is guilty of the accusations. Don't give your name and you vote for not guilty. You are free to choose whatever seems right to you."

He gave the items to Ramsay who was the first to put his name on the list, and handed it to Clarke. The paper was passed from one to the other, until it reached Blade. The man's hands trembled as he looked at Avery, who returned his gaze in disbelief. Killian caught his eyes, knowing the man had no choice if he wanted to keep his head. And Blade was intelligent enough to know that this was the moment to show his full allegiance to the captain. He quickly put his name on the list and returned it to Morren. Avery's shoulder sagged, as his last remaining friend stabbed him in the back.

Taking the list from Morren, Killian skimmed over the names. None was missing. He knew it was cruel to walk over to Avery and show him the list, but he did it anyway. These last minutes of his life should be as painful as hell. After what he had done to Emma, Killian had no mercy with him.

"The crew has decided your guilt," he announced the obvious. "You will be sentenced to death, immediately."

Avery didn't move, but Killian saw his shoulders tremble. Blood lust was running through his veins. Usually, he tried to keep this side at bay after it had nearly destroyed him centuries ago, but sometimes he couldn't help himself. Today was such a day and he wouldn't hold back.

"The usual penalty would be to walk the plank, but considering the severity of the crime, I prefer a different procedure.

He drew a dagger and cut the prisoner's ties. Then he grabbed Avery by his hair and pulled him up.

"Give me some new ropes," he ordered. As Avery began to walk backwards, he was welcomed by two sailors who pushed him back. He stumbled over his old ties and hit the floor. Before he could react, Killian roughly grabbed his arms and tied them together with a stronger rope, this time in front of his body. He pulled him up again and shoved him in the direction of the mast. As Avery realized what Killian had in mind, he made another attempt to run away, probably to jump over the railing to end it quickly, but Ramsay tripped him up and he was brought back to the Captain. Killian hoped he got now how Emma must have felt. It would be worse for him; Killian would make sure of that.

Avery rapidly swung his legs as his bound-hands were moved above his head and anchored onto the hook end of a pulley.

"Pull him up," he instructed one of his sailors.

"Please don't," Avery begged. He knew exactly what was awaiting him.

Killian stepped closer to him and looked him right in the eyes. "Did it help when Emma begged like that?"

Avery turned white, his lip trembled as he tried to suppress his fear.

"Go on," he instructed the two men at the rope. Avery made no sound as he was pulled up, but soon that would change. There was no such thing as dying as a brave hero. In the end, all of them cried and whimpered.

Withholding water and food had already weakened the man, and it didn't take long until Avery was winding and choking from the loss of air. Killian checked his watch. It hadn't even been half an hour. This was going to be half as satisfying as expected. He didn't want Avery to die before he came to the main part.

"Does anyone here have a sharp knife?" he asked, only for the amusement of seeing Avery's expression. Then he pulled out his own knife and approached Avery. His face had turned red and his eyes were bulging out. Not exactly a pleasant sight.

"A knife was lying next to Miss Swan when we found her between the barrels. Tell me, what did you plan to do with it? Slice her open and push her into the water?"

Avery was far from able to speak, but Killian suspected that his ears still worked quite well.

"I guess that's what I'm going to do with you."

His men watched in silence as he tortured their former comrade. For them, it would be a lesson and a reminder to never betray him like Avery had done.

"Lower him," he instructed the sailor who was holding the rope. He ordered him to let Avery down until his toes were touching the planks but not enough to take the pressure off his arms.

Killian looked at the sea. The water was calm today, only a gentle breeze rippled the surface.

"I'm not sure if there are sharks in this area," he stated, frowning. "Do you think we should find out? Is there a body part you can go without? I mean, we need something as bait."

At that, Avery managed to spit at him. The saliva missed Killian's face, but landed on his sleeve. Killian looked down with disgust, and then rubbed it over Avery's cheek.

"Pull him up. Only two feet!"

The men obeyed. Killian raised his arm when Avery was at the right position.

"I may have found an adequate body part," he said maliciously. Without warning, he cut Avery's pants in two stripes, exposing Avery's lover body. A whisper went through the crowd behind him, but Killian ignored it.

Avery struggled again, but there was no escape.

"Don't be a baby," Killian continued deliciously, wishing Emma could have done this in his place. "You won't need it anymore. You've done enough harm with it."

With that, he grabbed the man's manhood and cut it off with his not so sharp knife. He needed more than one hack to separate it from the body. The man twisted violently and screamed as warm blood flooded Killian's hand.

Killian gave the signal to let Avery down before he went over to the railing and tossed the flesh into the water.

He risked a look at Morren who was usually disgusted by such actions, but this time he was watching with a blank expression, giving his captain a free hand. Sometimes even Morren went full-on pirate. So Killian went back to Avery who had passed out from the pain. He kicked him roughly with his boot until the man opened his eyes. Killian didn't speak a word but the look in the tortured man's eyes said everything. He understood that this was the end, and unlike Emma, nobody would come to his rescue.

"You're going to hell for that," Avery managed to gasp through the pain.

Hook looked down at him in disgust. "Probably yes, but you'll be there before me."

With that, he grabbed the man by the collar of his shirt and dragged him across deck, leaving behind a wide trail of blood. With his own hand and hook, he heaved him over the railing and let him fall into the water.

The crew was staring at him when he turned around. Unimpressed, he took off his coat and gave it to a sailor. "I expect that to be cleaned by tomorrow. Because Bernie won't be able to do it, you're going to take care of this. I don't want to see a single speck of blood."

The man nodded quickly and stepped away with the coat.

"As this matter is settled now, I have to address another thing. Please get Bernard."

He had refused Bernie's presence at the execution and had collected his and Johnston's signatures before he went on deck. Contrary to killing Avery, he wouldn't enjoy any of what he had to do now. But he couldn't let him go without punishment. He waited patiently until Bernie stepped on deck. He felt Ramsay's gaze on him, as he instructed Bernie to come closer. The man would protect his friend at all costs. Watching the faces of the crew, he could see they weren't eager to witness the following either.

"As you all know, street justice won't be tolerated on this ship. Mr. Smith has taken it upon himself to do just that, and despite the circumstances, I can't let that go unpunished."

Killian turned to Bernie. "You'll receive fifteen lashes executed by Mr. Ramsay."

Ramsay looked at him with relief. Killian nodded at him, knowing Ramsay would hit him as gently as possible. It would hurt for a while, but the wounds would heal.

He took his position next to Morren and watched as Ramsay fulfilled the orders. Each blow and groan from Bernie felt worse than anything he'd done before. Everyone knew Bernie didn't deserve any of this, but he was the Captain and he was sometimes forced to make hard decisions. Nevertheless, he was relieved when the punishment was over and Ramsay helped Bernie down to his quarter.

Hook looked over the deck. "I want this to be cleaned by sunset. And one more thing. No one will ever mention anything about this day to Miss Swan, ever. Even if she asks. To you, she'll remain Miss Swan. Anyone who calls her Princess or Highness will be whipped and if someone is going to loosen his tongue while at port, I'll think of a better punishment than Avery's. Is that clear?"

The crew mumbled their agreement. After that, Killian decided to return below deck. He had been away for far too long.

-/-

Before he reentered his cabin, Killian made sure to wash himself properly and change all of his clothes in Morren's quarter. He even removed the dirt under his fingernails, erasing all traces of the execution. He didn't intend to keep any component of Avery's body on him before facing Emma again.

She was still sleeping when he stepped in.

"Did she wake up?" he whispered.

Johnston rose from his chair and shook his head. "Is it over?"

"Yes, it is. And I don't want his name to ever be mentioned again."

"Understood."

"I suggest you take the path through the quarters. They're cleaning up the deck, right now."

Johnston looked at him with a worried expression but didn't dare to ask before he left. Better for him, because Killian was through with that. The appetite for revenge had vanished the moment he saw her lying in the bed again. Killing Avery hadn't changed a thing. He had imprinted his mark on her, and there was nothing he could do to change it.

He sat down at the table and noticed the pot in front of him. Had Bernie prepared this meal in the morning before his punishment? If he would ever sell the cargo and earn enough money to pay the crew, he would double Bernie's salary, that was for sure!

It was one hour later when he finally heard a rustle from the bed, and noticed the change in Emma's breathing. She inhaled sharply when she turned around in the bed. When she opened her eyes, she was still wrapped up in the sheet with her hands digging into the pillow She blinked a few times, causing the veil of sleep to slip and thus reinforcing the pain in her body.

Killian wordlessly stood up and crossed the room. She watched him carefully as he refilled the glass and helped her drink. Like hours before, she trembled a bit when their hands made contact, but by then she had understood that he didn't mean to harm her, it was simply her body's reaction.

"You're hungry?" He asked after she emptied the glass.

She shook her head, but Killian didn't give up that easily. "You need to eat, at least a few bites."

"Moving hurts," she whispered between clenched teeth.

He nodded. "Maybe it's better for you to sit and not lie on your side. Let me help you."

He carefully pulled the blanket back and placed his hands under her. "Easy, Swan," he said before he lifted her up. "You know I'm not going to hurt you."

As gently as possible, he carried her to the chair and sat her down. This time she suppressed the whimpers, but he knew she was still in pain. She shivered despite the warm temperatures. He watched as goosebumps blanketed her skin; Milah's nightgown didn't cover that much. He could even see the peaks of her nipples under the thin fabric. He forced himself to look away, but Emma had already noticed it.

"I, I can't wear this," she stuttered.

"I'm sorry," he replied immediately, feeling like a fool. Hastily, he went to his closet and searched for the next best shirt and some pants.

"They won't fit," he explained but she nodded to cut him off.

"They're great."

Killian returned to her and helped her slip in the shirt, leaving the nightgown on. He turned around when she put the pants on. He would have liked to help her with that too, but he knew she wouldn't let him. Listening to her whimpers as she fought with the clothes rubbing her bruised skin almost made him turn to her, but he didn't. Instead, he waited patiently until she worked through it.

She looked weird in his clothes, the nightgown hanging over the far too large pants and the empty sleeves. Like a child that had dressed up as a ghost. He had to smile at the thought.

"What is it?" she pressed out between her teeth.

"You look like you dressed up as a pirate ghost," he risked the joke.

She inhaled deeply, obviously not sure if she wanted to laugh or to cry, so he quickly filled a bowl with cold stew and put it in front of her. She only took a few bites, but it was better than nothing. After she'd finished, he leaned forward, grabbed the bowl and ate the rest. She watched him in surprise, but he wouldn't waste any food on this ship and he hadn't eaten since the evening in the tavern.

After lunch, he gave her a glass of rum in hopes that it would ease the pain a bit. They were silent for a while and Emma became accustomed to sitting here with him, her trembling slowly decreasing.

"As soon as we reach the next port, I'll buy you some new pants and shirts," he said all of a sudden.

She raised her head.

"So you won't chase me off the ship?"

"Of course not. You'll stay here until you're fully recovered. Is there a place I can escort you to?" he asked cautiously. He had to make up for kidnapping her, or at least try.

She looked at him with sad eyes. "No, there's no place left for me."

He knew she didn't only mean the Enchanted Forest or Arendelle, but also the Jolly Roger. However, he didn't have any idea how to change that. Looking at her was different now, even if she had the same facial features. He saw the accusation in her eyes, her expectation to be abandoned because she was a woman. It even seemed to overlay the pain of the rape. It did things to him he couldn't even describe. By no mean did he want to be the cause of more pain, so he decided to lie.

"You're still a member of my crew, and you can stay as long as you want."

"So I can work in the infirmary again?" she asked hopefully.

"If you like," he said, defeated.

For the first time in a while, he saw a trace of a smile on her face. He couldn't believe what he had just agreed to, but he couldn't help but feel a little happy. There was no chance a woman could be part of the crew again, and yet he couldn't force Emma to leave his ship. He just couldn't do it. Unless she decided it herself.

He didn't even understand why she wanted it so badly. She'd just been assaulted by a former crew member. Didn't anything on this ship remind her of Avery?

As if she was able to read his mind, she opened her mouth again. He could see that she was afraid of the question. "Where's Avery now?"

"Don't think of that bloody bastard ever again," he said gently, desperately searching for a way to change the topic.

"You killed him?" Emma asked immediately, her voice trembling.

Killian leaned forward, taking her hand.

"You'll never see his bloody face again. Don't torture yourself thinking about him."

"But I can't stop," she said, tearing up again. "I…I have to think about it all the time. What if I'm sick now, or…or with child?"

She grabbed his sleeve, slightly panicking. "I could never have his child, Captain! I just can't!"

All blood left Killian's face as he stared down at where her hand was curled into the fabric of his shirt. He didn't know what to do. A man wasn't supposed to talk about these things with a woman who wasn't his own wife, but he was the only one there. He thought of Ramsay's wife who had committed suicide after being impregnated by her rapist, and cold fear settled in his stomach. They were on a ship. Emma could simply sneak out during the night and jump over board.

He stood up, rounded the table, never letting go of her hand.

"Whatever happens, we'll deal with it!" he said, his tone commanding. Hesitating for a moment, he continued, feeling even more uncomfortable. "I don't think Avery had a disease. He preferred young and tidy girls, not whores and bar wenches." He used his hook to scratch the back of his ear, "Um, I've traveled these realms for a long time and I know the taverns with the clean girls. And they weren't even good enough for Avery."

Sadly, Avery was already dead, otherwise Killian would have extended his suffering until eternity. The thought of the bastard's child growing inside Emma made him sick. And of course, Emma didn't know about all these procedures to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. He would need to talk to the doctor about this.

To reassure her, he squeezed her hand, letting his thumb graze over her knuckles. She looked at him in fear, but not because she was afraid of him. Rather as if she was grasping at straws amidst all the madness. He didn't know how he'd earned that sudden trust. Hadn't it been him who had inflicted all this pain on her in the first place?

"You'll be fine," he said with as much conviction as he could muster. "We'll handle this … together."


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N_ _:_ _Hi Guys, sorry for the delay, but I was away from home. I'm back again, so here comes the next chapter._ _  
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 **Chapter 16: Fighting back**

Emma was waiting in the captain's quarters. She was sitting on the soft bed that had been her shelter for the last two weeks. Night after night Hook settled in one of the chairs, always making sure to ease her pain as best as he could. He didn't let anyone see her other than the doctor. Not that he slept during the nights. Whenever she was waking up, he was there, wide awake.

Soon, she noticed the shadows under his eyes. He blamed himself; that she knew. He must feel like he had lost control over his crew, and became overprotective as a result. It was a toxic environment, always reminding her of what had happened.

She moved her toes and slipped into her shoes as she felt the ship slow down. They had left the shipyard and would now dock in Olympus. It was a welcome change to the daily routine of eating, taking medication, resting, some more eating and sleeping. Her senses were slowly coming back, the physical pain abating with each day. She was afraid of leaving the cabin and the prospect of approaching the rest of the crew on deck, but she couldn't stay down here forever. Seeing Hook's worried face made her sick, and she just wanted to breathe fresh air. She really needed to get out of here.

Emma had told Hook the day before, and he had agreed to accompany her on deck as soon they docked in, and he would send the sailors to a tavern. Objecting was fruitless; he insisted on keeping her below deck until all men were gone.

He and the doctor always spoke in a low voice, as if they didn't want her to overhear. Like she needed to be wrapped up in cotton wool. This special attention was disturbing and frustrating; she would rather be treated as if nothing had happened.

But of course that wasn't possible, and as much as she would've liked to turn back time, she couldn't. The exact memories of that very night were blurred, but she remembered the main parts, and the pain. She felt the bruises on her skin, but the nightmares were the worst. And even during her waking moments, she was caught in a never ending loop. She recalled the events of the night, always trying to think of a way she could have prevented this. Had she done something wrong that led to the assault? Did she provoke it?

These thoughts were wrong, but she couldn't help but think about it over and over again. Neither Hook nor the doctor could ease that kind of pain. The only thing she could do was to keep busy. It had helped her cope with the shock of Jake's sudden death, so maybe it would work now, too.

She stood up, still slightly wobbly on her legs after all the lying, but she was desperate to get out. Passing the mirror on the wardrobe, she walked to the door; she couldn't bring herself to look at her reflection yet. Hook had purchased some new clothes for her. Some pants and shirts, as promised. She was thankful he understood that she felt safer in male clothes.

However, he had also locked the door. He kept telling her it was for safety purposes, that nobody could enter while he wasn't there. Both of them knew it was a lie. She knew exactly what the real reason was, although nobody said it out loud. They feared she would hurt herself, and that was why they'd also removed all sharp items from the cabin.

She pressed her ear against the door, but it didn't seem like anyone was coming down. They were all occupied on deck. After a while she returned back to the bed. She knew Hook only meant well for her, but he couldn't help. A man couldn't possibly understand what she was going through. She only wished to have a little time for herself when nobody was watching her like she could break at any moment.

Like everyday, Hook came back to have dinner with her. She remained quiet while he told her about his day. Apparently, they had docked and already traded some of their goods. Again, she saw the question in his eyes, contemplating her state of mind. The answer was no, she wasn't alright, hadn't been in two weeks, but there was nothing he could do. It was like an invisible wall standing between them, and it was getting higher with each day.

They went to bed early, Emma in the bunk and him in his chair. He was exhausted after all these weeks without sleep, and soon, she heard his deep breathing, confirming that he was asleep.

Trying not to make a sound, she rose from the bed and tiptoed to the door. Carefully, she reached for a hairpin she had found in the wardrobe a few days ago; it had probably been his mistress'. She had kept it hidden in her pocket, making sure Hook wouldn't find it.

Ramsay had taught her to open closed doors during the last weeks and she managed quite well. After a few minutes, the lock clicked. Shooting a glance at Hook, she slipped through the door and made her way on deck.

Silver moonlight enveloped her when she stepped outside. She inhaled deeply, breathing in fresh air and felt some of the pressure lift off her chest.

She turned around and took in what she was seeing; a new harbor with new ships, but it was more or less similar to Gemunos. Emma stepped on the rail and looked down into the black water. Avery had wanted to drown her in there. But she survived, and he was dead.

The rigging was empty and based on the silence, the crew wasn't in the quarters either. For the first time in a few weeks, Emma was alone. Her new freedom confused her. Basically, she could do whatever she wanted. But even if she had wanted to leave the ship, looking down at the pier frightened her, so it was not an option.

"What are you doing?" a tensed voice spoke from behind. Emma turned around and faced Ramsay, who had emerged from the hatch.

"I thought Hook sent you all to a tavern?"

Ramsay shook his head. "I knew you would use the trick sooner or later. Can you please step back from the railing?"

There was a worried undertone in his voice. No, it was definitely more than concern; it was fear.

"I wasn't going to kill myself," Emma addressed the elephant in the room, but complied and sat on a box. "Just needed some fresh air without everybody watching."

Ramsay approached her as if she was some kind of wounded animal. Slowly, with no sudden movements.

"You can sit here," she pointed to the box opposite to her.

Ramsay's presence bothered her less than she had feared. Actually, it was good to see a face that didn't belong to Hook or the doctor. She knew she could trust Ramsay. He wouldn't hurt her. And maybe he was the only one who could understand her pain. After all, he had seen it before.

"Am I like her?" she asked slowly. "Your wife?"

Ramsay looked at her in fear. She could see that he didn't want to talk about this, that he had locked it away for a very long time. He was terrified of this conversation. So was she.

"You're stronger," he finally said. "She refused to talk to me after what happened. She couldn't even look me in the eyes. You can."

He smiled at her, but it was more of a grimace. "I made a terrible mistake, Emma."

Emma winced as he called her by her real name. It felt completely strange and unreal.

"Is it okay to call you Emma? The Captain told us to call you Miss Swan. But we all know that's not your real name"

Emma shook her head. "It's okay, you can call me whatever you want. I'm just not used to it anymore. And referring to that mistake, the Captain already told me that you knew about me. I don't know what to say, Mr. Ramsay. You tried to keep me safe, so I guess a thank you would be appropriate?" She said it like a question.

He remained silent, obviously not knowing the correct answer, either.

"I can understand your wife," she suddenly whispered. "Why she did it."

She looked at Ramsay as if she feared he would lunge at her for that, but he only nodded.

"I would have raised that child. I told her that. Every life is precious."

"That is very noble of you. But maybe she couldn't bear the thought of it. That something of this man could grow inside of her. She just couldn't separate the life inside her from that man."

He looked at her for a moment.

"If you worry about that, I don't think Avery was able to father children. His wife left him for another man because of it. He didn't talk to anyone about it other than that one time when he was really drunk. She later gave birth to twins, so it had to be because of him."

Emma exhaled a few times, and she felt herself tearing up in relief.

"Thank you for telling me that," she said. "Thank you for everything!"

"You're the strongest woman I know, Emma. You're so calm and reflective, even after what you have been through. If anyone can come back from this, it's you."

His words made her cry even more. It was so good to talk to someone who understood her pain, at least a bit. Ramsay didn't try to hide what he was thinking. He did name things. And even if she was a mess inside, he managed to encourage her with his words.

"I want to," it burst out of her. "I don't want to give this man the satisfaction of tearing me apart. I just don't know how."

Ramsay wanted to come closer, but he didn't dare to hug her. "If you need me, I'll be there for you. And the Captain and Bernie, too. I know these men like nobody else. You can be certain that we won't let you down. You're like family to us."

"The Captain wants me off the ship," Emma replied, sadly. "He tells me something different, but I know when someone's lying to me."

"He would never send you away," Ramsay growled, anger showing in his voice.

"Yes, I know. But if I would choose to go, he wouldn't object."

"If you leave this ship, I'm going with you."

Emma stared at him, thunderstruck. "You can't, this is your home!"

But Ramsay only shook his head. "I had a real home once. A nice brick house in the city and a job at University. And a lovely wife." He paused. "The child would have been your age, Emma. And if I have to choose between a pirate's life and your safety, I'm not making the same mistake again. I'm not leaving you alone."

Emma didn't know what to say. Was he saying he would let Hook and the crew down? For her?

She suddenly moved forward and into his arms. He was surprised at first, and needed some time to understand what was happening, but then he closed his arms around her.

Emma didn't understand what was going on, either. She should be afraid of touching a man, but Ramsay didn't frighten her. He considered her family, like the child he had lost, a child his wife hadn't been able to love. But he had. He had loved it, although it hadn't been his. And she had lost everyone in her family. He could never replace her father, but to her, he did feel like family, too. So did Bernie and Clarke, and sometimes even Hook. And she needed to hold on to them, because she would go mad without them.

It was then that she saw a shadow behind her tears, emerging from the hatch.

"Swan?"

Hook stepped on deck and looked at her, mouth agape. Emma stepped away from Ramsay and looked at his surprised face.

"How did you get out?"

Emma showed him the hairpin.

"Bloody hell."

"I think it's time for me to return to the infirmary," she said with determination. She wouldn't let him chase her off the ship that easily.

"As you wish," was his only response. Then she saw his angry glare towards Ramsay, who was staring back at the Captain as if they were fighting a silent duel. There was definitely something off between the two men, and she was the cause of it. She didn't like it at all.

-/-

Olympus was a well-known trading place and Hook was finally able to pay his crew. Moreover, he gave each of them a generous bonus for all the trouble they had been through. He hadn't dismissed Blade, though. After a long talk, the sailor had convinced him that he was nothing like Avery. He had a sweetheart, a widow in the Enchanted Forest and needed the money to gain her hand in marriage.

He had told Emma the same thing, assuring her that he wasn't a danger to her. Emma felt uncomfortable at first, but remembering her time on the ship, Blade had never participated in Avery's assaults. He'd stayed in the background, for which he apologized. With his life on the line, he tried everything to regain the Captain's trust, and that was only possible through convincing Emma. She believed him, because her ability to know when somebody was lying to her told her that he was speaking the truth.

One day after returning to the infirmary, she had visited Bernie in the galley, hugging him tightly and thanking him for everything he'd done. They didn't talk about Avery or that night, but they shed a few tears. Bernie had been afraid that Emma never wanted to see him again, and she had to assure him that it wasn't the case; Bernie was one of the few people she felt safe around.

Standing up got easier with each day. It still frightened her to be touched unannounced, but it was a relief not to hide anymore. The doctor had moved out of the infirmary and into the crew's quarters. She never heard of a doctor doing that, but she knew Hook had ordered it and so the doctor had to obey. Thus, he came every morning and left in the evening. Sometimes, usually during the nights, she had panic attacks. She found a way to cope with them in going up on deck and just breathing in fresh air for a few minutes. Sometimes she met Ramsay there and they talked. Their conversations usually revolved about both of their pasts, or Emma's fears. It was a healing process for both of them. Emma had someone who understood her, and he found a way to come to terms with his loss. He hadn't touched a woman since the death of his wife and Emma knew he was just as lonely as her.

Her heart swelled at the thought of the crew. They called her Miss Swan, but as soon as the Captain was gone, they just called her Emma. Sometimes they even made a mistake and said Emmett. That was when Emma realized that they hadn't changed their attitude towards her. They didn't treat her like a princess, basically not much different than before. She still was their 'little doc', as they had called her before, and former lookout. She was so thankful for it.

Unlike Hook who surrounded her all the time, checking on her and asking her how she was and if everything was okay. She always responded with a 'yes', but every time she looked into his eyes, she saw the difference. There was always a trace of regret, a silent reproach against himself. It drove her crazy. Why couldn't he accept her and the brokenness inside her? She had to live with it as well. And wasn't it worse for her than for him?

This man didn't let her breathe and take a step back; he didn't even let her leave the ship during the day, only in the company of Ramsay or Clarke.

It was their third week in Olympus when it happened again. They had all left for lunch in the harbor's most popular tavern; only Emma had to stay on the ship with a new sailor they had hired here. The boy was approximately her age but full of nonsense. Right then, he was sleeping in his bunk instead of giving the strange girl who was wearing boy's clothes his company, or better yet, guarding her. Emma had heard of the tavern and its food tasting like heaven, but Hook had claimed it was no place for a woman. A comment for which she could have killed him. Bernie had promised to bring something back for her, but it wasn't the same.

And now she was roaming around on deck, looking longingly across the roofs where she assumed the location of the tavern was.

It was midday; the harbor was full of people. Besides a few pickpockets, there was no danger around here. What if she just left the ship and went to the tavern on her own? Hook would rebuke her and probably be very mad, but there was nothing else he could do. He wouldn't hurt her, or chase her off the ship.

Defiantly, she got her purse from the infirmary and left the ship. Her heart pounded like crazy as she walked across the pier and through the crowd of people. She was slightly afraid, but also felt free for the first time. Clarke had taught her bits and pieces of the Southern Tongue, and she managed to ask for the way. After talking to five different people, she managed to understand what they were saying and in which direction she had to go. It took her a while, but in the end, she found the tavern.

Proud of herself, she entered the house, bracing herself for Hook's tirade. She had hidden her growing hair under a cap, posing as a boy again. This way, she felt safer in such a foreign environment.

To her surprise, she couldn't see any of the crew, so she assumed they had chosen a different place for lunch. Nevertheless, she would enjoy a meal.

The bar maid who brought the food was nice and brought an extra large portion with the words: "You're so skinny, boy."

Emma grinned. It was like old times. Almost.

They hadn't exaggerated. The food was the best thing she'd eaten in months, no offense to Bernie. Emma was tempted to lick the plate clean, but she remembered her manners; after all, she couldn't shake the princess completely.

She left a generous tip on the table and left with a full stomach and a good mood. It seemed like she would get away with her little rebellion. She stepped into the corridor that led to the exit. And then she heard the sounds from around the corner. They came from a room next to her, the door wide open. Emma's chest tightened as she heard the cries of pleasure from a woman and the snorting of a man. It obviously was a happy encounter between the two of them, but Emma wished she hadn't heard it. She tried to cross the corridor as silent as possible, when she heard the woman's breathless voice from her right.

"Harder, Captain. Please!"

Emma's head snapped around, freezing in shock as she stood in the doorway. She stared at the couple. The man had pressed the woman against the wall, her bare legs crossed around his hips. Her face was contorted in pleasure. But Emma's gaze lingered on the hook that was holding the woman's leg. Then the woman noticed Emma, and a smile spread on her face.

"Enjoying the view, boy?" she asked breathlessly.

Emma wasn't able to move as Hook turned around.

She had never seen a faster change of emotion on somebody's face. As the pleasure vanished from his face, his eyes opened widely in shock.

"Bloody hell!" he growled and stepped away from the woman, reaching for his pants.

Emma didn't wait for him to pull them up; she turned around and ran. A plethora of emotions bombarded her mind as she stumbled out of the house and stormed up the street.

Soon, she heard his steps behind her.

"Emma, stop," he called. "Swan!"

Emma ignored him, running blindly as tears blurred her view. Suddenly, Emma tripped and lost her balance. She landed hard on her knees, scraping her left one. Blood gushed from the wound and Emma cried out in pain.

The next moment she felt soft hands on her back, gently pulling her up.

"Let go of me," she fended his hands off.

"You're hurt!"

Emma starred at her knees. It looked nasty, but it wasn't more than an abrasion.

"It's nothing!" She stood up.

"It's not nothing," Hook objected. "Let me carry you home." Obviously, he meant the Jolly Roger.

"Are you insane?" Emma said with disgust and set herself in motion. "I'm completely fine. It's just a bloody abrasion." She turned around to face him. "You can return to your… friend." She couldn't think of a better word.

"You weren't supposed to see that," Hook pressed out an angry apology. "You weren't supposed to be here at all."

"Yeah," Emma responded, furious. "But you can't cage me on the ship forever!"

"Nobody is forcing you to stay!" Hook almost yelled.

Emma fastened her steps. She didn't want him to see her tears. Him saying that was the worst thing he could have done.

"Look, Emma," he began and caught up on her. "It's hard for me, too!"

"Yeah, can you just leave me alone, now?" She was almost running again, reaching the pier.

"I didn't want to remind you of...of-"

"Can you just stop it, right away," Emma said with a trembling voice. It was reminding her, but only partly, and Hook obviously didn't get the point.

They reached the Jolly Roger a few minutes later and Emma stormed onboard, running off towards the hatch without giving Hook another glance.

This time she hid in the brig. It was the only place where she wouldn't run into amyone. Nobody would voluntarily come down here.

She sat on the cool floor and leaned her head against the bars, trying to calm down, but she couldn't get Hook and the woman out of mind. She was afraid and confused, and didn't understand why she was feeling that way. It wasn't as much of a trigger as Hook believed. It did remind her of that night, but she understood that it had been consensual. And she understood that Hook wasn't abstinent. He was popular amongst women, so that shouldn't have been a surprise.

She was more surprised of the jealousy. There was no denying that it was what she was feeling. A deep jealousy that had overtaken her. She was jealous of the woman because she could feel such pleasure, letting herself fall in the arms of a man without having fears.

And she, Emma, had nothing. She'd lost Jake, then her innocence and had just realized that she had lost something else. She would never be able to enjoy the touch of a man without being reminded of what had happened, even if the situation wasn't of a violent nature. She just knew that she could never let a man press her against a wall and take pleasure out of it. And no man would ever want her like that, stiff and afraid; not a prince and not even a pirate.

Emma stayed in the brig until it turned dark. She heard the crew returning and going to sleep. She, on the other hand, was still wide awake. So she decided to get some fresh air on deck.

At first glance she thought the deck was empty, but then she heard a groan between some barrels and boxes. Hook's sleeve appeared from between the boxes, his fingers reaching for a bottle of rum. An empty bottle of rum, that is.

"Is that you, Swan?" the voice from between the boxes asked. Slowly, Emma came closer. Hook was lying on the planks, somehow he'd taken his shoes off. He smelled like horse piss and alcohol, his hair standing in all directions, dark circles under his eyes.

"You're drunk," she stated snidely.

"Can you just go into my cabin and get me another bottle, love?"

She looked at him as if he'd ordered her to jump overboard.

"Absolutely not," Emma rejected.

"I'm the Captain and I command you to obey!"

"Go to hell," she responded and turned around, about to leave to the infirmary.

"Swan!" came from behind her. And then, more in a begging tone "Emma, please. Don't leave."

She didn't know what made her turn around. Maybe it was the desperation in his voice, oozing loneliness and hurt.

"You should sleep it off, Captain" she said a little bit softer.

Hook supported himself on a box and tried to get up, failing spectacularly. So he just leaned back, looking at Emma with his blue eyes. She lowered her head, refusing to meet his gaze.

"I screwed up today, didn't I?" he asked. "You don't trust me anymore."

Never had she heard him talk like that. He sounded like a desperate child.

"I didn't know that this is so important to you," she responded hesitantly.

"Then you're blind, love," Hook said blatantly, reaching for her hand. Emma wanted to pull it back, but she didn't. She didn't know how to deal with a drunken Captain. So she sat down next to him and let him turn her fingers in his hand. The skin of his hand was coarse, his fingers long and strong.

"I care about you, swan girl," He sighed. "I don't want to cause you any more pain."

"I know," she said. It was impossible to have a normal conversation with him now, so she just agreed to what he was saying. Suddenly, she felt his head on her shoulder, his hair tickling at her neck.

"Please don't be mad at me," he begged.

Emma sat there, unable to move. "Alright," was all she said.

"Good," he murmured with no intention of changing his position. And then he started to snore, his head lying heavily on her shoulder and his hand holding hers tightly.

After a few more minutes, Emma dared to move. She rested his head against the box and checked that there weren't any sharp items around on which he could hurt himself. Then she fled towards the infirmary, exhausted and completely confused.


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N : Hey guys, I think I can't manage to update every two weeks anymore, so it can take a bit longer now. Don't worry, this story will always be updated until it's finished, but it will take more time. I love you all, and thank you for giving me the chance to make my dream come true, that writing is. A writer would be no one without his readers._

* * *

 **Chapter 17: The Dress I**

"What is this place?" Emma asked, stunned when they crossed the gangway.

"This, my dear Swan, is the most beautiful island of the realm," Killian said proudly. He knew he would impress her with this little trip to Athana. It was located five days away from Olympus and the most magical place he had ever seen. The harbor alone was beautiful. A small port in the middle of high cliffs. The island was named after a goddess of nature of the Southern Folk. Not many foreigners knew it, but it was a sacred place for the locals. Its landscape mirrored no other in its vast beauty; a dizzying array of hot springs combined with a smooth running stream of freshwater through the island's boundless forests. Whenever he traveled south, he paid the island a visit. And Emma deserved to experience the benefits of being with pirates. After all she had been through, he owed that to her.

"The coastline looked like a tear when we approached," Emma said thoughtfully.

Killian nodded.

"The legend has it that it was formed by the tear of a mermaid queen," he said mysteriously and looked at her from the side. "One as beautiful as you, they say."

That caught Emma's attention. She rolled her eyes and looked away. For some reason she was irritated by his compliments. It was as if she still wanted to be treated like a boy. He just couldn't do that anymore. She wasn't a boy and he only knew one way to treat a Lady. And a Lady she was. Her curly blonde hair fell on her shoulders, highlighting her clear emerald green eyes. She was indeed a quite beautiful young woman in her very own way. She carried herself well, like the princess she was, not showing anyone what had happened to her two months ago. She was a fighter, this swan girl. He had known it since he'd seen her for the first time. She had been afraid, hiding behind her wolf, but he'd known that there was more to this 'boy'. He'd been right, in more ways than he could have imagined.

"She was in love with a man, a human. She saved him after a shipwreck and could never forget him. So she swam next to his ship as long as he lived. They could never fully be together, but he was faithful to his love. When he died as a lonely man out at sea, the mermaid queen cried at the Olympian shore and created this island. Then she disappeared into the depths of the ocean and was never seen again."

Beside him, Clarke was grinning. Killian had told the story many times, but he had never brought a woman to that island, not once, not even Milah. This had always been their secret place to relax and forget the world around them; just him and the crew. But he'd made an exception for Emma.

Emma looked at him as if she wanted to say something, but she didn't. Although, he could see the corners of her mouth turn up into a smile. Albeit a small smile, but a smile it was.

Killian patted her shoulder in satisfaction. Emma winced, and he wished he hadn't. He couldn't understand why she let Ramsay and Bernie hug her, yet flinch at his touch. Since the incident in the tavern, she was acting strangely. She had never mentioned it again, but he knew it was still bothering her.

However, it hadn't meant anything to him. The woman had been an old friend of his; he'd visited her multiple times before, but only for pleasure. It wasn't more than to scratch an itch, nothing but fun. If he had known that Emma was around, he never would've done it. He didn't want Emma to think of him as just another man who took a woman against a wall...or a box. But that is what she was thinking now; he was sure of that. And there was no way to erase that image from her mind. He'd screwed up, and now she would never trust him again, assuming she had in the first place.

Making her smile was the least he could do.

"The island is very small. The village has a very nice inn and if you walk a few miles north, there are hot springs and a beautiful lake. I'm going to show you."

He didn't even know if Emma wanted to spend time with him, but she didn't object, either.

So, he took her to the inn and ordered her the best food. A fish found in these waters -which was a delicacy here. After dinner, he suggested a walk around the island. He wanted to be alone with her for a while. Killian noticed her look back at Ramsay as he led her out to the street. She was uncomfortable with being alone with him. It had come back to that.

The town center wasn't that big. There were only seven or eight shops, but it was all a small town needed. Emma didn't talk much as they walked down the main street, but at some point she stopped in front of a window. Following her eyes, he looked at the object that had caught her attention. It was a white dress, with laces around the collar and sleeves. Not exactly a dress suitable for a princess, but at least for a high lady of the village.

"Do you like it?" he asked curiously, watching her from the side.

Emma briefly closed her eyes and set herself into motion. "No, not at all."

And there it was again. She refused to tell him what she was thinking. She raised her head, but avoided his eyes.

So, they headed to for the beach and he showed her some nice places, but the atmosphere was tensed. Emma only answered the questions he asked, but nothing more. She didn't seem to enjoy the trip at all.

At the end of the day, Killian was disappointed. He had tried everything to cheer Emma up. Nothing had worked. But as soon as he returned to the inn with her -he'd paid for two rooms- he saw her relax. At least Emma could sleep on a real bed for a few nights.

Killian escorted Emma to her room. He gave her the key and waited for her to enter, not expecting anything.

"Captain?" she suddenly said. "Thank you."

His facial expression morphed into that of surprise.

"For what?" he asked, now totally confused.

"Everything," Emma said cryptically. And there it was again, the little smile on her lips. "Goodnight, Captain."

She looked at him for a moment, and then closed the door behind her.

He stood motionless in the corridor, needing a moment to gather his senses before he headed towards his own room. That simple 'thank you' meant more to him than he could ever express. He didn't exactly understand what Emma had tried to tell him; after all, he had caused her great pain. But the words felt good; they showed him that it wasn't all in vain. He hadn't completely lost her trust. Maybe all she needed was a little more time.

-/-

He woke up in a better mood than the day before. The large bed was a welcome change to the small bunk he was used to. Maybe it was even a bit too large. Usually, he found a willing lass from the island who would share her bed with the pirate captain, but this time he was occupied with more important things than searching for a woman to warm his bed.

He reached for the hook on the bedside table and got ready for the day. On his way through the corridor he considered knocking on Emma's door, but then decided to give her some space. Ramsay had mentioned something like that the day before. That overprotection was in some way suffocating. However, he didn't understand Ramsay's point. After all, it was the Gunner who was around Emma all the time. She barely spoke to him.

Additionally, he disapproved of Ramsay's attitude as of late. Giving him suggestions on how Emma should be treated was not acceptable. He was the captain of the Jolly Roger and Ramsay had no right to question his decisions. Those were the consequences of taking a woman onboard. It tore the crew apart.

Killian chose to have breakfast at the inn with some of his men, but there was no sign of Emma yet. He forced himself not to think much of it. She probably needed a few more hours of sleep. The crew soon returned to the harbor to hang around and have a few bottles of rum. A lot of them spent their free time down there. Killian, on the contrary, left for the town center. He liked to spend some time on his own when he had no obligations to his crew.

So he aimlessly strolled around until he found himself in front of the shop Emma had stopped by the day before. He looked at the dress, trying to imagine how she would look in it, only to realize that he'd never seen her in female clothes. Without registering what he was doing, he stepped into the store and bought it. He didn't even try to negotiate and payed the full price. Emma was worth it. And even if she refused to wear it, he hoped to garner another smile from her at least.

After returning to the Jolly Roger to store the dress in his cabin, he decided to go for a walk. He crossed the beach and then walked upwards along the river. Soon, he was surrounded by green. Being in the forest reminded him of his early childhood when he used to stroll around with Liam. That had been before their father sold them into servitude and sealed his life as a sailor. It almost seemed like a dream to him to see nothing but trees and hear the sounds of animals. This was so different from the sounds of the sea. The forest never slept. There were movements and rustling everywhere, water was dripping from the leaves and he could hear the roaring of a waterfall. It smelled like wet soil, like earth, like the home he'd lost. Maybe that was why he returned to this place every year. The cabin he'd lived in with Liam and his father in the Enchanted Forest didn't exist anymore. He'd burned it down in one of his darker periods. The gaping hole of pain that was the memory of his former life was too immense, so he'd destroyed any reminder of his beginnings. But decades later, when he'd found Athana, he found solace in the nature.

He followed the river, which led to the waterfall. Removing some branches, he stepped into the clearing. He was met by a stream of flowing water connected to what looked like threads of silver tears surging into it. The water took his breath away every single time.

Killian slipped out of his shoes and shirt, and waded into the water, keeping himself at the edge of the small waterfall. He loved walking into it and letting himself be showered. It made him feel whole, renewing his energy for the strenuous journeys that lay ahead of him. There was a local celebration during the summer solstice when the villagers came here and bathed for an entire night. Killian attended once and it had been the most beautiful thing he'd ever witnessed. They floated over the lake with rafts and covered the water in lights that eventually made their way down the river and into the sea. It was a symbol for the flow of life. Young couples came here at full moon, but for the remainder of the time, the villagers let the place in peace.

Killian walked around the corner and closed his eyes as he stepped in the stream of water. He touched the slippery surface of the rock to not lose his way. Carefully, he stepped around a ledge and stopped dead in his tracks.

He recognized her right away, definitely not prepared for the sight in front of him. Her blond hair was soaked, hanging down in wet strands. Her skin glittered like ivory, drops of water covering her body. She was completely naked under the stream of water, her hands running through her hair, completely unaware that she wasn't alone anymore. Her head was raised, her mouth slightly open, and her eyes were closed. He'd seen her naked before, but not like this. Her wounds were healed, and she looked beyond beautiful, completely relaxed in the stream of water. Like a goddess of nature. He swallowed hard, but couldn't take his eyes off her, his mind blank.

And then she opened her eyes, breaking the magical moment. She let out a little scream when she saw him standing at the rock and tried to cover her body immediately.

That was when he regained his senses, turned around immediately and fled, full of shame. He'd frightened her again. This was it; now she would lose the last bit of her trust in him. He hadn't meant to spy on her, but he hadn't wanted to look away, either.

When he reached the grass, he saw her clothes lying behind a rock. He contemplated fleeing the scene and pretending this never happened. But he was too afraid of what his actions might have triggered. So he sat on a rock and waited for what felt like an eternity.

Then finally, after several minutes, he heard someone walk through the water.

"Turn around," he heard her trembling voice.

He did it immediately.

"I'm so sorry, Swan!" he stammered, while she got dressed behind him. "I...I didn't know you were here. I thought you were still asleep. I didn't mean to spy on you."

He was a pathetic liar. He'd enjoyed watching her and that was what frightened him the most. His wandering thoughts lately didn't fit into his plans. Damn it, she had been his cabin boy. How could he even think of her like that?

"It's okay," she said, her voice still shaking a bit as she stepped into his line of view, now fully dressed. He looked at her in surprise.

"I just didn't realize it was you at first."

He swallowed, searching for her eyes. What did she mean?

"You have seen me naked before, right?"

He nodded, unable to say anything.

"So it's no big deal?" She tilted her head, meeting his eyes and he could see she was fighting to get the situation under control, not letting fear overwhelm her, but facing the confrontation. It baffled him how she could even do this.

He didn't know how to respond to that, but he didn't want to lie to her. Lately, he didn't know anything anymore. She looked at him with her stunning green eyes that matched the forest around her. The light was shining into her face and he could count the freckles on her cheeks.

And then it was there again. The little smile that made her eyes shine at the least expected moment.

"If you put your shirt back on, we could maybe return to town?" she asked hesitantly, still smiling.

"As you wish," he responded and her smile widened even more. He forced himself to look away and obliged.

"This place is beautiful," Emma said as they walked back.

"Yes, it is," Killian responded quietly and he saw Emma smile again.

He almost couldn't believe it. "You're sure you're alright?" he asked.

"Aye, Captain," she said and this time her voice wasn't shaking anymore. "I guess many people come to the waterfall. I should have been more careful."

He wanted to object, but then changed his mind. The situation was weird enough.

They fell into a simple conversation, or rather Emma did. He simply enjoyed listening to her voice, talking to him with ease as if one of her walls had broken down. He couldn't pay much attention to what she was saying. Killian didn't understand what had happened to make her decide to let him in again, but he knew one thing for sure. He was old enough to know what was happening to him, and denying it wouldn't make it disappear.

It scared him to death, and he absolutely didn't know how to handle it. And she must have seen it, and been able to read him. It frightened him even more that she hadn't run. Instead, she had smiled at him. And it was a different smile than one he'd ever seen before. It was dangerous, dangerous for her, and he absolutely couldn't let it happen.

"You know what?" she suddenly said when they walked across the beach. "I realized something yesterday. I've been on the Jolly for five months."

He stopped. "You're sure?"

She gave him another smile. "Yes, I am. It's been five months and four days."

"I didn't even notice," he said, stunned.

"You got used to me, didn't you?" she teased him and he suddenly felt the knot in his chest again. Emma was right. She'd wormed her way into his life. He tried to remember the day when he'd seen her for the first time. It seemed like a distant memory; so much had happened since.

And with every day he got in deeper. Emma was young; she had all her life ahead of her. In these five months she'd been through the worst. And never had she blamed him. It was quite the opposite; she'd thanked him for everything. What was that even for? For kidnapping her, violating her to make her obedient and letting her be raped by a member of his crew? But somehow she had gathered new strength and embraced her life, trying her best to let go of the past.

Emma didn't deserve to be manipulated like that. This woman was an innocent, beautiful soul, and if he didn't act soon, she would be condemned. A pirate's life was dangerous, and sooner or later all of them would die. In battle or because of diseases, it didn't matter. Keeping her on board was irresponsible and selfish.

"So this is the end of our invalid contract, then" he said slowly.

"Not exactly," she replied. "You extended it to six months, remember?"

He laughed, but it was more of a bitter one, and Emma's smile vanished, hurt replacing joy. She knew what he was thinking; it had been the elephant in the room since that very night. And since then, she refused to accept it. She knew he would never ask her to leave the ship, but that didn't change the truth and they couldn't run away from it forever.

"I'm returning to the ship for the day," she said sourly and turned around.

Well done, Captain, he thought. He'd destroyed the slightest spark of happiness in her, again.

Maybe it was for the best. If she hated him, it would be easier for her to leave.

He watched her walk across the beach. Then he headed towards town for the inn. He paid for both of their rooms. He would have liked to stay longer, but this fairytale had to end. He had to find a solution for Emma and he needed to stop running from this decision. Tonight he would talk to her about it.

Lost in thought, he walked through the corridor, making his way back out. He was distracted, because he completely missed the person that was following him. As he reached the door, he was suddenly pushed forward. In the next moment, he felt cool steal at his throat and then he heard a voice that made him stop dead in his tracks.

"I'm going to kill you, you bloody bastard."

He turned around, ignoring the blade at his throat, a smug grin spreading on his face.

"Hello, wolf girl!"


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18: The Dress II**

"I'm going to kill you," Ruby repeated. She was pressing the blade against his throat in determination, her eyes wild like that of an animal.

Killian rolled his eyes. "Put that thing away before you hurt yourself, lass."

Ruby's eyes narrowed to slits and she stepped forward, tightening her grip.

"What did you do to him?" she spat at him, bloodlust evident in her voice. "What did you do to my brother?"

Killian flashed her a dazzling smile when his hand suddenly reached up and grabbed her arm while simultaneous whirling her around to face him. A moment later, she was pressed against the door and he was holding her dagger.

"Nice try, wolf, but I have a few years of practice on you."

Ruby tried to wind herself free of his hold, but he kept a firm grasp on her, just in case. Outwardly, he was calm, but his mind was reeling. So Ruby had actually been on that naval war ship in Gemunos. He hadn't seen it in the harbor, so that could mean Ruby was on her own. But he wasn't sure. If she intended to have him arrested, it would endanger the entire crew and he couldn't let that happen.

"Where's your company?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Ruby replied snidely.

Killian pushed her further against the wall, reinforcing his grip. "Don't play games with me, wolf."

Ruby swallowed, but didn't avert her eyes. "Answer me, what did you do to him?"

She was nervous, which could only mean she had no reinforcement.

He stepped back, but Ruby still had a murderous look in her eyes, so he kept the dagger.

"Let me invite you to a drink," he suggested. He had to win some time.

"Have you lost your mind? Tell me right now what-,"

"Have a drink with me, and I'll tell you what you want to know."

Ruby stared at him angrily, but complied. So they returned to the taproom and sat down in a corner; a position from where Killian could see the door. Ruby was sitting at the edge of her seat, ready to jump up at any moment. With ground teeth, she waited until the barmaid set two jugs of ale on the table.

"Now tell me, what have you done with him?" Ruby hadn't even sipped at her drink.

Killian raised an eyebrow. "You're repeating yourself, lass."

"What have you done to-"

"Nothing," Killian snorted and felt like the biggest liar of the realm. If Ruby ever found out, she would kill him, that was for sure. "I did nothing to _him_. But I was indeed surprised to discover a princess on my ship."

Ruby turned white.

He'd contemplated convincing her he didn't know the truth, but sooner or later Emma would tell her anyway. Ruby was the last of her family, how could he keep her away from her?

"There it is," he sighed. "I know your little secret. And before you ask again, I did nothing to her. She's safe and sound on the ship."

"She's here?"

"Aye."

Ruby wanted to jump up, but Killian raised his arm.

"Please sit down."

Ruby eyed the door, but remained seated. "How long have you known?"

"Two months. She hid it for quite a while."

"And how did you find out?"

Killian hesitated.

"A crew member did. The two of them fell into the ocean, and it became visible. She saved that man." At least, that wasn't completely a lie.

"She saved one of your pirates?"

Killian leaned closer towards her. "A lot can happen in five months. We've had a rough go of it." He was serious now. "It changed Emma, and it changed us."

Ruby also leaned in. "You've kept Emma as a prisoner on the ship, knowing that she's a princess. Did you ever try to ransom for her?"

Killian fixed her with his eye. "How could I do that? Emma's no slave but a member of my crew. She's free to go wherever she wants."

Ruby frowned. "You're telling me that she's staying with you of her own volition? It didn't seem like that when I left you."

"Like I said, a lot has changed."

He could see the doubt in Ruby's eyes. She worried about her. That Emma he was talking about wasn't the helpless princess she'd left behind. He couldn't blame her; how could she understand it, if even he didn't?

"I want to see her," Ruby demanded.

"And you will, tomorrow."

Ruby wanted to protest, but he didn't let her speak.

"Emma's life was turned upside down, just let her have one night to say goodbye to the crew. I'm going to tell her tonight. And I will expect you tomorrow at the harbor."

He could literally see her thinking, if this could be a trick, a possibility to leave the harbor at night. After due consideration, she finally agreed.

"The company you asked of will arrive shortly, Captain. And when you betray me, I will chase the Jolly Roger to the world's end and have you all hanged."

He eyed her. "You're lying, lass. There's no backup."

Taking the few minutes had allowed him the possibility to see behind the curtain. There was no royal ship in the harbor, only a few merchant and fisher boats. She was bluffing. "What happened?"

Ruby did keep up the facade for another moment, then her eyes sparkled angrily, which told him that he had hit a nerve.

"They called off the search," she finally admitted. "Five months is a very long time. They only gave me four men, and returned to Arendelle."

That didn't surprise him at all. He'd lost his confidence in royalty long ago. And he wasn't surprised that Ruby had -successfully- kept searching for her friend.

"These blue blooded blockheads are all the same," he annotated soberly. "Even if they try to convince us otherwise."

Ruby looked askew, but he continued. "I may be a pirate, but I'm speaking the truth. I don't have ulterior motives. And I assure you, all I want is for Emma to be safe."

He saw the silent question in her eyes, her mistrust was obvious. The answer he'd given her hadn't contained any explanation about his change of heart. She still suspected him of hurting Emma. And he couldn't answer that question with a no. He had no doubt Emma would protect him and never tell Ruby about the rape in order to guarantee the crew's safety. But how could he convince Ruby that he hadn't manipulated her? Because he couldn't deny _that_. He'd taught her the ways of being a pirate and put much effort into it. He knew that it had been wrong to turn Emma into something she wasn't, even if she desperately wanted it.

He'd seen her expression at the lake, the confusion and fear, but also the curiosity in her eyes and her smile when he'd flirted with her. She was so young, and for all he knew, she had never been courted before, with the exception of her short dalliance with Jake. After what had happened in Gemunos, she was now searching for someone to latch onto, even if it was a subconscious effort. Someone who promised to care for her and keep her safe. Someone who wouldn't leave her like everyone else. What girl wouldn't fancy a dashing pirate captain who made promises like that?

That was why he couldn't do it. Because she would wake up sooner or later and realize that he'd been manipulating her, that traveling with him had destroyed her reputation and ruined her chances of leading an honorable life. She would hate him, even if she wouldn't openly blame him. But who knew? Given a few years, she maybe would even do that, if she didn't die in a battle before, that is. Emma was supposed to be a healer, but not on a pirate ship. And he was the one who was responsible to make her see that. And himself.

"Look, you can come to the harbor and see for yourself. I'll bring her on deck so you can see that she's alright. Just don't show yourself. Just for one night."

Ruby hesitated.

"If you have laid a single finger on her, I'm going to kill you," she finally grunted.

"I don't doubt that," he said and stood up, paying for both of their drinks. Ruby followed him to the entrance; always glancing back to check if someone was following them. She obviously still wasn't sure if he'd told her the truth.

They walked down the street in silence. Ruby was still watching him from the side. She must have noticed the way he talked about Emma, and surely she had her own thoughts about it. He even felt a little uncomfortable being under her watch, a feeling that was entirely new to him.

This woman knew her best, she'd grown up with her like a big sister. There were so many questions he wanted to ask her about Emma's childhood. But then he realized that was a step too far. He'd told himself to close that door.

When the Jolly Roger was in sight, he stopped. It swayed softly in the wind and he heard the growling of the crew. They were on deck, obviously enjoying the day with a few barrels of rum. He had to smile when he realized what they were celebrating.

"You see that?" he asked Ruby.

Her eyes narrowed as she peered at the ship.

"They are celebrating Emma's fifth month aboard."

"They all know who she is?" Ruby asked, shocked.

"Aye, they do."

"And they don't mind?"

"For them a princess is just a term, nothing they relate to Emma. They got to know her as the smart assistant of the doctor and a fast lad in the rigging, and that's how they see her."

"A doctor's assistant?" Ruby asked, surprised.

Killian frowned. "Maybe it's time you give her more credit. I have a feeling Emma was highly underrated as a princess."

Ruby looked at him angrily, but there was also something else in her eyes.

"And you know her true value?"

"Aye, I do," Killian replied, staring at the ship and added with a grin, "I'm a pirate; I have to know these things."

Ruby snorted. "I'll give you one night, pirate. I'll be at the ship at dawn."

Killian nodded, and then ditched her, just like that. He made his way to the ship, feeling her eyes on him with each step. Then he disappeared around the corner and onto the pier.

When he crossed the gangway, he was greeted by a half-drunk Clarke who was thrusting a mug in his hand. "Welcome to Emma's fifth month celebration, Captain!"

The crew bawled in the background. Morren raised his mug when he saw him, indicating that he'd permitted to open the barrels.

"It's Miss Swan," Killian corrected clemently.

He noticed Ramsay by the railing and ignored him, then turned towards the barrels where he could hear Bernie's voice. He had to smile when he realized the chef was having a good time. After worrying about him for several weeks, this was a welcome surprise. However, his smile faltered when he saw Emma next to him.

For the second time that day, he wasn't prepared for the sight before him. He couldn't believe his eyes when he saw what she was wearing; a blue, high-necked gown with golden sleeves and silver laces; one of Milah's dresses that had been stowed in his wardrobe for decades. As if she was feeling his eyes on her, she turned around, and he saw her drop her gaze immediately. The dress hung grotesquely around her. That wasn't the jaunty lass in the boy's clothes he'd become used to, more a wench from the tavern. It pained him to see her like this, and it was definitely not appropriate on this ship.

"What on earth are you wearing?" he growled and stepped closer. The grinning young man he'd hired previously filled him with indignation.

He turned towards the boy and grabbed him by his collar. "You're dismissed! Gather your things and leave the ship."

"Captain?" he heard Morren's voice.

"I won't say it again," Killian repeated himself and the boy complied immediately when he saw the anger on the Captain's face.

Then he turned towards Emma, but she didn't even wait for him to speak, just stumbled backwards and fled to the hatch.

Morren gave Ramsay his cup and approached him, but Killian's attention was on Ramsay. The man stared at him in full disgust.

The crew had become silent.

"Get off the ship," Killian shouted. "Go to the tavern, or whatever!"

Without so much as a second glance, Ramsay followed his orders, as did the rest of the crew. The party was over.

"Damn it, Killian," Morren said when they were alone. "I allowed her to wear that dress."

"That wasn't your decision to make," Killian spat. "Why is she wearing a dress at all?"

"Seriously?" Morren shook his head in disbelief. "Because she's a Lady. And a Lady deserves to look pretty once in a while. It's her day, her celebration and I told her it was alright to pick something."

"She looked like a common whore in that dress," Killian stated. "Can't have the crew getting distracted."

Morren snorted. "Emma was sitting in the cabin for half an hour. Dressing as a woman again was a big step for her and it took her a lot of effort to prepare herself mentally for it."

Killian felt a pang of guilt, but wasn't ready to give up. "She shouldn't have worn Milah's dress."

"Damn it, Killian, get your feelings under control! Milah has been dead for centuries. Her clothes are rotting in that wardrobe. But Emma is a breathing human being, and she deserves some happiness."

Killian opened his mouth to rebuke his first mate for his audacity, but then closed it again. Morren wasn't just one of the sailors; he was like a brother, and he couldn't treat him the same. He had the knowledge and rank to captain his own ship and Killian knew he was only here for him. Because he'd promised Liam to keep an eye on him. And he knew him all too well.

Morren sighed and set himself into motion.

"Where are you going?"

"To the tavern," Morren answered. "I highly suggest you and the Miss find a mutual solution, sometime soon."

It was Morren's diplomatic way to tell him that he'd screwed up. For the third time that day.

The urge to get drunk was immense, and the prospect of drowning himself in alcohol was more tempting at the sight of the barrel. If he went to Emma now, it would make everything worse. It illustrated the core of the problem perfectly. The simple truth was that he was just wrong for her. Nothing but a pirate. A dirty, dishonorable, cruel man, with no chance of redemption; a villain.

The longer he stayed on deck and listened to the distant voices on the pier, the more the loneliness settled upon him. Treating Emma like this was wrong, he knew that. But seeing Milah's dress on her had felt wrong, too. It wasn't because it belonged to his dead love, more because of his men. The crew wasn't supposed to see her like that, and they weren't supposed to fancy her. He'd seen the look of desire on the new boy's face. It had been like a punch to the face.

He'd expected Emma would feel offended by that attention, but obviously she'd decided to face her fear and dive right into it. Such a brave lass.

He couldn't run away from it forever. Ruby would come to the ship in the morning, and that only left him a few hours. So he stood up and made his way to the infirmary with a short detour to his cabin.

Killian was nervous when he approached the infirmary. He put his ear against the wooden door and heard soft sobbing from the inside. His heart clenched at the sound. Hesitantly, he raised his hand and knocked.

"Emma?"

The sobbing stopped immediately.

"Emma?"

Silence.

Killian leaned against the door. "Look, I came to apologize for my improper behavior. My manners have been lacking lately. None of this is your fault." He paused, but there was only the breathing from the other side of the door. "Emma, are you listening to me?"

Then he heard steps and then the door cracked open.

Emma's eyes were red and swollen, and he wanted to reach out to her, the guilt overwhelming him.

"I'm sorry, Emma," he said again.

She opened the door a little further, but only to thrust the dress into his hand, perfectly folded. "Don't be," she said, the distance in her voice almost palpable. "You're right. My contract is over. And this is a safe harbor, so I won't cause you anymore trouble. I'm leaving the Jolly Roger for good."

She looked him right in the eye, challenging him, and he could see what she was thinking. She was disappointed and hurt that he forced her to speak the words. She blamed him for abandoning her with the bitter look in her eyes, and she made no efforts to hide it.

Killian felt paralyzed, unable to say anything, and then she shut the door in his face.

He should be relieved now, but he wasn't feeling anything, unable to process what just happened. Saying it made it real, and there was no going back from it. He would lose her, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Thus, Killian left the white dress he'd brought from the cabin in front of the door and returned to deck to sit on one of the boxes. He had to prepare an explanation for the crew. They would be disappointed, and he had no clue what to say to Bernie and Ramsay. Life wouldn't be the same without her. Killian poured himself a drink and downed it, wishing he'd kept his mouth shut and let her enjoy this evening before talking to her. Why did things have to escalate because of a bloody dress?

All of a sudden, he jumped up from the box and disappeared into the ship's belly. After a while he returned with a sack of clothes. Obsessively, he knotted it with a rope and heaved it over the railing. It splashed soundly in the water and sank immediately. He turned around, noticing that he'd forgotten the dress that Emma had been wearing before. He crossed the deck like a mad man and discarded it on the other side of the ship.

"What are you doing?" he heard a familiar voice, and next thing he knew, Emma was standing beside him at the railing. The dress floated on the water until it was hit by a wave that crashed against the ship. They watched as it disappeared like the other clothes into the depths of the harbor.

"Captain?" Emma asked again, shocked. He turned away from her and sat down, breathing heavily as he leaned against the railing. Burying his head in his hands, he heard her walk around and then she was standing in front of him again. He took the glass she had brought him and downed the liquid in one gulp. She hadn't filled it with liquor but cool water from the infirmary.

"What the hell did you do?" she asked again and sat down next to him. He looked at her, meeting her green eyes. Then he noticed that she was wearing the white dress he'd bought her and almost thought his eyes were deceiving him.

"I decided not to spend my last evening on this ship in the infirmary," she said with a broken smile. Her eyes were still red, but she was still absolutely beautiful with her golden curls that almost fell against the laces.

"You look stunning, Swan," he said quietly.

"And you're insane," she answered. frowning. "Those were Milah's clothes, Captain. You're not getting them back."

"Maybe I need more space in my wardrobe."

She gave him a doubtful look, choosing to change the topic instead.

"Thanks for the dress," she suddenly said, and then cleared her throat before she continued. "You know I don't want to leave. But I understand there's no other way. We beat around the bush for quite a while. And..." She hesitated. "I just don't want us to part on bad terms."

"Me neither," he replied quietly.

Killian looked into her softening eyes and tried to muster some courage.

"Swan, I need to tell you something."

"If you want to apologize again, then don't. I don't need to be treated like a wounded deer. I can handle things better than you think."

"I know," he answered. "It's just-,"

"Stop," Emma said. "No more talking about regret and tragedy. If I have to leave the ship, I intend to enjoy my last day. Let's do something careless. Get the crew and go for a swim or get drunk in the tavern. We can even dive in the harbor and try to get Milah's clothes back."

He smiled sadly. "It's alright. I burned down the cabin I grew up in after my brother Liam died. I do these things when I get mad."

"Seriously? I should probably be afraid of you now, but I'm past that point."

She reached out and took his hand to pull him up. Surprised by the gesture, he complied and stood up.

"Just promise me not to burn the ship or throw any of my stuff overboard. Sell it, don't destroy it. As for me, just buy the crew a few drinks from the earnings."

He stared at her in aghast, not believing what he'd just heard. He'd almost forgotten that he'd stolen all her belongings when he'd found her on the ship five months ago. And the only thing she thought about was to give the crew a treat.

"Speaking of that, can you please turn around, Swan?"

She smiled when he said the words. Actually, the crew didn't follow his orders, and so he was the only one who called her by that nickname. And she seemed to like it. He'd also noticed that she hadn't called him 'Sir' in quite a while. Only 'Captain'.

Slowly, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the necklace. He'd carried it around for a while, waiting for the right moment. She shivered when the cool metal of the hook touched her skin to pulled her hair aside.

Killian stepped closer behind her to put it around her and close the clasp. It was tricky with only one hand, but he had plenty of practice. He didn't bother taking his time while breathing in the smell of her hair. Then he felt Emma's hand brushing his fingers, helping him with the task.

"Now you're complete again, Swan Girl," he whispered, his fingers stroking the swans before he stepped back.

Her eyes were watery when she turned around again, and he wanted to apologize for taking it in the first place, but he changed his mind when he saw her soft smile.

Somewhere in the harbor, a vagabond musician had started to play an instrument, and Emma closed her eyes, breathing in the salty air. "I know that song from somewhere," she said.

"It's a popular ballad in the South," he replied.

"I think my caretaker sang that to me when I was sick," she remembered, suddenly far away.

Killian looked at her for a moment, and stepped closer, extending his hand to her.

"May I have the pleasure of this dance?" He grinned cheekily and Emma's smile spread.

"You sure you can keep up with me? My father taught me how to dance."

"I never shy away from a challenge, Milady."

Emma laughed; a laugh that warmed him from the inside. He carefully pulled her in and positioned his hook around her waist. After a few clumsy steps he looked down at her.

"You appear to be a natural," he teased her as she accidentally stepped on his toes.

Her green eyes were sparkling, her cheeks slightly blushing.

"I never said my father taught me with success."

"In that case, you just have to pick a partner who knows what he's doing."

"Oh, my father did know that," Emma objected.

"Sure he did," Killian chuckled. In a swift movement he reached around her and lifted her up. Emma squealed in excitement as she was swirled around. Before she knew what was happening he set her down again.

Emma's cheeks were burning now in bright red. Her hands were placed on his chest and his arms lay still around her. She was impossibly close. So close that he could see every freckle on her nose. A blonde curl had fallen on her face. Unthinkingly, he brushed it behind her ear. He felt her lean into the touch, her eyes darting to his lips. He gingerly ran his fingers through her hair and felt her hands curl into the fabric of his shirt.

He looked at her for a moment, slightly leaning into him, the sunlight shining through her hair and her eyes closed, the lids fluttering nervously. He tried to freeze the moment, to burn the sight into his mind.

He knew what she was wishing for and he couldn't give it to her. How would he be able to leave her after that? So he lowered his hand and stepped back.

Emma opened her eyes slowly. The sparkle was gone and she just looked sad. Embarrassed, she turned to the side, trying to avoid his gaze. What had he done to make her feel this way? It was still a mystery to him.

"We should go to the inn and get the crew," she murmured quietly. He knew he should just agree with her, but he was afraid he would never get another moment like this.

"Swan?"

She winced as he took her hand.

"I have to tell you something," he said gently. "Please don't be mad at me for not telling you right away."

She looked at him with wide eyes. "What is it?"

"Your wolf friend, Ruby, she's here."


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N:_ _Hey guys, sorry for the long wait. Thanks for your undying patience and enthusiasm. You rock! This story will be continued until it's finished. No worries!  
_

* * *

 **Chapter 19: Farewell**

"What?" Emma whispered and felt the world spin around her. "But there's no other foreign ship in the harbor. How is this possible?"

Before she could lose her grip, Hook stepped closer and grasped her shoulders to steady her.

The look he gave her as he led her to a crate made her uneasy.

"Sit down," he said softly. When she relaxed slightly he continued. "They left a while ago, but Ruby proceeded on her own. She didn't give up on you and nearly killed me when she found me at the inn. Believe me, I was surprised too. This wolf would go to the end of the world for you. Hell, she did! Almost didn't let me return to the ship. We agreed on meeting here tomorrow morning."

"I can't!" Emma gasped in panic and grabbed his arms. "I'm not that person anymore, I can't approach her like that, and I can't go to Arendelle!"

"Ssh, Emma. It's going to be alright. Ruby is your friend, remember? She would protect you from anything. If you don't want to go to Arendelle, she won't force you."

"It's not just that," Emma said. "How … how can I look her in the eyes after what happened? I'm a broken woman, of no value to the kingdom."

"You're a princess and always will be," Hook vehemently protested. "No man or woman for the matter could ever change that. And I don't mean a princess by birth. You know I hated nobility with passion before I met you. You surprised me, Emma. In every way possible. You challenged not only me, but the entire crew, and changed all of our lives and mindset. I've never seen a woman that was hurt so many times and stood back up over and over again, trying to survive and fight for her own happiness. And you're fighting like a lion, Swan. I see that every day."

Emma looked at him, seeing the passion in his eyes and the sincerity in his words as he spoke. His eyes were glued to her face, and she knew that he meant every word. He admired her, maybe even liked her, and yet, he would send her away.

"If you respect me so much, why do you want me off the ship so badly?" she blurted out.

Hook tilted his head, and sighed, the indignation leaving his eyes. "I've only ever known one woman before you who took control of her destiny, and she met her end on this ship. I won't let that happen to you, Swan."

Emma was taken aback by his confession. She knew that it was hard for Hook to mention Milah. Opening up about his feelings was a rare occurrence. And she wasn't blind. She had noticed the way he was looking at her at the lake; seen how he couldn't keep his eyes off her. He hadn't been able to hide the desire in his eyes, but it hadn't been like the violent lust she'd experienced from Avery, and yet more urgent than Jake's approach. She'd been afraid when she'd seen the shape next to the rock and it had taken some time to fight off the panic and return to the lakeside, but Hook had apologized so thoroughly she somehow couldn't be mad at him. He'd bathed her with yearning looks and doe eyes that made her forget the rough pirate he was. Since then he'd taken special care of her, and he kept mentioning how beautiful she was. If she didn't know any better she would think he was flirting with her. She didn't know why he was doing this, getting close to her, dancing with her, if in the end he would just leave her anyways. He'd managed to make her heart beat faster when he'd swirled her around, caressed her hair and almost kissed her.

Eliciting these feelings in her was wrong and he shouldn't do this, but even now he couldn't stop, moving his fingers over the back of her hand, in order to reassure her.

"Look, Emma. Your dream is to study medicine and you'll find a way to do that. There are so many realms in this world and not all of them are restrictive as this one. The entire world is open to you. You don't need to be on the Jolly Roger for that. This ship is dangerous, and it's just not the place to be for a soul as beautiful as yours."

Emma looked down where he was touching her skin.

"Why can't I choose then?"

"Because I'm the Captain. As far as this ship goes, I make the decisions."

It was pathetic. A lie. He was giving her an easy answer to a situation that wasn't easy at all. And it was sad to see that he was closing off again, not telling her the true reason why he was doing this. They both knew it, but none of them would speak it out loud. There was no going back. She would leave this ship, as she'd proclaimed earlier. Hook would leave, and she would never see him again.

"When do you plan to leave?" she asked hesitantly, already afraid of the answer.

"There's no rush," he replied quickly. "The crew needs to rest, and I want to make sure that you procure safe passage to the mainland on a respectable ship."

The way he said 'crew' made it painfully clear that she was not longer a part of that community. The panic had faded and was replaced by confusion. She felt empty, like someone had chopped off a part of her body. In some ways it felt worse than the things she'd endured before. Despite the past events, she'd been happy here. For the first time in her life, she'd felt like she belonged somewhere, that she mattered and that she was important. Emma was certain that this was the right place for her, but she knew it would never work, not if Hook didn't want the same. Somewhere along the way he'd decided to exclude her for whatever reasons, not let her make any decisions regarding her stay here, and patronized her instead. It was unfair and Emma wanted to scream and hit him. She might be young, but that didn't mean she couldn't decide for herself. He could comfort her with fine words all he wanted, telling her that she'd challenged his way of thinking, but in the end it hadn't changed anything. If she had been a boy, he would have let her choose. He was wrong, but telling him wouldn't help. And because he didn't see it himself, the cause was lost.

She deserved more than that and certainly didn't need his pity or comfort. Thus, she pulled her hand back and stood up.

"I want to see Ruby now," she demanded.

Hook's brow was deeply furrowed. "You sure?"

"And I want to remove my items from the ship as soon as possible."

"Emma..."

"Preferably today!"

"Emma, please."

Emma looked at him, then challenged. "You're no longer my captain, remember? There are still some decisions I can make by myself."

"Sure," Hook answered resignedly, not so much the commanding pirate anymore.

Emma nodded, turned around and walked to the hatch, leading to the infirmary. She didn't look back as she disappeared in the ship's belly.

A few hours later, in the late afternoon, Emma finished packing. Of course it didn't take all this time to gather her few belongings that actually fit in one bag, but rather to collect herself. The memory of their conversation on deck still stung and pushed away any thought about the future. She still wasn't able to fully conceive what Hook had told her about Ruby. It seemed surreal to her that she would see her again after all her months on the ship. Of course she knew that Ruby wouldn't harm her in any way, but Emma had worked so hard to let go of the past. The memory of the castle, her family and Ruby seemed to be someone else's, not hers. It was like a lifetime away and Emma was afraid to open that door again. In fact, she didn't want anything but to move on from her past and this ship.

She winced when she heard a knock.

"It's me," Ramsay said from behind the door.

"Come in," Emma replied, relieved that it wasn't Hook.

He entered slowly, a worried expression on his face that told her that he already knew.

"I know it seems hasty," she started before he could say anything. "But the Captain and I made the decision. And if I have to leave, I'd rather do it now."

Ramsay nodded. "I already packed."

Emma's lips parted, slightly shaking her head. "You still want to do this? This ship has been your home for a very long time."

"I'm dead certain," Ramsay answered firmly. "And I'm keeping my promise. Anyway, it's better to have good company when traveling to unknown realms."

Emma gave him a smile; that did sound as if he agreed with her plan not to return to Arendelle.

"Do you know how to travel through realms?" she asked curiously, and felt her heart beat faster at the thought of going on another adventure. The adrenaline wasn't frightening her anymore but had become a companion she didn't want to go without for long. The Captain was wrong. She wasn't made for a boring life in a castle, and neither did she possess the innocent soul he saw in her. She would lead a dangerous life, even with the prospect of an early death, and she would do it without the Captain. He could go and get stuffed!

"You need to get a magic bean for that," Ramsay replied and grinned.

He was the only one who understood her and let her have her way, knowing that Emma needed to do this and make decisions by herself.

"They're not easy to be found. You're definitely going to need my help."

"I appreciate it," Emma said and closed her bag. If she had challenged someone's way of thinking, it was Ramsay's. He was the only one who accepted her, conceding her rights, no matter of her gender.

"I guess it will take some time to convince your wolf friend, though. If looks could kill, I would be a dead man."

Emma looked up. "You met Ruby?"

"She's upstairs, on deck."

Emma's gaze shot up. "What, right now?"

"Aye, the Captain found her somewhere in the harbor area. Looks like she spent the entire day there."

Emma stifled another panic attack, but her hands shook a little. Having her old friend that close somehow made it real. Her time on the Jolly Roger was over and there was no way to prolong it.

"Let's go then," she said and strapped her bag on. Ramsay stepped to the side when she made her way to the door and closed it behind her.

When she heard the latch, she turned around and looked back at the door and then to Ramsay. "I'll meet you on deck, alright?"

He nodded, understanding what Emma needed to do. So they separated; Ramsay was heading to deck while Emma was taking a detour.

On her way she tried to take in every detail, the shape of the rooms, the smell of brawn and zwieback in the food stores, and she even visited the brig and stayed there for two minutes in the darkness to listen to the dripping sound of water from the ceiling. This part of the ship didn't frighten her anymore; after all it had become her safe haven when she needed to be undisturbed.

After that, she went upstairs and opened the door to the galley, but Bernie wasn't there. So she sat on a stool, stared at the stove, remembering the first week on the Jolly, when Bernie had tried to transform her into a cook, only to fail miserably.

Despite all the pain, there were so many happy memories. How she would miss sitting here drinking soup and talking to Bernie for hours, or cowering in her bunk, listening to a raging storm that shook the ship violently. Her first storm had frightened her to death; later she'd just turned under the blanket and continued sleeping. She knew how to move in the darkness because she had become acquainted with every corner of the ship, and even got drunk with a pirate crew, which was unthinkable for a Lady.

After a while, she left the cabin, and was about to pass the Captain's quarters, but stopped. Hesitating, she looked around and knocked. There was no answer, so she opened the door and slipped inside. It was forbidden to enter the Captain's quarters without his permission, but she doubted there would be any consequences if he caught her.

She stared at the bunk in which she had stayed in for several days. This room elicited ambivalent feelings. On the one hand, it reminded her of all the pain she'd endured, on the other hand it had been a safe place where she'd felt protected, but also imprisoned. There were also other thoughts coming to the surface, thoughts that made her desperate and sad, but most of all, mad at Hook. This pirate had managed to make her feel something she was too afraid to speak out loud.

Her eyes lingered on the wardrobe and she stepped closer, and then opened it. After he'd discarded all of Milah's clothes, there was plenty of space. Emma didn't entirely understand why he'd done it, but she assumed he was tired of living in the past, and had needed to get rid of his dead mistress' overlying shadow. He'd let grief dictate his life, and maybe he'd realized that when he'd seen her in that dress. Maybe he could even move on now.

The thought made her sick and again the feelings hit her without mercy. She should be more understanding, accepting that he wanted to move on, whether it be returning to his pirate ways or trying something new. But she couldn't. How could she allow him to move on when she couldn't? She'd tried to convince herself that she could do it on her own, that she didn't need him in order to live out her dreams. But it wasn't the truth. He'd engraved himself in her irrevocably. Everything she was now was because of him and the crew. She would never be able to let them go, would always crave to be a part of their community and mourn over the fact that she couldn't be just that. Damn it, she didn't want him to move on and forget about her! She desperately wanted to make that clear to him, but putting it into words was impossible. It would never come close to what she was feeling.

Ten minutes later, Emma left the cabin and walked up the stairs. She was greeted with daylight so bright she had to shield her eyes from the sun. Then she caught a glimpse of red and in the next moment she felt two arms around her. Ruby pressed her so hard she couldn't breathe, so Emma hung immobile in her arms. The entire situation felt surreal to her and she didn't know what to do, if she should return the hug or not. Her face was buried in Ruby's dark hair, and she could smell her familiar scent of forest. And the only thing she could think of was whether or not Ruby sensed that something was different. Emma was afraid to face her because she knew Ruby had the gift to look right through her. One thing was very clear, she could never tell Ruby what had happened two months ago. Emma knew her friend. If she ever found out, she would deem Hook responsible and have him hanged. Mercy wasn't in her friend's nature.

Finally, Ruby released her from the embrace, still with her hands on Emma's shoulders. She studied her face intently, searching for any sign of discomfort. Emma managed to smile.

"You found me."

Ruby looked at her with watery eyes. "I always keep my promises."

"But how did you do it?"

"It's a long story," Ruby put an arm around her. "Let's get off this damn ship first."

Emma heard a suppressed growl from a sailor. Ruby spun around and faced the man, ready to slit his throat. "Full moon is just a few days away," she warned him, snidely.

"Relax, lass," Hook said, leaning casually at the mast. "Don't make me regret giving back the cloak."

By now Emma knew that he was only pretending, a performance especially for Ruby. He could be very conceited when the Jolly Roger was involved. Emma couldn't help but smile, and of course Ruby noticed it right away, narrowing her eyes to slits. Emma pressed her lips together, mad at herself. After what Hook was doing to her, he certainly didn't deserve a smile. However, he'd seen it, too, and his eyes lit up.

Ruby ignored Hook's words and turned to Emma. "Did these pirates hurt you in any way?"

She should affirm that, just to get that smug grin off the Captain's face, but it would only cause trouble.

"No, they didn't," she answered.

"Emma?" Ruby obviously didn't believe her.

"They treated me well," Emma sighed. "I wasn't brainwashed nor am I under their control. Everything is fine. Can we just leave now?"

At these words Hook's expression changed and his smile faded. He frowned deeply, searching Emma's eyes, but she returned her attention to Ruby.

"Of course," her friend said.

At these words, Ramsay stepped forward. "Okay, then."

"What the hell?" Ruby snarled at him, pulling Emma behind her. "Step out of the way, pirate."

Emma gently removed Ruby's arm. "It's alright. He's coming with us."

"Ramsay?" Hook asked, slightly shocked. The two men had been carrying out a silent fight over the past months, barely talking to each other.

"You have my letter of resignation on your desk," Ramsay answered. "It's the end of the month and we're at a port."

That were the conditions for quitting the service on a ship and there was nothing the Captain could do to prevent him from leaving. Ramsay knew that.

Emma thought that Ramsay had told Hook beforehand, but obviously he hadn't. It was a harsh move from the sailor that had been the Captain's friend for decades. He'd been there when his brother died, when the Dark One killed Milah, had been to Neverland, and fought in multiple battles with him.

But over the last months, their relationship had grown cold. They'd never talked about it with her, but she knew it was because of her.

A glance at Bernie, who looked awkwardly to the floor, showed Emma that he'd indeed told the chef, but the other sailors were surprised, too. Suddenly everyone was speaking simultaneously, rushing towards Ramsay with endless questions. Everyone had expected that Emma would leave the ship eventually because they knew the Captain wouldn't keep a woman on board, but nobody expected Ramsay to follow her. He was an old hand on this ship; he'd been there when all of them were hired. The Jolly Roger without their gunner was unthinkable; until now.

Hook was clenching his jaw, trying hard not to show his emotions. Emma knew that it had to feel like betrayal to him. Not knowing what was going on on the ship taunted him and his position as the captain. Ramsay had to be very mad at him for damaging him like that, and she should disapprove, but she also felt slightly jealous that Ramsay's departure affected him so much. She couldn't categorize her emotions anyway. On the one hand she was mad at Hook, on the other she just wanted to go to him, help him and give him a hug. Not knowing how to feel nearly tore her apart, and it was definitely not helping that Ruby was watching.

"I want to leave," was the only thing she could say. The crew became silent, all eyes turned to her.

It was just too much. She needed to go now, couldn't be on the Jolly Roger another minute.

"We're meeting you tomorrow at the inn?" Clarke asked from her side, obviously not understanding what leaving meant.

"No, I'm leaving now, for good. I would appreciate it if you could sail away within a few days. In case the Navy ship from Arendelle is coming." She just added the last sentence to justify her wishes, but of course she meant something else.

Clarke looked at her aghast. She probably should give a speech, explain the situation to them, and tell them how much she appreciated them. But how could she, if she couldn't even tell Hook?

She looked at Bernie who was silently staring at the floor, and she felt a pang. Thus, she crossed the deck until she was standing in front of her friend. When he raised his head she could actually see tears in his eyes. Without thinking, she pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered into his chest, and he nodded, because he was one of those who understood. After what felt like an eternity, she released him.

"You're going to be a doctor," Bernie stated to which she responded with a sad smile. "Just promise me not to cook, ever!"

She laughed, and now she was tearing up, too. "I promise. I don't intend to have my friends choke to death on my food."

She patted his shoulders. Then she turned towards Clarke and formed a silent goodbye with her lips, making a movement with her hands as if she would climb the rigging and fall down. It was a joke they always made while hanging in the ropes. On her second week after she'd just managed to climb into the crow's nest, Clarke had climbed next to her and pretended to fall down, but had always entwined his legs in the ropes and nets, so he was just hanging upside down. He was like a monkey and very cocksure about climbing, but Emma had been terrified when she'd seen it for the first time. After that he'd always made fun of it. Now he just seemed sad, but at least she could elicit a little smile from him.

She nodded at the doctor, who returned her greeting with an equal gesture. He'd become a respected mentor over the past months, and she appreciated everything he'd taught her.

She said goodbye to some other sailors and then she was standing at the gangway, in front of Hook. She straightened herself and looked into his eyes.

"Captain," she said formally and watched his expression closely.

"Swan," he said softly and Emma winced. She had expected him to make a joke with a smug grin or fight her for trying to steal Ramsay away from him, but instead he accepted her wish to leave and called her by the name he'd invented. Somehow, the fake name was more real than any word they had shared before.

"I want permission to leave this ship," Emma said with a lump in her throat. Every fibre of her being told her that it was wrong what she was doing, that she wasn't supposed to leave, but there was no going back now.

"Permission granted," he replied. It felt like being pierced, and when she saw him try to smile she couldn't hold back the tears any longer. She was angry at herself when she felt the knot burst and a teardrop run down her face. She'd wanted to pull herself together, not wanting to show her emotions to everyone, to be weak. She felt naked and unguarded, as if everyone was able to see the turmoil in her. And when she saw Hook's smile falter, she knew that she was an open book to him.

Suddenly, she felt his fingers on her arm, slightly brushing her elbow. She knew what he was about to do, but she couldn't accept his embrace, not when he would leave her forever after that. If he did, she would know what it was like to feel his arms around her, to breathe in his scent of rum and leather. She'd been close to him before but never like this, knowing all these things about him and he about her. She just couldn't bear it.

So she took a little step back and his hand stopped, but didn't withdraw. Instead, his fingers brushed over her bare forearm and took her hand. His blue eyes were on her when he raised her hand to his lips. She felt a shiver run though her spine at the contact, not able to take her eyes away either. His kiss didn't last longer than a second but for Emma it felt like an eternity. She inhaled as she felt his thumb brush over her knuckles, not ready to let go of her.

That was when Emma made the move and pulled her hand back. "Goodbye, Captain," she whispered, and turned around, not waiting for an answer. She'd wanted to remain strong, but she couldn't. She fled without looking back at him, because she knew she couldn't handle it, handle him saying goodbye to her.

She heard Ruby's steps when she crossed the gangway and hasted over the pier to increase the distance between her and the ship.

"Emma?" Ruby called behind.

Finally, Emma stopped at a few crates.

"Emma," Ruby said again and Emma turned around, her eyes red and the tears running over her face. She brushed them away and fended off Ruby's hand. "Can you just leave me alone for a moment?" she requested and set herself into motion again.

Ruby wanted to follow her but Emma heard Ramsay hold her back.

"Let her."

"What's wrong with her?" Ruby demanded to know.

"The man she loves just abandoned her because he's too busy pitying himself," he replied angrily and Emma winced at his words, but kept moving. And then she was behind a corner and finally alone.

-/-

One week later:

Killian was standing at the helm, navigating the Jolly Roger through a storm. They were on open waters again, heading further South. It was a normal day in a pirate's life and yet so different. The ship was empty without Emma and Ramsay, and everyone felt their absence. The crew was doing their work as always, but overall more silent. Hook had opened a new barrel of rum the day before, but that only slightly cheered them up. Bernie wasn't talking at all. He provided them with food, but then disappeared into his cabin. He seemed pale and sad, and Killian did worry about him, but the chef refused to share his sorrows with him. It was dangerous to have the crew in such bad spirits. If they would be attacked, they needed all their strength and coherence, especially after losing their gunner.

Killian didn't allow himself to dwell on his feelings, after all he was the captain of this vessel, and he had to be an example for his men. So he did his work, but whenever he was sitting alone in his cabin, he drank lots of rum and drowned out any coherent thought.

It had been a long night, but as usual at sea, the storm faded as soon it had appeared. After the worst was over, Morren offered to take over the wheel and sent him to his cabin to get some sleep. Being awake for more than twenty-four hours was grueling and so he complied.

Closing the door to his quarters, the Captain turned around, and his eyes went straight to the bottle on the desk. It was a good wine he'd purchased in Athana, originating from a merchant who had traveled over the mermaid's road, a trading route that connected the eastern and the western countries. He'd wanted to share this gem with Emma, but her sudden decision had prevented that. He'd expected that they would form a plan together, not sailing away right then, but Emma had practically forced him to. She'd run away without a proper goodbye, leaving him behind on the ship.

But despite the hurt he understood why she'd done it. What he couldn't accept was Ramsay's deed. He'd undermined his authority as the captain and humiliated him in front of the crew, and then he'd left him, too. Ramsay had been one of his oldest friends and he would have never expected such a betrayal from someone he cared for. Morren had tried to explain the situation to him, that Ramsay just couldn't accept how he was treating Emma. The Gunner had set his mind on protecting the girl like he had tried with his child, but of all people, Ramsay should have been the one who understood him. He did these things because he wanted to protect Emma, not to hurt her.

Killian took off his heavy coat and put it over a chair. His shirt was soaked, the fabric sticking to his body, and his pants cutting into his legs. In swift movements, he stripped naked and unstrapped the hook. Killian cursed as he examined his left forearm. The skin was bruised and the scars on the stump red. Lately, he'd neglected the care, sometimes even kept the hook on during sleep, which always ended in pain. The hook was cutting his skin and impeded blood circulation. Despite these complications, he needed the hook to feel like a proper man, even if it was the feared pirate people were seeing when he was wearing the metal. But without it he was nothing more than a cripple. So he endured the never ending pain without complaining or telling anyone.

Emma had noticed it anyway. After she had been in the cabin for several days, she had seen him take it off and take care of the stump, and she had said nothing. But one day when his hand had been dirty and rubbed sore from the ship's work and even washing it had hurt, she'd just taken the balm from the cupboard and massaged the lotion into the scarred skin. He'd never allowed anyone to touch him there, but Emma hadn't asked for permission and he hadn't been able to decline. The soft touch of a woman had felt so good and he'd closed his eyes for a moment, just enjoying her caress. Emma hadn't talked during her ministrations, but had been so gentle with him, knowing how intimate this moment was for both of them. He knew she'd done it because he'd helped her, to give something back without any other motives and maybe because she wanted to fight against the fear of a man. However, he hadn't been able to forget it, and even dreamed of a repetition, but of course it had never come to that. Emma had retracted and moved to the infirmary the day after.

Sighing, he went to the cupboard and opened it. He wished not everything would make him think of Emma, but everything on this ship seemed to remind him of her. He'd tried to fight it with thinking about Milah, but after he'd gotten rid of her stuff in his outburst of anger, her presence wasn't that strong anymore. Whenever he tried to think of her, Emma's face replaced hers immediately and he realized he didn't even need any of her belongings to be reminded of her. Just looking at Bernie or entering the infirmary was enough. He'd let Emma in parts of his life he never had opened to a woman before. She'd been a part of a crew in a way Milah never had been. She had always been his mistress, but Emma had been their friend. A kind soul that had listened to them and cared about them in a way Milah had never been able to. Leaving Emma behind had been like removing the ship's heart and everyone was suffering the consequences.

Killian didn't find the balm right away, and had to fumble with his fingers until he found a box. He pulled it out and noticed immediately that it wasn't the balm, but a casket that was normally stored in his wardrobe. It contained his trophies, all the rings he'd taken from his enemies. He owned too many to wear them all, so he'd put them away, only showing-off the most impressive ones. He frowned when he turned the box in his hands. He couldn't remember moving it, so it must have been Bernie, who washed his clothes once a month. Actually, Bernie had to know that he didn't appreciate such an action, and that nobody was allowed to touch his trophies, so it was unlikely. But during the last week Bernie had acted strange, so it was possible that he had done it out of frustration.

Killian signed and opened the casket, lost in thought.

And then his eyes turned wide and everything became clear. On the rings lay something that didn't belong in there.

"Bloody hell," he gasped as he stared at the necklace with the two entwined swans. Frantically, he tried to recall their parting, how he hadn't seen that she wasn't wearing the necklace he'd given back hours before. Emma must have snuck in here and moved it. She wanted him to find it and therefore had placed it in the cupboard where he was storing the balm.

"Why, Swan?" he whispered and took the necklace out of the box, letting his fingers run over the silver swan that was slightly smaller. This necklace was the last thing she had of her parents, the most precious thing she owned, and she'd given it to him, had put it in his trophy box.

Killian knew her well enough to understand the meaning. She had looked at him with this accusation until their last moment, but she had been too proud to beg. So she'd offered to leave the ship without wanting it. He knew that he'd broken her heart in the worst way a man could. She had developed feelings for him and despite her past experiences started to open her heart again. To him, a ruthless pirate who didn't deserve anything, especially not a woman like her and certainly not her affections. He'd wanted it selfishly, had always been jealous when she'd opened up to another crew member but then refused to give her what she wanted when it became obvious, and pushed her away in the end. Ramsay had seen through him and had been disgusted by his insincerity. That was why he'd decided to do the same to him and left him in a cruel and dishonest way. He got it now.

Killian was overwhelmed by guilt as he turned around and sat down on his bunk, holding the necklace tightly. He missed both of them terribly and somehow he felt the urge to lie down and cry like a little boy. But instead he sat there, tensed and not knowing how to deal with his emotions.

He knew that he was wrong to hurt Emma like this, that she wanted to have the same rights as the crew, and he would have given them to her, if he hadn't responded to her feelings. It had hit him hard, especially on that day when he'd seen her under the waterfall. He'd daydreamed to take her into his arms and kiss her senseless, making her forget all her bad memories and replace them by new ones. And that was the core of the problem. How could he treat Emma equally as his crew member when she had developed into something entirely different for him? These feelings were new to him; primal and violently settling in his heart. He would destroy that beautiful creature like he'd destroyed Milah. Because of him she'd left her husband and her son and because of him she had died in the end. There was no Dark One chasing after Emma, but he knew that being with him would destroy her, too. Even if they both survived all the battles and storms, Emma would lose her early infatuation. And she would realize that her decision to lead a life on this ship had been a naive one. She would hate being branded as the pirate's whore and there would be no return to a respectable life. How could he do that to any woman, especially a woman he cared about in the way he cared about Emma?

She'd given him the necklace because she'd lost her heart to the ship, to him. With that, she was telling him that she desperately wanted to stay and that she was serious about it. She wanted to show him that he'd ripped her heart out, but she hadn't been able to tell him that in words. Emma wanted to make her own decisions and Ramsay had supported that. Killian knew he'd taken some elementary right from Emma, a right she had never had before as princess of the Enchanted Forest. To decide her own destiny, no matter the outcome.

He'd clenched his fist around the necklace. He'd never wanted to hurt Emma like this, just wanted her to be safe, not to force an unhappy life on her.

Half an hour later, Killian Jones appeared on deck, making his way to Morren at the helm.

"Change of course," he announced in a loud voice so that everyone could hear him. "We're going back."

Morren looked at him in surprise, a small smile spreading on his face. He heard a mumble from the crew and then a voice from above his head.

"Aye, aye, Captain," Clarke shouted from the rigging. "It's about bloody time!"


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20: The Jolly Roger**

"' _The Jewel of the Realm' is the fastest vessel these waters have ever seen. She's made of the magical Silver Forest's wood and is marvelous in her shape and maneuverability. Her sails were purchased on the Mermaid's road and are made of the softest, tear-proof fabric. You may never have seen a ship like this, nor will you serve on anything comparable again. It's an honor to be here, for you as well as me. I've been captaining this pearl for five years now and have never been more fortunate in my life. Let's fill these sails with wind, break the waves of the ocean and bring the fame and glory of our kingdom to all the countries beyond the horizon."_

Killian remembered this speech while he was standing at the mast. It had been in the Enchanted Forest's Royal Harbor and Liam had filled the air with confident promises. He'd possessed this talent to silence an entire crowd and have them latch onto his every word in admiration. He'd been able to inspire people like nobody else, make them leave their homes and follow him into unknown waters.

His brother had been a man of honor, always seeing the best in people.

He instead had been a mistrustful young Lieutenant who used to control the sailors before boarding. After their father had left them on a foreign ship and disappeared forever, Killian had a hard time trusting anyone but his brother.

After years of misery and poverty, fortune seemed to have seen them fit, and with help from the Navy, Liam had managed to launch a career nobody had expected. He'd become the captain of this wondrous ship, respected and worshipped by many, including his brother.

The speech Liam had given that day in between the sounds of seagulls and swaying masts, would forever be in Killian's mind. It reflected the dangerous delusion Liam had fallen prey to and soon after, Liam payed for his fallacy with his life. It had changed everyone profoundly, thrown them off course and directed them to their lives as pirates.

The only thing that had always been a constant in his life was the Jolly Roger, his home for entire decades of his life, unnaturally prolonged due to curses and Neverland, where time didn't seem to matter. And now his life had been shaken again. He was about to lose it all…

-/-

Three days earlier:

The minute they saw Athana from the distance Killian knew something was wrong. Not a single fisherman's boat had their nets cast, and as they came closer he realized the harbor was empty and lifeless. The impression of desolation was increased by the smell of burned wood and Killian's heart clenched. He knew that smell, had seen this condition a few times. It was the branding of the pirates of the South, bandits that burn down entire cities and sell the survivors as slaves on the market places along the Mermaid's road.

"Bloody hell," Morren spoke as they docked in and absorbed the image of destruction. The small town behind the harbor was gone. Smoke hung in the air, covering the remaining stonewalls of the buildings with a thick layer of dust like a shroud. Clouds were darkening the sky and let only little light through, which made the wreckage along the streets even more threatening.

People were hiding between the remaining walls, suspiciously spying on who was coming. The Jolly Roger had been seen from far away and people knew him, but nobody dared to come closer. Killian was on red alert. It wouldn't be the first time desperate people tried to capture and plunder the ship. He observed the shapes of bodies through his telescope, the burned flesh of corpses and heard sounds of crying children. A picture of war. Misplaced in this beautiful landscape.

And he'd left Emma here. His Emma.

"Nobody is leaving the ship," he ordered. "Morren will take command. Pranston and Blade, you come with me. Take your guns. And Dr. Johnston, you'll join us, too."

He turned around and faced the crew. "Don't talk to anyone while I'm gone. If you see one of those bastards come back, set sail and leave. We stand no chance against them, not in their area and shorthanded."

He'd rather said 'without our gunner' but couldn't bring himself to say it. Ramsay wouldn't have let them take Emma without a fight. He was probably dead. And Emma…

"If somebody tries to get on the ship, shoot them," Killian gave further instructions, and stepped on the gangway. Pranston and Blade followed him. They were both huge, strong men and able to handle guns very well. The pirates were probably long gone; they usually attacked unarmed villages with low resistance and disappeared as quickly as they arrived, but Killian didn't want to take chances.

If there was any possibility to find Emma, he had to act immediately. Considering her dead was not an option.

His hand rested on his sword's hilt as they left the pier. The smoke was biting in his nose and made his eyes water. He pulled his scarf over his face as he followed what had been the main street. He kept an eye on every movement between the debris, but it was difficult to see. Knowing that he was closely watched from the shapes behind the walls, he continued his way.

His fears became reality when they approached the inn. The roof was destroyed; flames still flickering out of the windows. There was no life left inside. If Emma had been in there, she was dead.

He was paralyzed, unable to think. Everything had gone wrong. That wasn't what it was supposed to be. He'd left her to ensure her future, not to perish on this island. It was his fault, his entirely.

His fingers clenched around the sword. He would kill them all.

A sound behind him made him spin around. It was a small whimper right next to him. At first, he couldn't see anyone but then there was another cry from a heap of rubble beside him. And then he could see a small leg under the stones.

"Help me," he commanded and heaved the heavy stones away. They retrieved a small child, maybe five or six years old. The boy's locks were dusty and his knees rubbed sore. He looked at them with big eyes. Dr. Johnston knelt. "Are you hurt?" The boy didn't answer, just kept staring at them.

"What's your name?" he made another try.

"Roland," the boy answered, hesitating.

"Can you move, Roland?" the doctor asked. He examined the legs of the boy.

Roland tried to move. First his arms, then his legs.

"Does it hurt?"

"A little," Roland answered.

"Nothing seems to be broken," the doctor answered, satisfied. "But it's better to take a closer look at the ship."

"Move away from the boy!"

Killian spun around, his hand on the hilt. But it was only a woman, staring at them in fear. Her hands trembled so much that she couldn't even hold the knife in her hands properly. Yet, she stood in their way, daring to challenge them.

"You won't take the boy," the woman stated and raised the knife. Killian became aware that he probably looked like one of the pirates who attacked the town. The woman's eyes were on his hook, her lips trembling of fear.

"We mean you no harm," Killian said and took his hand off the sword. "We were guests of Athana many times. I'm Captain Killian Jones, Madam and this is Dr. Johnston. He's a doctor."

The woman hesitated, obviously wondering if this was a trick.

"We were here just a week ago," Killian reminded her.

"You're a pirate," the woman said slowly. "Like them."

Obviously, she wasn't an employee of the inn, otherwise she would have known him better.

"I wouldn't consider them as pirates, more as sea rats. And I can assure you that my manners are far better than those bastards'. I have absolutely no connection to them."

"Why did you return if you just left a week ago?" the woman asked warily.

Killian swallowed hard. "I'm here to pick up my fiancée, Miss Emma Swan."

The woman's eyes went bigger, but she didn't lower the knife.

"You know her, do you?" Killian asked hopefully.

"She's not here anymore," a well-known voice spoke from behind. Killian's head shot up as Ruby made her way through the ruins. She looked worn out, her clothes and hair dirty with dark shadows under her eyes.

Killian froze as he saw her look. There was no fire in her eyes, no hateful glimmer towards him, as he was used to receive from her.

He didn't want to ask the question, not wanting to get confirmation of what he was fearing.

"I have no idea if she's still alive," Ruby said. "When the bandits came, we tried to flee and hide in the woods. Ramsay broke his leg in the process. We just made it out. But Emma," Ruby stopped speaking, collecting herself. "She saw that Ramsay couldn't move anymore so she just ran back to distract them, giving us more time to find a hiding place. There was nothing we could do."

"She sacrificed herself to save you two," Killian said slowly.

Ruby nodded, avoiding his gaze. She felt the same overwhelming guilt as him; he could see that in her eyes.

"So, there's a chance she's still alive?" Dr. Johnston said.

There could be. Emma was a natural beauty. Blonde with big green eyes and pale skin which was exotic in this part of the world. She may no longer be a virgin but she was still delicate and graceful. The slave traders would earn a generous amount off of her on the Mermaid's road. Killian shivered at the thought of men gawking at her body with predatory eyes. He looked at Ruby, knowing Emma wouldn't survive that kind of life. She had a hard time finding herself, accepting her body as it was now. If she had to give her body away daily, she would break.

"The Mermaid's Road is too large to find a single slave ship," one of the sailors argued.

Killian didn't answer. The man was right; finding Emma there would be like finding a needle in a haystack. "Where's Ramsay?" he asked instead.

"In the forest. We built a camp there. In the caves, right behind the lake."

"Bring me there," Killian commanded. He noticed the objection in the woman's eyes, but she didn't dare to speak.

"Are you his mother?" Johnston asked the woman, pointing to the boy who was sitting on a stone.

"No, but I know his father was taken by the pirates," she said between clenched teeth. "He's an orphan now.

"I would like to take a closer look at his injuries on the ship. Just to be sure he isn't bleeding internally."

Killian nodded at one of the sailors who took the boy into his arms to bring him to the ship. The woman seemed unsure if she should step in but the doctor seemed at least a bit trustworthy.

"Roland has family on the mainland," the woman continued and turned to Ruby. "Can you ensure that he will be brought there safely?"

Ruby nodded. Killian frowned at that. He hadn't agreed to take them both with him. If there was any chance of finding Emma they couldn't lose time with a detour.

They went into motion. When they passed the first trees it began to rain. Ruby led them in the direction of the lake. Killian wouldn't have needed guidance. He knew the caves behind the waterfall. Everything reminded him of his encounter with Emma there. He had no idea what he would do if he didn't manage to find Emma. He couldn't go through this again.

"So, you came back," Ruby noted from beside him. She didn't sound too reproachful. "To get back to your 'fiancée'."

"I don't think you would have preferred Mistress," Killian taunted.

"As far as I remember, you told me you didn't touch her."

Killian searched her eyes. "Aye, and I haven't. But let me get things straight. When we find Emma, she won't return to Arendelle with you. That's not who she is anymore."

Ruby snorted. "And who is she? A pirate's whore? Let me get things straight with _you_ , Captain. I don't know what made her fall head over heels for a criminal but I will never approve a relationship that destroys Emma's future. I only accept you because we have the same goal right now."

"Don't get me wrong, lass," Killian answered. "I would go to end of the world for her, no matter what she chooses afterwards. But Emma alone must decide the course of her life. Don't make the same mistake I did."

Ruby's lips thinned and she didn't answer right away. But when the lake came in view, she said: "All these things only matter if we find her alive and well. If not, I will make sure you will be hanged."

Killian wondered what gave Ruby the confidence to talk like that before setting foot on his ship.

"There we are." Ruby stopped in front of a fogged entrance. The humidity in the air made it hard to see. Killian looked at her skeptically. But Ruby only rolled her eyes and took the first step.

Killian was nervous when he entered the cave. It was a feeling that wasn't new to him but he usually managed to hide it better. It wasn't about the people that were sitting on grass mats between oil lamps and stared at him in concern, more what was awaiting him. He hadn't seen Ramsay only for a week but he had no idea how to approach him. The guilt was eating at his bones, weakening his legs with each step.

They finally found him at the farther end of the cave. He was leaning against the wall, his leg stretched out and bound. He narrowed his eyes as Killian came closer, and then opened his mouth in surprise.

"Jones?"

"Aye, it's me," Killian replied a little awkwardly.

Ramsay straightened himself and blinked, apparently considering him to possibly be an apparition.

"You came back," he said motionless.

"Aye," Killian answered concisely. He wanted to apologize and beg for forgiveness but he knew it was out of turn.

"You came too late," Ramsay stated. All energy had left the man. Killian could see that he was in pain. And not only because of his leg. His friend was a sticker. He had survived several injuries in the past. A broken leg was nothing that could stop him. He knew what was restraining the man. He was projecting the loss of his wife on Emma.

Killian knelt so that he could look Ramsay in the eyes.

"You haven't found her body. That means she left Athana alive. Emma is an exotic beauty down here. They'll try to sell her on the Mermaid's Road."

Ramsay clenched his jaw at Killian's words. "You know how many market places are along the Mermaid's Road. We're never going to find her."

"They have to pass the Carian Strait first. And you know who is there this time of the year."

Ramsay looked up.

"You want to encounter _him_?"

"If they pass, he'll know."

"And if you pass, he'll kill you."

"I have to take the risk. Emma is worth the risk. And when does a pirate shy away from a challenge?" He reached out his hand. "Let's get out of here."

Current day:

Thick clouds darkened the sky and gave the two statues that enclosed the strait a sinister appearance. They were two mermaids lying on a rock, their hands pointing towards South. The sirens were the starting point of a trading road, connecting the harbors and the most important cities of the South. Additionally, the place was a perfect ambush for passing ships full of valuable goods. Maybe this was where the tale of the Sirens originated.

There was one pirate who monopolized this area. A man that didn't originate from here but had made himself known for almost twenty years. A dark man, without a qualm about sinking ships out of a mood. The Jolly Roger had outrun his ship many times but today it was lying still, ten cannons pointing towards them. A gangplank was connected to their deck, and a man with heavy black boots and a long black beard entered the ship. His fingers tenderly slid over the rail of the Jolly Roger, a sardonic smile on his face.

"What a surprise, Captain Hook," he spoke with cold eyes. "I didn't expect to meet you this soon again."

"My pleasure," Killian growled.

"If I remember correctly, you sank my ship when we met last time. Left me in that cold ocean. Any ideas how I can repay the favor?"

Killian looked at Morren, and the few men they brought with them. They had dropped the doctor and the child with Ruby and Ramsay on the mainland before coming here.

"I'm here to make a deal," Killian stated without ceremony.

"You've got some nerve, Jones," Blackbeard said. "What keeps me from taking your ship and feeding you to the fish?"

Killian inhaled. "I'm willing to pay a high price for information."

Blackbeard raised his eyebrow. "What information could be worth your ship and life?

"A few days ago, slave traders attacked Athana and took all the young men and women."

His opposite nodded. "I've heard of that. It's a shame. That was a beautiful piece of earth. But what kind of treasure did slip through my fingers, that Captain Hook is chasing after?"

Killian returned his gaze strait faced. "My reasons are none of your business. What's on that ship is of no value to you."

The pirate captain grinned. "You must be very desperate to come here and give so much away to get the whereabouts of this ship. What does it have on board?"

"They have one of my crew," Killian growled. "And I'm not willing to allow them to get away with it."

Blackbeard came a step closer and looked him straight in the eyes. "Oh yes, Captain Hook, the man of honor who is always loyal to his sailors. I can almost believe it. But I don't. You're holding something back. What is it?"

Killian struggled to keep calm. This son of a bitch was getting too close. He knew coming here would be a risk. And not only because he had history with this pirate. He despised the man passionately. All he wanted was to drive his sword through his enemy, but he'd known Blackbeard would demand a high price.

"I know where this ship is," Blackbeard continued. "I can tell you the next three harbors they will dock in. But I need you to tell the truth."

Blackbeard was enjoying this game; to see him on his knees, begging and risking everything. The glimmer in his eyes was conspicuous, and he wouldn't stop until he got what he wanted. Blackbeard enjoyed degrading others; it gave him immense pleasure. Killian knew the feeling, as he had done these things before. It was what always happened on sea, after battles and months of isolation. Being a pirate had its price.

"I'm searching for my mistress," he finally answered. It was a risk to tell Blackbeard about Emma. But that was all he was going to say.

The smile on Blackbeard's face spread sardonically. "Don't tell me the great, grimly Captain Hook has fallen in love. What a turn of events. After all these years, you finally gave up the Dark One's wife!"

Killian clenched his teeth. He knew what Blackbeard was trying to do.

"If I remember correctly there was a pretty blonde lass on the ship."

Killian's hands trembled as Blackbeard spoke. So, he had seen Emma. She was still alive!

"I wonder how she performs in the Captain's cabin. She's a wild thing, isn't she?"

Killian had the urge to punch his opponent in the face, but then he felt Morren's hand on his shoulder.

"If you want to have the ship without casualties tell me these three harbors now!"

"Careful Captain, you're in no position to make demands. As you can see, you're outnumbered. One word from me and your beautiful jewel here will blow up." Blackbeard turned around and walked back to the railing. "In my opinion it's no problem to conquer that ship and kill you for good. You don't expect to get this valuable piece of information for free, do you?"

Killian grinded his teeth, almost losing it. "There's a treasure box five miles from here. Give me the locations and I'll tell you more."

"Well, you must really like that lass to give up your savings and reputation. You're going soft, pirate."

Killian remained silent, waiting for Blackbeard's answer.

"Fine," he finally said, scratching his beard. "These traders were on the way to the sinkhole that is called Mermaid's Island and then they will sell their cargo in Carian. They used to travel further south, but it's too early for the Eastern Passage. There will be too many storms this time of the year."

Killian and Morren exchanged a look. Carian was four days away from here. With a fisherman's boat they could make it within a week. Would that be enough time to save Emma? Trading mostly took a few days as well. So, there was an actual chance to get to Emma in time.

"Now tell me more of that treasure," Blackbeard demanded.

"It's under the Siren's tail," Killian replied.

They looked at the statue at the distance and Blackbeard chuckled. "You've had the nerve to hide treasure right under my nose? You're a cheeky bastard, I'll give you that. Well, now that the business is done will you please leave my new ship."

Killian grimaced as Blackbeard spoke the words. The Jolly Roger had been his home for decades, his sanctuary where he had to learn responsibility, friendship and finally, love. And now he had to give it over to a man that would only see a trophy in it. A piece of wood, nothing else.

He walked in the direction of the life boot.

"What do you think you're doing," Blackbeard sneered. "Prepare the plank for the captain!"

Killian spun around but he was already grabbed by two men. And so was the rest of his crew.

"You son of a bitch," Killian spat as Blackbeard came closer.

"Well in trading your ship, you have no right to use the life boat. It's mine as your worthless life."

Killian struggled when the men dragged him to the plank. He maybe would be able to swim to the coast but it would take too long to find Ruby and the others. They would never get to Emma in time.

He was roughly pushed on the plank as Blackbeard drew his sword.

"Walk!"

Killian tried not too loose balance as he stepped further, the fury blurring his mind.

"Aye, Hook. That's what I felt when you burnt my ship. Half of my crew died that day. I waited for this moment, seeing you walk the plank."

He pointed his sword at Killian.

"I wanted you to die a painful and prolonged death but you know what's even better?"

He laughed.

"You spent all these years wanting revenge until life gave you another chance. I want to crush that chance. I want you to know where your new love is; you should know that you won't reach her in time. She will be sold and used by men until her soul is crushed and she's nothing more than a piece of flesh. She will damn the day she met you. Because you won't be able to save her. And finally, when you find her, she will see the man you truly are. A destroyer, a pirate."

Killian saw the glimmer in his enemy's eyes; Blackbeard was completely in his element. The furry in his gut swelled and he tried to turn around despite the pirate's sword. He wanted to jump on him and kill him, because this rat had no right to live, or walk on his ship.

A gust of wind hit him and he felt himself lose his balance. And then he felt cold water around him, soaking his heavy coat and pulling him in the depths of the ocean.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21: The Lighthouse**

It was cold when Emma woke up. Beneath her, she felt the well-known surface of hard planks of a rocking ship. There was no doubt, she was on sea again. She heard groans and shallow breathing around her, but couldn't see anything.

She had no memories of how she got here, but recalled their escape into the woods. When she had seen Ramsay fall, unable to stand up again, she'd turned around to buy them some time. She'd run into the opposite direction, directly into their persecutor's arms.

They must have hit her with something hard because she felt a throbbing bump on her forehead. For a moment, the old fears resurfaced; that they could have touched her while she was unconscious. It wouldn't make sense though, if they wanted to sell her undamaged.

Slowly, her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Carefully, she felt for what was around her. She was sitting against the wall, pressed between two bodies. When she touched someone, the small body under her fingers winced and started to cry. She then realized that she was touching an infant. Startled, she stared at the baby that was lying on the floor, just like that. Hesitantly, she picked it up from the cold planks and lifted it to her chest. She couldn't believe that these pirates were kidnapping children that small.

Emma clumsily held the baby in her arms. Just like that, it stopped crying, burying its head between her breasts, trying to find milk. Emma felt a sting as she looked down at the child, unable to help. She wasn't the mother and couldn't feed it. She knew there was barely a chance of survival for that poor child on this ship. It made her angry, overwhelming her completely and stifling the fear. What gave these men the right to decide their life and death? Had she left the Captain to free herself from subjection only to witness this crime? She wouldn't accept this as her fate, even if it was the last thing she did. She patted the child and whispered soothingly in its ear.

The other person beside her suddenly moved. The man raised his head and looked around, then searched his surroundings panicky.

"Neal! Where are you?" he whispered hoarsely.

Emma winced at these words. Hearing her brother's name surprised her and she needed a moment to gather her senses.

"Is this him?" She tugged at the man's sleeve and the child started crying again.

The man let out a relieved groan and almost tore the boy out of her arms.

"Oh damn, for a moment I thought he was gone," he exhaled, slowly looking up at Emma.

"Your son?" she asked. The man nodded.

Emma felt a pang in her heart seeing them together like this. Her brother would be about the same age as the boy, but wishing him here instead was not a pleasant thought. This child was doomed to death or a life in slavery. Maybe death was even better than that. Emma pushed the thought away and tried to smile.

"Lost my other boy in Athana. I probably should be happy about it. At least there's a chance he escaped these bastards."

Emma put her finger in front of her mouth. "Don't talk about them like that. The walls of a pirate ship have ears everywhere."

The man shook his head in defiance. "What does it matter? They'll probably sell us as slaves or kill us anyway."

"Don't talk like that," Emma objected. "I don't intend to be a slave, either. But acting out of anger will bring us no benefits. We need to be smart. It's our only chance."

The man looked up in surprise. He probably didn't expect Emma to be that calm. Deep inside she wasn't at all. But after what she'd been through, she'd finally learned not to let her emotions get in the way.

"If there's a way out, we will find it. Until then, we have to stay inconspicuous. Don't provoke them and do what they say."

The man gave her a curious look. "Do you have a plan?"

Emma shook her head. "I'll think of something spontaneously." She smiled encouraging.

"Then I'll help you with that. I have to get my boy off this ship." He reached out. "I'm Robin, by the way. Robin Hood. And this is my son Neal, as you already figured."

Emma smiled. "I'm Emily Swan," she said. It was the quickest thing she could make up.

"You're not from Athana, are you?" Robin asked.

"Well, I've come a long way. I fled from the Enchanted Forest five months ago, as our village was attacked. Lost my family that day."

"I'm sorry," Robin said quietly. "I'm from there, too. It's not a safe place anymore. I took my family and left. And see where it got me."

Emma soothingly touched his shoulder. "We will get out of this. All three of us. I promise."

Robin returned her smile. "I wish I could be that optimistic."

Emma sighed. "I know. I come from a very bad place. Terrible things happened to me these last few months. I was certain my life had no value anymore and sometimes I almost wanted to give up. But I didn't. I worked so hard to be happy again and I continue to do so. This is not the end. Even if it seems like that. As long as we breathe, there is still hope. We will find a way out of here."

"How? Neal needs food. He's already weak. These pirates won't support a small child; it's not profitable for them."

"Then our first goal is to get him some food. I will think of something."

She leaned against the wall, trying to think. A full moon shined through the gaps of the planks in the ceiling. It was the only light in the room. Emma watched over the shapes, the people that were huddling on the floor. Most of them were too afraid to talk, but she could hear low voices and soft crying.

She must have fallen into a light slumber because she woke suddenly when the door to the cabin flew open. Light flooded the room, blinding them. Three pirates stood in the doorway, dirty as the pirates of the storybooks. They observed the room and Neal started crying again. Robin pressed him to his chest and tried to calm him, but without much success. By then, Neal had to be very hungry. If he didn't get food soon, it would be too late for him. They were running out of time.

"There it is," one of the pirates said, pointing to the child. "Get it!"

The second man set into motion, moving towards them. Robin tightened his hold and stepped back.

"Give me the child!" the pirate demanded, examining Robin as if he evaluated his strength.

"Over my dead body," Robin growled and made another step back as the second pirate approached them, too.

One of the men grabbed Robin. Neal's cries filled the room, but nobody was moving. Silence had settled upon the prisoners and nobody dared to help Robin who was twisting and shouting at the prospect of losing his child.

Emma stood there paralyzed, brutally reminded of human's cruelty.

Her legs trembled when she stepped forward.

"Stop it," she exclaimed with as much courage as she could muster.

The pirates needed a moment to become aware of the woman at the back. "Shut up, woman," one of them shouted. But Emma didn't let them intimidate her. She straightened herself and made another step.

"You heard me," she said loudly.

"Bring her on deck," the pirate at the door ordered grimly. The men who had come after the child turned to her. Emma didn't resist as two hands grabbed her roughly. She was shoved towards the door. As she moved, she felt the man's bad breath on her and suppressed a shiver.

"You'd rather kept your mouth shut, slut," the man whispered in her ear. "Do you know what we do with defiant lasses like you?"

Emma remained silent.

"We'll strip them, bind them to the mast and let every man of the crew have their way with them. And when they're worn out, burned by the sun and dying of thirst, we throw them overboard."

Emma's lips thinned, fear crawling up her stomach. But she kept walking and ascended the ladder that lead on deck. When the door opened the next wave of light hit her eyes.

Without thinking, Emma took a leap forward and tried to reach the rail. But one of the pirates stepped in her way. She changed direction but there was no escape. The men only laughed at her desperate attempts to escape. Finally, she stumbled over a rope and hit the floor. Pain shot through her leg and tears welled in her eyes. The laughter above her became louder.

When her hands fumbled over the planks to find a hold, she suddenly felt a resistance. It was a loose spike that was stuck in the wood. Emma pulled it out easily, closing her hand around it, then curled into a ball, retracting her arms against her chest. In a swift movement, she let the spike disappear in her neckline.

One moment later, she was roughly shoved to the mast and bound. She bit her lip as the men fettered her hands and tied the ropes around her.

"You're going to regret this," Emma snarled.

The men around her just laughed, until their captain stepped forward. He didn't wear expensive clothes like Hook did, nor did he look equally handsome. His hair was grey and oily and his eyes seemed to disappear under his eyebrows.

Emma had heard of these pirates. They were middlemen who sold humans to the rich slave traders of the South. They did the dirty work but didn't earn much out of it. Abducting people only made profit on high scale. It was an entire industry which couldn't be stopped.

"Your mouth is stronger than your arms and legs, my dear," the captain said. "Your face may be pretty, but nothing that can't be found somewhere else. We will find a buyer; even if you're used."

His words made Emma tremble but she returned his look.

"Someone is looking for me," Emma stated. "And when he finds me 'used', he'll kill you all. He won't simply kill you but make you suffer in the worst way you can imagine."

"And who would that miraculous savior be? Your lover?"

The crew laughed.

"He's not just my lover," Emma replied proudly. "He's the most feared pirate of the north. His ship is the fastest of the realm. So, don't have any illusions. It's only a matter of time until he finds me. And when he does, I'm the only one who can keep him from murdering you and sinking this ship."

The Captain's eyes narrowed. "You're bluffing."

"Then take your chances and see. But Captain Hook is coming for me and nothing you say can change that."

She held his gaze for another moment until he stepped back and turned around. Emma knew she had won this duel. But how long would it take until they realized she was indeed bluffing? Hook wouldn't come back; he was heading in the opposite direction and had probably already forgotten about her. If she didn't want to be raped by an entire crew she had to figure out a plan on her own. There was no way she could be hurt like that again. She had to escape or die at the attempt.

As night settled upon them, Emma felt the ropes cut her skin. Her mouth was dry as paper and she couldn't feel her legs. She looked at the horizon and saw a small strip of land in the distance, but way too far to swim. Robin had told her that they had already passed the Carian Strait. She had been unconscious for more than a day, so she had no memories of it. Carian was a few days away, but there were some towns on their way. If she wanted to get away they needed to dock.

She might have drawn the attention to herself but soon they would remember that they wanted to get rid of Neal and the boy wouldn't last another few days without food.

After a few minutes, Emma started to twist in her ropes.

"I need to pee," she shouted to the pirate that was standing next to her.

"Shut up, bitch," he snarled.

"I also need to shit," Emma responded. "And if I can't do it in private, that will be sexual harassment. Do you know what Captain Hook will do to you if you harass me? The last man who did lost his dick and life to the sharks."

The pirate turned his head.

"You've got a filthy mouth full of lies, lass."

Emma sneered. "I've learned to talk like that from pirates. And believe me, that was not a lie."

Grunting, the pirate pulled out a knife and approached her. Emma tried not to show her fear, but the thought of getting her throat slit was not pleasant. But the man only cut the ropes and pulled her up. He shoved her back into the ship and down a ladder into a room.

"Use the bucket," he said. "And don't try anything stupid." He closed the door behind her.

Emma was standing in a store room with ropes and sail material. She paid no attention to the bucket in the corner. Instead, she started to search the room for something she could use to free her arms. There was a small window at the other side of the room which let in a sliver light. She pulled the spike out and jammed it into the knot of her bonds. After a few tries she managed to loosen it. She thanked Ramsay in her thoughts for all his lessons to free herself.

Her eyes searched the room and caught a handle in between two boxes. When she stepped closer, her heart began to pound faster. An axe was lying in front of her, an actual weapon. But there was no way she could defend herself with it. These pirates were trained fighters. They would probably disarm her before she could make the first strike. She'd never liked fighting anyway. She'd always wanted to be a doctor, not a warrior. But she didn't have a choice, did she? Slowly she reached for the axe and then she saw the window. It was a porthole, hardly big enough to let a person through. An idea formed in her mind. It was a crazy idea, more like insane really, but she couldn't think of anything else. Her heart was racing now. If she did this, there would be no going back.

Hastily, she opened the window and was greeted by the sound of waves crashing against the ship. Emma hasted back and grabbed a coil of rope. She had to act fast. Frantically she bound the rope around her chest and fixed it to a hook and a pulley in the wall.

Her legs trembled when she climbed through the window, the axe heavy in her hand. The sea was wild and Emma felt the fear in her bones. But adrenalin and the knowledge that this might be her only chance made her move. So, she tightened her hand around the handle of the axe and jumped. She fell three meters until the rope was taut. All air was pressed out of her lungs when her fall ended. Cold spray hit her when she swung in the air. Emma gasped when she felt the water soak her white dress. The next thing she felt was the collision with the ship's wall. A sharp pain shot through her body and her eyes watered. Her hands clutched the handle of the axe, as she tried to handle the pain. Above her head, she heard movement and shouts. A pirate in the rigging had noticed her.

Emma tried to turn around, ignoring the pain in her back. She braced her feet against the slippery wood and hauled off. The first hit buried the blade of the axe in the wood. Emma tried to pull it out. It took all her strength to do so. She shouted when she struck again, burying the axe a bit deeper. Cool water sloshed over her but she ignored it and hit the wall again. The shouts above her got louder, but she focused on her task. Then, she felt the wall give in. Immediately, water filled the hole. Emma hit the wood like a maniac, trying to enlarge the hole in the ship. Then she felt herself being pulled up. The pirates heaved her through the window and pushed her to the floor.

Emma tried to shield her face from a blow.

"You stupid bitch," a pirate shouted and pulled her up by her hair.

Then she heard other voices bawling in disorder. "Leak in the ship! We need more men!

"Bring her to the others," a superior pirate shouted. "We'll deal with her later."

Emma was roughly shoved back to the room with the other prisoners.

"I'm going to take my time with you later," the pirate who had brought her to the storage room whispered cruelly into her ear before he opened the door. When it closed behind her, the eyes of multiple prisoners greeted her. She was breathing heavily and leaned against the wall to rest for a moment.

Then she felt a hand on her back. Emma twisted as she felt the pain again. "What have they done to you?" she heard the voice of an elderly woman.

"I'm fine," Emma waived it off.

Robin's arm supported her. He'd handed Neal to a young woman who was barely older than her. Emma smiled grimly and let him help her sit down.

"I managed to fool these bastards," she said, satisfied. And then she told her fellow prisoners what she had done.

"Can you feel how this ship moves?" Emma asked. "They didn't manage to fix the leak yet. They're forced to dock." She smiled when she felt the ship jolt. "They are turning right now. It will take them half an hour to reach land."

"We're not in Carian yet?" the blonde girl asked.

"No, Ashley," the elderly woman replied. She looked at Robin. "Do you understand what this means? There will be no guards when we dock."

Usually the markets supplied guards who secured the cargo, which meant that they were ensuring that the new slaves didn't try to escape.

"When we arrive, it will be nightfall," Emma said.

"So, you want to try to escape?" Ashley asked afraid.

"Sure, we will," a sturdy man replied. "I won't end as a slave. I'd rather die."

"But they will kill us, "Ashley objected.

"Darling, do you want to spread your legs for some rich bastards for the rest of your life? Do you want your children ripped off you and never see them again?" the elderly woman asked bluntly.

Ashley winced.

"The only chance to survive is to work together." Emma said friendlily. "We need all of you."

She turned around to the others. "I can't promise that nobody will get hurt, but if we all stand together we can do it. Do you want to spend the rest of your life as someone's slave?"

All eyes were on her now.

"I was a prisoner for five months. I was hurt and controlled by men. Every day I dreamed what I would do if I was free. And I don't want to spend another minute of my life like that. Do you?"

She heard a murmur go through the group.

"And now we should listen to a girl that has hardly seen her twentieth summer," a man objected.

"This girl just risked her life for all of us," Robin retorted sharply.

The elderly woman stepped forward. "Aren't you from the Enchanted Forest, Leroy?"

The man muttered grumpily.

"Then you should know better than this. Five months ago, someone killed our king and queen and expelled us from our home. And then two months ago, I was kidnapped by these pirates. Day after day I saw them capture new people as this group increased. And I understood that you can lose more than your home and family. When your freedom is taken from you and your dignity vanishes your perspective shifts. You realize that all the values you believed in, are nothing more than an illusion. You start to feel worthless, lose all your hope. You become that person that these men want you to be. And there's nothing you could do against it."

Silence settled upon the room as the woman continued.

"At least I thought so. Until today. Until this young woman refused to give these men their will. Look at her. She's beaten up and yet, she's putting herself back to figure out a plan to free us."

She gave Emma a warm smile.

"You've truly grown up, Emma."

Emma winced as she heard her name.

"Her name is Emily," Robin corrected the elderly woman.

"No, it's not," the woman said. "They told us she was dead, but it was obviously a lie. This young woman is Princess Emma, daughter of King Charming and Queen Snow. I've seen you so many times as a child Emma, how could I forget your face?"

And then she began to hum a song. A song Emma had heard in the harbor just recently, played by a vagabond musician while she was dancing with a pirate.

Emma gasped as she studied the woman's face. "Granny?" she whispered. This was Ruby's grandmother, who had come shortly after Ruby's arrival and had been her caretaker since then. She'd left the palace ten years ago to marry again and open an inn in a different town. After that, Emma hadn't seen her anymore, but Ruby had told her of her visits.

Slowly, Granny took a step forward. Emma trembled as she felt the old woman put her arms around her. The tension left her body as tears streamed over her face. The situation felt unreal, as this was a dream and she would wake up at any moment.

"Emma," she heard Robin's shaking voice. She looked up immediately, alarmed by the tone in his voice. She looked at him, unsure.

"Is this true? Are you really the King and Queen's daughter?"

After a moment of hesitation, she nodded.

"Emma," his voice was breaking.

Emma frowned and disengaged from Granny's embrace. She didn't understand his emotion.

Robin took a deep breath and took Neal out of Ashley's arms.

"I've sworn to myself I would never tell anyone," he stopped and looked at the child. "I promised Neal that I would protect him as it is a father's duty. And that's what he is to me. A son."

He smiled as he pressed the boy to his chest.

"Five months ago, my wife brought him to us. It was the happiest day of my life although we had to leave the Enchanted Forest that day. Roland loved his new brother and together we started a new life in the South. We all tried our very best, Emma. We only wanted him to be safe."

Emma looked at him, not understanding the guilt in his eyes.

"We never intended to take away your family."

Emma stared at Robin and then at the boy.

Neal.

She felt like the floor was moving under her, her vision blurring as she had to support herself at the wall. She felt weak in her knees but Robin had already come closer. She looked at the boy, at his hair and eyes. How hadn't she seen the resemblance? How hadn't she recognized him?

"Neal," she whispered as she felt overwhelming shame. Tears streamed down her face as she took the boy out of Robin's arms. All these months she'd been certain that her family was dead. She'd given up on them, had told herself that she was better without them. She'd tried to numb her pain in pushing their memories away. And she'd managed so well that she hadn't recognized her little brother. She'd left Neal behind, abandoning him.

Her lips began to tremble and she thrusted the boy back into Robin's arms. Immediately, she turned to the wall, hiding her face. She was not worthy of holding her brother, not after what she had done to him.

Her body shook when she felt a hand on her shoulder. When she turned around, she looked in Ashley's big eyes.

"We'll get off this damn ship," she said determined. "All of us."

"Damn, we will," Leroy added grimly.

One by one they gave their consent, and again Emma felt emotion overwhelm her. All this time she'd felt alone, like an orphan. It had left a hole that couldn't be filled, not by Hook or his crew, nor by Ruby or Ramsay. And here she was, on a slave ship in the middle of the ocean, beaten and hurt, but surrounded by people who had given her back something she'd been certain to have lost forever. She had a duty to her people, to Neal.

Emma straightened herself and looked over the crowd. "And if it takes everything I have, I'm going to help get back our freedom."

As she met Granny's eyes and saw a sparkle in there, she knew that she believed her.

And she became aware that she maybe had been wrong. Even without a kingdom, even without freedom, she might be kind of a princess. Not a princess that owned a palace, but a princess that took care of her people.

The ship creaked as it moved forward. It had reached an obvious lateral position and made the prisoners restless. "What if we sink before we reach land," Leroy asked.

"We won't," Emma calmed him. "It isn't big enough. They will fix it. These ships aren't made for the high sea. The walls aren't thick, that was why I managed to damage it. The point was to find the right spot to damage. All these ships have their cannon store in the same place. And if their gun powder gets wet, it's of no use for them. That's why they have to make port. To inspect the damage and bring the things out to dry. If they travel defenseless, they're at the mercy of other pirates who are eager to steal away their cargo."

"You're a clever woman," Leroy said appreciatively.

"Your Highness," Robin corrected him sharply.

Emma shook her head. "I'm just Emma to all of you. If someone refuses to call me by my name, I'll have to throw them overboard."

She grinned at Robin who nodded at her. After all these months, it felt wrong to put herself above others. Reminding herself of her duty didn't mean she had to embrace her royalty again.

"They will surely come to get me when they have secured the cargo in the cannon store. To take their revenge on me. I need you to stay calm, whatever happens to me."

"What will they do to you?" Ashley asked fearful.

Emma shrugged. "Rape me, kill me. But I won't let them. I will return to you with a key."

She saw that Robin didn't like her plan. They had talked about this the previous minutes. But if they got engaged in a fight, this would become a massacre.

It took the pirates more than two hours to fix the leak and get everything out of the cannon room. But as predicted they came back to them as soon they were done. Emma tensed when the door was opened and the pirate who had whispered cruel promises into her ear came into the room. Emma stood up and walked to him without resistance.

"Trying to play the brave one, lass?" he whispered in her ear. "You have caused these people more trouble than benefit." He turned towards the crowd. "There will be no food for you tonight. And you, darling. Come with me."

Emma let herself pull out of the room. The pirate slammed the door. In a swift movement, he shoved her against it and at the next moment she was pressed between it and his body. Her head began to spin as she felt his ugly breath on her skin. Fear shot through her body. She closed her eyes as she tried to repress the memories.

"Yeah, that's right, darling," the man sneered. "You're damn right to be afraid. But the things I'm going to do won't bother you that long. The Captain is very mad. He ordered your execution in the morning. But I have to keep my promises, don't you agree?"

He grinned wickedly.

"What do you have in mind?" she said quietly.

"Oh, you'll see."

Emma shivered in disgust as his tongue touched the skin of her neck.

"I've been alone far too long. I'm going to enjoy my time with you. Very thoroughly."

At that he grasped her arm and directed her through the corridor. Emma wasn't sure about her course of action. She was high on adrenalin, the fear a constant companion. This man was about to rape her. Her worst nightmare was coming true. The only thing she knew was that she couldn't let him do it. She couldn't endure this pain again. It wasn't possible. Or was it? What was she able to bear for her people? One thing was certain; panicking wouldn't save her people and running wouldn't either.

So, she let him lead her up on deck. He opened to upper door carefully. The pirates were still busy with saving the cargo and fixing the leak. Emma was sure that they were seen from the rigging, but the pirates didn't care as the man forced her to walk over the gangway. Maybe they were his friends or thought she deserved a punishment for her audacity.

Emma's hands trembled as she looked over the pier in front of her. This was an outpost of Carian, just for fishing boats. At the end of the pier was lighthouse which was out of order. Ivy crept up the old stone walls. But still, it seemed graceful in the plain of grass that was lying beyond.

Freedom was so close and yet unreachable. The air was a bit foggy and spray of waves made the pier slippery. A rough wind ruffled her hair as the man pushed her forward. Then, in the middle of the pier, Emma almost slipped. She lost her balance, falling against the man's chest. Surprisingly, he didn't let her fall.

"Can't wait to get close to me?" he chuckled. Emma baulked to respond to that but then pleaded. "Please, please let me go. I will do anything!"

"It's too late for that, lass," the pirate said amused. "But if you please me, I'll be gentle with you."

He patted her hair and Emma had to suppress a shiver. Of course that hadn't worked. But she wasn't ready to give up yet. Suddenly, she caught a glimpse of his belt, especially his set of keys and she froze. She'd seen the pirate open doors three times and knew which key he used for the prisoner's room. And if she saw correctly, this key was gone. Immediately, she became aware what she'd missed. Someone among the prisoners had stolen it, while he was still in the room and he must have forgotten to lock the door at the prospect of having her; there was no other explanation. Her mind was racing. So, the prisoners had a key. But they wouldn't get out with several pirates in their way. Unless the pirates were forced to leave the ship. At least a few.

Emma only considered her options for a split second. Then, without hesitation, she rammed her knee between the pirate's legs. He made a pained sound as Emma jumped back. Then she started screaming so loud that everyone on the ship had to hear her.

Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw some pirates running over the gangway.

"You'll pay for that, bitch," the pirate in front of her shouted and reached for his dagger.

"You should watch your things better," Emma said smugly and raised the dagger she had just stolen from him.

"Stupid cunt," the pirate shouted and lunged at her. Emma made a step to the side, disappearing in a foggy cloud of spray. The pirate missed her. Blinded by the water in her eyes, Emma reached out, felt her opponent's shoulder and pushed with all the strength she could muster.

The pirate let out a scream when he lost his balance and fell from the pier. Emma turned around, the next pirate already in view.

"Lower your weapon," he shouted as he approached her. Emma didn't think twice. She just turned around and ran. She had to lead at least some of them away from the ship, so that Robin and the others had a chance to get away.

Unfortunately, Emma didn't see the stone that was lying in front of her. The next thing she felt was a sharp pain in her foot and the hard impact on the wood. Without taking notice of her pain she rolled around and tried to get to her feet, but she knew that the pirate was too close. She saw the evil grin on his face as he reached her. Emma lifted her eyes to the man that drew his sword.

And suddenly the pier was ablaze in light. For a moment, she couldn't make sense of it, until she realized that it was coming from the lighthouse behind her. The light was so intense she could see every sail of the ship in front of her. And she saw the pirate, his sword drawn but blinded by the light. Emma immediately stretched out her foot, hitting the man's knee. He shouted and hit blindly with his sword. But Emma rolled to the side and came to her feet. Again, she lunged forward, and pushed him off the pier into the water.

She was breathing heavily when she turned around again, the next pirate only steps away. Without another thought, Emma jumped forward, driving the dagger into the man as forcefully as she could. Blood streamed over her hand when she tried to withdraw the weapon.

Emma pulled her hand back, staring at it in disbelief. It was shaking uncontrollably. She looked to the end of the pier, her eyes wild as she saw three other men coming closer, all of them with drawn swords and grim faces. They were ready to kill her, she knew it. Her legs shook as she took the sword of the man she had just killed. If she had to die, she wouldn't go without a fight.

"Don't come closer," she shouted, but it didn't sound confident.

"You're going to suffer, be sure of that," one of the men said hatefully.

Emma took another step back. Then, she saw him stopping in his movement. An arrow was jutting out of his chest. Emma spun around and was blinded by the light. But she heard the footsteps running over the pier. When she turned around again, all pirates were lying on the floor. Over them were standing three persons with swords. Emma narrowed her eyes to slits, trying to improve her view. The figures didn't stop at the men, but made their way to the ship. Hazily, Emma saw them run over the gangplank onto the ship.

Then Emma heard different steps from behind her. Again, she spun around, raising her sword, ready to defend herself.

Someone was standing there. Someone with black boots, a long leather jacket, the face hidden in the foggy light.

The sword fell out of her hands as her brain made sense of what she was seeing as the figure stepped out of the fog. Emma's mouth opened but no sound left her lips when the man came closer. She was paralyzed, her mind spinning.

And then he was there and she heard his familiar voice.

"Swan," he said softly and Emma's lips began to tremble as she woke from her rigidity. Her hands tensed. She raised her arms and drummed her fists against his chest. One time, then another until she couldn't stop anymore. Tears welled up in her eyes as she hit him. How could he do that to her? Why did he do that to her? Who gave him the right to come back now?

And he was doing nothing, letting her hit him with her bloody hands. Then, she felt his arms moving around her, even though she was still hitting him. And softly, he pulled her into him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in her ear. "I'm so sorry."

And slowly her punches became less forceful and as her hands curled into the leather, she felt him pulling her even closer, burying his nose in her hair.

"What did they do to you?" he asked softly, not able to hide the anger in his voice.

"I'm okay, Captain" Emma whispered back. She felt his hand move over her hair.

"It's Killian to you," he said and touched her chin gently, urging her to look up again. His eyes were stormy and full of worry.

"I'm alright," she repeated quietly, not able to tear her eyes away from his. Everything was unreal, almost as if she was dreaming. She saw him shaking his head in disbelief. His hand was moving to her cheek and Emma couldn't help but lean into the touch. Her head was spinning and her heart pounded as if her chest was about to burst. His forehead touched hers and she could feel his breath on her face.

In the next moment, she felt his lips on hers. A shiver ran though her body as she felt his soft kiss. He let his lips linger for a moment before he pulled back. Emma's hand curled deeper into his coat and he closed his arms around her, embracing her again.

"You're safe now, love," he said quietly. "I'm here now. Everything is going to be alright."

* * *

 _E/N : Finally, there it is! This scene had been in my head for a year now and I'm so happy to share. I have to thank IrishSwan and musicalfreak22 for everything to get the story this far, and it's still going. I also like to thank the amazing lala-mora (tumblr name) for her support and creativity. She inspired that lighthouse scene with her beautiful fanart. The pic blowed my mind!  
_


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22: A Hero's Life**

They stood there motionless as Killian held Emma in his arms. Her dress was drenched and torn, her hair messy and dirty. Her head rested on his chest, taking shallow breaths. She seemed fragile under his hands, as if she could break at any moment. But he knew that she was far stronger than that. He'd seen her fight from afar and had never been more afraid in his life. He knew, if he had shown up just a few seconds later, he would've been too late.

But here she was, his Swan. Tortured and beaten, but alive. If his men left any of these pirates alive, he would deal with them properly. But right now, none of that mattered.

He had found her again.

Touching her felt unreal. He'd denied it to himself for such a long time, hadn't even dared to think of what it would be like to feel her soft skin under his hands or her breath on his neck. He just couldn't hold back anymore.

Her lips hadn't responded to his kiss but she hadn't pulled away either.

After all the pain he'd caused her, she had every right to hate him. He'd deserved her punches that hadn't even hurt physically. But he knew she didn't really hate him. Otherwise, she wouldn't press her body against him like this.

She winced several times when his fingers moved over her back.

"You're hurt," he said, worried, and inspected the injuries on her wrists. Emma followed his eyes and he saw her staring down at the blood that covered her hand. She held it awkwardly in the air, after she realized that she'd smeared it on his coat and vest. She raised her eyes to his, confused and disoriented.

"I, I have to clean this up," she suddenly said, staring at his coat. Her hand was trembling.

"It's alright," Killian replied soothingly and took her hand, not caring about the blood. "Can you walk?"

Emma nodded. Quietly, she followed Killian's lead to the lighthouse. She was a little weak in her knees, so he put an arm around her, steadying her. He knew that state of mind. Emma was in shock after what she'd just been through. Killian remembered the feeling from after he'd killed his first man. Nobody could forget their first one. In time, the feeling had changed; killing had become usual business. He knew how twisted it was. And he knew that he wasn't a good man. But he never wanted this for Emma. She wasn't made to take a life; she was destined for better. All of this was his fault, but he'd decided to be selfish. The guilt ate him up, but he wanted her too much to back out now.

"Careful, love," he warned her of some stones on the ground before he stopped in front of the lighthouse. He pounded against a massive door.

"Smee!"

It took a moment, then the door swung open and they were greeted by a bearded man with a red cap.

"An old friend of mine," Killian whispered into Emma's ears. "You were lucky these bastards docked here."

Emma looked at the man who probably saved her life when he lit up the pier.

"Smee is a retired sailor who settled down in this ruin."

"Which is working perfectly." Smee reached out his hand until he saw that hers was covered in blood. "There's a bathroom over there." He pointed to a door in the back.

"I remember," Killian answered.

He saw that Emma had turned around again, not following the conversation.

"I have to free my people," she muttered, about to walk back to the door.

With slight pressure on her shoulders, Killian kept her from going back. "Do you mean the other prisoners? The crew has already taken care of them. Your people are fine."

It was another effect of the shock. Emma had lost her sense of time.

"Come," he urged her forward.

He directed her to the bathroom which was basically an empty room with an old bathtub and a few buckets. Killian took a wet cloth and reached for Emma's hands. He cleaned them carefully. It was a painful reminder of the last time he'd done this.

"Let's get you some clothes and a blanket," Killian said, leading Emma to Smee's bedroom. He hadn't asked him if he could use it, but his former sailor wouldn't deny him the favor. Killian wanted Emma to spend the night in a proper bed.

After he gave Emma some time to change, he went up into the bedroom.

Emma was sitting on the bed, wrapped in the blanket. Her face had reached a healthier color, but she was still confused.

She didn't hinder him from sitting down beside her.

The next moment, he felt her little finger brush his and he had to smile in relief. Carefully, he took her hand into his and they locked eyes again.

"I feel strange," she suddenly said. "I'm afraid."

He waited a moment, avoiding the question, but he had to ask a second time. "What did those men do to you?"

"They threatened and hit me, but they didn't violate me. They didn't get the chance to," Emma said quietly. "But why is everything spinning? I don't understand."

Gently, he put his arm around her shoulder. "It's okay," he assured her. "It's the shock. It will go away."

She relaxed slightly. "How can you even be here?"

He smiled. "It's an insane story. After I found out what happened, I had to do a few things to gain information on your whereabouts, which ended with a swim in the ocean. Luckily, Morren has some mermaid friends who saved the day. They brought us here through one of their secret passages. We almost thought we were too late, but as it turned out we were ahead of you then. Smee was supposed to light up if he sees a ship passing. We had no idea they would bring you right to our doorsteps."

"Ruby and Ramsay?" Emma asked breathlessly.

"They're fine. Ramsay's leg is broken, so he had to stay in the village. And unfortunately, we lost the wolf's cape and you know what happens on full moons without it. She's locked up in the inn. I hope she doesn't destroy too much of the interior. I wonder how she'll react when she sees you tomorrow."

A small smile formed on Emma's lips.

"How did you end up in the ocean?" Emma asked slowly.

Killian grinned, squeezing her hand. "You have the tendency to ask delicate questions, Swan."

Emma exhaled as he called her by her moniker.

"What happened?" she insisted.

"Well, I had to make a deal with Blackbeard. And he isn't fond of me. So, when I gave him the Jolly, he decided to keep the lifeboat as well."

"You traded your ship for me?" Emma asked in disbelief.

"Aye," Killian replied softly.

"And you endangered the crew for me?" She frowned.

"If I hadn't searched for you, the crew would have raised a mutiny, believe me."

There, another smile on her lips.

"Killian," she said, shaking her head.

Killian suddenly felt a lump in his throat. She hadn't used his first name before. He had fantasied about this moment and had to repress the pictures of her mouth against his throat, whimpering his name in pleasure.

She must have guessed his thoughts as her cheeks turned deep red, but he just couldn't tear his eyes away from her.

He raised his hand from her shoulder and removed a strand from her face.

"I found your necklace," he said quietly. "I have to give it back. I can't possibly own your last-"

"Killian," she said again, her voice a little hoarse. "It's yours."

He couldn't respond to that, or move when he felt her fingertips in his hair. She leaned forward, a little astonished as their noses touched. Killian closed his eyes as he waited for her. Then her lips touched his. Her kiss was shy and soft, but to him it felt like heaven. He was just enjoying the feeling of her when she pulled back.

"What am I doing wrong?" she asked unsure.

Killian opened his eyes in surprise, seeing her worried expression. His smile seemed to confuse her even more.

Gently, he took her face in his hand.

"You, love, could never do this wrong."

Then he lowered his lips to hers again. He felt her shiver as his arm reached around her, the hand moving into her locks. Her lips were dry and tasted of salt. His hand curled deeper into her hair as he pulled her closer. The tip of his tongue pushed against her lips, demanding entrance. Emma followed his lead and opened her mouth slightly.

His hook rested on her waist as he kissed her, trying not to scare her. Slowly, he let his tongue curl around hers and he felt her heartbeat increase against his chest. A surprised noise left her mouth as he pulled her lip between his teeth. His heart almost clenched at his Swan's innocence.

"Sorry," he exhaled and caressed her hair, slightly pulling back to look into her eyes. Her cheeks were rosy now, and he couldn't help but place light kisses on them until he returned to her lips, diving back into the kiss.

His hook moved over her back and he felt her arms going around him, pulling him closer. Her actions equally surprised and amazed him. It had been a long time since he'd been touched by a woman like that, but Emma's touch was something different.

All he wanted was to hear these little sounds again. She was now sitting partially on his lap and he couldn't help but devour her with his eyes. When their lips met again, he was a little more determined.

Suddenly he felt her tense.

"Killian," she whispered against him and he knew that it had been too much. So, he broke away from her lips and kissed her nose tenderly, watching her closely.

"Your lips are dry," he said as he caressed her cheek. "I'll get you some water."

Emma nodded breathlessly. He could feel her stare boring into his back when he left the room.

It took him a while to get the water, and when he came back she was lying on the pillow with her eyes closed. Her hair was falling into her face. She looked exhausted, but at peace.

He quietly sat down at the edge of the bed and pulled the blanket over her. Gently, he brushed some hair out of her face and bent down to kiss her forehead.

"Killian," she said in a low voice.

"Apologies, love," he replied immediately. "I didn't want to wake you."

"I wasn't sleeping. I'm not sure if I can."

"I understand," he said, worried.

"Is everyone really okay?" she wanted to know.

"Aye, Swan. I'm telling you the truth."

He was moving, about to stand up, when her hand closed around the hook.

"Why did you come back?"

Killian was confused but remained seated. "Isn't it obvious?"

Emma turned to the side, her head resting on her elbow. "Was it only to save me? Because if you intend to leave me again-"

Killian didn't let her finish.

"I have no intention of letting you down again," he said with determination as he searched her eyes.

Emma turned red at this kind of attention. Killian couldn't keep himself from caressing her cheek again. He knew the proper move would be to give her some space, but he couldn't tear himself away from her. The irrational thought that she would disappear in a puff of smoke at any moment occupied his mind.

Emma closed her eyes shortly and opened them again.

"Can you stay?" she asked suddenly.

Killian's fingers stopped.

"Can you stay tonight?" she repeated. "I don't want to be alone."

There was desperation in her voice and he knew she felt the same. He looked at the tattered carpet on the floor. It wouldn't be very comfortable but he didn't care.

"You don't have to sleep on the floor," she said.

His eyes turned back to Emma's. She released his hook and slid back to make room for him on the mattress. Many things shot through his mind. Things he better not imagine now. Furthermore, people would talk about them. But on the other hand, what did it matter if Smee or anyone else knew that he was sleeping in the same room as her? Eventually, people would find out anyway.

"Sure," he finally agreed.

He stood up to put his leather jacket over a chair. Then he slipped out of his boots and approached the bed again. Usually, he preferred to sleep without his leather pants, in these parts of the realm even naked, but obviously, this wasn't appropriate now.

He sat on the bed and opened the clasps of the hook. "Is it okay if I take it off?" he asked.

Emma nodded, and watched him closely as the leather slipped off. He put the hook on the bedside table. There had been times when he'd felt vulnerable without it. But not around Emma, not since she had taken care of his stump.

He didn't know where it was coming from, but his heartbeat increased when he slipped under the blanket. The knowledge alone of her being so close to him made his heart jump. All of this felt very new to him.

He turned his head to her and saw her smile. He couldn't believe it when she snuggled into him, putting her head on his chest.

"Your heart is beating fast," she whispered.

His hand moved into her hair again. "I can't believe that you're here with me."

"Me neither. It still feels so unreal."

"I'm real, believe me."

"You better not be a dream."

"I promise, I'm going to be here in the morning. But it honors me that you consider me to be in your dreams."

She chuckled against his chest and Killian had to brace himself not to pull her up and kiss her senseless.

"Honestly, I was afraid you wouldn't take me back after everything."

He felt her nestle even closer.

"Hold me," she ordered. "I want to feel you."

Her words almost made him jump and he could feel his blood rush south. Damn it, he wasn't a horny lad. Emma had just been kidnapped. How could he even think of that now?

Very gently, he put his arm around her waist and pulled her up a bit. He heard her exhale as he snuggled against her back.

"You alright?" he whispered in her hair.

"Aye," her voice trembled a little.

So, they just laid there in silence, basking in each other's presence. And after a few moments he felt Emma's breathing even out and he knew she had fallen asleep.

-/-

The first thing she felt was warmth and softness. Lazily, she opened an eye and absorbed her surroundings. The small round room, a spiral staircase leading down. There was an old closet on the opposite side of the room and a tiny table. Everything was made to measure, like pieces of a puzzle that had to fit the limited space of a lighthouse. It was quite impressive.

Then the haziness of sleep vanished and the memories rushed in. The slave ship, meeting her brother, the fight. Emma stiffened as she remembered the blade driving into the body in front of her, the spray on her torn clothes, her bloody hands, her bloody hands on the Captain's chest. Killian's chest.

Becoming aware that she was alone in the room, she hastily sat up. But then she saw the dent in the mattress and relaxed. The soft blanket still smelled of him and the glass on the bedside table had been refilled. And then she heard his voice below. He was talking to the owner of this place, Smee. The men were quiet but the walls of the lighthouse obviously very thin.

Emma pulled her knees to her body. She still felt strange, different pieces of memories flashing chaotically through her mind. She exhaled forcefully and tried not to panic. Surprisingly, it worked. After a moment, the pictures got into the right order.

She had to think of Neal. She had to kill those men because they had threatened his life. She was a pirate anyway. Pirates didn't care about the law, did they?

Emma banished the picture of the bloody sword from her mind.

"I can do this," she whispered. "They deserved it."

Her mother's face appeared in front of her eyes, her reproachful eyes facing her. 'What have you become?' a tiny voice whispered inside her.

'What life made me,' Emma answered in her thoughts.

She buried her face in her hands, trying to mute the voices inside her. Would this be her life from now on? Battling her inner demons and slowly becoming insane?

"Emma?"

She looked up and saw Killian standing at the stairs. His brow was furrowed and his eyes filled with sorrow. He didn't have to ask what was wrong because he already knew it. She could see that he blamed himself for the past and even for the possible future. That had been the reason he had left her in the first place, she had known that even then. And suddenly she became aware that she couldn't let them drift back to that behavior that had paralyzed them for weeks.

She had to be strong and had to accept that her hands had gotten dirty, that she had become a killer, even though it had been in self-defense.

She remembered Ramsay's words.

 _A pirate's life is no bed of roses._

It was time to shake off the princess that had lived in between her books once and for all. She had to be strong if she wanted to be free.

So, she smiled at Killian and stood up.

"These clothes remind me of my time as a cabin boy," she said with a chuckle.

Killian smiled back but she saw that he wasn't quite happy. She knew that he was still plagued by worries, that he had come to ask her if she was okay and talk to her about it. But she didn't want to talk. She couldn't. Otherwise she wouldn't be able to let it go.

"I need to see the others. Check that everyone is safe."

"Everyone's fine," Killian said calmly. "As I told you before. Emma, you can relax."

He came closer.

She knew he was serious when he called her by her first name. By that time, he knew her exactly as she knew him and it hurt him that she was holding back.

He stopped right in front of her, but didn't touch her. The easiness had vanished, tension thickened the air. Emma didn't look him in the eyes. If she did, her defensiveness would crumble and she would fall into his arms and let him comfort her. She would cry and tell him about her fears, and he would feel even more guilty.

"Can you bring me to the village, please?" she asked instead and when she dared to look at him out of the corner of her eyes, she saw him nod.

The village wasn't that far away. It was a fifteen minute walk from the lighthouse. They didn't really talk until Smee broke the awkward silence and told stories about his former life as Killian's crew member. After an accident in which he broke his hip that had left him with lifelong pain, he had to abandon his life as a sailor and had inevitably retired.

Emma usually loved to hear such stories but right now she was anxious to see her loved ones again. She knew that Ruby hadn't followed Killian's orders to let her rest for the night, if she hadn't been forced to stay at the inn. She was doing everyone a favor, if she hurried.

The village was in a way similar to Athana. A one street town with three shops and an inn, but not as well-tended, more dirty, and industrial. Their arrival didn't go unnoticed, and as soon the message had spread, the doors of the inn swung open and Ruby rushed out.

"Emma," she cried in disbelief and almost ran her into the ground. "I knew we would find you."

Emma patted her back and laughed. "I know."

"And not only that. You freed all the prisoners from the pirates!" She fell all over herself. "And Granny! And your brother Neal! I can't believe it! You're a hero, Emma. Your parents would be so proud of you."

Emma's smile faltered. She hadn't done anything to deserve that term.

"You guys are the ones who practically saved us. Those bastards would have killed me if you hadn't shown up in time."

She looked over to Killian and the crew that had appeared. Everyone was here. Ramsay with crutches, Bernie, Morren, Clarke. And behind them Granny, and Robin whose arms were around a small boy. He looked overjoyed and Emma realized that it had to be his son Roland. Killian and the crew must have brought him with them from Athana.

"But you managed to get the ship docked," Granny said proudly. "We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you."

Everyone nodded and Emma felt warmth rising inside her. These were her people, all well and united. She hadn't expected to feel like this again. And then the doors opened again and Ashley appeared with Neal on her arm.

Emma took him out of her arms and pressed him to her chest. His skin looked rosier than before and his eyes were clear again. She resembled their dad, but he looked a lot like their mother. She could see her in his eyes and it made her tear up a bit.

And then she felt an arm around her shoulders and looked up into Ramsay's warm eyes. And she leaned into the man that had becomethe closest to a father figure.

"I knew you're a tough cookie. Showing those bastards their places."

"I had the best teacher," Emma said smiling.

"Let's get you inside and make you some good breakfast," Granny suggested.

"Granny has taken over the place," Ruby joked as they went inside.

The inn wasn't more than four tables and a small bar, and it was entirely filled with their group. The innkeeper was in a very good mood as everyone ordered breakfast. Actually, Ruby hadn't been joking. Granny had disappeared in the kitchen to help for free.

"She said if she doesn't show them how to make a proper grilled cheese sandwich, this place would end in a mess," Ruby said winking.

"I can imagine," Emma responded, smiling. She was watching Ashley giving the bottle to Neal. She was very attentive with him. Ashley intended to become a nanny and Emma could see that she was very good at that job already.

She didn't talk too much, and just watched everyone eating and laughing. Some of them were eating silently, not able to forget their imprisonment that quickly, but everyone smiled. They had believed their life was over, and now they were sitting in a warm house and eating for free because the Captain was paying for all of them.

Emma looked to the other table were Killian was sitting with Morren. He had given her space, let her talk to everyone, but she knew he was watching her closely.

And again, she caught him watching. He smiled at her, slightly raising his hook but she saw he was not as cheerful as the rest. This entire morning he'd appeared to be brooding, and even slightly sad when she had held her brother. He'd tried to hide it, but she'd noticed anyway.

They had celebrated him as well. As Emma had pointed out before, he had been the one who had risked his crew in boarding the enemy ship. The slave traders weren't trained like the Jolly Roger's crew that had fought numerous battles against worse enemies.

Though, she sensed that Killian wasn't happy about all the attention. She knew he had issues with the hero role. Usually, he preferred to wallow in self-pity and saw himself as the lonely, fallen pirate. She understood it, was she fighting with the fearful princess of her past herself.

Being in the spotlight was terrifying because it raised the responsibility. People had expectations of a hero that he could never fully live up to. A hero was a shining person, above everyone else. People didn't know the things that had to be done to get there, the pain they had endured, and be locked away on the way. If they knew what Killian had done in his past, or that she had condemned her life as a princess, that she had wanted to forget about all of them when she'd set foot on the Jolly Roger, would they still admire them? And what would happen when they realized that they weren't these perfect human beings? Emma knew that Killian's struggle was far worse; even if she only knew a fraction of his past.

The day passed with eating and resting. Everyone was worn out and tired and couldn't believe they would sleep in a real bed tonight. Nobody had talked about the future. This day belonged to them.

Emma had been wary all day. Ruby watched her like a guard dog who that had a natural aversion to Killian. And he hadn't challenged the wolf like he usually did. But she hadn't had time to dwell on these feelings because there was so much going on around her. Everyone wanted to hear her story, where she had been all this time. And Emma told the short version, how she escaped and found herself on the Jolly Roger and lived as a pirate for five months. She was sticking to the version of them exposing her when she fell into the water and she didn't fail to notice the awkward looks from the crew. But the others didn't notice and Emma realized that telling the lie was getting easier. Lying to Ruby had been the most difficult. But she'd sworn to herself that she would never tell her the truth. Not because she was afraid of the people's reaction; actually, she didn't care about her reputation anymore. They knew she was traveling with a pirate and at least the crew and Ruby knew for certain that she had feelings for Killian. But if Ruby knew the truth, she would never forgive herself and Killian for not protecting her. She would take her anger out on him and who knows what would happen then.

That night, Emma was sharing a room with Ruby, Granny, and Ashley. Neal was staying with Robin. After all he was the person he knew best, and Emma didn't want to take that safety away from him.

She listened to the breathing of her roommates and waited until everyone was sleeping. She knew that she couldn't close her eyes for a minute. Too many thoughts were floating around.

After a while, she stood up and snuck out of the room. She saw light downstairs. It came from the room next to the taproom. It was a small lounge with a few armchairs and couches where the wealthier men of the town used to gamble.

She only saw the man's hair when she entered the room but instantly knew it was Killian. He didn't turn around when she shut the door and walked across the room, because he recognized her steps. He always knew.

"Hey there," she said and tried to sound casual. Like always, he was seeing through her.

"Evening Swan," he answered a little formal.

Emma frowned and walked around the chair. "What's wrong?" she asked cautiously.

"Nothing's wrong, love," he said.

Emma tilted her head. "Then why aren't you sleeping?"

He looked up at her with sad blue eyes, and warmth overwhelmed her. And then she got what he refused to tell her. He was worried about them, because she hadn't let him in this morning.

She didn't really know how to comfort him other than to take his face into her hands and kiss him. He was surprised at her action, and like the night before, he let her take control. It was weird to kiss him from this angle, so she let herself slide down onto his lap.

"What's bothering you, Killian?" she whispered against his lips and leaned slightly back to look into his eyes. She was still holding his face, determined only to release him if he told her the truth.

"I'm not sure if it's appropriate to tell you," he finally said.

"Tell me," she encouraged him without hesitation.

He looked at her, fighting with himself.

"Last night was overwhelming, Swan," he said. "I know you have been through so much and I couldn't really help you. I just wanted to have you by my side. I know that killing someone is devastating and I know you want to carry the burden by yourself. But you don't have to be strong with me. It's not why I like you."

"I know," she answered slowly. "I didn't want to go back there, but old habits die hard, you know. I struggle with even saying that now."

His arms closed around her back.

"I understand. I don't want to blame you for anything. I only told you because you asked."

"I'm glad you did." She smiled at him.

"That's exactly that kind of situation I wanted to spare you when I let you leave. I wanted you to be safe, not being kidnapped and forced to kill someone."

"We can't change that now. I will find a way to deal with it. And if I hadn't been kidnapped I wouldn't have found my brother, Granny and the others."

Killian nodded as if to soliloquize and she knew he was still thinking about something.

"It still feels unreal to be celebrated as a hero when I feel nothing like it," she continued thoughtfully.

Killian smiled sadly. "You're their princess. And they're lucky to have you back."

Emma noticed that he was avoiding her eyes.

"I'm so happy for you that you found parts of your family again," he continued. "Your brother. I would give anything for this."

It was the moment when Emma became aware what this was really about. She knew that Liam had been his entire life. He would have given up everything for his brother.

"I'm not going to leave you, Killian," she suddenly said.

He raised his eyes to hers. "Emma, I'm a pirate. The sea is my life. That's where I have been for as long as I remember. I can't imagine a different one." His voice broke and Emma's heart clenched because he looked defeated, certain that he had lost her.

"I know," she said calmly. "I still plan to sail the high seas with you. As a crew member."

"I can't possibly ask you- "

"That's why I decided it myself," Emma interrupted him. "It should have been my decision all along. I was so mad at you because you forced me to make this decision without leaving me a choice. I've been patronized all my life. I thought you were different. I can't even tell how disappointed I was. If you really respect me, let me choose this time. I know how dangerous a pirate's life is. I experienced it. Sure, there are scenarios I can't even imagine, and yes, I'm aware that I could die. But I wouldrather live the short life I choose than a long life that I absolutely despise."

She was in full flow now.

"My brother and I will never be able to return to the Enchanted Forest. And I refuse to vegetate in another castle. When I was on the Jolly Roger, I felt alive. I've never experienced such happiness before."

Killian returned her look fondly and cradled her.

"You have become quite the spitfire, haven't you?"

"No Captain," she mumbled against his neck. "I pondered over that for a while."

"Still a spitfire," Killian countered softly and ran his fingers though her hair.

She sighed. "I can't leave my brother here, though."

"No, you can't."

"Killian, it's a huge thing to ask," she suddenly said. "And I totally understand if you're not on board with it-,"

"Yes," he said.

She pulled back. "You don't even know what I was going to say."

"Emma," he said in a voice that made Emma melt like a snowman in the desert. "You don't have to ask. I'll do it. I'm going to bring Neal to a safe place."

"Even if it's Arendelle? Elsa is the only one I really trust. Neal will have a future there and I have no doubt that the others can find a home there, too."

"Aye, even if it's Arendelle. I may have stolen some things there. But I'm a pirate. I will escape. However, not with the derelict of these ratty slave traders. We need a proper ship for this trip."

Emma laughed and a sly glance appeared in her eyes. "That's why we need to get the Jolly Roger back."

Killian almost choked on that.

"Did I mention that you're a spitfire? And insane, too? I'm not letting your near Blackbeard in a million years."

"But-,"

"I'm not arguing with you about that!" Killian decided.

"You'll have to learn eventually that I'm entitled to dangerous missions as a crew member," Emma said stubbornly. This was not the end of the conversation. She would make sure of that.

"Is there a way to shut you up somehow?" he growled.

"There's one way," she replied teasingly, and her heartbeat increased instantly. She couldn't believe that she said that.

His eyes flashed and the corners of his mouth moved up into a broad grin. "I guess you leave me no choice then," he said dangerously and she felt his hook tightening around her chest.

Their noses bumped together and she could feel his breath on her face.

"Please, you couldn't handle it," she said, breathing shallowly.

"Maybe, you're the one who couldn't handle it," he purred.

His breath was intoxicating, his eyes glinting wantonly and Emma couldn't help herself. She grabbed his collar with both hands and pulled him in. His lips crashed to hers forcefully and she felt his hand close around a handful of her hair. If she had thought last night's kiss had been demanding, she was now proven entirely wrong. He was diving into her, taking her to pieces, and when she felt his lips on her neck, the room was spinning.

"Killian," she gasped at some point and she felt him halting against her neck.

"Never mess around with a pirate captain," he whispered and kissed the spot tenderly. It was such a change to the previous ministrations that left Emma utterly amazed.

Suddenly, they heard someone harrumph and Emma winced. The innkeeper was standing in the doorway with a big key in his hand.

"The lounge closes now," he said. It had been a tiring day for him.

Embarrassed, Emma slid off Killian's legs and rearranged her clothes. Her cheeks were burning.

But Killian just stood up, took her hand, and led her out of the room. Not without giving the man a big grin.

The smile on his face didn't fade on their way through the corridor.

"Ruby's going to freak out when she notices I've been out of the room," Emma whispered while going up the staircase. Killian stopped and turned to her, watching her for a moment. Then, without warning he scooped her up in his arms and walked up the stairs.

"What are you doing?" Emma squealed.

"Stealing the princess," he said boldly. "And bringing her to my bedroom. Let's see what your wolf will say to that."

Emma knew there was some kind of feud going on between the two of them, and apparently, Killian was a little possessive, too. And she couldn't help herself, but she enjoyed it. After he had made such an effort to push her away, the attention he gave her now was exactly what she needed. She'd wanted to be by his side for so long and she knew he felt the same way.

But the word bedroom didn't make her feel entirely comfortable. She had seen Killian's devotion before, his passion. A sea captain was a lonely man, he surely had desires. And now that she was his…what was she to him exactly? His lover, his mistress? What did he expect from her?

She trembled a little when he let her down and opened the door of his room.

"What are we doing now?" she said, slightly unsure.

He turned to her and looked at her closely. Then he smiled softly and took her hand again.

"I'm taking you to bed."

She shivered and he frowned.

"To sleep," he added and hesitated for a moment. "Darling, I'm sorry if I'm overstepping boundaries. You can return to the other room anytime. You know that, right?"

He was scratching behind his ear. "I, I just wanted to make a statement."

Was he nervous?

"You should know that I want you by my side. And I don't want to waste more time not being with you. It's just, last night was the first I could sleep properly again. I don't expect you to do anything, if that's what you're afraid of. I would never do that. I just would like you to be here with me. If you want that, too."

He looked at her with big, tender eyes, so full of sincerity.

Sometimes she forgot there was a man under the hard, steeled pirate captain. A lonely man that had built this exterior with the belief that he could never be loved again. Maybe she wasn't the only one here who had to do some healing.

Emma stepped forward, rose herself on tiptoes and kissed him softly. Then she closed the door behind them.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23: An old enemy**

The coziness of the bed and sun rays on her face made Emma relax. She had no intention to open her eyes and surrendering to the light that penetrated her eyelids. She hadn't slept in a bed in far too long, and she intended to savor every second. She rolled to the side and pulled the blanket over her head, not ready to wake up completely.

Beside her, she suddenly heard a chuckle and stiffened, clutching the blanket reflexively. After a moment, she opened one eye to survey the situation. A pair of blue eyes was watching her attentively. He was lying on his arm, a calm expression on his face, as if he'd been doing this for a while. His dark hair was standing in all directions, making him look far younger.

Emma opened the other eye. "Oh," was all she managed to say.

He smiled. "Good morning to you, too."

Light accentuated his features and she suddenly became aware that she had never seen him from this close before. They had kissed and slept in the same bed the previous night, but it had always been in the dark, giving her no room to admire him properly.

Now, with the sun on his face, and only inches away from him, their encounter felt more intimate than ever. She could see everything. The beard stubble, the fine scar on his cheek, the wrinkles around his eyes, his thick eyebrows above full and long lashes. He didn't only have big eyes; his lips were full, too. Emma couldn't believe that she had kissed those lips.

"You like what you see?" Killian asked, smiling.

Emma's gaze dropped, and she felt blood rushing to her cheeks.

"Oh, that wasn't a request for you to stop," he teased. "After all, I had enough time to admire your beauty, Swan."

She blushed even deeper. How long had he been watching her?

All of this had happened so fast. Emma was still used to the restrained and haunted pirate captain. Now she was lying in bed with a flirtatious and very handsome man! If someone had told her that five months ago, she would have declared them insane.

"Hey," he said, but without the previous innuendo. "Are you okay?"

How often had he asked that in the last twenty-four hours?

"Yes," she replied quickly, but Killian wasn't convinced.

"Do you feel uncomfortable with me?"

She looked at him, alarmed, and her heart began to pound faster. He had this ability to see right through her and it scared her. But she had promised him not to go back to putting up walls.

He was still looking at her, the question in his eyes, and she knew that her answer mattered to him.

"It's just, I'm very new to … this," she stammered, trying to find the exact words. She felt her face burn and suppressed the childish urge to hide under the blanket so he couldn't see her embarrassment.

"Being with a man?" he asked softly.

"Yes," she said with a quivering voice. She felt ashamed for being like this, didn't want him to think of her as a young woman that knew nothing about the world. She wanted to be fearless.

"I understand that trusting a man again must be very difficult," he said soothingly and edged a little closer. "And experiencing all of this for the first time doesn't make it easier."

She swallowed as he took her hand and interlaced their fingers.

"You know what? This is new to me, too."

She blinked. "What do you mean?"

"I've never been with a virgin."

Emma shook her head. "Wait, what?" Somehow, she felt lost. "I'm not, you know I'm not a-" She couldn't finish.

Killian squeezed her hand.

"Emma, what those men did to you is not how intimacy is supposed to be. It's entirely different. In that sense, you're still a virgin and I'm aware of that. If I'm doing something wrong or if I'm overstepping, you need to tell me. It's important that you're honest with me about that."

"Okay," she whispered. After a moment of silence, curiosity prevailed. "You've really never been with a virgin? I've heard a few stories."

Killian frowned. "I can imagine who told them. But it's true. My first intimate moment was with an older woman. I was fifteen years old and we had just docked in Arendelle for the first time. I'd heard stories about the beauty of the northern women and I begged Liam to allow me to accompany him to the brothel. Liam was shocked and delivered a lecture about how easy it is to catch something in the harbors. And then he told me, very unwillingly, where to go and gave me part of his wage to pay for an exclusive woman."

Emma couldn't believe that they were having this conversation. But him talking gave her time to relax. She liked that he was telling her all these private things, trying to convince her to trust him.

"That's who Liam was. He took care of me. And because of him I learned to be careful with women. This lady you saw me with a few months ago, was an old friend of mine. I know all the women I sleep with very well."

Emma swallowed and Killian stopped. "I apologize if I went too much into detail."

"No, it's okay," she replied, but tensed slightly. The picture of the woman, trapped by him against the wall, her eyes closed in immense pleasure, made her feel pathetic. She couldn't offer him anything like it.

She pressed her lips together and stared at a dirty spot on the pillow.

"Hey," Killian said softly. "Those days are over. There's only one woman in my life now." He smiled at her cheerfully. "I guess you've met her."

Emma smiled back briefly.

"Why do you like me?" she suddenly asked. The question had been in her mind for a while and having him telling her all these stories made her wonder even more.

He sighed. "Swan, don't you know? You're obviously a beautiful woman, so I had no choice but to drag you into my bed."

Emma's eyes widened.

But then he nudged her nose. "I'm kidding, Swan."

She exhaled.

"Not that I wouldn't, because you're absolutely gorgeous. But my affections for you are more than that, of course. Though, explaining it might be tricky."

He rolled to his back, his eyes on the ceiling, thinking.

"You and I, we're complicated. First you were a boy, my little stowaway, then my crew member, then you turned out to be a lass and a princess. And what a lass! You gave me a hard time, Swan. You surprised me so many times, and challenged me. I thought about you literally every day. You cast a spell over me like a spider spins its web to catch a prey. And seeing you under the waterfall made me realize it."

She saw him swallow and turn his head to her. "Then I knew for definite that I was deeply in trouble."

Emma swallowed, too. She was speechless. She understood what he meant. Their experiences together had been utterly strange and intense. They had been through so much. And she couldn't even tell anymore when she had started to feel that way for him.

She shifted on the bed, closer to him, and touched his face with her fingertips. Somehow, she wasn't that afraid anymore. His lids were heavy when her fingers ran over his skin, touching the scar and gliding along his jaw line to his lips. And then she bent down and kissed his forehead, letting her lips linger. Suddenly, she felt his arms reach around her back and pull her down, flush against his body. Their noses touched in his attempt to find her lips and then he was kissing her tenderly and slowly. She felt herself quiver and felt him still against her mouth.

He rolled her to the side, and resumed kissing her until she placed her hand against his chest.

"Killian?"

He pulled back slightly. "Too much?"

She shook her head. "It's just, what you said about dragging me into your bed."

"What about that?" He leaned back.

"I know you have expectations."

He shook his head forcefully.

"No, Killian. I know you have wishes and that's okay. It's just, the thought alone frightens me. I wish it was different, but I don't know how I can change."

"Swan," he said, his brow deeply furrowed. "You definitely don't have to change. You're perfect as you are. I was mindless, I'm so sorry."

"No, no, no. It's okay, Killian really." She looked at him, worried. "I would prefer to be mindless, too. I want to be with you without restraint. I just don't know if I ever can."

And somehow, she was close to tears but it was the very least thing she wanted to do now. She was just ruining things when they had started to become good.

"Swan."

She felt his fingers on her cheek, caressing her slowly. "It's alright."

She looked at him and he smiled.

"Swan, I'm absolutely sure that there will be one day when you can be free around me."

"You are?" she whispered.

"Aye," he replied. "And until then I'll stay at your side every step of the way. Just be honest with me, okay?" He touched her chin. "We do this on your own time, at your speed. You tell me what you want and you set the limits."

She nodded slowly, overwhelmed with emotion, not sure if she should cry or laugh. All she knew was that the turmoil in her head came slowly to a rest when she looked into Killian's eyes.

He just watched her until she could speak again.

"Okay," she said hoarsely and let him pull her slowly into his arms. He kissed her temple.

They were lying there in silence, Killian's hand occasionally brushing over her hair as they listened the inn's guests wake up.

-/-

Emma watched the bustle of the port with narrowed eyes. She heard merchants praising their goods, smelled the stench of craps, saw crowds of slaves disembark, herded like livestock of their captors. She easily could've been one of them. Instead, she was safe on another slave ship in Carian's harbor. The ship was nothing compared to the Jolly Roger, but enough to travel to Carian. From here, they had to sort out how to get to Arendelle. They didn't have much money, but many mouths to feed. Ten of the people had decided to join them to Arendelle, which was quite a challenge considering the limited space on the ship. The Captain and the crew weren't used to the company of passengers. Nonetheless, the passage wasn't for free. Hook had made it clear that the passengers had to work for the journey. Emma suspected that he had some hidden treasures here and there, but he hadn't told her his plan yet. She knew him well enough to conceive their situation. Without money, a damaged ship, and a bunch of untrained sailors on board, it was a physical impossibility to reach Arendelle. On the other hand, Captain Hook and his crew wouldn't be that famous if they hadn't got out of worse.

"Are you okay?" she suddenly heard a voice from behind. She turned her head as Robin joined her at the railing. His eyes darted towards the pier.

"What a degenerated piece of land," he cursed.

"Aye," she agreed.

"You've been standing here all alone for an hour now," he remarked.

"I'm just thinking," she replied.

"About what?"

"The future," she said vaguely.

"Yeah, that's a better concept than to think about the past," Robin added. He sounded sad.

Emma watched him from the side. The wrinkles around his eyes, his furrowed brow, his noble features.

"I've heard stories about you," she said, smiling. "Robin Hood, fighting the Sheriff of Nottingham and giving his money to the poor."

"The money the bastard stole from the people first," Robin clarified.

"Why did you stop?" Emma suddenly asked. "Why did Robin Hood disappear suddenly?"

Robin inhaled sharply. "My wife Marian died," he finally said. "She was the reason for everything I did. It didn't make sense anymore without her."

Emma lowered her gaze. "But you still had your son."

"Roland was keeping me alive, yes. And my beautiful wife who I met half a year later. She brought Neal in our lives."

Emma smiled and they remained silent for a while.

After a while he turned towards her. "Emma, what's going to happen in Arendelle?"

"In case you worry, I will make sure that Neal stays with you." She searched his eyes. "I promise."

"You think this is possible?"

"Why not?"

"What about you?"

Emma suppressed her guilt. "Look, the last thing I want is to abandon Neal again, but I can't raise a child. I wouldn't be good at that. I don't need to know you for years to see how Neal trusts you. And I see Roland adores him. You're a family who will take good care of him."

"So you won't stay with us?"

Emma shook her head slightly. "My life isn't made for the cold."

"I think you would make a good leader."

"Leader of what? Elsa is the Queen of Arendelle and the Enchanted Forest has been taken by another king. This gamble between royals is not what I'm made for. I don't want to be part of it. My entire life I felt like a misfit in this world and I didn't know what was wrong with me. It took me until now to realize that nothing was wrong, that I just hadn't found out what my talents are. I know them now. I want to be a doctor. That's when I feel the most alive. And I can only do that here."

When she looked up in Robin's eyes she saw no judgment but a smile.

"You're an extraordinary lass, Emma Swan. Your parents would be proud."

Emma laughed. "I'm not so sure of that, but thank you."

The fell silent for a minute, letting the sun warm their faces.

"Your second wife, what happened to her?" she finally dared to ask.

Robin remained silent for another moment. "A few months ago, she disappeared from the mainland. Just like that. There were no traces of a fight, no message. She was just gone. The only thing I found was this."

He reached in his pocket and showed Emma a black feather. "This was in the middle of our bedroom."

Emma frowned and turned it in her hands. "Weird," she said and gave it back.

"Since then, I've been searching for her. I plan to bring the kids to Arendelle, then come back here and continue my search. Roland and Neal will be fine with Ashley and Granny until my return."

"We will come with you," Emma said without hesitation.

"Really?"

"When I leave Neal, I at least have to ensure the rest of his family is united."

"Do you think Hook will agree?"

"Killian is always traveling from North to South. And I don't think he'll refuse when I ask."

"So, are you now the captain here?" Robin teased.

"Don't let him hear that," Emma said meaningfully and rolled her eyes. "The Captain will make the choice in the best interest for crew and business. There are a lot of trading ships on the way. And aren't you a thief at heart?"

"How could I say no to such good company, Miss Swan?" Robin smiled.

"Oh stop, you make me blush," Emma joked.

At that moment, Neal started to cry. "I better check on him," Robin said.

Emma nodded, remaining where she was standing and enjoyed the late afternoon sun on her face. Thinking about the future made her heart flutter in excitement. At the same time, she was worried about Ruby's reaction. The last few days had made her realize that she wasn't the same Emma Ruby had left. She knew Ruby didn't approve of her relationship with Killian. According to her, Emma's mind was clouded by her infatuation. Why else would a young woman choose piracy over a life of comfort and safety? But Ruby hadn't felt the power of the high seas during a storm while sitting in the crow's nest, hadn't smelled the burned flesh of injured sailors and hadn't spent nights of full moons drinking with the crew and laughing about stupid jokes. Emma didn't need a bodyguard anymore and Ruby had seen it. Maybe it was true; maybe Killian affected her way of thinking. But Emma had wanted to stay on board for many other reasons as she had explained to Robin. And she was tired of explaining and fighting. It hurt to let a former friend go, but Emma didn't know what could fix this friendship. Her life had reached a turning point and what else could she do than to walk ahead?

Killian was away all day, trying to gather money. He hadn't told her how he was going to do it, but she suspected he had some savings for bad times hidden away somewhere. They would meet in the tavern at sunset, which was in about an hour. He had made her promise not to leave the ship alone, but of course she didn't obey. She wanted to clear her mind and see how these people lived, even though they allowed slavery. Even if she despised seeing it, she needed to know about other cultures and their ways of living.

She chose wide clothes and hid her face under a scarf. By then, she had mastered the skill of disappearing unnoticed. She wasn't afraid to get lost in the foreign streets because she had learned to orientate herself. She searched for marks she would find again, such as prominent buildings and large streets. Morren had also taught her how to use a sextant and identify cardinal directions.

When she arrived, Emma almost regretted her decision to witness the manners at the market places. Slaves of all colors were gathered in huge crowds and one by one brought on auction platforms. Potential buyers were gawking at them, touching them inappropriately, even demanded to strip them from their clothes. She saw children cry that were separated from their mothers and felt sick in her stomach. After a few minutes, she had enough and left.

She strolled around in the streets until the light was fading and the sun was at the horizon. The tavern was close to the harbor, not far from here. She took a smaller street she had taken earlier that day that led directly west. A vagabond musician played in the street to her left. It was a dirty road with some rundown taverns, but Emma stopped anyway. The man played and sang beautifully, so she reached into her pocket for a coin. His music made her think of that day when Killian had asked her for a dance. She had gotten carried away by the way he was holding her, his smell, and how she had wanted to be kissed by him so badly. It had been a swift magical moment before she had left the Jolly Roger, knowing she would never be that close to him again. Suddenly, she felt a longing to be with him, to pull him into her arms and never let go of him again.

She threw the coin into the musician's hat while smiling at him and was rewarded with a hinted bow. She chuckled and made her way to the end of the street. Two feet in front of her two men dashed out of a tavern, obviously fighting over money. Both were drunk.

"You owe me," the one complained. "Don't think your name keeps me of claiming my rightful wage! It was me who informed you of Hook's presence."

Emma winced as she heard Killian's name and decreased her pace. She examined the two men in more detail. The one speaking looked more like an easy sailor. The other instead wore a bright red coat despite the weather with a broad bandolier around his hips. His black hair was long and shaggy, his walk proud and determined even though he was slightly humping. He stopped in the middle of the road and turned towards the man, stifled anger in his voice.

"What exactly does Captain Blackbeard owe you, sailor?" he growled. His hand was caressing the pommel of his sword.

Emma stopped dead in her tracks, and stepped into the entrance of a house. Could it be true? She never had seen Blackbeard as she was unconscious when he had searched their ship. She had only heard stories and his look matched. His clothes were extravagant and his attitude imperious. Her heartbeat increased in her chest. The Jolly Roger hadn't been in the harbor, but if Blackbeard was here the Jolly Roger couldn't be far away.

"You owe me what you promised me," the man insisted.

"You get what you deserve," Blackbeard replied coldly.

She heard a muffled sound and peered around the corner of the wall. Blackbeard pulled a knife out of the sailor's throat who was falling to the ground.

"And that called himself Captain," he said disgusted and wiped the blade clean on the man's vest. He put it back in his belt and continued his way as if nothing had happened.

Emma was breathing heavily when she left her cover and followed him at a distance. This man wouldn't hesitate to slit her throat in an instant. But she had to act on it. If she lost him, she would lose her best chance to find the Jolly Roger. She followed him for half an hour until they reached the city gates. It was then that he left the road and walked to a small path through the fields. Emma increased the distance, trying to make no sounds. He didn't turn once, but Emma wasn't sure if she had been unnoticed.

Soon, the sun was disappearing and the path became darker. By now, she should be at the tavern and Killian would be anxious because she wasn't there, but she had no choice. This was more important. Blackbeard disappeared between some trees and Emma was afraid to lose sight of him. She was worried about entering the forest. On the Jolly Roger, she could move without a sound, but she was never trained to walk noiseless on leaves and branches. She stopped at the first tree, trying to control her breathing and peer through the darkness. Then she saw it; a small cabin between the trees. She could see the man she assumed to be Blackbeard entering it. Emma left the path to get a better view. Then she waited for him to exit. During her wait, darkness settled upon the forest. After a while, she heard the door open. But it was impossible to see what was happening. She heard the crunching of leaves under his feet but she couldn't detect the direction he was going. Emma was static until she was alone with the sounds of the forest. She had lost him. But maybe the cabin would give her clues of what was going on here.

Slowly, Emma moved closer, trying not to make a sound. The cabin was overgrown with lichens, the wood old and moldy. She peered through a window to check if someone else was in there but a curtain blocked the view. What she was doing was insanely dangerous, but she couldn't return to the crew with nothing. In desperation, she sneaked to the door and opened it slightly. It made an awful sound and Emma's heart leaped up. She opened it a little wider to slip through it. The cabin contained only one room, and fortunately it was empty. She could see a small bed at the wall, a small desk with an ink bottle and some books. On a shelf were glass pots filled with different substances, some of them were shining in a weird light. The air smelled of straw. In the right corner was a stool and a spinning wheel. However, the spun thread on it looked nothing like straw. More like … gold. Emma's eyes turned big.

A crowing cut the silence and Emma spun around. A black crow was sitting on the window sill, watching her with its black eyes. Its foot was chained. The bird's feathers looked dull and with bare patches, and Emma somehow felt sorry for it. Caging a bird was the epitome of cruelty. That was what her mother had always said. Snow had loved birds. Once or twice a year, birds had accidentally flown through the window of the high tower into Emma's room. They had fluttered through the room, destroying stuff and hurting themselves in panic. That was until her mother had come. When she'd begun to sing, the birds had calmed down and Snow had carried them to the window, releasing them to freedom. It was such a peaceful memory and Emma couldn't get it out of mind while she was staring at the bird. A crow wasn't exactly pretty but it deserved better than having an owner who clearly didn't care much about its well-being.

Tearing her eyes off the bird, she examined the cabin, trying to find a clue. The absence of marine instruments told her that this wasn't the place of a sailor but something entirely different. There wasn't any trace of Blackbeard or the Jolly Roger. As more time passed, Emma became more nervous and aware she shouldn't be here. Finally, the discomfort won out. She could tell the crew about what she found here and they could come back together. There was no reason she had to be here alone. So, she stepped to the door, about to leave. The crow let out a hoarse cry and Emma stopped dead in her tracks. It looked at her like it knew she was going to abandon it and remembered her mother telling her about the intelligence of these birds. She couldn't do it, could she? If she freed the bird the owner would know somebody had been here. Emma opened the door but the crow cried again, more desperate this time.

Was she insane? How could she even think of it? But then she imagined her mother's voice, telling her to treat all animals with respect and dignity. On the other hand, Blackbeard had been in here and it clearly wasn't his place. She was from another country, only passing by, a woman of no name. She could make it look like Blackbeard had forgotten to close the door. Emma made her decision instantly. She turned to the shelf next to the window and threw one of the glass pots to the floor. Then she took one shard and cut the chain. It would look like the bird had managed to free itself and disappeared through the open door.

"Fly little bird," Emma said with a smile and turned around, ready to get out of the cabin and back into town.

"Princess Emma," Emma heard a well-known voice behind her and she stopped dead in her tracks. She turned around slowly.

The bird was gone and replaced by a person, the broken chain still around her ankle. Emma's heart froze as she looked in the woman's eyes who had threatened to curse the Enchanted Forest and kill her parents.

"The Evil Queen," she whispered.

She'd grown up with the knowledge that the Evil Queen was one of the most dangerous people of the realm, so her first instinct was to run. She turned to the door but it closed by magic hand. Emma spun around, drawing her dagger to defend herself. Two things happened next. She heard voices from the other side of the door, then lost her vision, finding herself in a cloud of smoke. Then, she felt wooden planks under her feet and immediately knew where she was. Her vision cleared and she could see the familiar surroundings. She was standing on deck of the Jolly Roger. The masts were rocking softly in the ocean breeze. The ship was docked in a bay Emma hadn't seen before and they were alone. The Queen was standing at the rail and watched her regain her bearings.

"I'm sorry for the rush departure, but I thought it was better to leave before they find us."

Emma had never heard an apology out of the Queen's mouth. However, this woman didn't look like she knew the Evil Queen. She wore a plain dress and her hair was longer which made her look younger and less evil.

Emma stood there warily, waiting for the Queen's next move.

"I'm sorry about what happened to your parents," she suddenly said.

Emma opened her mouth in surprise. Was she in a weird dream? All of this made no sense.

"Wasn't that what you always wished for?" she said sharply.

"Not anymore. When your parents defeated me, I left. My life changed after that, and I can assure you I'm not that person anymore."

"And how did that happen?" Emma asked skeptically.

"I met the right person and everything changed. Don't you know that too, Miss Swan?"

Emma had a lump in her throat. Yes, of course she knew what Regina was talking about.

"How do you know of this name?" she whispered and then she remembered. "It was you! The bird that found the Jolly Roger when Rumple attacked us, you've been spying for the Dark One!"

"I had no choice, I had to make a deal with him and have been his prisoner since. Unless someone freed me, I was cursed to be a crow and serve him."

Emma shook her head. "Why would you make a deal with the Dark One? Don't you know better?"

"Emma, I've seen you make a deal to protect the man you love. I did the same."

Emma swallowed.

"Rumple and Blackbeard talked about you a lot. He said Hook was trading his ship to find you."

"Yes, he was," Emma said calmly.

"Who would have thought of that, Princess Emma in love with the most infamous pirate of the realm."

"Aye," Emma couldn't keep herself from smiling. Then she remembered who was standing in front of her.

"If you don't want revenge what do you want from me?" she asked warily.

Regina was shaking her head. "I don't want anything from you. I gave you this ship as a thank you for freeing me. I have to find my family."

"Your family?" Emma asked confused. Then she realized something else.

"Bloody hell," she exclaimed. "The black feather, was it yours? Are you Robin Hood's new wife? Was it you who brought Neal away?"

Regina's eye widened. "You have found them?!"

"Yes, I have," Emma said breathlessly. "So, you are the one who saved my brother?"

"I made a deal with Rumple. He found out Neal was still alive and so I gave myself to him. In return he promised to bring Neal, Roland and Robin far away. They planned to seek shelter with Marian's parents. I had no idea he wouldn't ensure their safe passage."

Emma didn't know how to feel about the fact that Regina had been taking care of her brother, but it obviously had saved his life.

"Well, it is Rumple," Emma said. "His deals always backfire."

Regina nodded, a small smile on her lips, which took the edge out of her features and made her face softer. It looked pretty on her. Something Emma was definitely not used to. She looked like a changed woman and somehow Emma knew she was not tricking her, not after her conversation with Robin this morning.

"The sea suits you, Emma. You've changed a lot. Your parents would be proud."

Emma's lips thinned. Not because of Regina but of what she'd said. A lot of people had told her that lately, but she wasn't sure if it was true. She still planned to leave for the sea and not become the queen her parents wished for. What would they say if they knew? She'd already lost Ruby's trust. What would Granny say, or Leroy and all the people that relied on her?

"Thanks," she said hesitantly. "Don't you want to bring the Jolly Roger to Robin and the others now?"

Regina shook her head. "I rather bring them here. We don't want to run into Rumple again, don't we? You need to tell me where they are. Be specific."

"Around the harbor area of Carian," Emma guessed.

Regina snapped her fingers and clouds of smoke disappeared around her. Suddenly the deck was crowded.

Emma blinked.

Hook was standing right next to her, slightly staggering. "Bloody hell," he gasped, then recognized her. "Bloody hell, Swan." he repeated and before she saw it coming he pressed her to his chest. "We've searched all bloody night for you!"

"I'm sorry," Emma said sheepishly into his chest hair, slightly distracted by his scent.

"What in all sea monster's name happened?" Hook demanded to know. "What kind of sorcery is this?"

"You could stop complaining and thank Emma for getting your ship back," Regina suggested. "She risked a lot for it."

"The Evil Queen," Leroy shouted in horror.

"Regina," Robin shouted in relief.

The next few minutes were a turmoil and it took some time until everyone calmed down.

"Please let's not try to kill each other," Emma called.

"Let's move this conversation to my cabin," Hook growled, his eyes on the queen. "Alone first."

He gave Emma a short look, then opened the hatch to his quarters.


	24. Chapter 24

_A/N: I'm so sorry for the long wait! I promised this is not abandoned and I'm keeping my word. Thank you for your patience over the last few months!_

* * *

 **Chapter 24: The Secrets of the Sea**

Killian was standing on the quarterdeck as he watched the new sailors. They were traveling along the coast, disguised as the 'White Swan'. It had been three weeks since they had returned to the Jolly Roger and fled at lightning speed. The ship was in an exceptional situation. There wasn't nearly enough place for everyone, so they had made up bed space in the store rooms, making the tension between crew and passengers palpable. The new arrivals were horrible sailors and not used to spending day and night on deck, withstanding wind and weather, and living off porridge and dried meat that tasted like old leather, as Mrs. Lucas had pointed out. Killian was astonished at how fast they had resumed their complaining after almost being sold as slaves. It wasn't even about the fact that he and his crew were pirates, it was more about spending time in such confined space. Killian had hoped that hard work would shut them up and teach them some respect for a life at sea. But it was nerve-wracking for him and the crew. After they had sold the slave ship and departed Carian, Killian had asked Regina to transport them to Arendelle by magic, which obviously hadn't been possible. Regina had looked at him as if he was retarded, and explained that Queen Elsa had put a protection spell over her kingdom.

So, he was forced to travel all the way up to the North with this bunch of fools. Sometimes he regretted choosing the honorable path and not being his old self. It would have made things easier to just throw complaining grandmas overboard. But even before meeting Emma, he hadn't been that evil.

Emma was tensed too. The presence of her people was like a weight on her, and even though she was happy they were around, she had become more silent than she had been before. Killian would have taken the burden from her, but he didn't know how. He hesitated to ask her, partly because he was afraid of the answer. Emma had assured him she wanted to stay with him, that she despised the thought of a life in Arendelle. But he didn't know what being confronted with her people would trigger within her. Staying with him would be the selfish choice and he knew Emma was far from being selfish. They had never been alone on this ship, but now Killian felt like he was being watched. There was almost no quality time for them anymore. Emma was sleeping in the infirmary like before she had left the ship and he hadn't complained. The days were long and exhausting and he always worried about being attacked by pirates. But he missed the night at the tavern when he had woken up next to her, and somehow, he had hoped she would join him in his cabin. But he had promised her nothing would change, that she could be a doctor, which seemed to include her sleeping in the infirmary.

Right then, he could see her silhouette in the crow's nest. Sometimes, when she wanted to escape everyone, she would spend hours above their heads. After he had forced her to climb the rigging all that time ago, she had become such a natural on his ship. He couldn't imagine her anywhere else. She was different than Milah, more open minded and kind, quite the opposite to him. When he was with her, he calmed down, even when anger was eating him up.

Sometime in the early evening, Morren took over the helm to give him some time to inspect the cannons. Fortunately, Blackbeard hadn't removed anything yet, so their cargo was still intact. When he stepped up on deck again, he could hear a jumble of voices.

He was greeted by an excited Emma who was descending the rigging. She took his hand and guided him towards the ship's bow. Fascinated by her action, he let her take the lead. For the first time in weeks she broke her well-coordinated routine and touched him in front of others. It was unexpected and electrifying. Her grip was firm as they walked across the deck.

The sun was close to the horizon. It wasn't a breathtaking sunset, but some red light was reflected by the clouds. A smooth breeze was rippling the water's surface.

Emma breathlessly pointed towards something in the distance. And then Killian saw it, too. First, he could only spot a dark shadow under the water's surface, which got larger until it broke the surface. A giant water fountain emitted from its blowhole, the droplets glistening in the sun. All the sailors were standing still as they watched this unique, natural spectacle. Emma's eyes were wide, her focus entirely on the big animal. They had encountered a few sea animals in their travels, but meeting a blue whale on its way through the ocean was indeed special. They weren't seen often and he had remembered every time he had seen one. Sailors were superstitious folks and blue whales had their place in many myths of the sea. These enormous animals seemed like they were from another world. The Jolly Roger appeared tiny next to it. If they collided, the ship would be crushed into pieces and sink, just like that.

The whale turned to its side and pushed its fin up in the air as if to great them. Next to him, Emma exhaled soundly, not able to tear her eyes away. She was beautiful like this; her hair blowing in the wind, eyes full of wonder. Killian's lips curled up into a smile and he released her hand to put his arm around her. Emma closed her eyes and opened them again, slightly leaning into him. Then, she put her head on his shoulder and sighed.

"The largest animal that has ever traveled the earth," Killian whispered into her ear as his hand moved into her hair and played with the strands that reached her shoulder.

"I have never seen anything as beautiful as this," Emma replied, lost in thoughts.

Her words did things to Killian. Seeing her like this, completely at peace, praising the sea, warmed his heart. All the pressure of the past weeks just vanished, leaving him in awe of the woman he loved. Because he loved her and there was no reason to deny it anymore.

She raised her head from his shoulder and looked in his eyes. He saw her cheeks turn red but didn't take his eyes off her. Neither did Emma. He could see a glimmer in them.

"Are you all right?" she asked breathlessly.

"Aye, love," he stated, his eyes still on her. He ran a strand of her beautiful blonde hair through his fingers, turning his head so that his nose brushed her cheek. "But I desperately need to kiss you, right now. Are you okay with that?"

He felt a shudder going through Emma's body. She bit down on her lip and turned her head, chasing his lips. For a moment, she didn't care about who was watching and he realized that she had longed for this instant just as he had.

-/-

The next day, Killian decided to make port at a small island. It was so small that nobody had bothered to give it a name, just a few miles with some palms and lots of sand. They anchored the Jolly Roger in a small bay. It was an effort to stop only for the night, but Emma assumed he just wanted to give everyone some breathing space. The crew had gathered some firewood and a barrel of rum. The sun was already down and it was pleasingly cool. Emma stretched her legs and buried her feet in the still warm sand. Her nightgown flapped in the soft breeze. Despite the thin material she was still sweating under it. After some talking and laughing she decided to move away from the fire and take a walk on the beach. Most of the crew and her people were already drunk and didn't even realize her leaving.

Killian was absent too. He had stayed alone on the Jolly Roger without giving a reason. The crew hadn't questioned their captain's decision, but it made Emma think.

The last three weeks had been strange for them. She knew that he didn't enjoy the company of her people and had only had taken them onboard for her. Emma also knew that she had shown a lot of restraint. Too many eyes were on them, watching them and expecting things from them. They merely wished to be alone and live their life with nobody judging them. Was that selfish?

Emma strolled around the beach, running playfully from the waves. When she turned around a corner, she could see the Jolly Roger in the distance, majestically lying in the bay, the masts rising into the sky. A few clouds covered the crescent moon and when it came out it dotted the water with sparkling reflections. Emma stopped and let the waves caress her feet. Killian shouldn't be alone there. He shouldn't avoid her. After their kiss the day before, she had realized that the new passengers weren't the only reason for his behavior. She had felt him crave the connection, but shortly after he had withdrawn. He was afraid to hurt her, unsure how he should approach her, without chasing her off. She wanted to show him that there was absolutely no reason for him to be afraid. She wouldn't go anywhere.

The next wave reached her feet and Emma suddenly felt the urge to be with him. The rowing boats were with the others and Emma didn't want to arouse attention. The Jolly Roger wasn't far away and she was a good swimmer. Without thinking twice, she walked into the sea. Coolness enveloped her. First, she had some difficulties to swim against the waves and swallowed a few gulps of water. She had also underestimated the weight of her soaked nightdress. But she managed. With long strokes, she made her way to the ship.

When she looked up at the deck again, a dark silhouette had appeared at the rail. Killian was staring at her as she got closer and her heartbeat increased. It was only partly from the effort. When she reached the ship, Killian needed a moment until he let the rope ladder down.

Emma hurried to get up. When she reached the rail, she felt strong arms envelop her and lift her over it.

"Is this a siren boarding my ship?" he laughed and put her down on her feet. Emma looked up in his blue eyes. Moonlight caught his hair. She didn't even answer. Instead, she rose to her tiptoes, her arms going around his neck. Without any finesse, she pressed her lips against his and tasted his familiar flavor of rum and salt. He wasn't wearing his coat, only a black shirt and an unbuttoned red vest. Emma didn't care that she was wet like a fish. Her heart was racing and she shamelessly pressed her body against his chest. The little rum in her system certainly helped to be bold. She had wanted to do this all day. And feeling him against her chest didn't scare her at all. It made her want more.

Killian broke away from her lips and went to take a step back but she didn't let him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He inhaled soundly.

"Easy, Swan," he made another attempt to back off. "You might get me a little too excited."

His hoarse voice made Emma shiver in excitement. She pressed herself impossibly closer to his body and she knew he could feel her breasts against his uncovered chest. She moved her lips to his ear.

"I want you, Killian," she whispered. "I want you to take me to bed."

The pirate gasped and she felt a shiver going through his body. She could also feel a hard bulge against her stomach.

"Are you sure?" he exhaled.

"I don't want to wait any longer, Killian! I want to know how it's supposed to feel like."

"How drunk are you?" he asked, unsure.

"I just had one drink…to gather the courage."

"You planned this?" he uttered.

"I've wanted you since you kissed me yesterday and I know you do too. I'm tired of holding back."

"So, you planned to seduce me like a siren of the sea, knowing I couldn't resist you like that."

"Aye, Captain," Emma whispered.

"You're a devious woman, love," he chuckled, bringing her hand to his lips. Then, he stepped back and led her over the deck and down the ladder to his quarters.

If possible, her heartbeat increased even more, hammering against her chest. This was about to get real. She sensed that Killian was nervous, too. She saw his hands restlessly open the door to his quarters. He indicated for her to go in first. She looked behind her when she heard the door close. Then her eyes nervously drifted to the bed. She turned back to Killian. He walked to the closet and grabbed a towel.

"For your hair," he said, handing her the fabric.

He was standing in front of her and watched her as she folded the towel around her hair. His pupils were wide, his expression one she hadn't seen before. Unguarded desire, as if he was about to board a ship with great treasures. But he didn't act on it, he simply kept watching as she loosened the towel again. Her hair was sticking out in all directions and the smile on his face widened. He didn't speak a word as he stepped behind her. Her heart jumped as she felt his finger ghost over her neck, down to her collarbone and over her shoulders to finally rest there to open the strings of her nightgown. She felt the fabric glide over her skin, down to the floor. She wasn't wearing anything beneath. It wasn't cold in the cabin but she quivered slightly. Killian walked back to her front.

She was awkwardly holding the towel in her hands, hiding her lower parts from his eyes. He took one step closer.

"Let me see you?" he pleaded softly.

Emma knew that he had already seen her naked before, but it had never been like this. She let him take the towel out of her hands and watched him toss it in a bag on the floor. Then he turned back to her. His gaze wandered over her, trying to memorize each tiny detail about it. Emma stood motionless, her chest rising and falling.

"You're so beautiful," he finally said in sincere astonishment. He slowly closed the distance and touched her shoulders. She shivered from the contact.

"Are you afraid?" he asked.

"Just nervous," she breathed out.

"Listen, Emma." He cupped her cheek with his hand. "You don't have to prove anything to me. We can stop anytime."

Emma nodded. "I want you."

He smiled. And then he was kissing her again. Without hurry, just holding her arm and kissing her softly. It didn't take her long to get lost in the kiss so she put her arms around him for support. She suddenly felt his arms around her as he lifted her up and carried her to his bunk. He gently laid her down on the soft mattress. He followed her with his body, lying down next to her.

She shivered as his mouth wandered over her face. He was kissing her cheeks, her closed eyelids and her nose. She giggled at his ministrations until she felt his lips move to her neck. She inhaled sharply, a shiver going through her body.

"Killian," she gasped.

"Can I touch you?" he murmured against her skin.

"Yes," she said breathlessly, determined to go on with this.

His hand caressed her stomach, then slid up between the valley of her breasts, covering one of them with his palm. Emma flinched, squealing in of surprise. She had no idea how intense it felt to be touched there.

"So beautiful," he praised, kissing her neck.

Emma whimpered as he continued his ministrations. His lips moved down, capturing one nipple. He first kissed it, then closed his lips around it.

"Bloody hell!" Emma blurted out and Killian chuckled, which sent vibrations through her skin. She was already a quivering mess, but he didn't intend to stop.

What he was doing to her felt so different from the abuse she had suffered. He captured every moan from her, every movement of her body, very attentively finding out how her body responded to him. Emma cried out as he found a sensitive spot at her hip. Killian looked up at her, searching for her eyes. His hair was disheveled and he grinned at her with mischief as if he had discovered a secret she was keeping from him.

Emma reached for his arms and he let her pull him up again. His pressence felt so natural next to her, taking away the fear.

She pulled the hook to her face and pressed a light kiss on it. Killian's eyes were dark; his breathing shallow. Silently, she opened the clasps of the leather. She watched him closely as she pulled the hook off him. His face showed a mix of emotions as she revealed his stump.

"You all right?" she wanted to make sure.

"Aye, love," he rasped.

Emma placed the hook very carefully on the bedside table and turned back to him. With determination, she took his vest off and let it fall on the floor. Her hands glided under his shirt, which elicited a moan from him. She pulled it over his head, revealing a chest full of hair. She touched it with her flat palm. It made him groan deeply. In the next moment, she felt herself roll over the mattress, his body weight pressing her down. He kissed her passionately, his tongue plundering her mouth. One of his legs slid between hers and she could feel him. He pressed wet kisses against her mouth as he held her in his arms, and when he started to rub his body against hers, Emma's skin began to burn.

"My swan, my amazing, wonderful swan," he exhaled.

Emma felt the world spin around her, but it didn't matter. Killian was here with her and all she needed was to cling to him. Shyly, her hand moved to his pants and opened them. She whimpered as she felt Killian leave her, but he only got rid of the leather. A moment later, he was there again. He pressed a soft kiss to her temple as he lied down next to her, now completely naked.

Suddenly, she felt the nervousness coming back. She wasn't sure what he expected her to do. Slowly, she reached down and touched his tip. She felt slightly uncomfortable, not sure if she liked the feeling. Old memories flashed up and she tensed. He realized it right away, and took her hand away, intertwining their fingers.

"Do you want to stop?" he asked gently.

"No," she replied shallowly.

"Don't worry, darling. I won't hurt you."

At these words, she looked up into his eyes and noticed the concern on his face. She could see the desire in his eyes, and yet, he had so much self-control to hold himself back to not frighten her. Emma exhaled, her hand going down again. She slightly brushed her fingers against him. She could see his facial muscles contract and hear his breathing speed up. He was hard between her fingers, his eyelids fluttering at her touch.

Then she felt his fingers too. They slid up her inner thigh, drawing circles into her skin. His eyes opened again and he shifted his weight to get better access. He pressed his flat palm on her stomach and kissed her cheek.

"Relax, love."

His hand rose and fell with her breathing. She had let go of him and placed her hands flat on the bedsheet. Killian distracted her with light kisses as his hand began moving again. She felt light touches on her hips, the side of her legs, leading back to her thigh, gently stroking it.

"Do you want me to kiss you there?" he asked silently.

Emma gasped at his suggestion. She had secretly read a few books about intimate relations back at the castle and none had mentioned such a thing.

"I don't know," she answered, confused. "Did you do that to other women?"

"Ah, Swan," he rubbed his nose against her teasingly. "You're the only woman occupying my thoughts." He grinned. "But I may have heard a lot of them like it."

He was lying, of course. Emma couldn't even imagine what wicked things happened in taverns, and this pirate surely hadn't been an exception.

"Okay," she agreed hesitantly.

She didn't have to say it twice. Eagerly, he crawled down the bed and between her spread legs. If her parents knew she was doing such a thing…with a pirate! Well, this was a bad moment to think about parents. Luckily, Killian terminated these thoughts in an instant as she felt his beard scratch at her leg. She gasped when he pressed light kisses on both of her legs, making his way up. At the same time, his hand continued stroking her thigh.

She felt a throbbing between her legs, the same she had when she had been touching herself in the dark. Here, she wasn't in the dark. The light of an oil lamp illuminated the bed and the pirate between her legs. She squirmed as she felt Killian's tongue make contact with the delicate skin of her inner thigh. It was obscene, something that was supposed to happen only in a tavern. Killian did it as if it was completely normal and she trusted him. And how could it be wrong if it felt so good? Soft moans escaped her mouth, her cheeks burned from the excitement.

He looked up at her, checking her reaction and a smile spread on his face.

"I'm guessing, the Princess likes it," he said smugly and almost accidentally brushed her center with his fingertips. Emma's body jumped and she released a soft cry. Killian's eyes sparkled darkly and he pressed another kiss to her inner thigh. His nose snuggled into the edge of her thigh which made Emma pant. Not touching her where she needed him was torturing her. He sensed her urgency and descended on the spot where she was craving for him. Emma didn't know what to expect, but feeling his wet lips down there was the strangest thing she ever felt. Then his tongue dipped in between her folds and everything became a blur. His finger brushed lightly over the sensitive nub and Emma felt herself getting wetter. How could he even like this? The sounds he made with his tongue made her feel embarrassed, but at the same time she didn't want him to stop. When more wetness was leaving her body and covered his face, she tried to withdraw herself, only to feel him grab her thighs and pull her center flush against his face.

Emma buried her face in the pillow and let it happen. Suddenly, she felt one finger entering her.

"Killian," she cried surprised.

He looked up at her, slowly circling his finger inside her. It felt different, intruding and intense, but not causing her physical pain like she had expected. She gasped as Killian added a second finger, watching her closely. Her lips began to tremble. It didn't hurt, but she didn't want it like this; she wanted to be able to look in his eyes, to hear his voice close to her ear.

"Killian," she gasped. "Not like this."

In the next second, his fingers were gone and he was at her side.

"Emma, what's wrong?"

She looked in his eyes, then pulled him into a hug, simply holding him.

"What have I done wrong?" he asked again.

"Everything's fine," she said, not releasing him. She felt him withdraw, about to stop. It moved her to see him put his desires back.

"Do you want to stop?" he asked her again.

"No," she exhaled. "I just need you here, to hear your voice. Make sure it's you and not…"

She couldn't continue, fighting down the memories.

He understood immediately.

"I'm here, Emma" he said gently and caressed her hair. "I'm not going anywhere."

She pressed herself against him and slipped her leg between his. He gently lifted her thigh and positioned it over his. His stump was rubbing over her back. She could feel him hard and throbbing between her legs as he pulled her closer. Their foreheads touched and she shivered at the contact.

"Don't be afraid, love. I'm taking care of you. Look at me."

He smiled softly and she returned it. Killian started kissing her face again, easing her distress. She felt his hand on her chest.

"I love you."

Emma's eyes widened. His voice was soft and sincere.

"I love you," he said again and she couldn't do anything but kiss him deeply. He returned the kiss with equal fervor. She gasped against his mouth when she felt his hand at her thigh and him pushing forward. He slowly entered her. Emma let out a soft cry.

"Too much?" he gasped.

"Don't stop!"

He surged forward and Emma pressed her arms around his shoulders to bear the pressure. Her eyes watered and tears were streaming down her face. She felt Killian tremble with the effort to restrain himself.

"Emma," he whispered hoarsely. He opened his eyes and his features turned to immediate concern when he saw her tears.

"Don't stop," Emma exhaled again.

He resumed kissing her, until she adjusted to the feeling. She felt full, completely lost in him and dependent of his goodwill. She had always connected this feeling to pain. But it was him and he was not violating her; he was lying still, caressing her with kisses and sweet words. His hand was everywhere on her body, fondling her skin, wanting to make her feel good.

"You are amazing, Emma," he whispered into her ear. "Such an intelligent and courageous woman. My beautiful princess. I can't believe you chose me to be with you. I will make you feel so good."

His determined voice made her heart swell.

"I wanted you since I saw you stand up against that bloody crocodile."

"You thought I was a boy then," she objected breathlessly.

"Doesn't matter," her growled. "I was attracted by your soul. The moment I saw you, I knew you were a soul of the sea. I caught you by accident, my little secret of the sea. A pearl of greater value than you could ever measure in gold."

Emma pressed her face into his neck as he began to move. Him talking like this made her forget everything around them. He continued to whisper secrets into her ear, things she never knew. How he'd desired to kiss her when he returned the necklace; what he'd felt when he found it in the cabin. His desire when he saw her under the waterfall, and his guilt for wanting her like this. How his heart broke when she'd run off his ship and how badly he wanted to go after her. His fear that he had lost her forever when she'd been kidnapped by the pirates.

He began to move faster, still talking, knowing she needed him to. "I can't let you get away from me again. Screw the kingdom, screw what the bloody wolf thinks. I need you by my side."

Emma whimpered at a particular hard thrust.

"Sorry, love."

Killian buried his face in her neck and Emma exhaled sharply as he sucked her skin in his mouth. "I've already lost Milah. I can't lose you too!"

Emma tightened her legs around his hip and he groaned as he shifted inside her. Emma held his face in her hands. His eyes were hooded in desire. Yet, she knew it wasn't just ramblings, but what he truly felt.

"I won't go anywhere," she assured him. "I'm here and I always will be."

He trembled and his mouth searched for hers, pulling her into a rough kiss. She continued to stroke his back, lost in the feeling of him. She knew he wanted more, still holding back in fear of hurting her. She didn't want him to treat her like someone who could break at any moment. The bar wench came to mind. How he had pressed her against the wall, taking his pleasure from her. Unrestrained, liberated. She tightened her legs around him, and encouraged him with her own movements.

He groaned deeply.

"I want you to let go," she told him. "Please, Killian."

Hearing his name from her lips did it for him. He increased his thrusts and Emma pressed her head in his neck, while her hand was clinging to the pillow. Their bodies were covered in sweat, the sounds of their actions audible in the room. Emma pressed her teeth together when Killian's thrusts lost their finesse. He was pounding into her, but not cruelly, just in need. She felt his fingernails digging into her back as he held onto her. Then she felt him jerk, once, twice, and hot fluid shot into her body. She gasped at the foreign feeling.

Killian stilled.

They were lying motionless for a while, tangled, both breathing heavily.

Emma moved first, when she gently brushed a strand of hair off his face and kissed his brow.

Killian's eyes were closed and his forehead was wrinkled.

"I'm sorry, Emma," he said slowly and opened his eyes.

It made her pause. "For what?" she asked surprised.

"I was too rough with you, wasn't I?"

Emma shook her head, kissing him softly. "I'm fine, Killian."

He nodded and returned the kiss, but a little less enthusiastic than before.

She didn't exactly know what was going on, so she just nestled into him.

He put his arm around her and pressed her against his chest, holding her like that until she felt exhaustion take over.

3 3 3

She dreamt of being a bird. A red bird with wide wings, flying in a swarm towards the shining sun. Or was it more like floating? She wasn't flapping her wings. They were only spread widely… and they were arms, lying on something soft, which felt like a mattress. A very soft mattress.

It was the moment when Emma realized it was a dream. She tried to grasp it, to hold onto it a little longer, but it faded away, like dreams do.

She felt rested, strangely relaxed, the ship swaying softly under her. The slight soreness between her legs made her pop open her eyes.

Killian wasn't lying next to her; she was alone in the cabin. Emma rubbed her eyes, a stupid smile spreading on her lips as she saw the messy bedsheet and the blanket on the floor. The hook on the bedside table was gone and replaced with a wet washcloth in a bucket full of warm water and a glass of drinking water. Emma grabbed the fabric and cleaned herself from the dried evidence of the previous night's actions. She felt slightly embarrassed, but after drinking the water, she came to the conclusion that every married woman was doing this behind closed doors, as well as some unmarried bar wenches.

She had done it.

She had been afraid of it for so long, and as a spontaneous decision, actually followed through with it. And she hadn't freaked out. Killian had been amazing, so careful and loving. He'd even told her he loved her! Emma was biting her lip, tasting the water on her lips, remembering his face when he'd said it. And the things he'd done afterwards. The memories made her blush, she couldn't help it.

It was when the door opened, and the pirate himself walked inside.

Her jaw dropped.

Killian was still naked as a jail bird, only wearing the hook and carrying a jute sack in his hand. He leisurely walked towards the bed and put the sack on the bedside table. The mattress dipped as he got into bed again, supporting himself on his arm.

"Good morning," he said, returning her smile. "Have you slept well?"

"Aye," she replied. "I was a bird again."

"A swan?" he asked, touching one of her strands.

"No," she replied hoarsely, leaning into his touch.

He smiled softly.

"How do you feel?"

"A little sore," she said and as his expression turned to worry, she quickly added "but not badly. I guess it's normal?"

He twisted a strand of her hair around his finger.

"I think I was too rough with you," he insisted. "I thought about it all night."

Emma sighed. "Oh no, you shouldn't have! I told you I'm fine."

"Be honest Emma, I know you didn't come."

Emma swallowed hard. She had heard a lot of things in taverns and also done some research in Jake's old medical books, so she was familiar with the theory of it, but somehow, she had hoped Killian hadn't asked about it. "Should I have?" she asked quietly.

He slightly shook his head, as if he was angry with himself. "You were perfect, I was just worried you would run from me. I lost my mind, and didn't take enough care of you."

"No!" Emma exclaimed and edged closer. "Look, I was so afraid to even think about it, but last night I was just tired of worrying. I wanted you and I don't regret it. What you did to me made me feel so different. I didn't imagine it like that. I mean that in a positive way. I've seen how women like what you do to them." She blushed deeper. "When I saw you with that woman, I was so sad because I was convinced I could never feel that way and nobody would ever enjoy sleeping with me because of it." She exhaled. "I'm so astonished that I was able to give you such pleasure even though I had no idea what I was doing. I guess, maybe I just need more time, to get used to it, to feel the same. I mean, you did some things that felt nice," she stopped and looked at him.

His face had softened and he pushed her hair behind her ear. "I had no idea. I thought seeing me like that would trigger memories. The last thing I wanted was you to think of me like one of those bastards. And I know you need more time. I'm sorry for pushing you."

Emma shook her head. "Can you just stop apologizing?"

He looked at her for a moment, then tilted his head, watching her from the side.

"All right, Swan. Can you just tell me again what exactly made you feel good?" He grinned smugly.

Emma laughed out loud. "You're a bloody scoundrel." She gently skimmed over the scar on his cheek, as their foreheads touched gingerly. She felt the hook at her hip and with light pressure he rolled her to her back. "I brought us some coconuts and fruits for breakfast, but I know something of much better taste," he spoke against her mouth. "What do you think?"

Emma could only let out a whimper as her answer as his lips moved south and rested on the bulge of one breast. He left a trail of light kisses on it, just sparing her nipple.

"Mmh, Emma?"

"Yes," she panted.

"There are so many things I can do to you without even being inside you." He chuckled against her breast, which sent vibrations through her entire body. Whatever worries she had before, they were gone.

"I will make you come eventually, darling," he groaned as he relieved her of the torture and pulled her nipple between his teeth. "I manage every time."

It was when a loud knock disrupted their actions.

"Captain," Clarke called urgently from the other side of the door.

"Not now!" Killian shouted, exasperated.

"Sir, Miss Swan disappeared last night. Everyone is searching for her!"

"Bloody hell," Killian groaned as Emma buried her head in her hands. He lifted his body off her, not without giving her a cheeky grin.

"Miss Swan is right where she belongs," he shouted possessively into the direction of the door.

"Many apologies, Sir!" came a quiet answer from the other side, then they heard footsteps depart.

"Right where she belongs?" Emma said indignantly.

"Aye," he replied with sparkling eyes.

Emma shook her head but laughed. Secretly, his possessiveness turned her on very much.

"Don't get too sure of yourself, Captain."

"There's absolutely no danger of that, love. I assume you lost your appetite for breakfast because of this bastard, did you?" He looked at her questioningly and she was sure he wouldn't have stopped if she'd allowed it. But she still had boundaries and knowing that everyone would be informed that she had obviously spent the night with the Captain, didn't make her comfortable to resume their actions.

"Maybe another time?" she suggested.

"I count on that!"

She sighed. "My clothes are all in the infirmary."

"All right," he said and got up, then walked towards the door. "I'll get something."

"Don't you dare to go out naked!" she cried in embarrassment.

Killian looked at her for a moment, as if to assess if he could be that bold. But then he turned around to get some clothes.

"As you wish, Milady."


End file.
